NFL General

The Hall of Fame finally welcomes in a hankieless Michael Irvin

We know that getting inducted into the Hall of Fame is the pinnacle of any professional athlete’s career, so we can completely understand why players get a little emotional at times.  Well, to say that Michael Irvin got a tad teary eyed during his induction speech would be an understatement.  

Many people are saying that it was one of the most inspirational, touching, motivational acceptance speeches in the history of the Hall.  We’re not going to go that far because, frankly, we couldn’t even pay attention to the words coming out of his mouth with all the snot coming out of his nose!  Damn, couldn’t someone hand Irvin a Kleenex?  This is one of those rare times when ESPN HD is a bad thing.


Odds and Ends: Zach Johnson gets the shaft

What more does a guy have to do to get some credit in the golf world? Zach Johnson comes from nowhere to rip the green jacket from Tiger Woods’ hands in a story that Disney would probably refuse because of a lack of authenticity, and Sports Illustrated puts a tree on the cover of their latest issue.

Are you serious? A tree! Of course, Tiger is standing behind the tree so apparently that justifies it to the fellas at SI. But if you notice, they did give Johnson a little bit of pub on the cover. Thanks for squeezing that in guys.

In other news…

[Our Book of Scrap]: Speed skating just made its way into the hearts of men across the country

[Can’t Stop the Bleeding]: All this over a free burger?

[]: Jason Whitlock is on Don Imus’ side. No, surely not Whitlock.

[]: Michael Irvin will see your lawsuit and raise you one.

And finally, we all knew that there would be a movie about the rise and fall of Anna Nicole, but what we didn’t know is that a babe would play Anna. Looks like pop singer Willa Ford is the lucky winner of the role. Now she just needs to practice on her slurred speech and start fluctuating dress sizes like a white Oprah.

NFL General

Jesus tells Irvin to assault contractor

Former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin has allegedly made a fool of himself again, but this time it’s not for wearing a ridiculous suit on national television. The latest incident involves Irvin’s current version of the “White House.”

Apparently, Irvin was not pleased with the final cost of a fountain that contractor Shawn Vandergrift was hired to install. So, Irvin resorted to his playmaking days and gave the guy some lip service and even grabbed his arm. Sure, if it’s true, then Irvin was out of line, but something about this lawsuit stinks worse than Mary Swanson’s bathroom after Lloyd gave Harry the ol laxative cocktail.

Vandergrift is claiming that he is now permanently disabled with a hip condition as a result of being grabbed by Irvin. Now, we’re no doctors but the last time we checked the arm bone wasn’t connected to the hip bone. Hell, even Stuart Scott’s lazy eye can see that this doesn’t add up.

And in typical loudmouth fashion, Irvin couldn’t resist hopping on the airwaves to state his side of the case as he joined KTCK-AM 1310 on Tuesday morning.

The only injury he has is an old injury he already had,” Mr. Irvin said of Mr. Vandergrift.

Mr. Irvin accused the hosts of going with a story they had not verified.

“Don’t you think you guys should have called and asked me about something before you went on the air (with it)? … I still believe you should have made the effort of calling me,”
he said.

Maybe they should have, but c’mon Mike; it’s not like you’re an angel here. Oh, wait; you were probably just shoving the contractor for a friend of yours. Like that time you got busted throwing away your friend’s crack pipe.


[]: Michael Irvin accused of assaulting contractor

New York Giants

Michael Irvin and Tom Jackson respond to Tiki

After being called an idiot for the 5,608,874th time, Michael Irvin has decided to address Tiki Barber’s rant. In the New York Post today, Irvin defended his criticism of Tiki’s retirement announcement.

It kills his ability to lead. He is the leader of that football team. If I am a young guy and we are in a battle and we are banging heads and we are fighting. I’m out there getting hit and being hit and we are in a tough spot in a football game.

If I am in the line of battle and Tiki comes to me and says, ‘Come on, give me what you have!’ I’m going to look at him and say, ‘Aww, shut up. What are you talking about? You are quitting on us.’ This stuff will come out on the sideline.

Tom Jackson, for his part, said, “I thought that the name-calling seemed a bit unnecessary.” You gotta love Tom Jackson. It’s a shame he has to be paired alongside the unbearable Chris Berman.

To a man, the Giants have all said that Tiki’s retirement announcement has not been a distraction. Antonio Pierce said, “There is no quit in that guy. He is still our leader on offense.” And Plaxico Burress said, ” don’t feel it has been a distraction at all. I’m sure everyone can see the way he is playing, the way he is running.” Having Plaxico Burress commenting on anyone quitting is ironic since he’s liable to quit at any point in the season. At least with Tiki, you know you’ll get his all for the rest of this season.


New York Giants

Tiki Barber takes Michael Irvin off Christmas card list


We’ve always kind of liked Tiki Barber. As far as NY players go, he’s the one you least want to kill. So it comes as no surprise that he actually gets it and isn’t afraid to lash out at the retarded media and ESPN.

I will call them ‘idiots’ because they have neither spoken to me nor any one of my teammates or any of my coaches, yet all they do is criticize me for being a distraction with this retirement thing.

That includes [Daily News columnist] Gary Myers, that includes Tom Jackson on ESPN, that includes the ultimate character guy, facetiously speaking, of course, Michael Irvin [of ESPN], please get a clue how to be a journalist. Don’t make blanket assumptions about it.”

Barber then sarcastically wondered whether he looked distracted in helping the Giants beat the Cowboys Monday night.

Did Tiki really have to add “facetiously speaking, of course”? You’d have to be some kind of idiot to think that anyone would call Michael Irvin a character guy and be serious. Well, some kind of idiot or Deion Sanders. In the NFL version of hell, you’d have Deion, Irvin and Sean Salisbury doing the pregame.

[Newsday]: Tiki calls critis “idiots”

[Newsday]: Irvin: Retirement makes Tiki quitter