Category: Golf

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Golf

CBS says new John Daly spot is long and wrong

John Daly is known for three things: long drives, an alcohol problem, and a slot machine problem to fix his alcohol problem. Giving John Daly a beer is like sending Paul Lo Duca to a sorority house. So what does Maxfli do? They create an ad with John singing in a honkytonk bar, grabbing a beer and driving off in a golf cart. Understandably, CBS didn’t like it.


It did not meet the standards of the CBS network,” spokeswoman LeslieAnn Wade said Tuesday. “Any implied or direct reference to excessive consumption of alcohol would not meet network guidelines.

The Golf Channel, which apparently has no standards, said that the ad passed their test but are looking into possible options like an alternate cut. Meanwhile, the 90 second uncut version of the commercial, which has John saying “I’ll just drink the pitcher, thanks,” teeing off with a beer can, and throwing a beer bottle at a dart board (wha?) was available on the maxfli site. You can check it out below.


John Daly’s Go Long Or Go Home Commercial – Watch the top videos of the week here

Links:
[LA Times]: CBS rejects ad showing Daly and beer

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Golf

Odds and Ends: Zach Johnson gets the shaft


What more does a guy have to do to get some credit in the golf world? Zach Johnson comes from nowhere to rip the green jacket from Tiger Woods’ hands in a story that Disney would probably refuse because of a lack of authenticity, and Sports Illustrated puts a tree on the cover of their latest issue.

Are you serious? A tree! Of course, Tiger is standing behind the tree so apparently that justifies it to the fellas at SI. But if you notice, they did give Johnson a little bit of pub on the cover. Thanks for squeezing that in guys.

In other news…

[Our Book of Scrap]: Speed skating just made its way into the hearts of men across the country

[Can’t Stop the Bleeding]: All this over a free burger?

[KansasCity.com]: Jason Whitlock is on Don Imus’ side. No, surely not Whitlock.

[WFAA.com]: Michael Irvin will see your lawsuit and raise you one.

And finally, we all knew that there would be a movie about the rise and fall of Anna Nicole, but what we didn’t know is that a babe would play Anna. Looks like pop singer Willa Ford is the lucky winner of the role. Now she just needs to practice on her slurred speech and start fluctuating dress sizes like a white Oprah.

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Golf

Odds and Ends: Zach Johnson is enjoying his 15 minutes


Must…look…comfortable.

Winning the Masters as an unheard of underdog has got to be the thrill of a lifetime, but reading a Top Ten list on the Late Show with David Letterman probably ranks as a close second for Zach Johnson. Last night Johnson made an appearance with Dave and proudly proclaimed the “Top Ten Things I Can Say Now That I’ve Won The Masters.”

10: I’m going to spend the prize money on Mountain Dew and beef jerky

9: I once beat a caddy to death with a 7-iron.

8: It’s so weird – before this weekend, I’d never broke 100.

7: The jacket’s okay, but I’m most excited to win the “World’s Greatest Golfer” key chain.

6: Even I’ve never heard of me.

5: If you like golf, you’ll love the sleek looks and smooth handling of the 2007 Volkswagen Golf Sedan — I just made 50 grand.

4: I just wrote down “3” for every hole. Nobody checked.

3: Maybe I can parlay this into an appearance on “Dancing With The Stars.”

2: It’s a magical week: first I win the Masters, and now I get to tell lame jokes on a third-rate talk show.

1: Thanks to global warming, next year I’m playing without pants.

Our personal favorite is No. 3 because it’s probably the truth. Hey, if Billy Ray Cyrus can make the show, then so can you Zach.

In other news…

[Sports by Brooks]: Oh no he didnt: Sports By Brooks says an outbreak of equine herpes in Hong Kong might scare away womens basketball players. That’s just not right.

[Seattle Times]: Former Seahawk Warren Moon arrested for DUI

[Gheorge: The Blog]: Kevin Millar does his best Ray Lewis impersonation (the dance, not being an accessory to two murders)

[Steroid Nation]: Australia wants to test school kids for steroids

[The Big Lead]: An Interview with Mike Vaccaro of the NY Post

[Awful Announcing]: The guy from Awful Announcing has lost his mind

And finally, we have two soccer stories from our favorite soccer blog, the Offside. First, Ronaldo will be on a episode of the Simpsons. The slim Ronaldo, not the fat one. Second, this David Beckham thing is out of control: Beckhams toilet paper.

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Golf

You almost had us Zach Johnson


Even though we root for Tiger Woods for every tournament, as soon as Tiger hit the drink on 15, we accepted and were almost happy that Zach Johnson, underdog, was going to win the thing. But then a funny thing happened: Zach Johnson pulled out his Jesus card.


Being Easter, my faith is very important to me.
I felt Jesus, I felt my grandfather, my family, everybody. So it was awesome.
…
Regardless of what happened today, my responsibility was to glorify God. Hopefully I did.

Jesus is totally awesome. Now we know this plays well in a lot of states around the country but athletes need to give it a rest already. Jesus didn’t help you win the Masters or the Super Bowl or anything else. Jesus doesn’t hate Tiger Woods. Look, you can believe whatever you want to believe, but the Masters is no place for your proselytizing.

Plus, wasn’t Jesus already busy considering it was Easter?

Links:
[Metronews Canada]: Winning on Easter makes Masters more special for Zach Johnson

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Golf

Attention Sportscenter: We have found your next anchor


Every year the world’s best golfers head to Augusta, GA, to compete in the Masters. And every year the media coverage descends on the city in droves to bring you all the news that’s fit to print. Columbia, SC, TV station WLTX had a slightly different idea of what the public would find interesting to know about some of the most precisely skilled athletes on the planet. So, they sent their local sports douche, Matt Barrie, down to the links to ask these guys if they use body wash or bar soap. Wow, groundbreaking stuff.

This hick is trying way too hard to be funny when he’s really just a pathetic loser; but hey, the same gimmick worked for Stuart Scott. Now all Barrie needs is a lazy eye.

Links:

[WLTX.com]: Bar Soap vs. Body Wash

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Golf

Even John Amaechi says those are over the top


If you thought that ugly sneakers were strictly relegated to the hardwood during the NBA’s annual All-Star weekend, think again. In fact, the hideous footwear trend is about to invade the Master’s hallowed fairways and fringes.

Thanks to PUMA, Geoff Ogilvy and Johan Edfors will be sporting these gaudy golden shoes during the competition to “celebrate the first year of PUMAs golf collection.” Uh, with shoes like these there might not be a second year. But don’t think that PUMA forgot to accessorize. The lucky pair of golfers also get to don equally fashionable outfits that will compliment the kicks.

Apparently, PUMA doesn’t mind parading their boys up and down the links like a couple of lil’ Liberaces. Looks like Stephon Marbury was right, it is better to own than be owned.

Links:

[The Golf Blog]: Geoff Ogilvy to wear Puma golden shoes at Masters

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Golf

Sergio Garcia can’t putt but he can hit the bottom of the cup

Tiger Woods wins another trophy at Doral but the buzz around the blogosphere is about Sergio Garcia spitting into the cup after missing a short putt. This shows not only the dominance of Tiger but also the lack of class of Sergio. Who the hell spits into a cup after missing a par putt? Not even the neanderthals wearing jeans and wifebeaters who play the public courses we go to do this.

When asked about it, Sergio said that he made sure it went through the hole at the bottom of the cup so that the next person to drain a putt wouldn’t have to clean his spit off the ball. Right. I’m sure that’s exactly what’s on his mind as he’s hocking a loogie into the cup. Klassy.

Links:

[NY Post]: COMMISH DOWNPLAYS SERGIO’S SPITTING FIT

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Golf

The Fast and the Furious: PGA Drift


India’s first player on the PGA Tour, Arjun Atwal (Vijay Singh is Fijian…) is under investigation for a street race in Orlando that left the other driver dead. According to the Florida Highway Patrol, Atwal was racing John Noah Park when they lost control on a suburban road. Atwal’s car spun and came to a rest but Park’s car slammed into a tree.


Witnesses tell us they were engaged in a street race,” [Florida Trooper Kim] Miller said. “They estimated speeds at or about 100 miles per hour (160 k/ph). Park’s vehicle hit a tree and basically just shattered. Part of the axle was found in the tree. It was a very violent crash.

The PGA has no comment but we’ll see how they react to this incident. Aside from Fuzzy Zoeller’s fried chicken and watermelon comment, the PGA doesn’t usually have to deal with any controversy. We suspect that if Atwal is found guilty of anything, the PGA will drop him before the judge’s gavel comes down. This isn’t the NBA or the NFL. The corporate sponsors that make professional golf go round won’t stand for anything that might affect their brands. Of course, Atwal was driving a BMW and Park was driving a Mercedes so you know some sick marketing exec at BMW has already got a powerpoint deck ready to go.

Links:
[The Star]: PGA player investigated in fatal crash

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Golf

Fuzzy Zoeller suing over Wikipedia entry



I am no wife beater!

Fuzzy Zoeller is suing a company in Florida for “defamation, false light invasion of privacy, and intentional infliction of emotional distress” over statements that someone at Josef Silny and Associates, Inc. posted on Wikipedia. Since he can’t sue Wikipedia, he traced the IP address of the posting to the company and is suing them instead. Here is the offending passage:


Later Zoeller went public with his alcoholism and prescription drug addiction, explaining that at the time he made those statements, he was “in the process of polishing off a fifth of Jack (Daniels) after popping a handful of vicodin pills”. He further detailed the violent nature of his disease, recalling how he’d viciously beat his wife Dianne and their four children while under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. He also admitted feigning a ruptured spinal disc in 1985 so as to be prescribed a multitude of prescription medication.

He sought professional help and mended his fractured familial relationships. In May 2006, Zoeller said in an interview with Golf Digest magazine that he hadn’t beaten his wife in nearly five years.

According to the lawsuit:


The false statements published by Defendant JOSEF SILNY AND ASSOCIATES, INC. tended to subject MR. DOE to hatred, distrust, ridicule, contempt, and disgrace in that they depicted MR. DOE as an alcoholic and prescription drug addict, who is possessed of a violent nature which had caused him to “viciously beat his wife and their four children”, and as someone who had committed the crime of falsifying ailment in order to obtain prescription drugs.

Yeah, we can see why Fuzzy Zoeller MR. DOE would be mad about that. While the offending passage has been taken out of the Fuzzy Zoeller wikipedia entry, it still remains on Answers.com and that’s probably how the Miami Herald was able to deduce the super secret identity of MR. DOE.

We hope Fuzzy doesn’t sue us for repeating the passage, after all, we can barely afford to put collard greens or whatever the hell we serve on the table.

Links:
[Miami Herald]: Golfer Zoeller sues Miami firm for Wikipedia posting
[Miami Herald]: Fuzzy Zoeller lawsuit pdf
[Answers.com]: Fuzzy Zoeller

Categories
Golf

Golf and gambling… so happy together



Owww my arm

Whether it’s nassau, skins, wolf or flying camel…wait, scratch that last one… golf is a game that is so much better when there’s a little money at stake. So… welcome to the World Series of Golf.

Here’s how it works. The buy in is $10,000. In each round, a player plays against those in his group of 5 or 6. Each hole starts with an ante. After each golf shot, a player can stand, bet, or fold. The objective is to take all the other players’ money from your group and advance to the next round. Theoretically, you could knock everyone in your group out playing one hole. The final “table” is a group of six playing for $450,000 in prize money. The winner takes home $250,000.

This tourney is open to amateurs only but anyone who wins loses their amateur status so there will be no repeat champions. This rule makes it a little hard to get any kind of momentum as viewers won’t be able to pick favorites and villains year after year. Unless of course the same amateur loses every year and goes kicking and screaming like Phil Helmuth. Hmmmm… that could be an easy way to get famous even if you suck at golf. NBC has signed on to air the tournament.

We’ll be watching for it in May but what we’re really looking forward to is the World Series of Flip Cup. Now, why can’t that be on NBC?