Tag: NFL

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NFL General

The NFL countdown has officially begun: 2007 NFL Schedule released



Well, almost everyone is
ready for some football.

After having the off season exploits of Pacman Jones shoved down our throats for the past few months, we can now turn our collective attention back to on-field issues because the head honchos over at NFL headquarters have finally decided to release this year’s complete schedule.

The season opens up with the Saints at the Colts on September 6 and ends with a Monday night double-header that is highlighted by a contest between division rivals as Baltimore and Cincinnati hook up for an early season, smack talking showdown. The NFC champion Bears will have to bounce back from a Super Bowl loss and be prepared to deal with LaDanian Tomlinson’s Chargers right off the bat. All in all, it’s a pretty solid schedule for the first week of the season, but after going without any helmet smacking for over six months, fans would be happy with a Texans/Raiders match-up.

The really juicy games come later in the season, like in Week 3 when last year’s rookie sensations Vince Young and Reggie Bush get together on Monday Night Football. Or in Week 8 when the league’s golden boys line up across from one another as Tom Brady travels to Peyton Manning, or perhaps you’ve heard of their teams; the Patriots and the Colts.

In Week 10 the Super Bowl MVP and the regular season MVP will battle it out as Indy goes to San Diego for a Sunday night primetime game. And the in Week 13, LT’s Chargers will take on another studly RB when they travel to Kansas City. But forget about the fireworks on the field, everyone is waiting for Joey Porter and Levi Jones to meet up on December 30 in the rematch of their Vegas fight.

Now that your whistle has been wet, just think, only five more months until the opening kick.

Full 2007 NFL Week by Week Schedule after the jump

Continue reading “The NFL countdown has officially begun: 2007 NFL Schedule released”

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NFL General

Jesus tells Irvin to assault contractor


Former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin has allegedly made a fool of himself again, but this time it’s not for wearing a ridiculous suit on national television. The latest incident involves Irvin’s current version of the “White House.”

Apparently, Irvin was not pleased with the final cost of a fountain that contractor Shawn Vandergrift was hired to install. So, Irvin resorted to his playmaking days and gave the guy some lip service and even grabbed his arm. Sure, if it’s true, then Irvin was out of line, but something about this lawsuit stinks worse than Mary Swanson’s bathroom after Lloyd gave Harry the ol laxative cocktail.

Vandergrift is claiming that he is now permanently disabled with a hip condition as a result of being grabbed by Irvin. Now, we’re no doctors but the last time we checked the arm bone wasn’t connected to the hip bone. Hell, even Stuart Scott’s lazy eye can see that this doesn’t add up.

And in typical loudmouth fashion, Irvin couldn’t resist hopping on the airwaves to state his side of the case as he joined KTCK-AM 1310 on Tuesday morning.

The only injury he has is an old injury he already had,” Mr. Irvin said of Mr. Vandergrift.

Mr. Irvin accused the hosts of going with a story they had not verified.

“Don’t you think you guys should have called and asked me about something before you went on the air (with it)? … I still believe you should have made the effort of calling me,”
he said.

Maybe they should have, but c’mon Mike; it’s not like you’re an angel here. Oh, wait; you were probably just shoving the contractor for a friend of yours. Like that time you got busted throwing away your friend’s crack pipe.

Links:

[KVUE.com]: Michael Irvin accused of assaulting contractor

Categories
NFL General

Hello… people in TV land… does anyone actually own a Fathead?


You know those photos that people send which are so disturbing that you have to forward it to someone so that they will be disturbed too (e.g. Britney’s cooch, Harry Potter’s unit)? Well consider this the blog entry equivalent for us. It’s not disturbing, just a complete goddamn waste of time.

Fathead issued a press release today that the first overall pick in the draft will make history by becoming the first rookie to get a Fathead without playing a single down. Uhhhh… sure. That’s a great honor. You get to make a commercial where you look like a complete douchebag. (If you haven’t seen a Fathead commercial, you must not have watched any NFL games or highlights last year.) Never mind the millions in guaranteed money, being a Fathead is the height of your career. God we hope the Raiders take a punter with the first pick.

Here’s the question. Does anyone you know actually own a Fathead? We believe this is about the same as the number of people you know who have caught a foul ball at a ballgame. We realize it’s targeted for kids but the damn thing costs over $100! Who the hell is spending this kind of money? That Walter Payton poster we had on the wall only cost 3 chances at the clown water balloon game at the carnival.

But Fathead still is making more products and innundating us with shitty commercials so someone has to be buying these ugly oversized shrinky dinks. Who is it? Who are you? And why… dear god why?

Well, that’s it folks, that’s the end of the rant for today. But before we go, here’s a classic comment from a reader at Fark: “I got Fathead® last night… They always do it better.” Well done.

Links:
[Fark]: NFL’s first overall draft pick will get Fathead®

Categories
Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Lionel Gates gets locked up



And I thought I was nuts.

Tampa Bay running back Lionel Gates is a piece of trash. Even Mike Tyson thinks Gates went too far after he punched a pregnant woman in the face before he shoved her into a wall on Thursday night. Gates is currently sitting in jail without bond on charges of burglary of a dwelling, aggravated battery of a pregnant woman and criminal mischief.

Gates went ballistic at the apartment of Peggy Lavender as he kicked in the front door, smashed a pair of TV’s and went Ron Artest on Lavender.

Charges such as those facing Lionel Gates are taken seriously by the Buccaneers organization,” the team said in a statement. “We plan to meet with Lionel as soon as possible after which we will deal with this matter appropriately.

If the Bucs have any guts at all they will kick this punk off their team without any further questions asked and Roger Goodell will ban him from the league. But that’s just our wishful thinking, after all, he has yet to make an example out of Chris Henry or Pacman Jones, and their criminal history reads like a novel.

Links:

[TBO.com]: Bucs player accused of assaulting pregnant woman
[CBSSportsline.com]: Bucs RB Gates arrested, charged with assaulting pregnant woman

Categories
NFL General

Hey Goodell, we’re still waiting on the personal conduct policy



Chris Henry

For all the talk about about Roger Goodell instituting a league personal conduct policy during the owners meetings, it looks like it won’t get done till sometime before the NFL draft in late April. Since sources say that the sanctions might be applied retroactively (which doesn’t make sense at all to us but the NFL has more power than God), it’s liable to affect players who are still getting into trouble now because they don’t know any better, or at least that’s what their agents will say on appeal.

First up is our old friend Chris Henry. The latest incident for Henry is being cited for three traffic chargers: driving with a suspended license, failure to wear a seatbelt, and making an improper turn. All very minor stuff but you can’t get into any trouble if you’ve already been arrested 4 times in the last 14 months.

Second up is Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall who was arrested for false imprisonment and domestic violence charges after an argument with his girlfriend at their Colorado home. This seems to be one of those trumped up charges since his girlfriend had no injuries and the “false imprisonment” charge was Marshall blocking her taxi with his car to prevent her from leaving. In a romantic comedy, that’s the denouement, in real life, it’s a crime.

In any case, Pacman Jones is scheduled to meet with Roger Goodell on April 3rd. Here’s how the meeting will go:


Goodell: Hello Adam, please tell me about all the times you’ve been arrested or questioned by the police since you came into the league.
Jones: Well, there was the assault charge… and the weapons charge… and there was the public intoxication… and then there was the marijuana charge… then there was the spitting incident with the Tennessee State ho… and then of course the NBA All-Star Game…

Goodell (to secretary): Got all that? Good. Clean that up and put everything he did in the “examples of violating the conduct policy” section. We’re done.

Links:
[USA Today]: Broncos WR arrested
[MSNBC]: ‘Pacman’ to meet with Goodell on April 3
[Cincinnati.com]: Traffic ticket terrible for Henry

Categories
Indianapolis Colts

"You are not Peyton Manning"


Some idiot in Illinois bet his friends that his beloved Chicago Bears would win the Super Bowl and if they didn’t he was going to change his name to Peyton Manning. Well, we all know how that went and since the Colts won the big game, Scott Wiese has been in court fighting for his right to humiliate himself.

He claims that the name change represents the passion that he has for da’ Bears and seems to be committed to honoring the bet. But Macon County Circuit Judge Katherine McCarthy saved his ass by ruling that the name change could possibly infringe on the privacy of the real Peyton Manning and that it was just too damn confusing.

Apparently Wiese won’t appeal the ruling but his friends will probably have something to say about their boy skipping out on his promise. We suggest making him wear a Peyton Manning jersey for the next year. Sure, it’s not permanent but it is still pretty embarrassing. Hey that beats having to follow Kenny Chesney on tour for a year.

Links:

[WishTV.com]: Judge says man can’t change name to Peyton Manning

Categories
Chicago Bears

Lance Briggs and Drew Rosenhaus are tools


Lance Briggs and Drew Rosenhaus have a new plan. Instead of sitting out the year as they originally threatened, they are going to exploit the collective bargaining rules and sit out only ten games. By showing up to work for the last six games of the season, Briggs gets credit for the whole year of service.

The Bears can tag him again next season but after two seasons of being tagged, rules say he has to get paid the average of the top 5 salaries in the league regardless of position if the Bears tag him for a third season. Considering the headache that he’s causing them, the chances of that happening are worse than the Lions winning the Super Bowl.

Briggs seems to have the leverage here as he’s willing to give up a chunk of change this year to minimize his injury risk so he can get the big bucks guaranteed next year. The Bears (and you better believe other owners are watching) have to tread carefully or the franchise tag becomes more of a joke than it already is. If they give into Briggs and Rosenhaus, they might be opening up a can of worms. However, if they let him sit out the ten games, they have a distraction for ten games and there is no indication that Briggs will be in game shape for their (expected) playoff run. This of course has the Redskins faithful abuzz with a possible trade for Briggs.


We don’t have anything to say,” team president Ted Phillips said Monday. We franchised him. He’s going to make a lot of money. We think he’s a good player, and we want him on our team. It’s as simple as that from our standpoint.

They knew this was coming months ago. It’s not a big surprise. … It’s part of the system. It’s just a tool we have. Free agency is a tool the players have.

Yep, tools all around.

Links:
[Chicago Sun Times]: Briggs plans 10-game holdout to combat franchise ta

Categories
NFL General

NFL gives fans a schedule lapdance, leaves them wanting more



Seriously, who else did you
expect to open the season?

We are still a solid five months away from beginning the NFL schedule, but it’s never too early to answer yes to the question of, “Are you ready for some football?” So, for you NFLaholics out there, here’s the list of nationally televised games for opening weekend so you can start breaking down all the match-ups and start drooling over your possible fantasy lineup in week 1.

Thursday September 6 at 8:30(ET) – Saints @ Colts on NBC
Sunday September 9 at 4:15(ET) – Bears @ Chargers on FOX
Sunday September 9 at 8:15(ET) – Giants @ Cowboys on NBC
Monday September 10 at 7:00(ET) – Ravens @ Bengals on ESPN
Monday September 10 at 10:15(ET) – Cardinals @ 49ers on ESPN

The league decided to kickoff the season with a battle between a pair of golden-boys as Drew Brees will travel to take on Peyton Manning and the Super Bowl champion Colts, and like last season, there will be a double header to conclude the week’s action on ESPN as division rivals hook up in game one while two quarterbacks of the future highlight the weeks final contest. In typical Monday Night Football tradition, the booth is taking on a new look this season and there will be plenty of fans who are primed and ready to pounce all over Mike Tirico, Tony Kornheiser and the newly added Ron Jaworski. But anything has to be better than listening to Joe Theismann flapping his gums.

The league also released the turkey day triple header for early consumption.

Thursday November 22 at 12:30(ET) – Packers @ Lions on FOX
Thursday November 22 at 4:15(ET) – Jets @ Cowboys on CBS
Thursday November 22 at 8:15(ET) – Colts @ Falcons on NFL Network

You might as well plan to stuff your face during the first game because there is no reason to leave the table for that one. Then you can plan to nap during the Jets/Cowboys contest and hopefully you’ll wake up in time to see Terrell Owens make a turduckit out of himself. And at the end of the day, when you finally get all those annoying relatives out of the house, you can heat up a plate of leftovers and enjoy Michael Vick take on the Colts, provided that Vick doesn’t get busted with anymore illegal water bottles, er, jewelry cases.

The remainder of the schedule will be announced in April, but we’ve got the scoop on how the division opponents will breakdown.

Links:

[NFL.com]: Saints-Colts to open 2007 NFL season

Categories
NFL General

Theismann goes job hunting

[Update: It’s official]

Who would have thought that one day would make such a difference.  Well, the move from Sunday Night Football to Monday Night Football caused Joe Theismann to get fired from his 19 year gig at ESPN.  Looks like Ron “Jaws” Jaworski will be taking over for Theismann in the booth and join Mike Tirico and Tony Kornheiser as next season’s MNF trio.  Apparently, ESPN thinks there will be more chemistry and comedy between Jaws and Kornheiser than there was between Kornheiser and Theismann.  Too bad Jaws is an engaging as a wet towel.  If ESPN wants ratings they should just stick Mike Wilbon in the booth with his PTI buddy Tony.  

Theismann said that he can’t comment, “until I fully understand what has taken place.”  It’s pretty obvious what has happened Joe, you got fired, dumped, shit-canned, pink-slipped, kicked to the curb…need we go on?  But don’t get down; we heard that ‘Dancing with the Stars’ is already taking applications for next season.  

Oddly enough, Theismann’s playing career ended 22 years ago on Monday Night Football when Lawrence Taylor snapped into his leg like a Slim Jim and caused a national audience to simultaneously turn in disgust from the screen.  So, naturally, we thought you might want to relive the entire gruesome scene one more time.  

Links:

[SI.com]: Reports: Theismann out on `MNF’
[NYTimes.com]: Theismann dropped from Monday Night crew

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

I suppose you can tell me of a better place to keep my bling?


Michael Vick finally spoke publicly for the first time since his suspicious bottle incident at the Miami International Airport two months ago, and frankly his story doesn’t hold water. Vick says that the bottle which was confiscated for having a secret compartment that stunk of the sticky-icky-icky was actually a jewelry box. OK, Mike, we believe you. It was a jewelry box that you hid your marijuana in.

We went through all of this because there was a little water at the top,” Vick said. “I told them it was my stash box for jewelry. That is what I told everybody, but that wasn’t written.” He then went on to say that, “As for the smell and where that came from, I sat in the airport for another hour and 30 minutes. If there was something wrong, we could have handled the situation on the spot.

Vick also said that he’s been doing this for years but he’s never run into any trouble before.

I have had that bottle for years, for a long time,” said Vick. “If you had seen the bottle, you would have never known there was any jewelry in there,” he said. “I have had things stolen out of hotels. But I had never checked it through the airport.

Oh, now it’s all making sense. So, the smell came from your expensive weed scented jewelry that you keep in an Aquafina water bottle jewelry box that you’ve been using for years. Rumor has it that Levi Jones is using the same security system.

Links:

[AJC.com]: Vick: Water Bottle Place to Keep Jewerly
[The Smoking Gun]: Vick in Airport Water Bottle Incident