Minnesota Timberwolves

Odds and Ends: The luckiest SOB in all of sports

The guys over at Rumors and Rants are still stewing over the fact that a virtual-nobody in the NBA like
Marko Jaric can be engaged to megamodel Adrianna Lima. Hey, aren’t we all? But Jaric isn’t the only lucky bastard in the world of sports. So, here’s their list of “The Luckiest Guys In Sports History.”

Marko Jaric – Engaged to Adrianna Lima

Jim Sorgi – Peyton Manning’s Backup

Sam Cassell – 2008 Celtics

Eric Gagne – 2007 Boston Red Sox

Scott Podsednik – Married to Lisa Dergan

Christian Laettner – The Dream Team

Tony Romo – The Tail He Pulls

Jud Buechler – Three Titles With The Bulls

Jeremy Shockey – Giants Super Bowl Win

And speaking of lucky, there’s no way we can forget about this lucky dog.

In other news…

[Undrafted Free Agent]: Javon Kearse does his best Cedric Benson impersonation

[]: Pele gets no respect from the younger generation

[Pyle of List]: Sports movie coaches nominated for the HOF

[]: 8-year-old knows more about baseball than most beat reporters

[Tirico Suave]: George Carlin, you will be missed greatly

[]: A day of indulgence

[]: The Babes of Wimbledon 2008

[]: Celebrities’ kid’s colleges revealed

[]: Worst. Strip club. Ever.

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Worst. Rap battle. Ever.

And finally, here’s a guy dropping a subtle hint that he really, really wants a pool.

All Other Sports

Odds and Ends: Gay lacrosse coach fired for sucking

Missouri has declined to renew the contract of their openly gay men’s lacrosse coach because of his job performance. Kyle Hawkins has been the coach for nine years but only out of the closet for one year. Since it’s a club sport, the decision was made by the team itself. Hawkins said he was informed of the decision in a meeting with team leaders, an assistant coach and a university official. Team president Andy Mackley said that the sexual orientation of the coach had no bearing on the decision, rather, it was made because the team did not feel he was the best man for the job.

Hawkins said he would not pursue any legal action but did add that the reasons for his dismissal were “laughable. A week and a half before the meeting, they had sat in front of the ESPN cameras and said what a great coach I was.”

In other news…

[Inside Bay Area]: Santa Clara announcer fired because he’s not funny.

[WCBS]: Dad ran onto Fenway Park to impress his son. Because jail time is totally impressive.

[Star Telegram]: Cuban vs Trump round 2

[Tennessean]: Feeling a little inadequate about something? You can buy the JumboTron from Nashville Arena.

[SI]: Two 6-foot-7 twins. Perhaps they can date this guy.

And finally, here are the 10 most undeserving MVPs. and yes, Dirk Nowitzki is on this list.

MLB General

The Full Count: Beavers take the College World Series

1. Beaver Time: The biggest news in baseball last night wasn’t anything that happened in the majors. It was the Game 3 of the College World Series finals, a winner-take-all battle between favorite North Carolina and unheralded Oregon State. And it was the Beavers who took the title, with a 3-2 victory in the final game of a very close series. OSU became one of the biggest underdogs ever to win the CWS, and the first northern-based team to win it all since 1996. They won in the most improbable of fashions, with 6 victories in elimination games. Pitcher Johan Nickerson was selected the tournament’s most outstanding player, with 4 runs allowed in three elimination game starts.

2. Master in the Clutch: David Ortiz won Sunday’s game with a walk-off homerun, and he lifted the Red Sox to another win on Monday. With the Sox trailing 7-6 in the 12th inning, Kevin Youkilis hit an RBI single, followed by a Mark Loretta walk. Then Ortiz came up and did it again, winning the game with an RBI single. He became the first player since Nomar Garciaparra in early May to end two straight games with RBIs. It was the 9th win in a row for Boston, and they remain the class of the AL East.

3. Continued success: Many thought the Tigers would fade after a tough schedule stretch earlier this month, but they still are outpacing every MLB team. With a 52-25 record, they are still the only team with 50+ wins, and they are 2 games ahead of an outstanding White Sox team. Yesterday they continued their dominance over the NL, defeating the Astros 10-4. Catcher Ivan Rodriguez homered and drove in three runs, and starter Zach Miner improved to 4-1. The entire top half of the AL Central is on fire: the Tigers, White Sox, and Twins have each won 9 of their last 10.

4. St. Louis struggles: The team that many consider the best in the NL, the St. Louis Cardinals, has performed terribly in Interleague play. Excluding a May sweep of the Royals, the Cards have lost all seven games they’ve played against the American League. Their struggles continued yesterday when the Indians romped them 10-3. St. Louis starter Jason Marquis performed horrendously for his second straight start, with 7 earned runs in 6 innings. In fact, in Marquis’ last two starts he has allowed a combined 20 earned runs, becoming only the third player since WWII to allow such an amount. Over that stretch his ERA has ballooned from 4.55 to 5.82, according to Elias Says. Travis Hafner hit two homeruns for the visiting Indians.

5. Justice is not served: Most people know by now of the laughably awful tirade thrown by single A manager Joe Mikulik yesterday. It will likely hold its place as one of the worst performances by a manager in baseball history. So that is why we are questioning the punishment given to him by the South Atlantic League. Mikulik was suspended a mere week and fined $1000. The fine might be appropriate considering that a single A manager doesn’t make much cash. But the suspension is a joke, and it sends a message that a manager can disgrace himself and his organization and only miss 7 games. Ozzie Guillen says one word and people are calling for him to step down, but this guy can act like a child and gets a minor suspension? If we were the upper management of this team, we would get rid of Mikulik.

College Basketball

Bye-bye phone for Kelvin

Because Kelvin Sampson couldn’t stop using the phone at Oklahoma, the NCAA has banned Kelvin Sampson from taking any recruiting trips or making phone calls for one year. We’re not talking about a handful of impermissible calls. We’re talking 577 of them.

Even though Sampson won’t be taking any trips soon, he is lucky to have a job. There was a clause in his contract with IU that they could fire him without pay if the NCAA sanctions were tougher than the ones OU self imposed. Sampson says that he “learned an invaluable lesson” — just text message!

This is how the phone call from the NCAA to Kelvin Sampson informing him of the punishment should have gone.

Bye-bye, phone, for Kelvin.

No more phone for you. Your phone privileges are cut off.

I’m gonna write that down and put it on the fridge.

That’s the new rules in the house. I’m gonna take the old rules off
and put new rules up.

You gonna listen to me when I tell you to do something.

We gonna put new rules up.
We gonna put rules up. Rules up.

Rules. Rules.

One, ‘Kelvin cannot use the phone.’
Two, ‘Kelvin cannot… ‘

Since you’re such a smart motherfucker, you can’t go outside anymore either.

Cannot go outside ever again.

Now, put the rules up, Kelvin. You abide by my rules and my regulations, goddamn it. And the rules say ‘No phone and no outside.’

And I don’t give a fuck if the motherfucking house is burning down. If I come home and a fireman putting the house out, I say: ‘How you find out the house was burning?’

‘We got a call from Kelvin’, I kick your motherfucking ass.

[USA Today]: NCAA imposes recruiting ban on Indiana coach Kelvin Sampson
[]: Shame on IU’s AD, president

College Football

Community award winning Alabama LB arrested

Alabama Crimson Tide starting linebacker Juwan Simpson was arrested on Saturday for receiving stolen property, possession of marijuana and carrying a pistol without a license.  He was pulled over by an officer because he was eratic driving.  The officer then smelled marijuana and found the gun.

In today’s world of stupid athletes, this wouldn’t much register on the radar, except that just a month ago, Simpson received the Derrick Thomas Community Award.

In a bid to overtake Eugene Robinson in the ironic arrest category, Simpson was also pursuing a second degree in Criminal Justice.  Good thing he wasn’t pre-med.

[Montgomery Advertiser]: Tide’s Simpson arrested