Normally we don’t report on the world of cow acrobatics, but when we see a calf with a better standing dropkick than Randy Orton’s then we just gotta show it off to the masses.
Tag: video
After watching the wildest college football season in history unfold over the previous months, nobody wanted the wackiness to end with the regular season. Well, one person might be wishing for a more mundane postseason contest.
Mack Brown’s stepson got really, really lucky on that one because if Arizona State rallied back to beat the Horns, Chris Jessee might be tarred and feathered on Sixth Street in downtown Austin minutes after the team charter lands. Luckily for Brown, Jessee and the Longhorn faithful, all ended well in Pacific Life Holiday Bowl for Texas and the tar and feathers will be packed away for now, patiently waiting for the next loss to Oklahoma or Texas A&M. At least we all learned something from this unbelievable brain fart: Kirk Herbstreit has eyes like a hawk!
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When little red wagons attack!
Remember when you were a kid and you’d wreck on your bike trying to do a trick? Sure, it was embarrassing and painful, but at least you weren’t on television for the whole world to see like this dufus from the Discovery Channel.
If you ask us, that was just his own personal tribute to the late, great Evel Knievel.
We always thought Jumbotrons were being underused in arenas and stadiums across the country. Well, we were right and earlier this week at a Memphis Grizzlies game, Stephanie Simpson proved that the million-dollar, giant televisions weren’t just meant to show highlights and dot races.
Wait, arrested! For flashing! Geez, seems a bit harsh considering how many times the Grizzlies have been exposed on the court this year. Teams are robbing Memphis of its dignity every night. Trust us, there is no way a pair of cans could be more traumatic than sitting through 48 minutes of horrible basketball. Unless Rudy Gay is dropping a game-winner on Tim Duncan then we say all eyes in the FedEx Forum should be fixed on the big screen in hopes of catching another glimpse of the “Flash Cam”.
Links:
[Awful Announcing]: You’re Not Going To Believe This One, A Woman Was Arrested At Grizzlies Game For Flashing The Jumbotron
1. Pistons pack pop for trip to Boston
The Celtics took their first real test of the season on Wednesday, falling a few points shy of a passing grade and a win. The Pistons escaped Boston with a two-point victory, 87-85, thanks to a pair of last-second Chauncey Billups free throws. Mr. Big Shot finished with game-highs of 28 points and eight assists as Detroit’s starting five scored all but 14 of the team’s points. Still, that’s nine more points than Boston got from their bench that shot two-for-nine in a combined 52 minutes of work. Kevin Garnett (26 pts, 12 reb) and Ray Allen (24 pts) took care of business, but the third piece of the triforce, Paul Pierce, shot a pathetic five-of-16 for 11 points. Boston proved they aren’t where they need to be yet and despite their 20-3 overall record, the Bad Boys are still the elite out East.
2. Too little, too late
Things didn’t look good for the Suns after the first quarter of their game against Dallas. With 12 minutes in the books, Phoenix was staring up from a 17-point hole. By the middle of the fourth quarter it wasn’t much better as the Mavericks held a 14-point advantage, but that’s when the Suns turned on the burners, using a 23-12 run over the final 6:56 to get within one Steve Nash 3-point air-ball from forcing overtime. Dirk Nowitzki led all scorers with 31 in the 108-105 shootout, giving the Mavericks their fourth consecutive win. The Suns still hold a half-game advantage over Dallas in the standings and Nash further padded his assists per game lead by handing out 18 dimes to go with his 21 points.
3. End of an era
Miami lost again on Wednesday, this time to Atlanta, but that’s nothing new. The real story of the game was the torn patellar tendon in Alonzo Mourning’s right knee; an injury that will most likely end the career of the 15-year vet. Mourning is a seven-time All-Star, a two-time defensive player of the year and ranks 10th all-time in career blocks. You never want to see a career end on an injury and you really never want to see a career end on a stretcher, which was the original means of transportation to get the big fella and his bum wheel off the court following the injury. But like the rest of his life, Zo was going to do things his way.
That’s not the way I envisioned myself walking off the court for the last time in my career,” he said. “I’ve been through so much in my life. If I had to crawl off the court I would have. Nobody was going to push me off on a stretcher off the court. That wasn’t going to happen.
Wednesday’s Player of the Day: Steve Nash @ Dallas 37 min, 21 pts (FG: 9-15, 3FG: 2-3, FT: 1-2), 3 reb, 18 ast, 1 stl
Thursday’s Game to Watch: Los Angeles Lakers (15-9) @ Cleveland (11-15)
We could sit here and cram records down your throats or talk about bench depth, but we all know why this game gets top billing for the night, it’s LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. The two are sitting at No. 1 and No. 2 in the league in scoring with LBJ scoring 29.6 a night and the Mamba dumping in 26.8 per contest. And for a little more parody, both are also leading their crews in assists and steals. We know that these teams have a ton of work to do if they want to sniff the NBA Finals this year, but, in late December, we don’t really care about teamwork. Until summer rolls around, we’ll take a showdown between a pair of one-man-bands any day of the week.
Buzzer Beater: Even a little blurry, this is one of the sickest moves you’ll ever see by someone not named Skip To My Lou.
Say what you want, but sports just wouldn’t be the same without the fans. Sure, athletes make the whole thing go round, but without the average Joes filling the seats then what do you got? A whole lot of nothing, that’s what you got. So, we want to honor all you dedicated fans who pay for overpriced tickets because when the times get tough, you guys are as solid as a rock, unwavering in your support of the franchise. Of course, you’re probably too plastered to know they suck, but we’ll still take it.
When it comes to movies, we really only have two criteria: 1) it must star Will Ferrell and 2) it must be about sports. Hey, we have a winner. Semi-Pro is Ferrell’s latest endeavor and we are thrilled that it’s almost time for it to hit the big screen. We’ve been staring at Ferrell’s naked, swamp sweaty body for the past couple of months now and we really, really want some more. Wait, that came out all wrong.
Are you watching this David Stern? Do you realize the kinds of ratings you’d pull down if instead of putting microphones on coaches, you invested in a halftime wrestling match between Joakim Noah and a bear? That’s money son.
Appalachian State won their third NCAA Division I Championship over the weekend and kudos to them for doing so, but what we’re going to remember from the game wasn’t the accomplishment or the premature rushing the field by the crowd or their eventual celebration. Nope, what’s going to stick with us about this blowout is when Delaware returned a punt all the way to the house in the waning minutes of the fourth, capping off the touchdown by pelting a cop with the ball!
Oh, man; we almost saw a physical altercation between the two. It couldn’t have topped the Donald vs. Shasta battle we saw earlier in the year, but it would have been entertaining.
Christmas is right around the corner and there are a bunch of entrepreneurial opportunists out there flooding the market with a whole lotta horrible products in hopes of grabbing a fat, green slice of this year’s yuletide pie. One of the absolute worst is Pong-A-Long, a portable table made exclusively for beer pong aficionados across the world.
We’re figuring that they are basically catering to frats and guys like Dirk Nowitzki, Steve Nash, Jeremy Shockey, Greg Olsen and virtually every other goofy white guy in professional or collegiate sports. As we all know, goofy white professional athletes just love to get together for “Beer Pong Tuesdays”. And, of course, as with all officially sanctioned goofy white guy activities, Joakim Noah is invited to participate.
Links:
[Best Week Ever]: Do You Throw Ping-Pong Balls At Cups Whilst Drunk Often Enough To Require A Table Exclusively For That?
1. L.A. K.O.’s S.A.
San Antonio didn’t have Tim Duncan or Tony Parker in the lineup on Thursday and Kobe Bryant didn’t care. Bean racked up 30 points and seven rebounds in the Lakers 102-97 win over the injury ravaged Spurs. Bruce Bowen, yes the offensively challenged Bruce Bowen, finished with a team-high 22 for the Spurs after scoring a season-high 23 against L.A. in a victory last month. The Lakers have now won four consecutive games, giving them a whole new outlook on the Pacific Division standings as they sit just three games behind the first-place Phoenix Suns. Los Angeles must quickly turn around for a track meet against the Warriors tonight, a team they defeated by 10 points last Sunday. Golden State has slipped in the standings a bit after putting together a nice run following their 0-6 start and should be desperate for a win over their division rivals. Being victorious would give the Lakers only a half game lead for second place in the Pacific.
2. Three wasn’t to be
Just when it was starting to look like Miami was on the rebound, the Gilbert Arenasless Wizards come to South Beach and win by 13, 104-91, snapping the Heat’s only win streak of the year at two games. DeShawn Stevenson led the way for Washington, scoring 26 points while Caron Butler, Antawn Jamison and Brendan Haywood all finished with double-doubles in points and rebounds. The Heat’s starters were stone cold once again as the bench scored over half (46) of the teams points. Shaquille O’Neal’s begging for the ball was completely ineffective as the Diesel put up just six shots in the game for seven points to go with six boards. After the game, Pat Riley sounded like a broken record, publicly blasting his guys for their weak efforts.
3. Iguodala-dala bill, ya’ll!
Since Gilbert Arenas isn’t on the court at the moment, he’s decided to put on his GM hat and started blabbering about player’s contracts and who’s worth what on his blog. Now, Arenas has a lot to say on the matter, a lot; however, what really jumped out at us was Agent 0’s opinion concerning Philadelphia’s Andre Iguodala.
Thursday’s Player of the Day: Kobe Bryant vs. San Antonio 38 min, 30 pts (FG: 10-24, 3FG: 1-4, FT: 9-10), 7 reb, 3 ast, 4 stl
Friday’s Game to Watch: New Orleans (14-8) @ Dallas (14-9)
New Orleans is one of the biggest surprises in the West, rushing out to a 14-8 record behind the play of Chris Paul who is averaging 21.5 points, 10.0 assists, 2.8 steals and 4.0 rebounds per game. As of now, only half a game separates these two in the Southwest Division with the NOLA sitting in second place followed the Mavs in third. Big D has gone flat after winning nine of their first 11 games, losing seven games in the last three weeks, including a 112-108 overtime contest with `Nawlins. CP3 was just shy of a triple-double with 33 points, 12 assists and nine boards. While Dallas still has one of the better records in the league, a big time win over their sudden division rival would be huge for the Mavericks’ collective psyche. Of course, the same thing can be said for the Hornets who appear to be legit for the first time since Zo and Grandmama were patrolling the paint.
Buzzer Beater: By now we’re sure that you’ve seen the new NBA self promotion commercials. You know, `NBA: Where amazing happens‘. Well, in case you were getting bored of the original commercials, here’s the league’s latest go-round with the concept.
Of course, the NBA is also `Where some really bad dancing happens‘.