Author: clay

Categories
Tampa Bay Lightning

Dan Boyle’s skate gets revenge for the months of thick, cheesy foot odor

Dan Boyle of the Tampa Bay Lightning is going to be out of commission for the next four to six weeks after having surgery on Sunday. You might be thinking that his injury was a broken arm or leg, torn ACL, missing eyeball or something else real `manly.’ Well, the injury was gross and painful in nature, but we’re not too sure how `manly’ it is to slice yourself up with your own skate.

Boyle got hurt in a freak locker room accident Saturday night after the Lightning’s 2-1 preseason loss to Washington. The defenseman was distracted while hanging up his skate. The skate slipped off the hook and hit Boyle in his left wrist, severing three tendons.

Frankly, we’re surprised that this kind of stuff doesn’t happen more often. After all, these guys are flying around on slippery ice with razorblades attached to their feet. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen if you ask us. But you don’t have to take our word for it, Mr. Most Gruesome Sports Injury will inform you all about the inherit dangers associated with hockey.

Links:

[Fox Sports]: Loose skate severs three tendons

Categories
College Football

Mike Gundy does his best Bob Knight impersonation

So, what happens when you’re a sports columnist and you write a piece about a player that really ticks off their coach? Well, if you’re Jenni Carlson of The Oklahoman then you get torn into by a howling, rampaging Mike Gundy.

Hey, Mike, if it’s so wrong of her to “go after” one of your athletes then why are you hoping that someone “bedowngrades” and “belittles” her innocent child? It appears that in your anger you have forgotten what you are truly angry about. Never forget the words of the great Mahatma Gandhi: “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth and the whole world would soon be blind and toothless.”

Links:

[NewsOK.com]: Reid is still the most talented signal-caller, but attitude is reason for change

Categories
Philadelphia Eagles

Hideous uniforms disorient Lions, allowing Kevin Curtis to go bananas


The Eagles uniforms might be the ugliest duds ever donned, but Donovan McNabb and Kevin Curtis sure did like the way they fit.

The duo hooked up for a league record tying 205 yards on nine catches in the first half of Philly’s annihilation of the Lions. With touchdowns of 68, 12 and 43 yards under his belt before halftime, fantasy owners were loving life and already writing up their smack for the upcoming week before the second half kickoff.

And if the NFL mirrors the college game, then Detroit’s defensive coordinator might want to start packing his desk a little early.

After Texas Tech gave up 610 yards of offense to Oklahoma State in a 49-45 loss, Lyle Setencich stepped down from his job as defensive coordinator with the Red Raiders. It might not go down in the books as a firing, but after hearing what `pirate master’ Mike Leach had to say about his club, we have a feeling it wasn’t solely for the “personal reasons” Setencich claims.

After the game, Leach was critical of his players and coaching staff, saying “defensively, in the entire first half, we got hit in the mouth and acted like somebody took our lunch money, and all we wanted to do was have pouty expressions on our face until somebody daubed our little tears and made us feel better.

But to make sure there were no hard feelings, Leach threw in the obligatory line of BS that every fired coach receives:

We appreciate Lyle and the work he did for our program,” Leach said. “We wish him and his family the best.

Geez, thanks coach.

Links:

[KSL.com]: Curtis ties NFL record with 205 yards in first half
[Chron.com]: Texas Tech coordinator resigns as defense struggles

Categories
General Sports

Kyle Petty gets visor-flippin’ mad at Denny Hamlin

We’ve been known to give an unfriendly gesture or two to our fellow motorists after being cut off or tailgated. So, we can only imagine how prickly we’d be if you ratcheted up the MPH to around 200. In fact, we’d probably act a lot like Kyle Petty did after Denny Hamlin smacked him from behind during Sunday’s race at Dover International Speedway.

While the two were always being restrained and we never got to see any real brawling, we did get a verbal back-n-forth between the two. Petty thinks Hamlin is too aggressive and Hamlin thinks Petty is a meanie. You know, the usual stuff.

It’s a shame that a guy with that much talent has to drive like that,” Petty said. “We’ve seen it a lot. We’ve seen it all year long. Even his teammate, Tony Stewart, talked about it. I think it pretty much speaks for itself.

And your counter Mr. Hamlin?

Don’t smack me on the helmet,” Hamlin said. “You smack me on the helmet and I’m going to punch you in the face, bottom line. So I’d like for him to call me some time this week.

“You don’t come to my car. You don’t come to my pit. You meet me somewhere else and we’ll settle it. I have the utmost respect for Kyle, but don’t lay your hands on my head.”

Petty also accused Hamlin of lacking focus after winning the Busch Series race on Saturday. Hamlin shot down that accusation, saying he has too much to worry about in his pursuit of a Nextel Cup title.

“The biggest thing is that I know Kyle gets run over a lot and a lot of the reason is that he’s so far off the pace,” Hamlin said. “We’re in a clutter of leaders and he’s racing his own little battle and some days it’s your day and some days it’s not. Get out of the way.

Yeah, Kyle; “it’s the fastest who get paid and it’s the fastest who get laid.” Shake and bake!

Links:

[WCNC.com]: It’s On! Angry Petty lays the smack down in garage on Hamlin

Categories
All Other Sports

We never figured Dennis Rodman was a Bentley sorta guy, but this is ridiculous


We know that Dennis Rodman is a pretty strange cat and all, but, seriously, who the hell drives around in a tank with naked girls and big-haired trolls painted on it?!?! This is the most appalling vehicle ever released on U.S. soil. He should be ashamed of himself for even stepping foot inside that thing. But we gotta admit, having his image painted on the rear window is actually kinda cool.

Oh, and according to TMZ he parked in a handicap spot. That’s totally negates the self promoting cartoon’s coolness.

While at Hennessey’s Tavern in Dana Point, Calif. on Sunday, it looked like the 46-year-old former NBA star parked his graffitied, gas-guzzling urban assault vehicle in a handicap accessible spot. Well, he has always been a little special!

Rodman’s rep tells TMZ, “Dennis would never do something like that, and he was driven around all weekend . His driver might have done it and left the car there for a short time. Dennis would never do something like that.

Of course he wouldn’t. He’ll kick you in the balls for doing your job, but he would never park in a handicap spot. That’s just not nice.

Links:

[TMZ]: Rodman’s Hummer Handicapped

Categories
Soccer

Don’t worry WNBA, you’re not the only ones who get asked that question


We never have been big fans of soccer, considering how we as Americans are totally oblivious to fact that sport even exists except when our morning SportsCenter is continually canceled for some boring women’s `futbol’ match between Zimbabwe and Northern Hungary. So, seeing that we can’t stand the game, we really think their refs have a crappy job. Except for this guy, he’s having way too much fun out on the pitch.

But we never realized just how lame their lives were until we heard that the refs at a recent women’s soccer match were reduced to performing nut checks to verify genders of the players.

Banyana Banyana coach Augustine Makalakalane has described as mischievous claims allegedly made by a top Ghanaian official that SA used a male player in their Olympic qualifier at the Caledonian Stadium last month.

“I don’t know what the official is up to, but what he is quoted as saying can be best described as utter rubbish,” fumed Makalakalane. “We’ve never cheated and maybe he should consult with his captain in future before he makes such irresponsible comments.

“Fact of the matter is that they raised a suspicion against our striker, Alice Noko Matlou from Limpopo and the officiating referee made an inspection in our dressing room in the present of the Ghana captain. After everyone concerned was satisfied that our player was a girl, she was allowed to feature in the game. The referee would not have allowed her to be part of the game if Alice or anyone else was indeed male.

“If it is indeed correct that the Ghanaian official has said this, then I’m personally disappointed with his conduct. But if it’s an attempt to play mind games against us ahead of the return game in Ghana in December, then let me inform them that we are not only bringing Alice, but the whole Banyana Banyana. They can also expect another player with male features in our team for that contest, and that will still not be cheating,” he said.

Sure, looking down a soccer chick’s pants might sound cool, but you gotta realize that if you have to look down her pants to determine if it’s a dude or a lady then she’s probably not the Jennie Finch or Anna Kournikova kinda athlete. But this practice could be useful here in America; after all, if our refs would perform inspections like this then Christian Laettner would have never been allowed to taint the Dream Team.

Links:

[The Offside]: Genitalia Inspection now part of Referees’ job description
[SuperSoccer.co.za]: Banyana dispute gender cheating claims
[The Sun]: Spot the ball please, ref

Categories
Denver Nuggets

Over five years later and we’re still not talkin’ bout the game

In our opinion, it was one of the single greatest moments in the history of sports. It’s a clip that gets played with regularity around here and it takes us back to a time that will never be recreated again. So, what are we talking about? You got it, we’re talkin’ bout practice.

You might be wondering why we’re bringing this up right now; well, it turns out that AI wishes he had never said it. What you talkin’ bout Allen?!

It was just being young and definitely immature. I wish it wouldn’t have ever happened,” he says during an appearance on Fox SportNet’s “Best Damn Sports Show Period.”

The interview, which took place Wednesday, will air tonight.

“But you learn from experiences like that . . . I think it sent the wrong message, especially to kids. You can’t be a scoring champion and an MVP and an All-Star and all of that without practice . . . I didn’t want kids to get the message that you don’t need to practice because when you’re not practicing, someone else is out there practicing, getting better.

C’mon, man, don’t be so hard on yourself. That’s like saying that MLK should have never had a dream or that JFK shouldn’t have requested that we ask what we can do for our country. Maybe we should just forget all about how the Beastie Boys told us to fight for our right to party too.

Embrace your history AI. No matter what you say, you will always be that loudmouth, coach-hating, scoring machine to us. And we will always be talkin’ bout practice.

Links:

[Philly.com]: Iverson regrets bad talkin’ bout practice, bad talkin’ bout practice

Categories
All Other Sports

OJ Simpson used his one phone call to check his voicemail

Last week we brought you a voice recording that surfaced of OJ Simpson as he went all Mafioso on some sports memorabilia guys. Well, there’s been another incredible find and it just reaffirms the fact that it really sucks to be the Juice.

Sorry, OJ, but if Johnny Cochran’s in heaven or hell then you’re going to jail.

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: The Juice Checks His Messages From The Slam

Categories
Utah Jazz

Stephon Marbury isn’t the only player that wants to ball overseas


We’ve known for some time now that Andrei Kirilenko has been unhappy in Utah. We’ve even heard about how his poor, Kobe-like mentality has him demanding a trade. So, we knew that things were bad, but we just didn’t really believe all the hype, until AK-47 said that he’d be willing to skip out on his contract’s remaining $63 million. That’s when realized that he really friggin’ hates that team.

According to a translation by The Salt Lake Tribune, Kirilenko said in an interview with the Russian newspaper Sport Express that he is prepared to go without the money remaining on his NBA contract to get away from the Jazz.

According to the Tribune, Kirilenko is quoted in the Russian newspaper as saying: “I just want to explain to everybody what I think and feel and that I could sacrifice my career with the NBA. The only thing I’m not prepared for is if I’m told, ‘Andrei, we want you to stay anyway.’ I’m sure then the next season would be a repetition of the previous one, and what will the fans say then? How could you possibly rely on a player who wants to leave?”

Kirilenko, who is under contract through the 2010-11 season, told Sport Express he thinks the chances of his contract being voided are small. But he remains steadfast in his desire to leave Utah, even if it means playing on a worse team, NBA or otherwise.

“I have never been unfair and I don’t want to enjoy something that I don’t deserve,” Kirilenko told Sport Express. “Big money is obviously good, but I am prepared to make less. The size of my salary doesn’t mean that much for me. The main thing is to play with a spark.

Kirilenko went on to say that he’d like to play somewhere in Russia, but at this point it sounds like he’d be willing to play in Guatemala if it meant he didn’t have to be around Jerry Sloan anymore. A fine or suspension could be around the corner if Kirilenko fails to show up for camp on October 1.

I would like to be where I am needed and right now I feel that my country needs me,” Kirilenko told Sport Express. “But I cannot exclude some European clubs. Trust me, I really am prepared to leave NBA. It certainly does not mean that I’m dying to go to Europe. I’m just ready.”

“Last year, we had a conversation with him,” Kirilenko told Sport Express “and Sloan said, ‘Andrei, if you don’t like something about the way I conduct training you could always break the contract with the Jazz.’ So that’s exactly what I want to do now!

We love the added emphasis Andrei put on the last sentence. It almost as if he’s convinced that he’s talking to Sloan and not some Russian reporter. Settle down a bit, Andrei, there’s no need to yell. Maybe now would be a good time to break out your `free tail’ pass and release some of that frustration that’s been mounting.

Links:

[KSL.com]: Kirilenko `ready’ to leave NBA, $63M contract

Categories
Boston Celtics

Kevin Garnett might be skinny, but he’s strong as an ox

Kevin Garnett spent 12 seasons with the Timberwolves before the Celtics came along and plucked him from the land of futility. Now that he’s in a much better place, KG is able to take a deep breath and just relax knowing that he’s not alone any more. You’d never expect his wiry frame to support the dead weight of a franchise for that long, but he did.

The Kid might not have a ring, but you’d never catch Kobe Bryant carrying the hopes of Hollywood to a losing record every year with a smile on his face.