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Soccer

Why Americans Hate Soccer

A few months ago, Dave Eggers postulated that the main reason Americans hate soccer was because of the element of diving.


The second and greatest, by far, obstacle to the popularity of the World Cup, and of professional soccer in general, is the element of diving. Americans may generally be arrogant, but there is one stance I stand behind, and that is the intense loathing of penalty-fakers. There are few examples of American sports where diving is part of the game, much less accepted as such.

But diving in soccer is a problem. It is essentially a combination of acting, lying, begging and cheating, an unappealing mix. The theatricality of diving is distasteful, as is the slow-motion way the chicanery unfolds… American sports are, for better or worse, built upon transparency, or the appearance of transparency, and on the grind-it-out work ethic.

Nowhere was this more evident than a play in a relatively uneventful 2-0 victory by Italy over Ghana. An Italian player was fouled from behind by a Ghana player and by the look of it, someone had shot him in the achilles. He laid on the field moaning like someone killed his dog and then stopped briefly to open his eyes to see if he got the foul, then immediately closed them again and resumed moaning. After a few moments, the Docs came on the field and carried him off on a stretcher. About a minute goes by and he’s jogging back on the field and proceeds to play at full speed. It was the worst faking since Ricky Williams told us he loved the game of football / since Stu Scott pretended he was street / since Jeff Garcia dated the playboy model… hell, just insert your own joke here.

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Soccer

Odds and Ends (06.12.06): Cambodian monks and Brazilian inmates

As evidence of how important the World Cup is, the head of Cambodia’s monks has decided to allow the holy men to watch the World Cup. The monks are normally not supposed to watch tv, movies, artistic displays or any pleasurable activity. However, the supreme patriach has made an exception and they are allowed to watch the games on TV but there will be no getting excited and absolutely no gambling. We must then ask: what’s the point? Next thing you know, they won’t be allowed to have sex. Oh wait.

In other news…

[News.com.Au]: BRAZILIAN prison inmates who have staged riots in recent days have demanded the right to watch World Cup football

[Yahoo]: Ref apologizes for making a mistake in the Australia-Japan match

[Reuters]: FIFA denies bribery allegations made by BBC

[The Hater Nation]: Happy Anniversary, OJ Simpson

[Golf Gear News]: The Exploitation of Michelle Wie

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Soccer

U.S. stumbles out of the gate



No help for Keller

The U.S. team made their World Cup 2006 debut and promptly went with a whimper to the Czech Republic. Only 5 minutes into the game, the CR scored their first goal. That was followed by two more goals in the 36th and 76th minute.

The highlight. That’s right, single highlight, for the U.S. was a shot by Claudio Reyna that hit the post. Eddie Johnson was the only other player of note as he had two quality (relative) chances in the second half.

The goat of the game was Oguchi Onyewu who was responsible for all three goals. On the first, he was out of position. On the second, he missed a clearing attempt. And on the third, he let Rosicki run right by him.

Up next: Italy on Saturday.

Categories
Soccer

England coach rewards players with sex

After what many deemed an unimpressive victory over Paraguay, Coach Sven Goan Eriksson probably figured the boys needed to let some pressure off so he waived his normal sex ban and let the team spend some time with their wives and girlfriends. (We assume they brought one or the other to the WC and not both.)

There are only two reasons for this entry today. 1) We are reminded that professional athletes always get the best tail. 2) An excuse to post a picture of Cheryl Tweedy, girlfriend of Ashley Cole. There’s rumors that Ashley is gay but if nailing Cheryl Tweedy is gay, then sign us up.

Links:
[Sun UK]: England’s group sex!

Categories
Soccer

Odds and Ends (06.09.06): World Cup edition

The U.S. soccer team is pretty good. But what if soccer was the national sport and we developed our kids from an early age and our best athletes played soccer. According to Fox Sports, here’s what the team would look like:

Keeper: Kevin Garnett
Defenders: Roy Williams, Brian Urlacher, Joey Porter, Troy Polamalu
Midfielders: LaDainian Tomlinson, Steve Smith, Carl Crawford, Kobe Bryant
Forwards: Terrell Owens, Chad Johnson

The choice of Kevin Garnett is an inspired one. The Kid has the wingspan and height to be a phenomenal goalie, not to mention his reflexes. Jevon Kearse (not included) would be another great goalie, except he’d crumple into a heap after every other play and have the whole country worried about his status.

Their choices of Joey Porter for defender for his trash talking skills? That’s just a waste. Reggie Bush or Tiki Barber would fit into that slot nicely. Joey can take his trash talking back to Pittsburgh.

In other news…

[Fox Sports]: Two-minute World Cup guide

[Sportscolumn]: The clueless soccer fan’s guide to watching the World Cup

[NY Post]: Good news for the U.S. team as Czech team keeps getting injured

[Sun UK]: Ronaldinho says he wants England’s Rooney to play so they have no excuses when Brazil beats their ass. Now that’s chutzpah.

[Dorset Echo]: English pub is banning swearing during the World Cup. Offenders will be fined for charity. Either no one will go to the pub or lots of money will be given to charity. (via Fark)

Categories
Soccer

The Dutch need a lesson on trash talking

It’s not that the Dutch aren’t good at trash talking, they don’t want to do anything that resembles boasting. They’re like the Amish of World Cup teams. (Dutch… Pennsylvania Dutch… a-ha!)

A coach from the Dutch team is not happy with the slogan that’s painted on the side of the Dutch bus, “Orange on the way to gold”.


We don’t like it because we try to keep everything calm and this might be seen as a provocation. It is a screaming line and we contacted FIFA in an attempt to change it but without any result. We have to settle with this line.

They could use some of the hubris of the Brazilian team, whose slogan is “Three-peat in 2010!” Or something like that… we can’t read Portugese. Meanwhile, the sad lonely U.S.A. bus has no slogan or flag because of security precautions. But if it did, it would probably say “We own you bitches in everything else (except hockey and baseball).

Links:
[World Cup Blog]: Lame Bus Slogan Has Dutch Coach Seeing Orange
[Reuters]: Van Basten annoyed about Dutch bus slogan

Categories
Soccer

Welcome to Germany!

The World Cup is coming! The World Cup is coming! If Sportscolumn isn’t exactly World Cup Central, consider it World Cup Penn Station. Or perhaps World Cup Hoboken is more apt. In any case, we’ll be covering a lot of the “other” football in the next month.

A column on ESPN Soccernet today detailed the security precautions (metal detectors at the hotel, security details, team bus without a flag on the side) and the hatred facing the U.S. team throughout the tournament. Players are subjected to chants of “Osama bin Laden!” and get rocks, bottles, and batteries thrown at them. The threat of violence is one thing but getting disgusting bodily fluids thrown at you is another. Buried in the last few paragraphs is this little gem:


Over the last decade, at matches in Latin American countries such as Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, El Salvador and Costa Rica, U.S. players have been pelted with everything from batteries and coins to screws and saliva. In one match, former coach Steve Sampson said his players were bombed with bags of urine and animal blood.

Holy crap! That’s taking things a little too far. No matter what they say about football fans in Philly, Oakland or Cleveland, at least they’ve never thrown bags of urine at anyone. (Unless of course, someone used a beer bottle in Cleveland instead of walking to the john.)

We are humbled by soccer fans’ ingenuity for hate mongering.

Links:
[ESPN]: U.S. national team prepared for the hate

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All Other Sports

Odds and Ends (6/6/06): The naked news



Anna: Yes. McEnroe: No.

At an exhibition match against Jim Courier on the senior circuit, John McEnroe got upset about a call and dropped his pants and mooned everyone. Page Six also reported that tennis starlet Anna Kournikova was in the audience and witnessed the bare ass. Now, this is why Page Six shouldn’t report on sports news. Nobody has uttered the term tennis and Anna Kournikova together in a long long time.

Why is it that the people we don’t want to see naked always end up dropping their pants?

[MSNBC]: If America promises to watch the World Cup, will she pose nude?

[Yahoo]: Did Mike Vanderjagt really just put himself in the same sentence with Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods? Damn idiot kicker.

[News and Observer]: Duke lacrosse team reinstated with new rules and tighter (i.e. any) oversight.

[NY Daily News]: Milledge doesn’t regret high-fiving fans after his first HR

[Off Wing Opinion]: The Oilers are so screwed

[Philly.com]: Former umpire Gregg, 55, dies after stroke

Categories
Soccer

Do you know who Ronaldo is?

The World Cup is almost here folks and we’re trying to figure out how Brazil could possibly lose this thing. Last week we highlighted Ronaldinho, considered the best player in the world if not in history. But Brazil also has the previous best player in the world and hero of the 2002 World Cup, Ronaldo. (Not to be confused with Cristiano Ronaldo, the Portugese soccer player.) Watching Ronaldo and Ronaldinho carve up defenses will be the major draw of soccer for the Americans this year if the US team don’t advance deep into the tournament. Here are some highlights of Ronaldo aka The Phenomenon.

Categories
Colorado Rockies

Odds and Ends: Stop calling us a Christian team, dammit!

After a USA Today cover story that claimed the Rockies are built around core Christian code of conduct, some of the team members aren’t exactly happy with that characterization, especially the Christian players.

Pitcher Jason Jennings was a first-round draft choice by the Rockies in 1997 from Baylor University, the largest Baptist university in the world. He has strong religious convictions but believes the tone of the story was not a proper view of the atmosphere in the Rockies clubhouse.

I thought the story was over the top,” he said. “I have strong beliefs, but I don’t judge others and I never will. My opinion is we look for good character guys, not Christian guys. A good teammate doesn’t have to have the same beliefs you have. A good teammate is a good person who plays to win.

In other news…

[USA Today]:Concerns raised over racism during Cup

[Philly.com]: Another reason to drop the DH

[The Golf Blog]: Russians postpone longest golf shot in outer space

[Can’t Stop the Bleeding]: The Score’s Mike North Wouldn’t Offend For All The Tea In China