Tag: funny

Categories
Los Angeles Dodgers

The Dodgers have a unique way of building a large fan base


Hey, fat boy! Yeah, you; the one stuffing your face with pork rinds, sitting on your couch in a pair of stained tighty whities with America’s pastime playing out on the tube. We think we might have found a way to coax you out of your mamma’s basement.

Dodger Stadium now has an all-you-can-eat section of seats out in right field where the Dodger Dogs, peanuts, popcorn, nachos and sodas flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. OK, so we made up that last part about the babes but you really can stuff your face for one low price and people have been taking advantage of the free dogs ($4.75 throughout the stadium) by downing `em in bulk. The only thing slowing down these ballpark Kobayashis is the limit of four items per trip to the vendor.

But don’t think you’re going be getting on your knees, fumbling through your keys drunk by paying $40 for you ticket o’ gluttony. No, you’re gonna have to get wasted like the rest of the stadium; by forking over either $8 or $10 a brew!

Of course, if you can afford those kinds of prices then you might want to consider upgrading your Dodger dining experience to the Dugout Club behind home plate. Not only do you get a better view of the game (that is what you’re paying for, right?) but you’ll get your food delivered to your seats by the section’s staff. And it’ll only cost you $400 a ticket.

Now, we don’t know if he sat in the Dugout Club or with the right field fatties, but we’re guessing that this sports anchor had one too many of those mystery meat Dodger Dogs before making it into the studio.

Links:

[International Business Times]: All You Can Eat at Dodger Stadium

Categories
Olympics

Some moments in international competition should never die

If you’re anything like us then you can’t wait until the pageantry and spectacle that is the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics kicks off on August 8, 2008. So, what the hell are you supposed to do for the next 14 months and change until the opening ceremonies? Well, we can’t entertain you for that long, but we can help you kill the next five minutes by showing you highlights from the 2003 Trojan Games in Bucharest. So, enjoy these clips of the world’s greatest athletes as you relive some of the most incredible displays of agility and grace that sport has ever seen. (Videos are NSFW)

Judo Semifinal

Weightlifting and Precision Vaulting clips after the jump.

Continue reading “Some moments in international competition should never die”

Categories
College Football

Joe Paterno shows his age, again


Joe Paterno is pissed off about a brawl involving several of his players back in April and now he’s ready to throw down some punishment. And considering that Joe Pa is 80 freaking years old, you know that he’s gonna go old school with his discipline and come up with something that requires sweat and sacrifice. So, what did he come up with? Why community service, of course.

Involved in his all-for-one and one-for-all punishment is a team commitment to work with the Special Olympics and Habitat for Humanity. But the fun doesn’t stop there for his Nittany Lions because the old fart has also masterminded the idea that his team will clean the entire stadium on every Sunday following Penn State home games. Happy Valley just got a little sadder for the 2007 team.

We had kids involved in something that was embarrassing, and I think we ought to prove to people that we’re not a bunch of hoodlums,” Paterno said.

“Obviously, I’m probably going to have to keep one or two of them out of a game and drop one or two on the depth chart. And then whatever (university officials) think they have to do, they do. I want to do something where the whole team kind of says, `Hey, we’re all wrong, let’s go.’

This might sound a bit strange for a big time college football program but, then again, we’re talking about Joe Pa here. The guy can basically do anything he wants at that university and until he eventually croaks on the sidelines, nobody is gonna stop his anti-Bobby Bowden approach.

Links:

[KansasCity.com]: Paterno disciplining entire team, for entire season

Categories
Detroit Red Wings

In his hallucination, the Red Wings win the Stanley Cup

We’re not sure how we’ve missed this until now but it seems everyone else has seen it. In case you haven’t here’s a 911 call from a cop who claims his wife stole marijuana from his police car and tricked him into eating pot brownies. Highlights of the call include: “I think we’re dead,” “time is going by really really really really slow,” and at the 4:50 mark, “what’s the score in the Red Wings game?”

The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!

Links:
[Detroit Free Press]: Dearborn lets cop quit without a drug charge in marijuana brownie ca

Categories
All Other Sports

Countdown to UFC 71: Josh Burkman vs. Karo Parisyan

Josh Burkman is an up-n-comer in the welterweight division but he is going to have his hands full with UFC veteran Karo “The Heat” Parisyan. With a 24-4-0 record under his belt, Parisyan is one of the best fighters to never make it into the championship spotlight but with a victory on Saturday he could become the number one contender for Matt Serra’s belt. And you know that Parisyan is just dying to step back into the octagon with Serra again after he defeated the now champ, then chump by unanimous decision at UFC 53. With Diego Sanchez finally losing the first MMA fight of his career, Josh Koscheck is the only welterweight who could challenge for the title shot. But we’re getting way ahead of ourselves with all this title talk surrounding Parisyan because Burkman (or as he’s known on the streets: “The People’s Warrior”) is going to be looking to throw a monkey wrench into those plans; after all, he’s no greenhorn with an impressive 19-3 record to go along with some mad wrestling skills to combat Parisyan’s judo know-how. But in the end, we just can’t see Burkman putting out The Heat like white hot superstars Sanchez and Georges St. Pierre did in the past.

Prediction: Parisyan wins by decision

And if things don’t work out for Karo then we think we might have found an excellent rebound opponent in one Reggie Warren.

Prediction: Parisyan wins by KO

Links:

[UFC.com]: UFC 71: Liddell vs. Jackson

Categories
Philadelphia Phillies

Nobody enjoys losing more than Philadelphia



The Phillies have been losing for a really long
time now

There’s not a whole lot to cheer about these days in Philly. QB controversy is already coming down on Eagles camp, Allen Iverson split town and the Sixers have no real future to speak of at the moment, and then you have the Phillies. Actually, they are having a fairly decent year so far but that doesn’t mean that haven’t stunk something fierce in the past. In fact, as of this moment the Phillies are just 21 losses away from reaching the 10,000 loss plateau. And Charley DeBow thinks that is something to celebrate.

DeBow started up Celebrate10000.com because, as he says, “Real phans love their losers.”

This year, the Philadelphia Phillies are poised to accomplish what no other team in professional sports history has before: 10,000 losses.

Not only is Philadelphia home to the franchise that has lost the most games in any sport, it’s also the city (with four major sports teams) that’s gone the longest without a championship.

This website is not about celebrating the Phillies 10,000th loss. It’s about celebrating the Phans. We’re the ones who suffer the most. Let’s celebrate each other because without each other we would be watching the games alone, high fiving the wall. Let’s make sure we keep our presence known.

Now, we understand that this site wasn’t intended to poke fun at the town’s loveable losers but, c’mon, there’s a huge ticker that is racking up the losses for cryin’ out loud. If enduring through 10,000 defeats is what it takes to be a good fan then we’d rather jump on the Mets bandwagon. DeBow is also planning a “celebration march” after the team finally loses that historical contest. Wow, and we thought that Raiders fans had lost their minds.

Links:

[Philly.com]: You have to love a team a lot to devote a Web site to its 10,000 losses
[Celebrate10000.com]: Celebrate 10,000 Home Page

Categories
General Sports

Hey, sports dude! You might wanna check your shorts

This clip of Bob Kaser and Larry Figurski talking randomly without knowing they were on the air has been getting some love today in the blogosphere. When we first saw it, all we could think was “how embarrassing!” Those guys spent a good 30 seconds yapping away along with periods of staring blanking into the camera before they realized what idiots they had been. But then we got turned on to this clip of some sports anchor that got the giggles after ripping a huge fart on air! That’s when we realized that 30 seconds of nothing isn’t nearly as embarrassing as a two second stinker before the Seminoles’ package.

The actual toot steals the segment but we love the way the news anchor responds when the gassy sports guy throws it back over:

Put on your dancin’ shoes! We still have a lot more to go. The delight of it all.

Links:

[Deadspin.com]: Flatulence: In The Face Of Breaking Wind, You’ve Just Got To Soldier On

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

A Cowboy rescues a horse. Go figure.


Big Leonard Davis left the Cardinals for the Cowboys during the off-season but the offensive lineman still owns a home out in Arizona which is where he was on Wednesday. And there is one particular horse, yes horse, named Ranger who is very happy that Davis was in town.

See, the former Longhorn was heading to his home in Chandler, Ariz. after playing in a golf tournament for the Boys when he noticed a horse stuck in a mudhole down the street from his ranch. Being a good ol’ boy at heart, Davis jumped in his John Deere tractor and sprung into action by strapping up the horse and hoisting it to safety.

I was just doing what anybody else would have done,” Davis said. “I wasn’t scared at all. I grew up on a farm pulling cows and horses out of the mud. No big deal.

It might not be that big of a deal for you Leonard, but we think it’s pretty admirable. We’re proud of you, man! At least somebody in the world of sports cares about animals.

Oh, and for all you future reporters out there, here’s an example of how not to write this story.

Links:

[KVUE.com]: No horsing around: Davis comes to the rescue

Categories
General Sports

The Portland Beavers are giving away bobbleheads of a total stranger. Yippie!

Baseball is known for their oh so stupid promotions to get fans in the park and butts in the seats. And to borrow a quote from one of the greatest cinematic features of all time:

Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!

The Portland Beavers are the Triple-A affiliate of the Los Angeles Dodgers and they decided that they would give away bobblehead dolls to the first 2,000 through the gates on August 18. But these aren’t going to be just any normal bobbleheads; no, the Beavers have put their own unique twist on the giveaway. Back in February, the promotions team decided to make “Bobblehead” day into “Bob L. Head” day and assembled a long list of people whose legal name was Bob L. Head (or any version of Bob, such as Bobby, Robert or Roberto).

Now, the list has been narrowed down to three lucky Bobs and it is up to you to determine which one makes the final cut. Voting will last through the end of the month but you can only vote once per computer. So, there will be no unfair stuffing of the ballot box for all you desperate folks who want Bob Lee Head from Indiana to win. But be sure to inform yourself about each of the candidates before you hit that Vote button because this is no laughing matter we’re talking about. 2,000 Bob L. Head bobbleheads are on the line here and even though we have no idea what it’s like to have a toy made in our image, we’re guessing that it feels a little something like this:

Links:

[PortlandBeavers.com]: Get Out the Vote: Bob L. Head race down to three
[OregonLive.com]: Early Bob L. Head nod goes to…

Categories
NBA General

Inside the NBA and sound bites; a match made in heaven

There’s only one thing we love more than an NBA playoff game, well there is that high school pole vaulter…ok, so there’s two things we love more than an NBA playoff game: apparently pole vaulting and, of course, an NBA playoff game on TNT. See, ordinary playoff coverage on ABC and ESPN brings you the facts and nothing but the facts. How boring. But the fellas at Inside the NBA show their audience that the game goes beyond the 48 minutes spent sweating on the court. So if you missed any of the great late night action with EJ, the Jet and Chuckles then here’s a quick recap.

It is going to be one sad day indeed when Charles Barkley decides to hang up his microphone. Mainly because it means that he’ll probably be running for governor of Alabama, but also because we won’t get to hear classic phrases like “Go to that box! Go to that box! And punish them midgets!” But we figure that with a mouth that big there is now way to avoid blunders of gubernatorial proportions should he get elected. Hey, if two steroid pumping meatheads from Predator can get into office then we’re saddened to say that Sir Cumference probably can too.