The video of Shaquille O’Neal asking Kobe Bryant to describe the flavor of his ass has become an internet sensation and the hot topic of the sports world. And as classic as the clip is, there is always room for improvement. So, here’s the Fat Jewish Guy‘s remix. Enjoy.
Clinton Portis is a wild and crazy cat indeed. One of his absolute favorite things to do is dress up like its Halloween every time he does a press conference and being the fan friendly guy that he is, Portis is allowing you to choose which reincarnation attends. Here are your choices.
Bud Foxx
» Occupation: Ultimate Fighter
» Win-loss record: 0 wins, 17 losses
» Weight class: 115 pounds, but he weighs 220 pounds
» Finishing move: Cracking fingersFoxx suffered a fast defeat at the (fully intact) hands of NFL researcher George Li to keep his winless streak alive.
Dr. Do Itch Big
» Fact: Does his own dental work in the mirror
» Motto: “Cleaning up the NFL one mouth at a time”The good doctor started his bicuspid crusade by enhancing the grills of former Giants DE Michael Strahan and Bills RB Marshawn Lynch.
Electra
» Education: Masters in Electrical Engineering from MIT
» Motto: “Off the grid is off the chain”
» Facts: Lives in a solar-powered green house and smokes a pipeThe Earth-lover’s decision to step back on the grid to keep Rich Eisen caffeinated gave him a jolt from which he may not recover.
Prime Minister Yah Mon
» Birthplace: Somewhere between Jamaica and the United States
» Fact: Running for President of the United States as an independentForget Obama and McCain. Come November, vote for this dreadlocked diplomat, who promises to lower gas prices by at least 40 cents.
Here’s the video bios for these goons.
Links:
[NFL.com]: Vote for your favorite Portis character
An Alabama middle school teacher is facing 20 years on sex abuse offenses after getting busy with nearly the entire baseball team! We’re guessing her defense will be it was all just a means of expressing team spirit.
Julie Pritchett began a relationship with a 15-year-old boy in February. The 34-year-old married teacher later approached other members of the team for sex.
The incidents allegedly took place both on school premises and at the boys’ homes while their parents were out.
She was discovered when one of the 15-year-old boys at the school, in the town of Trussville, Alabama, told his parents. They alerted the police.
Pritchett, who taught at Clay-Chalkville Middle School, has been charged with two counts of sedomy and one count of sexual abuse.
Eat your heart out, Pokey Chatman.
In other news…
[MentalFloss.com]: Test your NBA Draft fashion knowledge
[Larry Brown Sports]: So, who’s going third in the NBA Draft?
[OrlandoSentinel.com]: Vince McMahon was almost killed during RAW. No, for real this time!
[Bleacher Report]: Is it really possible to hate anything about college football?
[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Don Imus will never learn his lesson
[NextRound.net]: Top 30 porn names in Major League Baseball
[YouTube.com]: “On today’s episode of Will It Blend?: A baseball!”
[MMARated.com]: Jesse Taylor talks about being a total douche
[NYPost.com]: Dude #1: “Dude, wanna skateboard from Chicago to New York?”
Dude #2: “Dude, totally!”
[FoxNews.com]: Wait, did you just say “crap cannon?”
And finally, from Tirico Suave (via Busted Coverage), quite possibly the funniest video of all-time.
Everyone and their momma knew Shaquille O’Neal was wetting himself in glee after the Boston Celtics disposed of the Los Angeles Lakers in the Finals last week. However, we actually hoped Shaq was going to take the high road on this one, choosing not to remind Kobe that he couldn’t win the big one without the Big Aristotle. Of course, that would mean Shaq doesn’t hold grudges and we all know that isn’t true. So, in reality, it was only a matter of time before O’Neal let loose on his former teammate, but we never expected it to come in the form of freestyle.
Mean spirited or playful banter? You be the judge. The only thing we know for certain is that the phrase “Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes” has officially become the most hilarious seven words ever uttered in the world of sports.
Pacman Jones no longer wants to be called Pacman Jones. Apparently, it is time to turn over a new leaf for Jones on and off the field, starting with that pesky nickname. OK, sure, and while we’re at it, why don’t we just stop calling Magic Johnson, Magic and drop the Kimbo from Kimbo Slice? What about striking Tiger from our memories as well? Listen, Pacman is here to stay and even if it weren’t, we’re certainly not going to resort to calling him Adam or Mr. Jones. However, we will consider the following list of possible Pacman replacements offered up from the fellas at Bleacher Report.
Galaga Jones: For his seeming inability to end a confrontation of any level without a certain level of gun play, coupled with his quest for interstellar domination.
Excite-Bike Jones: For his ability to escape the scene of any crime at an incredibly high rate of speed along a linear and predictable path.
Tecmo-Bowl Jones: Since the only time Jones will ever get to play in a Super Bowl will be vicariously through a poorly pixilated video simulation with a limited play-calling selection (not unlike the Minnesota Vikings).
Frogger Jones: For Jones’ amazing ability to sidestep and avoid any semblance of personal responsibility and accountability.
Ms. Pacman Jones: For his girlish and childlike attempt to escape his past and self-created reputation by trying to get a publicist to get people to stop calling him Pacman.
If we’re sticking with the video game theme then we’re going to throw Grand Theft Auto Jones into the mix. Seems fitting considering shooting up strip clubs is actually part of the game.
Links:
[Bleacher Report]: The Best New Nicknames for Adam `Pacman’ Jones
Categories
It’s true, everybody in MLB is doping
The use of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs has virtually marred the game of Major League Baseball unrecognizable. Nobody can jack a dinger or throw a 100-mph heater anymore without some level of scrutiny and doubt being cast upon their true abilities. And rightfully so. But one place we never ever thought would be tainted by the corruption of drug use was the the ball kids’ clubhouse. We were wrong.
See more funny videos at CollegeHumor
Team USA is still looking for that perfect combination of mad skillz and selflessness from the NBA’s best ballers in attempt to erase years of frustration at the hands of its international competition. When the team travels to Beijing in a little over a month, they might be sporting the best roster they’ve had since the first or second “Dream Team” (although we all know that there is really only ONE Dream Team, the original Dream Team). On Monday, the official announcement was wade and here’s the 12 guy’s expected to resurrect the ghosts of Summer Olympics past.
Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets
Carlos Boozer, Utah Jazz
Chris Bosh, Toronto Raptors
Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers
Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks
Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets
Tayshaun Prince, Detroit Pistons
Michael Redd, Milwaukee Bucks
Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat
Deron Williams, Utah Jazz
There is no doubt the rest of the world has defiantly caught up with America in the b-ball department, but there isn’t a country on the planet able to hang with this group of guards. And just imagine how motivated Bryant will be. The dream of grabbing a ring without the Diesel is over for now, but he can still lead his squad to a gold medal. Not a bad way to cap off a MVP season.
Links:
[ScoresReport.com]: Team USA roster announced
The guys over at Rumors and Rants are still stewing over the fact that a virtual-nobody in the NBA like
Marko Jaric can be engaged to megamodel Adrianna Lima. Hey, aren’t we all? But Jaric isn’t the only lucky bastard in the world of sports. So, here’s their list of “The Luckiest Guys In Sports History.”
Jim Sorgi – Peyton Manning’s Backup
Sam Cassell – 2008 Celtics
Eric Gagne – 2007 Boston Red Sox
Scott Podsednik – Married to Lisa Dergan
Christian Laettner – The Dream Team
Tony Romo – The Tail He Pulls
Jud Buechler – Three Titles With The Bulls
Jeremy Shockey – Giants Super Bowl Win
And speaking of lucky, there’s no way we can forget about this lucky dog.
In other news…
[Undrafted Free Agent]: Javon Kearse does his best Cedric Benson impersonation
[SI.com]: Pele gets no respect from the younger generation
[Pyle of List]: Sports movie coaches nominated for the HOF
[CNN.com]: 8-year-old knows more about baseball than most beat reporters
[Tirico Suave]: George Carlin, you will be missed greatly
[Mondesishouse.com]: A day of indulgence
[COEDMagazine.com]: The Babes of Wimbledon 2008
[CollegeOTR.com]: Celebrities’ kid’s colleges revealed
[JoshQPublic.com]: Worst. Strip club. Ever.
[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Worst. Rap battle. Ever.
And finally, here’s a guy dropping a subtle hint that he really, really wants a pool.
We’ve never really been fans of lacrosse, but the two dudes in this next clip have us searching the web to find the nearest indoor lacrosse game.
Lacrosse Fight – Watch more free videos
And while we’re on the subject of fighting, here’s a video we found displaying why you should never bring your kid brother to a throw down. Warning: Get out the earmuffs for the youngsters before watching.
You might think the NBA season is over now that the Boston Celtics have earned the franchise’s 17th championship, but there is no time to rest. In case you’ve forgotten, the Draft is right around the corner, Thursday to be exact, meaning there’s a whole lotta wheelin’ and dealin’ going on. Actually, there has been no real wheelin’ or dealin’ just yet, but the rumors are defiantly flying around. The most interesting bit of speculation we’ve come across originates out of Miami where the Heat are desperate to turn around a horrible 2007-08 campaign.
They’d be an infant team in a grown man’s league if the trade went down, but nothing could possibly frustrate Pat Riley more than what he went through last season. We say, “Git-R-Done!”
Links:
[Draft Nation]: Sunday’s NBA Draft Rumors
[Boston.com]: A Kidd shall lead them