Washington Redskins

Chris Cooley is a dancing machine

Chris Cooley got married to a babe the other day and the wedding party looked like quite a blast. After all, it’s not too often that you get to see a giant-sized man dance around in white pants, a black vest and pink tie. But would you expect anything less from the man known as Captain Chaos? However, if you ask the best man about Chris’ big day, it really doesn’t sound all that exciting.

I do know that the groom’s day went as follows: picked up tuxes, packed for the honeymoon, paced around, watched groomsmen play guitar hero, paced around, backyard football, and finally driving to the place after some pacing around. The rest of the day seemed like an incredible blur of events.

Here are some highlights:

* The Reverend decided to kick things off a little behind schedule and almost had to meet with some groomsmen in the back room.

* The wedding planner now needs high blood pressure medication.

* People took pictures like free ipod nanos.

* We ate dinner ala banquet style only better food.

* There was the cake cut, garder pull, best man speech, and dancing til the lights turned on.

* After party Karaoke (minus newlyweds)

We’re sure Mr. and Mrs. Cooley had a fantastic day and all, but it’s just not a party until Brady Quinn starts grabbing his crotch.


[]: Chris Cooley’s Wedding Looks Like Fun
[]: The Best Man’s take on the Cooley wedding

New Orleans Saints

Reggie Bush is getting married…not!

We all know that athletes are notorious pranksters, but over the weekend it was the Saints’ Reggie Bush who got punk’d by his big-bootyed baby Kim Kardashian. The duo hosted a white party up in the Hamptons and since Bush refused to do any interviews, Kim decided to get her kicks.

“I’m not doing interviews,” Bush said. But he let Kardashian speak for him.

“His training camp starts in a week in New Orleans and he just started his mini camp, so he has the next few days off before he buckles down,” she said.

What makes him a good boyfriend? “The fact that he came with me all the way to the Hamptons on his day off when all of his friends are in Las Vegas on their usual – you know, [getaway].”

As for the sparkling ring she was wearing, Kardashian told PEOPLE, “I’m about two months pregnant right now and we’re getting married on August 8th of 2008.”

Bush appeared stricken until she added, “It’s a joke.” But the possibility is still very real. When asked if she’d like to have kids one day and get married, Kardashian said, “Yes, of course. I’d love to get married.”

Whew! That was a close one. Rumor has it that Reggie was in the next county before someone caught him and told him it was all in jest.


[People]: Kim Kardashian & Reggie Bush Host White Party

NFL General

Super Bowl Forty-Ewwww

As if the fact Eli Manning is playing in the Super Bowl isn’t nauseating enough, now we find out that we gotta go dipless for the entire ridiculous six-hour duration of the game. You might think double-dipping is just an everyday occurrence, completely blown out of proportion on an episode of Seinfeld, but you’d be wrong. Oh, boy, would you be wrong.

Clemson University did a study measuring the disgustingness of partaking in chip-to-dip-to-mouth-to-dip-to-mouth behavior and they found Timmy was right; “that’s like putting your whole mouth right in the dip.”

[Clemson professor Paul L.] Dawson said that on average, the students found that the three to six double dips transferred about 10,000 bacteria from an eater’s mouth to the remaining dip sample.

“Our objective was, does it transfer bacteria? And unequivocally, it does,” Dawson said.

In the study, the students looked for the “aerobic bacteria” in the dip samples, which Dawson said is bacteria that grows in the air, as compared to bacteria that might grow in a closed area such as a canned food item.

The professor said the students’ research didn’t get into the risk behind such a bacteria transfer, but they got the idea.

“We didn’t test for whether they were transferring the flu virus or colds. But we know that’s how most colds and flu are transferred,” Dawson said.

And the bottom line at the food table?

“You can eat the dip, but you shouldn’t eat it when someone else is double dipping,” Dawson said, adding, “I like to say it’s like kissing everybody at the party – if you’re double dipping, you’re putting some of your bacteria in that dip.

Wait; kissing everybody at the party is a bad thing? Ohhh, sorry Worm, that sucks for you.


[]: Double dipping alert: Watch for bacteria in your Super Bowl dip