Categories
Toronto Blue Jays

The Blue Jays poke fun at the Television Bureau of Canada


What do you do when one of your star players has a commercial pulled from the air by the Television Bureau of Canada. A commercial deemed to be too violent for its portrayal of Frank Thomas in a pillow fight with a young boy? Well, you go ahead and have a Frank Thomas pillow giveaway.

The marketing folks with the Blue Jays took advantage of all the random press and made September 2 Frank Thomas Kids Pillow Night. Brilliant. This certainly beats the Cardinals’ Tony LaRussa Bottle of Whiskey night.

We hope that the pillow doesn’t scare small children like the Ben Wallace throw pillow does.

Links:
[SC]: Frank Thomas can swing a mean pillow

Categories
Golf

Odds and Ends: Zach Johnson is enjoying his 15 minutes


Must…look…comfortable.

Winning the Masters as an unheard of underdog has got to be the thrill of a lifetime, but reading a Top Ten list on the Late Show with David Letterman probably ranks as a close second for Zach Johnson. Last night Johnson made an appearance with Dave and proudly proclaimed the “Top Ten Things I Can Say Now That I’ve Won The Masters.”

10: I’m going to spend the prize money on Mountain Dew and beef jerky

9: I once beat a caddy to death with a 7-iron.

8: It’s so weird – before this weekend, I’d never broke 100.

7: The jacket’s okay, but I’m most excited to win the “World’s Greatest Golfer” key chain.

6: Even I’ve never heard of me.

5: If you like golf, you’ll love the sleek looks and smooth handling of the 2007 Volkswagen Golf Sedan — I just made 50 grand.

4: I just wrote down “3” for every hole. Nobody checked.

3: Maybe I can parlay this into an appearance on “Dancing With The Stars.”

2: It’s a magical week: first I win the Masters, and now I get to tell lame jokes on a third-rate talk show.

1: Thanks to global warming, next year I’m playing without pants.

Our personal favorite is No. 3 because it’s probably the truth. Hey, if Billy Ray Cyrus can make the show, then so can you Zach.

In other news…

[Sports by Brooks]: Oh no he didnt: Sports By Brooks says an outbreak of equine herpes in Hong Kong might scare away womens basketball players. That’s just not right.

[Seattle Times]: Former Seahawk Warren Moon arrested for DUI

[Gheorge: The Blog]: Kevin Millar does his best Ray Lewis impersonation (the dance, not being an accessory to two murders)

[Steroid Nation]: Australia wants to test school kids for steroids

[The Big Lead]: An Interview with Mike Vaccaro of the NY Post

[Awful Announcing]: The guy from Awful Announcing has lost his mind

And finally, we have two soccer stories from our favorite soccer blog, the Offside. First, Ronaldo will be on a episode of the Simpsons. The slim Ronaldo, not the fat one. Second, this David Beckham thing is out of control: Beckhams toilet paper.

Categories
College Football

Top 10 Most Gruesome sports injuries: #5 Willis McGahee

[Sportscolumn is running down the ten most gruesome sports injuries. Here’s #5]

In the 2003 national championship game between the Ohio State Buckeyes and the Miami Hurricanes, The U’s star running back Willis McGahee received a violent hit from Will Allen that bent his leg in the exact opposite direction from how it’s designed to bend. Nobody would have been surprised if the collision ended the young stud’s career, but he’s managed to return from the torn ligaments and has even made his way onto a winning Baltimore ball club after suffering in the Buffalo black hole for the past three years.

But, nobody was less impressed by the horrific accident than play-by-play man Keith Jackson who barely managed to spit out a “yep” after seeing McGahee’s knee get decimated. What, that wasn’t “Whoa, Nellie” worthy?

Back to #6 | Forward to #4

Categories
All Other Sports

Jon Bon Jovi wants refs to Have a Nice Day

Jon Bon Jovi finally let his perfectly coiffed hair down and showed that he actually does have a rock-n-roll bone left in his body.

As usual, the ESPN2 camera crew spent more time panning the crowd and box seats than they panning up and down the field at Monday’s game between the Philadelphia Soul and the Georgia Force. Well, the move actually paid off when they turned the lens on JBJ after the Force scored a questionable touchdown with under 10 minutes remaining as he threw a double barreled salute to the officials who made the call.

I didn’t understand the ruling,” he said. Bergeron “did have possession on the play. He fumbled in the end zone. He recovered the ball. I reacted to something I didn’t know the rule on.”

Bon Jovi said he obviously didn’t realize that the camera was pointed at him.

“I apologize for the middle-finger thing,” he said. “I didn’t understand the rule. It’s simple as that. We will be back next week.

Oh, don’t apologize. Sports needs more of this from it’s owners and representatives. Hopefully Bon Jovi’s business partner and recent addition to the Monday Night Football booth Ron Jaworski will show the same type of enthusiasm when the NFL officials blow an obvious call.

Links:

[Philly.com]: Bon Jovi flips as squelched rally leads to Soul’s first loss
[ZWire.com]: Force isn’t with Soul, Bon Jovi in first loss

Categories
NFL General

And we thought Chris Leak was dumb


We didn’t think anyone could do worse than Chris Leak this year on his wonderlic test. (You have to be borderline retarded to get an 8 on the Wonderlic.) But somehow, 3 people have managed to… er…. beat him. David Irons (CB, Auburn), Bo Smith (S, Weber State) both scored a 4, and Earl Everett of Flordia scored a 5.

Here’s the rest of the bottom 10:

James Jones, WR, San Jose State: 9
Turk McBride, DT, Tennessee: 9
Julius Wilson, OT, UAB: 9
Brandon Mebane, DT, Cal: 10 (So which Cal student wrote his papers?)
Matt Trannon, WR, Michigan State: 10
Baraka Atkins, DE, Miamia: 11
Alonzo Coleman, RB, Hampton: 11

Ouch. That’s a list you don’t want to be on. The good news is that if you’re on that list, you can’t even read it.

Now, wonderlic scores are no indication of your football performance and ability (see Vince Young) but you have to feel sorry for these “student”-athletes. Can you imagine the negotiations between David Irons or Bo Smith and an agent?


Agent: So, the league is offering you $2M a year for 4 years. You got that? 2 and 4 is the deal. So that means you’ll get $2.4 MILLION if you play the entire 4 years.

Player: 2 point 4? Wooohooo! Someone told me I was only gonna get 4. Now i get a 2 in front of it? You’re the best agent ever.

Agent: Who loves you baby? By the way, I’m gonna take my 3% as we agreed so that means you only are gonna get $2.1M ok?

Player: Where do I sign?

Sad. By the way, we still haven’t been able to track down JaMarcus Russell’s wonderlic score. Something is rotten in Baton Rouge.

Links:
[ESPN Insider]: Raiders, Lions face tough decisions

[Stealing is Good]: sample wonderlic test

Categories
NFL General

Jesus tells Irvin to assault contractor


Former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin has allegedly made a fool of himself again, but this time it’s not for wearing a ridiculous suit on national television. The latest incident involves Irvin’s current version of the “White House.”

Apparently, Irvin was not pleased with the final cost of a fountain that contractor Shawn Vandergrift was hired to install. So, Irvin resorted to his playmaking days and gave the guy some lip service and even grabbed his arm. Sure, if it’s true, then Irvin was out of line, but something about this lawsuit stinks worse than Mary Swanson’s bathroom after Lloyd gave Harry the ol laxative cocktail.

Vandergrift is claiming that he is now permanently disabled with a hip condition as a result of being grabbed by Irvin. Now, we’re no doctors but the last time we checked the arm bone wasn’t connected to the hip bone. Hell, even Stuart Scott’s lazy eye can see that this doesn’t add up.

And in typical loudmouth fashion, Irvin couldn’t resist hopping on the airwaves to state his side of the case as he joined KTCK-AM 1310 on Tuesday morning.

The only injury he has is an old injury he already had,” Mr. Irvin said of Mr. Vandergrift.

Mr. Irvin accused the hosts of going with a story they had not verified.

“Don’t you think you guys should have called and asked me about something before you went on the air (with it)? … I still believe you should have made the effort of calling me,”
he said.

Maybe they should have, but c’mon Mike; it’s not like you’re an angel here. Oh, wait; you were probably just shoving the contractor for a friend of yours. Like that time you got busted throwing away your friend’s crack pipe.

Links:

[KVUE.com]: Michael Irvin accused of assaulting contractor

Categories
College Football

Those crazy BYU kids and their water balloons



It’s all fun and games until
someone kicks in a door

Two members of the BYU team, Terrance Deshawn Hooks and Vitale Ta’aaga Magauli So’oto, were arrested on suspicion of burglary after they kicked in a couple of doors at an apartment complex while trying to hunt down the throwers of a water balloon that hit one of the player’s girlfriend.

While looking for the tossers, the pair mistakenly kicked in the wrong door. After discovering their mistake, they went into another wrong apartment, but then found the balloon throwers hiding in a closet in a third apartment. The policeman neglected to opine whether the pair of balloon pranksters were cowering like little bitches. The two balloon throwers were arrested on criminal mischief but their names were not released.

Hooks and So’oto were also suspended by the BYU coach for violating team rules. Two football players going after two guys after one of their girlfriends was hit by a water balloon? Coach Mendenhall should count his blessings. This is kids stuff. If this was Florida, there would have been a rifle and weapons charges involved.

Links:
[Salt Lake Tribune]: BYU football players arrested, suspended

Categories
Boston Red Sox

Next thing you know, Budweiser will sponsor the basepads


Budweiser is launching their new Red Sox bottles today for the Boston home opener with the Red Sox logo is prominently displayed on new aluminum bottles of Budweiser and Bud Light. About 75,000 to 100,000 cases of the bottles are expected to be sold.

Anheuser-Busch, the brewer of Bud, is the official beer of Major League Baseball so they get to do almost anything they want even though MLB has strict standards for alcohol advertising. For example, players are not allowed to do sponsorship deals with beer companies. If the players association was smart, they’d look into repealing this rule as Dice-K already has a beer commercial for Asahi and it features the Red Sox logo in the ad.

Sam Kennedy, SVP of Sales and Marketing for the Red Sox, said that the promotion didn’t cross any lines: “What would be unacceptable would be any targeted advertising that is in an environment where there is a larger percentage of kids [than adults].” Sure. The Red Sox can do whatever they want to make money but let’s not pretend that beer advertisement isn’t also targeted towards teenagers. This isn’t nearly as bad as alcohol ads on Nascar vehicles but let’s just own up and call it a cash grab, ok?

Links:
[Boston Herald]: Bud’s latest pitch: Brewed for buffs

Categories
NFL General

Hello… people in TV land… does anyone actually own a Fathead?


You know those photos that people send which are so disturbing that you have to forward it to someone so that they will be disturbed too (e.g. Britney’s cooch, Harry Potter’s unit)? Well consider this the blog entry equivalent for us. It’s not disturbing, just a complete goddamn waste of time.

Fathead issued a press release today that the first overall pick in the draft will make history by becoming the first rookie to get a Fathead without playing a single down. Uhhhh… sure. That’s a great honor. You get to make a commercial where you look like a complete douchebag. (If you haven’t seen a Fathead commercial, you must not have watched any NFL games or highlights last year.) Never mind the millions in guaranteed money, being a Fathead is the height of your career. God we hope the Raiders take a punter with the first pick.

Here’s the question. Does anyone you know actually own a Fathead? We believe this is about the same as the number of people you know who have caught a foul ball at a ballgame. We realize it’s targeted for kids but the damn thing costs over $100! Who the hell is spending this kind of money? That Walter Payton poster we had on the wall only cost 3 chances at the clown water balloon game at the carnival.

But Fathead still is making more products and innundating us with shitty commercials so someone has to be buying these ugly oversized shrinky dinks. Who is it? Who are you? And why… dear god why?

Well, that’s it folks, that’s the end of the rant for today. But before we go, here’s a classic comment from a reader at Fark: “I got Fathead® last night… They always do it better.” Well done.

Links:
[Fark]: NFL’s first overall draft pick will get Fathead®

Categories
Soccer

Beckham gets new tattoo… immediately issues publicity photo


You want to talk about irresponsible journalism? The headline for a Sun UK article on Beckham’s new tattoo is “Bizarre: Beckham Breaks his arm.” Imagine a MLS executive seeing that on a newsreader.

Well, it turns out the headline is their clever way to say that Beckham likes the show Prison Break so much that he decided to get a similar tattoo on his arm. It took six hours but now Becks has a sleeve tattoo that says:


Let them hate as long as they fear.

What’s interesting to us is not that he got a tattoo but that he immediately had a publicity photo taken prominently showing off the tattoo. It’s only been a week. Perhaps this is how it works when you’re a celebrity athlete and the fate of the world rests in your hands. The world must know about Beckham’s new ink. Or perhaps this could just be a way for him to thwart the Beckhams lookalikes in the States.

Links:

[The Sun UK]: Beckham Breaks his arm