Well it’s about freaking time that David Stern held his officials responsible for their actions and dished out a stiff penalty to one of the league’s favorite refs by suspending Joey Crawford indefinitely after he threw Tim Duncan out of Sunday’s Spurs/Mavs for no good reason. Crawford is done at least until next November when the 2007-08 season tips off. That should give him plenty of time to get into shape for that fight with TD that he supposedly wanted. Here’s what the commish had to say about the situation.
Joey Crawford’s handling of this situation failed to meet the standards of professionalism and game management we expect of NBA referees,” NBA commissioner David Stern said. “Especially in light of similar prior acts by this official, a significant suspension is warranted. Although Joey is consistently rated as one of our top referees, he must be held accountable for his actions on the floor, and we will have further discussions with him following the season to be sure he understands his responsibilities.
Way to go David; that’s why you’re the best commissioner in sports. And in case you’ve forgotten, here is Crawford’s moment of machismo that sent him on an unexpected vacation.
And Stern might want to consider suspending the referee that called an offensive foul on Fabricio Oberto when Josh Howard delivered a flying body block on the other end of the court.
Everyone has gone to the ballpark with the hopes of catching a prized souvenir to proudly show off to your friends for the rest of your days. Brookline Sole had similar intentions when he took in Monday’s game between the Red Sox and Angels at Fenway, but what he didn’t expect was that his dreams would end with a slice of pie to his face.
As J.D. Drew’s foul pop-up sailed into the stands, Sole saw his moment to shine but ended up in a minor collision with Angels’ outfielder Garret Anderson as the ball of his dreams bounced away. If that’s not bad enough, Sole had pissed off another fan, Matt Madore, a few rows back and he decided that this would be the perfect time to exact his revenge on Sole by hurling a large slice of cheese pizza at him. Madore’s buddy, Danny Kelly gave some insight into the hilarious incident that got his friend ejected from the game. Turns out Sole had been poking fun at the fellas for bringing a large pizza to the game.
They had been giving us (expletive) about it,” Madore said. “Next thing I know, there’s a fly ball to left field and it goes foul and my buddy says, `You want some pizza now?’ And he hits him right in the face. Hey, the guy wasn’t paying attention. When you’re in the stands you’ve got to be ready for anything – a foul ball, a flying slice of pizza, everything.
The announcers’ reactions during the recap of the fiasco are absolutely priceless, and luckily for us they keep it up for a good two minutes.
Chunky Soup has announced their latest lineup of “Mama’s Boys” and fans are hoping that their players aren’t affected by the Chunky Soup Curse. The eight man roster of LaDainian Tomlinson, Matt Hasselbeck, Vince Young, Larry Johnson, Jonathan Vilma, DeMarcus Ware, Devin Hester and Todd Heap is the largest that Chunky has ever had.
In a completely unrelated bit of info, we’ve previously stated that Jesus shouldn’t have any part in sports, especially in the Masters, but apparently some people don’t agree. And apparently he plays for the Dallas Cowboys.
In other news…
[Our Book of Scrap]: Speaking of curses, some Chargers fans are so concerned about the Madden Curse that they’ve started a petition against having LaDanian on the cover.
[10,000 Takes]: Cedric Griffin kicked out of a nightclub for not pulling up his pants. Hey, at least it wasn’t for pulling down his pants.
[Yahoo]: Oh sure, Agassi, go to the ‘I accidentally hit my wife with a racket during a fundraiser’ excuse. Jason Kidd sure does wish he’d thought of that one.
And finally, we’ve seen elephants playing soccer and puppies getting flagged for pooping in the Puppy Bowl but this might take the cake. Check out this video of a bunch of crazy Japanese drivers in some sort of weird demolition derby/soccer game.
[Sportscolumn is running down the ten most gruesome sports injuries. Here’s #1]
There’s no doubt that hockey is a brutal sport where anything can happen and blood on the ice is often more common than goals in the net. But there was nothing common about a March 22, 1989 game between the Blues and the Sabres. Buffalo goalie Clint Malarchuk was involved in the most nightmarish accident in the history of hockey as the Blues’ Steve Tuttle collided with Malarchuk at the goal and his skate accidentally severed the interior carotid artery of the goalie. Instantly, there was a massive pool of blood collecting on the ice beneath him and with every pump of his heart more blood would spurt from his gash.
I thought I was dying then, I really did. I thought I didn’t have long to live.” Malarchuk said. “All I wanted to do was get off the ice. My mother was watching the game on TV, and I didn’t want her to see me die.
And she very easily could have seen just that, but the doctors at Buffalo General Hospital didn’t let that happen as they repaired his severed jugular vein and he was amazingly released the next afternoon.
I didn’t go into any real shock. I think maybe if I had any shock, it was this morning,” Malarchuk told the press after being released. “I’m not going off on a stretcher, I never will. The day I go off on a stretcher, they’re going to have to make funeral arrangements. I’m proud of that fact that I got off the ice on my own power.
Now, that’s one tough S.O.B. Dwyane Wade could learn a lot from Mr. Malarchuk.
And here’s the actual play call as it happened live with color commentator Mike Robitaille and longtime voice of the Sabres Ted Darling behind the mics.
Remember when Joakim Noah started having a seizure on the court after Florida won the SEC championship game? Well, apparently he’s not the only athlete who has absolutely zero rhythm and zero shame when it comes to their celebrations, or in this case preparations. Just check out Ryan Hollweg before the first game between the Rangers and Thrashers.
What’s most compelling about his routine is that he managed to seamlessly transition between a cartwheel, the robot and the sprinkler. We would like to see Clyde Drexler or Heather Mills pull that off.
[Sportscolumn is running down the ten most gruesome sports injuries. Here’s #2]
If you haven’t seen the Joe Theismann injury by now, then you must have been living under a rock for the past 22 years. After all, it is the granddaddy of all of sports injuries and gets referenced after almost every major leg injury in sports to this day.
Who can forget seeing Lawrence Taylor snap Theismann’s leg during the Redskins/Giants Monday Night Football game back in 1985? It was a flea-flicker that went horribly wrong and ended with Taylor rolling up on Theismann and bending his leg backwards, not to mention his body, which resulted in a broken tibia and fibula. Theismann’s career was over before LT even got up and started frantically signaling for the paramedics.
The play doesn’t look all that devastating from the original angle, but once the reverse angle was feed to the national audience it became obvious that this was single handedly the worst professional sports injury ever witnessed. And no matter how many times you’ve seen the clip over the past two decades, it never gets any easier to stomach. Ironically, many people experience the same nauseating feelings when they think of his color commentary on ESPN.
Now, if Theismann grabbed our No. 2 spot on the list of gruesome injuries, then this guy has to be considered No. 2a. We don’t know who this guy is or when or where this happened, but the second we saw it, we knew it deserved some lofty recognition. So, here’s to you Mr. Mixed Martial Arts guy; this injury is truly one of the nastiest bone snappings we’ve ever been sickened by.
If you want to find some humor in the situation, just check out the guy’s opponent when he snaps his leg. The guy starts jumping up and down like he just delivered a knockout punch. Dude, you won because his leg cracked; you didn’t do jack!
We found this truly excellent list via Fark of the 30 sluttiest athletes of all time as ranked by Nerve. Wow. The things you learn on this list. By the way, the list itself is PNSFW.
Here are some highlights:
Arnold Schwarzeneggar teaches English by trying to make a woman blow a carrot (around the 4:30 mark)
David Cone once jerked off in front of a groupie in the bullpen
Chipper Jones is the baby daddy of a Hooter’s waitress
The British term for “running a train” is “roasting”
Some soccer goalie got “pegged” by his girlfriend
Joe DiMaggio was a frequenter of whorehouses
The usual suspects (Shawn Kemp, Derek Jeter, Wilt) are on the list too but it’s the random stuff that’s insane. Kudos to Nerve for including the Dikembe “Who Wants to Sex” Mutombo at #18.
And finally, watching this next clip will make you about 1.3% gayer but it is hilarious. We’ve never even heard about this before but it’s like what would happen if Will Ferrell was a figure skater…. wait a minute… that would be a great movie!
[Sportscolumn is running down the ten most gruesome sports injuries. Here’s #3]
During the 2006 Big East tournament, everyone in the arena and everyone at home were ready to see Villanova and Pittsburgh get it on inside Madison Square Garden. But what nobody saw coming was one of the nastiest and oddest injuries ever caught on camera.
During the beginning of the second half of the game, Nova’s Allan Ray and Pitt’s Carl Krauser both went after a loose ball and as Krauser reached out he appeared to have inadvertently poked Ray’s eyeball out of his skull. Ray lost vision in his eye briefly but would quickly bounce back from the stomach turning injury to play in the team’s opening game of the NCAA Tournament.
Turns out that the injury wasn’t nearly as bad as it appeared on TV, or in person for that matter, as doctors revealed that the eye had not been dislodged from its socket, but, instead the eyelid had been pushed behind the eyeball which gave the appearance that it had popped out. The diagnosis was simply a soft-tissue injury.
Still, while it turned out to be a minor ordeal, to the millions who were watching that game live, it was just like watching a scene from a Warner Bros. cartoon come to life. Only this scene made them want to puke.
[Sportscolumn is running down the ten most gruesome sports injuries. Here’s #4]
Mike Tyson made was known for his brutal style and vicious power that made first round knockouts commonplace at one of his bouts. Iron Mike could handle his business with anyone who wanted to step inside the ropes with him, which is what made the infamous ear chomp of Evander Holyfield so bizarre. But hey, that’s what made Mike, Mike. He might knock your lights out or he might bite your ear off, nobody knew what to expect.
However, it’s safe to say that nobody expected Tyson to pull out his best Hannibal impersonation on June 28, 1997 when he took on Holyfield in front of a sold out crowd at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas. But once it happened, those who weren’t either totally shocked or disgusted, began to riot and the madness spilled out of the arena and into the Vegas streets. Holyfield wasn’t seriously injured but his ears will never look the same after losing a giant chunk of flesh to Tyson’s choppers.
Tyson was suspended from boxing for the biting incident, but that didn’t stop the Tyson roller coaster from operating. But narrowing down Tyson’s whacky behavior would require an entire Top 10 list of its very own.
Devin Hester might be the fastest man in Madden history but that doesn’t make him a good singer. But, like so many before him, Hester was asked to sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” in front of the Cubbies crowd and, like so many before him, he fell flat on his face. Here’s the horrific proof that Hester definitely belongs on the field and not in a recording studio.
Joey Crawford’s handling of this situation failed to meet the standards of professionalism and game management we expect of NBA referees,” NBA commissioner David Stern said. “Especially in light of similar prior acts by this official, a significant suspension is warranted. Although Joey is consistently rated as one of our top referees, he must be held accountable for his actions on the floor, and we will have further discussions with him following the season to be sure he understands his responsibilities.
