Categories
Edmonton Oilers

You call that a hockey riot, Edmonton?

After the Oilers won the Western Conference on Saturday, 30,000 to 50,000 fans gathered on Whyte Avenue to celebrate the ol’ fashioned way. Forget shots on goal and penalty minutes, here are the important stats of the night.


15: people arrested

9: fires set with garbage, pallets, etc.

2: phone booths uprooted and destroyed

2: lights ripped apart atop a 30-foot tall light standard

1: man who urinated in crowd

1: man who fell from a guy wire

1: woman who broke her ankle

Only 15 people arrested, 9 fires set, and 1 urination? Are you kidding me? In Detroit, they set people on fire and then urinate on them to put it out. You’ve got a long way to go, Oilers fans. Perhaps you want to study this instructional video from soccer hooligans, the kings of rioting.

It just might be a warmup for the Stanley Cup so we’ll cut em some slack here. It seems the Edmonton police need some practice too.


Police kept their distance. One officer, leaning on his bicycle and watching the edge of the crowd, said he and his colleagues would be crazy to wade in. It’s not worth it. We don’t want to die.

Good luck in the Final Round, Edmonton.

Links:
[Edmonton Journal]: Hockey hooligans rampage on Whyte

[Winnipeg Sun]: Oiler fan turmoil

Categories
Pittsburgh Steelers

Miami Vice Part 2: It’s 3:30 AM, do you know where Santonio Holmes is?



Busted!

Santonio, Santonio, Santonio… disrupting traffic, yelling profanities at a police officer, getting arrested at 3:30 AM in the morning? We can forgive all of that. Hey, you were in Miami after all. But lying to your mother? FOR SHAME!

When Patricia Brown, Holmes’ mother was told of his arrest, she said it must have been mistaken identity.


That’s news to me. I talked to him yesterday. He’s in Ohio.

We’ve all told our parents were were “at school” when we were really in an undisclosed location with some strippers, a pony keg, and an inflatable Ben Wallace doll, but we didn’t end up getting arrested by the police either. But stick to your “I was in Ohio” story, Santonio. We all know the Miami police is trying to frame you.

Links:

[Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]: Steelers top pick Holmes arrested

Categories
Washington Wizards

Miami Vice Part 1: Gilbert is a basketball player dammit

What is it about Miami that has everyone getting arrested or robbed? (Dhani Jones, Jason Taylor, Jerome McDougal.) It’s safe to say that if you’re a professional athlete, just stay away from Miami. We understand the Miami Heat dancers are the hottest in the league but it’s probably better to just fly them to you.

On Saturday, Gilbert Arenas was arrested along with teammate Awvee Storey (who?) and charged, respectively, for resisting without violence and failure to obey a command. However, the arresting officer will probably be disciplined because he didn’t understand the rules in Gilbert Arenas’ universe.


You can’t arrest me. I’m a basketball player. I play for the Washington Wizards, and I’m not going to leave my teammate.

Ironically, just a few years ago, playing for the Wizards itself was grounds for arrest.

Links:
[Yahoo]: Arenas, Storey arrested on South Beach

Categories
Chicago Cubs

Odds and Ends for Fri May 26 2006: Barrett gets 10 game suspension

Michael Barrett was suspended for punching A.J. Pierzynski in the jaw after a home plate collision. Most major leaguers would give Barrett a bonus for punching A.J., one of the most hated athletes in sports but MLB decided a 10 game ban was in order.

In other news…

[ESPN]: Amare to change jersey number from No. 32 to No. 1

[Reuters]: Timmy Smith (most rushing yard in a Super Bowl) gets 2 1/2 years in jail for selling cocaine

[Lingering Bursitis]: Liveblogging the disappearance of integrity [both ESPN’s and my own]

[XM MLB Chat]: Bonds fatigue: Even the Giants’ local market cares 37% less than it did 2 years ago

Categories
Denver Broncos

Do not cut Jake Plummer off in traffic



roll up bitch!

Jake Plummer has been issued a summons for a “road rage type incident” that occured on April 20th. According to the victim, Doug Stone, a man driving a gray Honda van stopped at a red light, got out and kicked the front of Stone’s truck and then got back into this car and backed up into truck for 10 seconds causing minor damage.

A witness got the license plate and reported the incident to the police. The police investigated and the owner of the gray Honda van turned out to be Jason “Jake” Plummer. First of all, why does Jake Plummer drive a Honda? And second, his real name is Jason? That’s going to be confusing when Jay Cutler steals his job. Hmmm.. that’s probably why Jake is so angry these days.

Jake claims that it was not a road rage incident but rather just a minor accident that he didn’t report because he saw no damage on his car. Road Rage or accident? We want the truth, dammit!

[Denver Post]: Broncos QB in hit-run citation

Categories
All Other Sports

Odds and Ends for Tues May 23 2006: You know what the problem with old people is?



Perfect game… whatever. His
turn signal is still on.

They’re making the rest of us look bad. Rex Cooper, an 81 year old, bowled a perfect game at the Simi Valley’s Brunswick Valley Bowl. Why are there so many stories of old guys bowling perfect games and hitting holes in one? It’s probably God’s way of rewarding them for living so long.

In other news…

[NY Post] Speaking of old guys… Larry Brown goes to work.

[Miami Herald]: FSU rescinds basketball scholarship from recruit who was arrested for having cocaine “in the crack of his buttocks”.

[YAY Sports]: Why does Dirk Nowitzki have shaved pits?

[NOLA]: NBA awards New Orleans All-Star Game for 2008

[Jes Gobez]: Edmonton fans drinking up all the beer

[The Baseball Journals]: How the $450 million sale of the Nationals equals $100 million

Categories
College Football

Community award winning Alabama LB arrested

Alabama Crimson Tide starting linebacker Juwan Simpson was arrested on Saturday for receiving stolen property, possession of marijuana and carrying a pistol without a license.  He was pulled over by an officer because he was eratic driving.  The officer then smelled marijuana and found the gun.

In today’s world of stupid athletes, this wouldn’t much register on the radar, except that just a month ago, Simpson received the Derrick Thomas Community Award.

In a bid to overtake Eugene Robinson in the ironic arrest category, Simpson was also pursuing a second degree in Criminal Justice.  Good thing he wasn’t pre-med.

Links:
[Montgomery Advertiser]: Tide’s Simpson arrested

Categories
All Other Sports

Dave Evans is… The Third Man

Remember when the names of the three rapists were leaked in the search warrant? Somehow, we went from Brett, Adam, and Matt, to Colin, Reade, and Dave. Team captain Dave Forker Evans (Forker?) was indicted today by a grand jury for first degree rape, first degree sexual offense and kidnapping today. He is expected to turn himself in (and get bailed out immediately) today.

Here’s a question for you. Is it sad that everyone is burnt out on this case? We never really have anything concrete to go on. Just partial DNA matches and a bunch of spin spin spin from the defense lawyers and re-election ready righteousness from the district attorney. Is it the lack of evidence, the lawyer fatigue, or simply that we want to get on with our summers and enjoy a lazy day at the ballpark.

This is the nature of scandals these days. It better get resolved quickly or we’ll move on to the next bit of gossip on who Matt Leinart is dating. When was the last time you thought about the Rick Tocchet gambling mess?

[News & Observer]: Grand jury indicts third lacrosse player

Categories
All Other Sports

Duke lacrosse case rears its ugly head again

We’ve been Duke lacrosse scandal-free for the past couple of weeks but a new development in the case has surfaced. Forensic scientists have found tissue under a fingernail of the alleged victim that was “consistent” with one of the 46 lacrosse players but ruled out a match with any of the other 45 players.

However, there was only a partial match and a DNA expert, Theodore D. Kessis, owner of Applied DNA Resources, details the odds.


It really depends then upon how partial is that profile. A lot of people are of the opinion, including myself, that if it’s supposed to test for 13, it should get 13, and something less than 13 is starting to hinge on the reliability of the result.

When you get down into the two or three partial match, you get numbers that might be 1 in 6, it might be 1 in 10, so what happens then is the question of what’s the probative value of the report. … People play the lottery on worse odds.

Sources also said that the DNA pattern was consistent with the mysterious “third person” that the dancer was only able to identify with 90 percent accuracy. Also a male pubic hair was linked to the case. We believe the legal term for this is… Ruh Roh Raggy.

Links:
[Herald Sun]: First DNA link possible in lacrosse case
[News & Observer]: The cabbie who was the alibi for Colin Finnerty arrested for previous misdemeanor.
[NBC17]: Duke Official: Rape Report Based On Overheard Conversation

Categories
MLB General

Full Count for Tues May 2 2006: From you, dad. I learned it from watching you!



That’s my boy!

1. Like father, like son: Pete Rose Jr. didn’t exactly have the best fatherly influence growing up. His dad was infamously banned from the Hall of Fame for betting on baseball, and Rose Jr. has now been arrested for selling illegal drugs to his minor league teammates. The drug is a known steroid alternative. Rose was sentenced to one month in prison and five months of home detention, though the crime could have warranted a $1 million fine.

2. Guess who’s back: The first Red Sox-Yankees game of the year was highlighted by Johnny Damon’s return to Fenway Park. Damon, once beloved by Red Sox fans, was booed for thirty seconds in his first plate appearance, and he went 0-4 on the night. David Ortiz, possibly the best hitter in the AL, led the Red Sox to a 7-3 victory with his 3-run homerun in the 8th. It was Ortiz’s 11th homer of the year, giving him the tie for the AL lead. Decent pitching performances for the Red Sox were turned in by Tim Wakefield, Mike Timlin, and Jonathan Papelbon.

3. Unwanted at home: While Damon’s boos in his return to Fenway were expected, we at least thought Jim Thome would get some respect back at Jacobs Field in Cleveland. Thome did hit over 300 homeruns in his career for the Indians. But he got even worse treatment than Damon, as he was booed throughout the game by Cleveland fans. Thome went 1-5 with an RBI, but it was Scott Podsednik and Paul Konerko who led the Sox to an 8-6 victory. Konerko hit a three-run homer in the first inning, and Podsednik went 4-5 and added a stolen base. For the Indians, Travis Hafner hit his 8th homerun of the year, a grand slam. But it wasn’t enough for Cleveland, who fell to 5.5 games off the White Sox’s lead.

4. Going all the way: Two complete games led two NL teams to wins on Monday. Tim Hudson of the Braves, who has struggled so far this year, had likely the best pitching performance of the season with a one-hitter against the Rockies. The only hit Hudson allowed was ironically to the opposing pitcher, Jason Jennings. Hudson had a hit of his own, which drove in one of the Braves’ two runs. The other complete game was tossed by Bronson Arroyo of the Reds, who allowed four hits and a run in the Reds’ 6-1 win over St. Louis. Arroyo, who is 5-0 on the year, held Albert Pujols and Jim Edmonds to a combined 0-7 on the night.

5. Texas hold `em: The Texas Rangers are not known for their pitching. In fact, their hurlers have probably been the only thing holding them back from making the playoffs the last few years. But last night, their pitchers carried them in a 3-0 shutout of the Devil Rays. Kameron Low got the start and the win, with only 4 hits allowed over 7 innings. Francisco Cordero, who has allowed a run in every appearance since April 20, pitched a perfect inning. Akinori Otsuka, now apparently the closer for Texas, got the save. This was the first shutout of the year for the Rangers.