Tag: stupid

Categories
Golf

Next time, just take the penalty and stay out of the gator’s pond


You might think that golf courses already have enough obstacles and challenges to maneuver around, considering all the rough, sand and water everywhere. But there are plenty of other things to worry about as well. Like rabid otters and man eating alligators.

Bruce Burger was playing a round on Monday when his ball found its way into the drink at the sixth hole at a Venice, Florida golf club. As Burger went to grab his ball, an 11-foot alligator chomped down onto his right forearm and yanked the hacker into the pond. But Burger wasn’t going down without a fight and he beat the tar out of the gator with his free hand until its jaws unclamped. After being rushed to the hospital, it was determined that Burger had only sustained minor injuries.

When the beast was finally captured, its official size measured 10 feet, 11 inches and, like Stu Scott, it only had one eye. And while it’s hard to feel too much sympathy for a guy who ignored a “Beware of Alligator” sign before sticking his arm in the water, we’d figure that the course manager might pretend to actually care.

Unfortunately, that’s part of Florida,” course general manager Rod Parry said. “There’s wildlife in these ponds.

Hopefully, the course at least threw a bone to the guy a kicked down a free round or something. Actually, one of those extendable ball retrievers would probably be a more fitting offering.

Links:

[ABCNews.Go.com]: Golfer Survives Gator Attack in Florida

Categories
All Other Sports

Blowing yourself up isn’t as easy as it use to be


The WWE figured that faking Vince McMahon’s death (yes, you morons, he’s not dead) last week was going to be a great way to create additional interest in the show. Unfortunately, lots of people are actually completely turned off the by the ridiculous storyline and continuous on-air blabber about how McMahon is “presumed dead” and the “federal investigation” that is surrounding the limo explosion. What the wrestling empire wasn’t expecting was a possible law suit.

According to the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934, the WWE is in violation because the fake death could have unfairly influenced investors.

Rule 10b-5, pursuant to Section 10(b) of the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934, prohibits misleading statements or omissions of material fact in connection with the purchase or sale of any security, and that includes press releases that intentionally and also, in most courts, recklessly mislead investors.

Now, we have no idea if this will actually end up heading to court, but hopefully it will make the writers at WWE think twice before they subject their audience to another horrible, horrible storyline. Maybe the next time Vince needs a vacation, they will just write him off the show instead of killing him in an explosion. And you know he’s gonna show up in a month or two; talk about another lame plot. But, still, we can’t wait to see how pathetically they try to pull that off.

Links:

[Sports Law Blog]: Did Vince McMahon’s Fake Death Violate Security Laws?

Categories
NBA General

How does he do it? We can’t even eat in the car without making a mess


Former NBA player Byron Houston was just minding his own business on Wednesday, driving around Oklahoma City while masturbating and giving all the passing vehicles a clear look at his dirty deed. And for some strange reason, a woman got offended, called the police and got Houston arrested. Geez, lady, you’re no fun at all.

Houston got tossed into the clink on charges of indecent exposure, engaging in a lewd act and driving with a canceled license. That’s gotta be pretty humiliating for the guy. Oh, never mind, he’s actually been convicted three prior times for indecent exposure so the humiliation must have worn off long ago. Hell, this is getting to be old hat for the guy. But if Houston gets convicted on this most recent charge, he could be facing anywhere from 20 years to life behind bars in prison. Oh, and Byron, it might be a good idea to keep everything under wraps if you go to the big house because exposing yourself could lead to other things that you probably don’t want to be involved with.

Houston definitely has a few screws loose if this is how he’s spending his free time. But at least now we know where Eddie Griffin picked up the nasty little habit.

Links:

[KOCO.com]: Former OSU Star Accused Of Indecent Exposure

Categories
College Basketball

Billy Donovan sucks, but not as bad as these guys


Minor league baseball is notorious for having absolutely gosh awful promotions. Take the retarded gimmickry of the Portland Beavers a while back. Bob L. Head night?! Talk about grasping at straws! Oh, but Portland is not the first, nor the last, to literally scrape the bottom of the creative barrel when it comes to putting asses in the seats. The latest perpetrator of pitiful promotions comes to us from the sunny state of Florida.

The marketing geniuses with the Single-A Fort Myers Miracle came up with the timely idea of having “Billy Donovan Night” after the Gators Magic Gators coach tarnished his legacy and broke the hearts of millions of Orlando fans. So, how exactly to you pay homage to a man who’s know as a lying, backstabbing, two faced, weasely little bastard? Why you make fun of him in some of the most ridiculous fashions possible of course.

All ticket issues will be up for negotiation during the first three innings with a power hungry local attorney serving as the final say in all matters. Everything from ticket price to seat location is up for debate during the brief period of 18 outs.

If it’s a Yankee fan, I’m going to tell them to go take their seat and sit there for the whole nine innings,” (Michael) Hornung said. “I have free reign. I’m judge and jury.

If having a period of negotiation isn’t a feeble enough attempt at humor for you, just wait til you hear about the other cheap shots the Miracle have in store for “Billy Donovan Night.” First, they are going to have a local loser named Billy Donovan throw out the first pitch. Next, waffles will be served to the crowd to commemorate Donovan’s “waffling” behavior. And if that still isn’t stupid enough for you then just stick around until the complimentary hair gel is handed out to poke fun at Billy’s hairdo.

Damn, and we thought this guy made the minor league look ridiculous! The only way this idea could possibly be a success in our eyes is if they hold the game at Rolling Rock Park.

Links:

[SI.com]: Minor-league promotion parodies Billy Donovan

Categories
All Other Sports

Don’t worry, Mr. McMahon is still alive and kickin’



Who looks silly now?

We’ve always known that pro wrasslin’ fans were a little sick in the head. Hell, we’re WWE fans so we have first hand knowledge of just exactly how mentally twisted you have be to enjoy that stuff. But having a socially impairing addiction like an unusual attraction to a weekly two hour spandexfest is no excuse for being as gullible as Isiah Thomas.

WWE fans were in an uproar on Tuesday after Monday Night RAW concluded with an increasingly delusional Vince McMahon climbing into his limo which immediately exploded into a fiery cloud. Apparently those idiotic diehards who refuse to believe that these shows are scripted actually believed that the president of the billion dollar entity known as WWE had died in the “accident.” What freaking fools! Anyone who watches RAW, Smackdown or ECW with any sort of regularity knew this was a twist on the “self destruction of Mr. McMahon” storyline.

And even if you are stupid enough to believe that Vince’s limo would simply spontaneously combust when he shut the door, do you really think that there would be cameras strategically placed all around the carnage to catch every second of the pyrotechnic display? Good grief!

Why is it that wrestling is always getting dissed as the most obvious case of horrible acting on the planet 364 days out of the year, but then, the one day when something so incredibly cinematically scripted happens, everyone suddenly believes that they’re watching a slice of reality?

What’s next? Are you going to try and tell us that Owen Hart is really dead too?

Links:

[TimesLeader.com]: Vince McMahon’s hoax goes up in smoke

Categories
Cleveland Cavaliers

Why didn’t we see this guy on America’s Got Talent?

Being that we’re really cool sports bloggers and all, you won’t usually catch us talking about kiddie toys. No Lincoln Logs, Mr. Potato Head and his bucket of parts, Legos or Play-Doh, BUT we’re going to make an exception and lower our “Rad-O-Meter” a few notches and admit that this video of Etch A Sketch superstar George Vlosich slapping together a LeBron James masterpiece on the little red frustration device is totally awesome!

So, who’s gonna step up for the San Antonio fan base and display their completely ridiculous/amazing talent in the name of team spirit? Oh, wait, the Spurs already have a decided advantage when it comes to super sized support. But if anyone can create a realistic Lite-Brite depiction of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria, go ahead and let us know.

Links:

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Slightly More Hardcore Than Naming Your Cat After Craig Ehlo

Categories
All Other Sports

Genarlow Wilson’s horrifying saga is hopefully almost over


Genarlow Wilson got screwed by the Georgia justice system when, as a 17-year-old, he engaged in consensual oral sex with a 15-year-old. It’s something that happens everyday, whether parents want to admit it or not, across this great country of ours but in Georgia the act was punishable by a 10-year sentence in prison. So, despite a high GPA, Ivy League attention, football dedication and overall popularity with students and teachers alike, Wilson was handed the extremely harsh sentence. The real injustice of this whole thing is that if Wilson would have actually had sex with the girl, it would have only been a misdemeanor.

But thanks to tons of pressure from outraged citizens and political groups, Wilson is about to be a free man after serving 28 months in prison. 28 months! It took the state over two years to realize that this was a complete injustice. You’d like to say that with the reduced charge and impending release that justice is served, but this kid lost 28 months of his life during its prime and will have tons of obstacles to overcome in the years ahead because of a law that should have never been on the books in the first place.

We’re sure that Genarlow is grateful to the judge who finally opened his eyes to this fiasco but we’re also guessing that Wilson’s going to be hauling ass outta Georgia ASAP with no return visits planned for the rest of his lifetime. But, then again, we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves because the attorney general’s office filed for an appeal to the decision. So, apparently, the cloud of stupidity is still hanging over Georgia, but they’re finally moving in the right direction and that’s a hell of a lot better than they’ve been doing over the past 28 months.

Links:

[Chron.com]: Judge: No 10-year sentence for teen sex

Categories
Olympics

The old school Athenians must be rolling over in their graves


The 2012 Olympics are looking at going down in history as one of the most humiliating international competitions of all time if they keep going at their current pace. First they embraced a logo no-no that was so hideous people could actually believe that it would provoke seizures. The logo was cleared of all charges but the point is that nobody thought the jigsaw puzzle wannabe wouldn’t fry someone’s brain, so that should tell you something about the absurdity of the thing. But the Olympic Committee’s latest idea could make the logo fiasco look like a stroke of genius.

The 2012 London Games could mark the debut of skateboarding as an official Olympic event. You heard right; skateboarding! Those annoying little punks that ride around strip mall parking lots all day long, minus the occasional weed break, and ding up the doors of your car now might be walking around with gold medals around their necks! You gotta be kidding me! Thank goodness there is still time to stop this travesty before it gets finalized. The International Olympic Committee and the International Cycling Union still have to iron some things out before skateboarding hits the grandest stage of them all.

Listen, I know that skateboarding is a tremendous skill that takes dedication, focus, guts, precision, timing and the rest of the shebang but if skateboarding becomes an Olympic event then bungee jumping and freestyle walking aren’t far behind. Does anyone really want that? I didn’t think so. And anyways, what would happen to the almighty X Games should their main attraction start going for the gold? Suddenly a giant X medallion just doesn’t have the same appeal as it used to.

Apparently the Olympics think that adding vandalism skateboarding to the list of events will make the younger generation more interested in The Games. But if they really wanted to appeal to the youth of today they should try something more along the lines of the Trojan Games. All this skateboarding stupidity will do is ruin the Olympic Village experience for all of the real athletes. Can you imagine training your entire life for this one opportunity at success and then the crew of Jackass and Viva La Bam are constantly doing beer-bongs and tag teaming Jessica Simpson while you try to mentally prepare? This has international incident written all over it.

Links:

[TheStar.com]: Skateboarding could be in Olympics

Categories
NBA General

Scottie Pippen isn’t playing but he’s still committing horrible turnovers



You know what they say about guys
with big hands…they’re horrible with
money.

It’s a good thing that basketball worked out for Scottie Pippen because he never would have made it in real-estate. Last month Pippen sold his estate in the Portland area for $2.95 million. Sounds pretty good, right? What if we told you that he paid $4 million for it? Yeah, that’s not a pretty sight.

The house is on a 2.28-acre plot of land that was purchased back in 2000 when Pip was playing for the Blazers but he moved out in 2003 when he made one of the dumbest decisions of his life and returned to a pathetic baby Bulls franchise. But when you’re as rich as Pippen, you don’t sell right away; no, you let the mansion just sit there for a good two years before putting it on the market. Scottie listed it at $3.9 million in 2005 and, obviously, they just sold it last month at a million dollar loss, so it’s pretty safe to say that Pippen didn’t exactly Flip That House. (Oh, geez, how embarrassing; did we just really reference a girly TLC show? Sorry, spent the weekend at Mom’s house.)

You’re trying to find a buyer that wants that location in a house that big,” said Veronica Story, the agent who sold the house. “Those buyers are few and far between.”

The 1996 house has a gated entrance, circular driveway and fountain. A detached building houses an indoor sports court, weight room, aerobics room, fully wired media room with a kitchen, a locker room with a steam shower and sauna.

Hopefully LeBron James doesn’t fall into the same money pit should he ever decide to split from Cleveland.

Links:

[SI.com]: Pippen takes $1M loss on Portland mansion

Categories
Soccer

Brazil loves their soccer…some a little too much

Lord knows that we have tried and tried and tried again to tell you just how moronic soccer fans are but then we realized that we really don’t have to do anything to convince people of the sanity or lack there of by these “footballers.” Take 22-year-old Jefferson Ferreira Lima and 26-year-old Jorge Luiz Sampaio Santos; these dudes are a couple of Brazilians who just love their Palmeiras club. In fact, they love their team so much that they were willing to throw a grenade at a bus full of fans from the rival Cruzeiro team.

Is this a joke? A freaking grenade!?! Unfortunately, this the mindset of many soccer fans across the globe after a loss. Hell, this is the mindset of many tackle football fan across the nation, but it’s not too often that you hear of a guy getting stopped in Foxboro with a missile launcher aimed at the Colts’ fan’s booze bus as it heads back to Indy after Peyton Manning leads his team to a road victory.

Listen, we’re all about passion for your team but we just think that trying to commit mass murder by explosive device is a bit overboard. So, soccer dweebs, if you must act a fool then keep it the on-field hijinks like these guys. That way the players can kick your ass for us.

Links:

[MSNBC.com]: Two Brazil soccer fans caught with grenade