Author: clay

Categories
NBA General

When Charles Barkley is your friend, you don’t need enemies


Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan are the BFFL (Best Friends For Life), but that doesn’t mean the Round Mound of Rebound is going to show his Airness any mercy when it comes to his ultra expensive divorce settlement.

We’ve been giving Michael a hard time,” Barkley told a crowd at the SMU Athletic Forum lunch at the Hilton Anatole on Wednesday. “He just got a divorce [and it was like] damn, bro, you wrote a check for $175 million? Are you kidding me? You must have some damn money. If you can write a check for $175 million, you’re damn loaded.”

Barkley went on to say that “sports is definitely not the place to be sensitive, no matter what it is. We’re going to ride you unmercifully and we told him, `It’s probably bad to write a check for $175 million, but it’s going to get worse. When you go visit your kids, there’s going to be a guy sitting in your chair, wearing your robe, smoking a cigar.

The crowd erupted in laughter, but Barkley still had one more zinger for Jordan, saying: “You better hope it ain’t one of us. You better hope it ain’t one of your boys. We’re all looking for a woman with $175 million.

Don’t worry about it Mike. If Chuck gets you down with his wisecracks, you can always chill with Tiger and make fun of his golf swing. That never gets old.

Links:

[Star-Telegram.com]: Not even Jordan escapes Charles Barkley’s verbal darts

Categories
Houston Astros

Having a strained groin is no longer the most embarrassing injury in sports



“If you’re sliding into first and you
feel something burst…”

We’ve heard of some strange injuries in our time, but Kaz Matsui might have just stolen the cake. The Astros second baseman is out of action with…wait for it…wait for it…an anal fissure! We don’t know what the hell that is exactly or how you get them (and we don’t want to know), but according to the guys at RotoWorld.com it is “an unnatural tear or crack in the anus skin.” Yep, that’ll keep you from running.

Astros second baseman Kaz Matsui is expected to miss four or five days after being diagnosed with a condition known as anal fissure.

Matsui, who returned to central Florida on Monday night, will go through individual workouts at the team facility but will not play until at least Friday. Doctors have prescribed a different medication to help alleviate the problem.

Suddenly, falling off you truck, violently sunburning yourself, throwing out your back via a sneeze and getting caught up in a tarp don’t seem all that bad.

Links:

[Chron.com]: Matsui absence likely to last four to five days

Categories
LA Lakers

Around the Rim: Hollywood is jumping for joy


1. Little lead, big advantage
After winning 18 of their last 22 games, including Tuesday night’s 117-108 victory over Toronto, all the Lakers have to show for their effort is a ½ game lead over the defending champs. But ½ a game in this wild Western Conference race could make all the difference in the world when the second season comes along. Kobe Bryant finished with 34 points, seven rebounds and seven assists to lead the best team in the West. However, as we’ve seen so many times already this season, being at the top and staying at the top are two totally different matters. If the Lakers are to maintain their positioning they’ll have to do it on the road because their next four games are at New Orleans, Houston, Dallas and Utah.

2. Suns rise to the occasion, twice

On Tuesday, Shaquille O’Neal and the Suns did something for the first time since joining forces 11 games ago – they claimed consecutive victories. It wasn’t even close as Phoenix held leads of 32 points in the opening half and 39 down the back stretch as they pounded Memphis 132-111. Amare Stoudemire delivered a double-double with 29 points and 13 rebounds to lead a Suns squad that shot a sizzling 60 percent from the floor. Shaq only managed two points and eight rebounds in the game, but he dished out six assists and the led the team in hustle stats, grabbing a steal and blocking three shots. Phoenix is now 5-6 with the Diesel in the lineup which is showing improvement, but it still only has a sixth seed in the playoff race to show.

3. Bulls are charging
It isn’t the end of the world, but losing to the Bulls certainly didn’t help Utah legitimize themselves in a stacked Western Conference. Chicago took advantage of a 30-19 scoring run in the second quarter to run away with a 108-96 victory on its home court. Drew Gooden scored 24 points and Ben Gordon finished with 19 points, including a barrage of long bombs in the second half. The win brought the Bulls within ½ of Atlanta for the final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference – a race as highly contested as the top of the West. Utah is currently clinging to the fourth and final conference playoff spot. The good news for the Jazz is they welcomed back Andrei Kirilenko (12 pts) after he missed three games following a hard foul from Dallas’ Dirk Nowitzki.

Tuesday’s Player of the Day: Kobe Bryant vs. Toronto 46 min, 34 pts (FG: 12-20, 3FG: 4-8, FT: 6-6), 7 reb, 7 ast, 4 stl, 1 blk

Wednesday’s Game to Watch: San Antonio (44-19) @ New Orleans (42-20)
At the beginning of the season, everyone knew the Hornets would be pesky, but nobody could have expected this. Though New Orleans has slipped a bit since the All-Star break, they are still in the battle with Dallas, Houston and San Antonio for Southwest Division supremacy. In fact, the Hornets are currently just 1 ½ games behind the Spurs for the division lead and now is a perfect time to go in for the big sting. San Antonio owns a mediocre 17-14 road record, including back-to-back losses in its last two away from home. However, the Spurs might as well get used to living out of a suitcase because they’ll be traveling to Detroit, Dallas and Orlando during its next seven contests.

Buzzer Beater: Golden State offered coach Don Nelson an extension on Tuesday, but that doesn’t necessarily mean Nellie will be back on the sideline next season.

It’s very nice of the organization,” Nelson told Bay Area reporters after Tuesday’s practice. “It’s always nice to be wanted, especially when you’re 67. It’s a very nice gesture on their part.

“[But] I’m going to have to think about that. I’m going to have time to reflect [after this season]. My wife and I will have to talk about it, we’ll talk to the team about it, see how they’re feeling. There is another part of life,” Nelson added, “that I’d like to explore.

Categories
General Sports

And the award for "World’s Most Hardcore Fans" goes to…



These guys aren’t even close

So you think you’re a pretty hardcore sports fan, huh? But do you really know where on the wide spectrum of hardcoreness you and your fellow fans truly lie? If you think simply painting yourself with the official team colors and memorizing the media guide is all it takes to be “hardcore” then you got another thing coming. Just ask, uh, AskMen.com.

Each group has been judged based on its longevity, the size and scope of the organization and the lunacy and originality of their behavior. Hooliganism will, of course, factor into this, since Italian and Spanish clubs have done little to curb the radical elements of their fan bases.

10.Culers (FC Barcelona)
9.The Tifosi (Scuderia Ferrari)
8.Red Sox Nation/The Fenway Faithful (Boston Red Sox)
7. The Cheeseheads (Green Bay Packers)
6.Brigate Rossonere (A.C. Milan)
5.Boys San (Inter Milan)
4. Raider Nation (Oakland Raiders)
3. The Genoese/The Bosteros (Boca Juniors – Argentina)
2. AS Roma Ultras (AS Roma)
1. Ultras Sur (Real Madrid)

Sorry, America; guess you just don’t have what it takes to hang with the hardcore elite. But, hey, don’t get down on yourselves. You still got this guy.

Links:

[AskMen.com]: Top 10: Hardcore fans

Categories
Phoenix Suns

Shaq parts the Suns bench like Moses parted the Red Sea

On Sunday, Shaquille O’Neal went airborne during the Suns/Spurs game, flying into the third row and popping some dude in the chops in the process. Well, the Phoenix bench saw this and rightfully learned from it, so when the Diesel came thundering toward the sideline on Tuesday night they knew exactly what to do…run and laugh!

Categories
Houston Rockets

Warm up those vocal chords, it’s time for Dikembe Mutombo impersonations

Doing an impression of Dikembe Mutombo might sound easy enough, but most people end up sounding more like Cookie Monster. Lucky for us, his Rockets brethren have the impression down pat.

Not bad, fellas; not bad. But we’re still kind of partial to the real deal.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: The Rockets Imitate Dikembe Mutombo, Hilarity Ensues

Categories
Houston Rockets

Around the Rim: Houston’s Super Sweet 19


1. Movin’ on up
The Rockets took another jab at their critics on Monday night by extending their win streak to 19 games with a 91-73 thumping of New Jersey. Tracy McGrady scored 19 points as he continues to pilot his team toward the playoffs despite flying without a co-captain on the floor. Houston is now just one victory away from tying the 1970-71 Bucks for the second-longest all-time win streak and they tied an NBA record with their 10th consecutive win by at least 10 points. You have to figure that at some point the loss of Yao Ming is going to kick in and send Houston tumbling down the West standings, but as of now, they are just a mere game behind Los Angeles and San Antonio for best conference record. And frankly, after winning 28-of-31 games, they deserve to momentarily sit atop the fiercest postseason-positioning battle we’ve ever seen.

2. Fity

They’ve been beating teams to the punch all year long and Monday night was no different for Boston. With a 100-86 victory over the streaking 76ers, the Celtics became the first team in the league to reach 50 wins for the season. Philadelphia immediately fell into 15-point deficit, going scoreless for almost the entire first five minutes of the game. After that, it was an uphill battle for the Sixers who were on a four-game winning streak overall with an eight-game home winning streak. The nagging abdominal injury responsible for keeping Kevin Garnett sidelined during All-Star weekend appears to be fully recovered. The Big Ticket scored a game-high 26 points to go with 12 rebounds while Ray Allen added 21 points. Sam Cassell made his debut in the contest, but all did not go according plan for the new backup point guard who picked up four fouls in five minutes of work.

3. Torching the Blaze
The Cavaliers got off to a bumpy start against Portland on Monday, but by the time the final buzzer sounded, LeBron James had his 17th career triple-double and his team was 10 games over .500 for the first time this year. The Blazers were up 25-14 after the first quarter before James rallied his team to an 88-80 victory by scoring 24 points, grabbing 10 boards and dishing out 11 assists. The triple-dip is the seventh on the season for James who recorded his 100th double-double in the win while also extending his streak of 20-plus point outings to 41 consecutive games. It was a big win for Cleveland (37-27) as they try to chase down Orlando for the third seed in the East; however, for Portland the defeat was crushing. The team that showed so much promise earlier in the year is now seven games outside the playoff picture with only 19 opponents left on the schedule.

Monday’s Player of the Day: Hedo Turkoglu vs. Atlanta 38 min, 23 pts (FG: 9-17, 3FG: 3-6, FT: 2-2), 10 reb, 13 ast

Tuesday’s Game to Watch: Toronto (34-28) @ Los Angeles Lakers (44-19)
It’s Kobe Bryant versus the Raptors and we really shouldn’t have to say much more than that. Over his career, Bryant lights-up Toronto to the tune of 28.0 points per game, including his 81-point explosion back in 2006. Earlier this season, the Lakers MVP candidate converted 19 of his 28 attempts, clocking in 46 points during the 20-point pounding. Making things worse for Toronto is that All-Star Chris Bosh’s status is still uncertain as he tends to an injured knee.

Buzzer Beater: Hedo Turkoglu wasn’t the only player lighting it up for the Magic as they reeled off 74 points in the first half en route to a 123-112 win over Atlanta. Dwight Howard finished with 26 points and 16 rebounds, giving him 20 25-point, 15-rebound games in three years. Nobody else in the league can claim to match that stat. Next in line is Kevin Garnett with 17 followed by the injured Yao Ming (15) and Utah forward Carlos Boozer (14).

Categories
All Other Sports

Release. Rotation. Splash!

Remember back when LeBron James slam dunked his brand new baby boy during the ESPYs? Well, a bunch of people got all bent out of shape over the skit, saying that tomahawking a newborn somehow shows poor taste. Where are those people when you need `em?

Links:

[CollegeHumor.com]: Pool Basketball

Categories
New York Yankees

This isn’t an SNL skit, the Yankees sign Billy Crystal


The Yankees did it again. New York is unlike any other pro sports franchise in that they have a seemingly endless supply of money to throw at whoever they want whenever they want. With the season rapidly approaching, it’s time for the club to start doing some its famous Yankee tinkering, but we think they’re going to regret their latest acquisition. After all, Billy Crystal might be a beast in the field, but he’s got no power whatsoever left in his swing.

Crystal will sign the [one-day] contract and work out with the Yankees at Legends Field on Wednesday, before playing in the club’s game on against the Pirates on Thursday. Commissioner Bud Selig approved the Yankees’ extension of a contract to Crystal.

“I’ve been waiting 50 years for this call,” Crystal said. “I’m overwhelmed by the generosity of the Yankees and Commissioner Selig. I know this’ll be tougher than the Broadway Softball League, but I’m looking forward to helping the younger players — by the way, which is all of them.”

Crystal, who turns 60 on Friday, will wear uniform No. 60 in the game.

Wait, Crystal is 60 years old!?!? Has someone checked this guy for illegal substances yet?

Links:

[MLB.com]: Yankees to sign comedian Crystal
[CBS4.com]: Billy Crystal To Play In Yankees Exhibition

Categories
Phoenix Suns

Around the Rim: Shaq’s Suns win West showdown


1. Making a statement
Phoenix finally got what it wanted out of the Shaquille O’Neal trade…defense. The normally run-first, think-second Suns relied of their defense in crunch time on Sunday afternoon and knocked off the defending champs as a result. O’Neal had his best all-around game as a Sun with 14 points, 16 rebounds and two blocks in a 94-87 victory. Phoenix still needs more time to fully gel with their new centerpiece, but this was defiantly the confidence boost it needed after starting the Shaq era 3-6. Despite Steve Nash’s team-high 19 points and game-high 14 assists, the rivalry game belonged to the Diesel. O’Neal came roaring out of the gate and collected a double-double by halftime, showing a little extra spring in his step all game long. The Daddy also joined Kareem-Abdul Jabaar and Hakeem Olajuwon as the only players to accumulate 26,000 points, 11,500 rebounds and 2,500 blocks in their career.

2. Lakers letdown

The Lakers let a perfect opportunity slip right through their hands. In a contest against the lowly Kings, Los Angeles watched in the final seconds as Beno Udrih converted a pair of free throws to give Sacramento a 114-113 victory over the best in the West. So, instead of putting a small buffer between themselves and the Spurs, the Lakers still sit just ½ game ahead of San Antonio. LA had a good showing, shooting 48 percent from the field and hitting eight 3-pointers, but Udrih’s double-double (25 pts, 10 ast) helped Sactown bounce back from an embarrassing loss to Minnesota. Kobe Bryant had a shot to win the game, but his jumper wasn’t true and he finished with a game-high 26 points.

3. Putting in work
Somehow Philadelphia managed to resurrect its season from the dead and now they are sitting in the seventh spot in the East. After losing to the Hawks on Feb. 4, Philly was a miserable 18-30, but since then the franchise has been straight ballin’, winning 12 of 15 games. On Sunday they extended their current win streak to four games by whooping the Bucks by 22 points, 119-97 in Milwaukee, bringing their record to a respectable 30-33. But the 76ers impressive streak could be coming to screeching halt. Tonight Philadelphia kicks off an 11-game stretch in its schedule that includes two games against Boston as well as contests against Detroit, San Antonio, Denver, Orlando, Phoenix and Cleveland.

Sunday’s Player of the Day: Pau Gasol vs. Sacramento 42 min, 25 pts (FG: 9-18, FT: 7-8), 7 reb, 9 ast, 1 stl, 2 blk

Monday’s Game to Watch: Denver (37-25) @ San Antonio (43-19)
Just a day after playing in a hard fought, highly competitive game against Phoenix, the Spurs have to turn around and line up across from a team desperate for a win. That’s just how it goes in the `must-win’ Western Conference. The Nuggets have some big wins under their belts recently, but they also have some painful losses; in all, it adds up to a non-playoff team at the moment. Denver knocked off San Antonio just a few days ago and they will need to repeat that performance if they plan to close the two-game gap between themselves and eighth place Golden State. Meanwhile, the Spurs aren’t sitting pretty by any means as they are dangerously close to being overtaken in the Southwest Division by either the Hornets or the red-hot Rockets.

Buzzer Beater: Hopefully Dwyane Wade fans aren’t sick of his commercials with Charles Barkley yet because that is the only place they’ll be seeing their favorite player. Wade is scheduled to undergo a procedure on his left knee this Tuesday, ending his season of gloom. At this point it really doesn’t matter anymore, but the question of throwing the season still has to come into play. The Heat are a horrible 11-51 which is just slightly worse than Minnesota (14-48) and Memphis (15-47). They’d probably finish with the league’s worst record with or without Wade, but we can’t blame Miami for doing an obvious tank job; after all, the freshman phenom Michael Beasley will most likely be the top player available in the draft.