When we decide to bring you bowling clips, there are really only three types that can even make the cut. We can bring you some loser impressing himself with a little trickeration:
Or we could bring you some in-competition perfection:
Or, we could just show a guy who is way too sloshed to be renting lice infested shoes:
We never thought we’d say this, but round up the fellas and a suitcase of Bud. We’re going bowling!
In a time when many athletes remain tight lipped about how they really feel about league troublemakers, the last person you’d ever expect to speak up is a friggin’ kicker. But Miami Dolphins kicker Jay “Touchy” Feely didn’t hold anything back when someone asked him what he thought about the possible return of Ricky Williams to the team.
No, I want a locker room full of guys who aren’t going to quit on us or fold when it’s tough and take the easy way out,” Feely said.
“You quit with your actions just as well as you quit with your decisions,” Feely said. “You know you’re getting tested and you decide to smoke a joint. That’s quitting on your teammates just as much as walking away from the game.”
“I want a guy I could trust,” Feely said. “I’d rather have a marginally talented player who gives me everything he’s got every day at practice and in the games, than someone with better talent who gives their best effort just on some days.
Of course, Feely also made sure to cover his ass just in case the pothead actually makes it back into the Dolphins’ locker room.
“Not at all. I’ve never heard a word about him ever since he failed that test,” Feely said. “But if Cam and [GM Randy Mueller] decide to bring him back, I’d embrace him as a teammate.
Good move Jay; after all, no matter how foolish Ricky might be, he’s still Ricky Williams and you’re still a kicker and he’s still a whole lot bigger than you. Stoned or not; he would whoop your butt.
Links:
[Sun-Sentinel.com]: Jay Feely: `I don’t want Ricky Williams on team’
By now, you must have heard about the Juice’s little Las Vegas incident that got him a total of 11 offenses ranging from conspiracy to commit kidnapping to robbery to assault, all by way of a deadly weapon. If O.J. is convicted then he could be facing life behind bars, but for now he’s out on bail.
Simpson had a hearing that lasted for about ten minutes on Wednesday morning and was granted bail by the judge. His bond was set at $125,000.
While we were a little shocked to hear that the loudmouthed decapitator is outta the clink, we were even more shocked to see the further softening of NFL commish Roger Goodell. Letting Bill Belichick off the hook is one thing, but letting O.J. back in the league is completely out of line.
Links:
[AFP]: O.J. Simpson bailed by Las Vegas court on robbery charges
There are several sports related people participating in this season’s Dancing with the Stars, which kicks off on Monday, but only one of them has a 38-0 record against some of the toughest men on the planet: Mr. Floyd Mayweather. While boxing fans know all about the size and strength of Mayweather’s mouth, on Monday he gave his newly acquired ABC fan base a glimpse of how he rolls when he delivered a soft verbal right cross to WBC welterweight title contender Ricky Hatton.
Mayweather said in a news conference Monday at Los Angeles: “Ricky Hatton’s cool for what he does, but fighting Floyd Mayweather is a totally different level. I’m at the pinnacle of my career — this is the creme-de-la-creme.”
Hatton countered by making fun of Mayweather: “He’s currently doing the show ‘Dancing with the Stars’ and that’s how he’s boxing. Floyd always backs up. That’s the woman part.
Not bad guys, but we’re going to have to ask you to step up your game before you December 8th showdown. Calling each other little girls just ain’t gonna cut it. In fact, until you guys get a little more creative, we’re going to be focusing our attention on the big show and try to make some sweet jack with “Mr. Las Vegas” at 8-to-1. Seriously, the odds are out.
ODDS TO WIN DANCING WITH THE STARS
According to sportsbook.com
Melanie Brown 4-1
Floyd Mayweather 5-1
Sabrina Bryan 11-2
Josie Maran 6-1
Cameron Mathison 7-1
Helio Castroneves 15-2
Jennie Garth 8-1
Wayne Newton 8-1
Albert Reed 10-1
Jane Seymour 12-1
Marie Osmond 12-1
Mark Cuban 15-1
Geez, we never would have guessed that Cubes would be the biggest underdog.
Links:
[Freep.com]: Mocked by opponent for being `a woman,’ boxer Floyd Mayweather a favorite to win `Dancing with the Stars’
This has absolutely nothing to do with sports, but there was no way we could hoard a clip of some local television baboon having foreplay with a digitized woman to ourselves.
All right `farting sports guy‘; you are no longer the most humiliated man in newsroom. We’re guessing if that clip went on for just a few more seconds he’d bust out with “Tune in Tokyo. Tune in Tokyo.”
Links:
[Awful Announcing]: During A Breast Milk Story A Local News Broadcaster……Umm, Just Watch The Video
As scary as it is to admit, Chris Crocker has become a household name in America thanks to the countless Hollywood gossip shows and blogs that elevated him her it to semi-star status with their constant play of a whiny, crying jig following blubbery Britney’s performance at the VMAs. Well, apparently the Crocker craze has spawned imitators. And some of those imitators are more passionate about football than Crocker is about Brit. Scary, huh?
“You gotta problem with him, you come see me; you BASTARDS!!!”
Five months ago, the biggest problem facing the NBA was a no-nonsense, technical foul-yielding referee that mysteriously threw Tim Duncan out in the final minutes of a game against the Dallas Mavericks and then, according to Duncan, challenged him to a fight. Well, after being suspended indefinitely since April, Joey Crawford has been reinstated into the league.
It’s amazing how little things like referees picking fights with superstars can all be forgiven when there’s some jerk-off zebra messing with the mob and fixing games.
Links:
[WLWT.com]: NBA Reinstates Official Joey Crawford
Turns out that the fool who spent $752,467 on Barry Bonds’ home run ball No. 756 is no fool at all; in fact, the winner bidder was clothing mogul Mark Ecko. And Ecko is even being nice enough to share his purchase with all of us. He’s letting voters visit a special website and determine the fate of big-headed Barry’s infamous, steroid tainted homer.
Ecko said he plans to announce the final tally after voting ends at 11:59 p.m. on Sept. 25.
“I have my own opinion, I’ve been part of this debate just like everyone else,” Ecko wrote on his Web site “But I wanted to make it just a little more real. I bought this baseball to democratize the debate over what to do with it. The idea that some of the best athletes in the country are forced to decide between being competitive and staying natural is troubling.
Is there really any doubt what the American public is gonna do here? We’ve got six little words for ya: “Bang, zoom, straight to the moon”
Links:
[CBS5.com]: You Can You’re your Vote On Fate Of Bonds Ball #756
There are lots of things out there that can kill you: car wrecks, disease, mother nature’s fury, lunatic murders, war, famine, old age, and so on. You get the idea. Anyways, the point is that the last thing in the world you’d expect to kill you would be the internet. But if you’re a 30-year old Chinese man with an obsessive compulsion to play video games for days on end then that’s exactly what might kill you.
Paramedics tried to revive him but failed and he was declared dead at the cafe, it said. The paper said that he may have died from exhaustion brought on by too many hours on the Internet.
The report did not say what the man, whose name was not given, was playing.
The report said that about 100 other Web surfers “left the cafe in fear after witnessing the man’s death.
We don’t know what the guy was playing, but it would make us feel a lot better if it was World 1-1 on the original Mario because we’re still trying to slide down that damn flagpole. Still, this is all very shocking to the system. While unassuming in it’s the nature, the computer lures you into hypnosis with it’s high speed connections and real time, multi player experiences only to leave you starving and sleep deprived to the point of physical shutdown. It’s all coming true, just like Matthew Broderick said it would; sorta.
Links:
[KARE11.com]: Chinese man apparently dies of exhaustion after days of gaming
The whole world was reminded of the amount of guts it takes to be a big league football player when Kevin Everett possibly lost the ability to walk during a fairly routine tackle. And while that’s one of the scariest examples there is of inherit dangers within the game, one of the quieter dangers of the game involves those hits that leave someone’s bell ringing. Of course, we’re talking about those nasty concussions.
Steve Young knows all about it. Troy Aikman has plenty of experience with `em. And now Jon Kitna has a great ‘tough guy’ story to tell, even though he might get a headache just thinking about it.
Kitna took a nasty shot during the second quarter of a game between Detroit and Minnesota and was sidelined with a concussion until being cleared in the third. Then in the final period, Kitna led the Lions on a game-winning drive. But it wasn’t easy.
“I have no headaches, no symptoms, no lingering effects. But that was the worst my head has ever felt, and the worse my memory was in the second quarter. Yet, after halftime there was nothing.”
Kitna said it was the third concussion of his NFL career, and the first since 2001.
After saying he knew who he was during the game, a reporter asked Kitna if he knew where he was.“Barely,” he said.
Kitna appears to be just fine now, but we all know how quickly the effects of multiple concussions can add up. Just look at what happened to this former NFL QB after taking too many shots to the melon. Poor guy can’t even dress himself properly anymore.
Links:
[FREEP.com]: Kitna on concussion: `I’ve never felt anything like that’
