MLB General

Jose Canseco desperately needs more attention

…or money, or steroids.

According to a press release, Jose is shopping around a new reality show called “A Day With Jose”.

Contestants will “pitch” their fantasy day ideas to a panel of judges, and 6 finalists will surprise Jose with their planned activities — and compete for the ultimate prize — Jose’s 40/40 DIAMOND RING!

Wow… Joe Canseco’s 40/40 Diamond Ring. Awesome. That’s worth maybe $10k. Meanwhile, the only contestants we think will try out are reality show whores who will use it as a stepping stone to an “acting” career. We’d actually like to spend a day with Canseco and live blog the whole thing:

9:00AM: Showered. Took some steroids with Jose.
10:00AM: Got another supplement. Helped Jose pick out a see through shirt for him to wear.
11:00AM-5:00PM: Grilled Jose Canseco on how much steroids he injected into Mark McGwire’s ass.

Didn’t Canseco try this Day With Jose business 4 years ago?

[Larry Brown Sports]: Jose Canseco’s Trying For a Reality TV Show: A Day with Jose

All Other Sports

So Tonya Harding really does live in a trailer

What the hell was Clinton thinking?

Tonya Harding is back in the news after calling police twice. Once because she thought four men and a woman tried to steal her car. The second time because she said people were stashing rifles on her property. (Probably for the coming revolution.) Police were unable to find any evidence that pointed to her stories and said that Harding was very frustrated that no one else could see what she saw.

Harding just started taking new medication so that could be the reason she’s gone batshit crazy.

The deputy took Harding back to her trailer on Northeast Sunset Falls Road and checked her home to “put her at ease.

A trailer? Didn’t she get paid for knocking out Paula Jones in Fox’s “Decline of Western Civilization and We’re Documenting It” boxing special? It is almost a guaranteed lock that we’ll be reporting this same exact story in 5 years but replacing “Tonya Harding” with “Britney Spears”?

[Fox 12 Oregon]: Police Respond To Two Calls Involving Tonya Harding

New York Giants

Say it isn’t so Tiki!

Last week we said, “we kinda like Tiki Barber” — he walks away at the top of his game, calls Michael Irvin an idiot… And of course, what happens? A story comes out in the NY Post that he’s completely pussy whipped. Nice Tiki, real nice.

Tiki Barber’s wife was the catalyst behind the Giants star’s decision to hang up his helmet. A longtime friend of Barber says she made him afraid he’d suffer a catastrophic injury that would turn him into a lousy dad. The 205-pound running back is heading for the broadcasting booth at age 31 because Ginny Barber has been “nagging him for a long time – and with others present – that he’d better retire before he has a crippling injury,” Barber’s friend says. If that happened, Ginny told him, “he couldn’t participate in raising his children.

This story makes us sad. Like when rock stars have kids and start making shitty music.

Kansas City Royals

Royals loyalty is worth $278.47

It’s sad that 25 years of being a fan to the laughingstock of the league is worth less than an uneaten hotdog from the Seahawks-Panthers championship game. But we guess that’s why Chad Carroll was so willing to part with his KC Royals fandom.

The auction stated:

I am sick and tired of being mathematically eliminated from playoff contention on or about April 7 of each year. So I am selling all rights to my loyalty to this organization. With your purchase you will accept all of the responsibilities of a true Royals fan. You will tell people (in public) that you actually like the Royals. You will tell them that we “won’t be as bad this year as we were last year”.

I will also include a Royals jersey with a 1985 World Series patch. There is no name on the back of the jersey, however. This will save you the money that I have wasted over the years on my Johnny Damon, Jermaine Dye and Carlos Beltran jerseys. I will also include a letter of authenticity from my brother (certified Royals fan and Yankees hater) certifying my “fan status” and a letter of intent from myself to never again watch another Royals game, to remove all Royals memorabilia from my home, and to never divulge to another living soul that I am, or ever was, a KC follower.

You will also have exclusive rights to my new era of pain. You can choose my new team…the only team that is off limits is the New York Yankees.

A bunch of his friends won the auction but still haven’t decided his new team. If it were up to us, we’d pick the Philadelphia Phillies. 1) They’re one of the losingest franchises in the history of sports. 2) They beat the Royals for their last World Series title. That, my friends, is a lesson on how to be cruel.

[Kansas City Star]: Maryland man auctions off 25 years of loyalty to the Royals
[eBay]: My loyalty to the Kansas City Royals (jersey included)
Thanks to Fark for the story.