Author: clay

Categories
College Football

University of Arizona fan gets fried after pissing off the wrong cop


We understand that football has far surpassed baseball for the title of `America’s pastime’, but some people take their passion for the game a bit too far and end up paying for their fanaticism. Like this loser student from the University of Arizona who got so mad that the school had oversold the home opener against Northern Arizona on Saturday night that he assaulted an officer, took a couple zaps from a stun gun and then got thrown in jail. Now that’s school spirit.

Sgt. Eugene Mejia, a UA police spokesman, said one of those students had to be stunned after he assaulted an officer.

Mejia said the student was treated by medical personnel but became combative again and was stunned a second time.

Officers arrested the student on suspicion of aggravated assault on a police officer.

We can somewhat sympathize with the crazy kid’s situation, after all, he was all psyched up to see Arizona and Northern Arizona go at it. We personally wouldn’t have taken it that far for such a lousy game, but that’s just us. We typically refuse to take 10,000 volts for anything less than a match-up between two Top 25 teams.

Links:

[KVOA.com]: Police use stun gun on student turned away from football game

Categories
All Other Sports

Pacman Jones is the champion of the world!


Pacman Jones isn’t playing in the NFL this season, but that doesn’t mean he’s not still ballin’ because Mr. Jones is now wearing TNA gold after winning the tag team championships.

In a title bout against the then champs Sting and Kurt Angle, Pacman showed his selfish side by refusing several attempted tags from his partner Ron “The Truth” Killings. Of course, once Angle did all the dirty work by turning on Sting and hitting him with the Angle Slam then Pacman got busy and simply covered Sting for the easy 1-2-3.

Yea, we’re as shocked as you that Team Pacman came up with the gold, after all it’s basically a one man show with Killings doing all the heavy lifting. What’s worse is that in addition to not being able to wrestle thanks to restrictions placed on him by the Titans, Pacman totally sucks being behind the mic.

So, he can’t wrestle and he can’t shoot the crap to the fans; how the hell is he gonna be a wrestler worthy of carrying any professional title? Oh well, looks like we’ve got another Hulk Hogan on our hands. Maybe commissioner Goodell would cut some time off that suspension Pacman’s serving if he’d just start pushing prayers and vitamins.

Links:

[TNAWrestling.com]: Official Results From Sunday’s No Surrender PPV

Categories
All Other Sports

Who’s up for some Groinball? (Yup, it’s basically what you think it is)

We make no secrets about it; we just love watching guys crumple in pain after a perfectly placed shot to the nuts. Then we found out that there is an entire sport dedicated to our passion. It’s called Groinball and it’s got rules and everything. At least the YouTube description says it does.

Groinball is a game with a rich tradition. It was invented by the Japanese shortly after the second world war, but stolen by the white man and brought back to America, where it was developed into the modern game we all love. Two teams of two compete in Groinball. Two opposition players face each other inside a box marked on the ground and place their hands on each others’ shoulders whilst their respective partners stand behind them. The object is for the players outside of the box to bounce tennis balls between their team mate’s legs so that they hit the opponent in the groin. The game is scored much like boxing in that points are given for hits (2X points for friendly fire) and the match ends after a pre-determined period or through a KO (defined as a player crumbling and hitting the floor).

And all these years we never realized that by trying to whack little Timmy from down the street in the package with a racquetball we were really on the verge of creating sport. With just a lil’ more innovation, we could have been these losers. Damn!

Categories
Buffalo Bills

Kevin Everett’s injury is a sobering reminder of how brutal football really is

Opening weekend of the NFL season is normally a time reserved for loud cheering, beer drinking, barbecue eating and unmatched hope for the upcoming season.  It’s supposed to be a time when fantasy football GMs feel the bitter pain and overwhelming joy of defeat and victory.  It’s supposed to be all those things, but how can it be when the football gods use opening Sunday to send a message that there’s more to life than winning and losing?

The Bills’ Kevin Everett is in ICU at a Buffalo hospital after a fairly routine tackle on the opening kickoff of the second half of the Bills/Broncos game.  Everett sustained a “cervical spine injury” that doctors believe could prevent him from ever walking again.  He’ll be sedated for the next 24-48 hours before doctors can determine more.  

(Brian) Overstreet (Everett’s agent) told the AP late Sunday that his client had some “sparse movement.”

“The next couple of days is going to be critical,” said Overstreet, responding to a question about paralysis. “Our concern is for him to come out of this healthy and, hopefully, be able to walk again.

This certainly makes Sunday’s highlights seem rather trivial and it has to be hard for any professional player to focus solely on the game when reality strikes down like a bolt of lightening.  We’d like to think these guys are superhuman the way they take a lickin’ and so often keep on tickin’, but it’s times like these that you realize why guys like Larry Johnson decide to hold out for more money.  Sure, some of it has to do with market value or simple greed, but these guys really are putting their health on the line each and every snap.  If that doesn’t deserve adequate compensation then nothing does.  

Links:

[AZCentral.com]: Bills’ Everett under sedation

Categories
All Other Sports

The U.S. Open just became Last Comic Standing

If you’re anything like us then you just loves you some tennis. And if you just loves you some tennis then you probably already know all about the comedic genius of one Mr. Novak Djokovic. He’s basically the Rich Little of the ATP. Well, he was at it again following his easy win at the U.S. Open on Thursday.

Even if a movie about tennis starring Will Ferrell came out, we don’t know if it could be funnier than ol’ Novak doing his best Maria Sharapova.

Categories
All Other Sports

This is why drug testing shouldn’t stop at the pro and collegiate levels

Take the movie Dodgeball, mix it up with Peyton Manning’s public service announcement and throw in a pair of losers who almost take themselves as seriously as finger jousters and what do you get? Unfortunately, you get this:

Well? Are you ready for some kickball!!!!!

Categories
College Football

Louisville and Middle Tennessee put on a show in a shootout


We were totally shocked to see that Louisville was only able to defeat Middle Tennessee by a measly seven points, 28-21. C’mon, this is No. 8 Louisville taking on lil’ ol’ Middle Tennessee! The Cards should be dropping 50 on these guys without even breaking a sweat.

Wait, what? Say that again? 28-21 wasn’t the final score, it was the first quarter score?!?!

Well, in that case; holy crap, did you see the first quarter of last night’s Louisville/Middle Tennessee game! It was amazing! Brian Brohm threw for 223 yards and two touchdowns on eight completions in the opening frame en route to a career-high 401 yards and five TDs to outlast MTSU in a shootout that ended up with a final of 58-42. The whole game was great, but the first quarter was indeed a sight to behold.

The two schools combined for 504 total yards (MTSU: 212, UL: 292) and a whopping 49 points in case you’re too hung-over from last night’s NFL opening night party to do the addition. It also helps that neither team decided to play a lick of defense until after the third touchdown of 70 or more yards was scored in the first 2:23. Even then, it still took a while to `slow’ things down as a total of five touchdowns were scored in the first five minutes of the game.

The final statistics of the game are equally incredible: 1,284 total yards from scrimmage and an eyeball popping 13 touchdowns.

I think these guys kept their heads up and on offense we said, ‘Keep scoring.’ That’s going to be our motto all year,” said Brian Brohm.

It’s a good thing too, because with Hawaii playing in the middle of the freakin’ night most weeks we’re thrilled to have our very own mainland Colt Brennan.

Links:

[SportingNews.com]: Brohm throws for 5 TDs as No. 8 Louisville holds off Middle Tenn.

Categories
LA Lakers

Enjoy it while you can, Phil Jackson might be going fishing soon


Phil Jackson gave lots of advice to Michael Jordan over the years they spent together winning championships and breaking countless NBA All-Stars’ hearts in the process. Now it appears that the Zen Master might be stealing a page out MJ’s personal playbook.

According to The Los Angeles Times, Jackson is considering retirement, again, after the end of this season. Of course, he’s going to wait out the year and see how everything shakes out before he makes the leap. Basically it means that he’s going to have to see where the always indecisive Kobe Bryant ends up after the Lakers drop their first round series to the Suns, again.

We know that Phil is desperate to get that 10th ring as a coach and go out like basketball’s version of Liberace with diamonds on every finger of his hands, but sometimes you’ve just got to know when to fold `em. It’s his legacy and he can do whatever he wants with it, but there’s no way we’d put up with Kobe’s crying as the one man show in LA continues to hover amongst mediocrity. And sorry, but a broken down Jermaine O’Neal isn’t going to bring this franchise back to glory.

We fully expect for Jackson to call it quits after this season, but we’re sure he’ll come running as soon as the next head coaching opportunity for a preassembled, championship caliber team becomes available.

Links:

[CBS2.com]: Phil Jackson Heading To Retirement?

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Michael Vick wants to know if the CliffsNotes for his plea are out yet



To Do: practice, work out, drown pit
bulls, watch film, smoke pot

Remember when Michael Vick publicly apologized in front of the nation for his part in that dogfighting ring that was being run out of his house. Well, it turns out that he walked off and left more behind than simply his freedom, livelihood and dignity. Apparently, he left behind the cheat sheet he needed to remind himself of what he was sorry for.

An employee from the Humane Society of the U.S. actually found Vick’s notes on the podium and they are now being auctioned off on eBay as a means of raising money to help put an end to animal cruelty. Take that Michael! The scrap of paper opened on the virtual market for a measly $20 bucks and has since skyrocketed up over $10,000! Here’s what 10 grand buys nowadays:

According to the eBay ad, Vick allegedly used the following notes to remember key points while making his public apology:

“Apologize for what I’ve done

Apologize comissioner (sic), AB [Falcons owner Arthur Blank], [Bobby] Petrino, ashamed, dissapointed (sic)

Young kids I acted immat.

Forgiveness + understanding

Take full responsibility for my actions

We all make mistakes

I’ve made mistakes in judgment”

Then, jotted into the lower right-hand corner of the paper it says, “Dogs have suffered.

Wait, Vick actually needed to jot down that “dogs have suffered”?!?! What’s worse is that he didn’t even make it a priority; he crammed it in at the last minute in the corner. Isn’t the fact that dogs have suffered the most fundamental reason why he’s in the situation he’s in? We think it’s pretty safe to say that if you have to write notes to yourself that remind you are “ashamed,” “disapointed” (be proud VT) and “take full responsibility for my actions” then you are probably neither ashamed, disappointed nor take full responsibility for your actions.

Links:

[Local10.com]: Vick Apology Notes Worth $10,000 On eBay

Categories
College Football

Arkansas St. coach says Big 12 admits they’re Indian givers


Michigan became the laughing stock of the college football world when they fell to Appalachian State in the Big House over the opening weekend, but it turns out that they might not have been the only gridiron powerhouse to get upset if it hadn’t been for those pesky refs bumbling up the calls.

Arkansas State coach Steve Roberts claims that the Big 12’s coordinator of officials admitted that the zebras goofed when the overturned an onside kick that was recovered by the Indians with 56 seconds left in what eventually went down as an extremely unimpressive 21-13 Longhorns victory.

We got a confirmation … (Tuesday) that they missed the call,” Roberts said.

The Indians were flagged with 56 seconds left in Saturday’s game for an improper formation. Texas recovered the second onside kick and ran out the clock.

Roberts said the game film showed the Indians had enough players on both sides of the ball before the kick.

“There’s nothing you can do about it now,” Roberts said. “I don’t have a reaction because a reaction’s worthless.

A Big 12 spokesman refused to confirm or deny that a conversation occurred concerning the call. Texas was ranked fourth in the nation going into the season opener. While it’s obvious that the Horns were clearly overrated coming into the season, this really is a moot point because nobody is going to be lining up the final 56 minutes of the game to see if Texas could stop Arkansas State’s last ditch effort. At this point, the only thing were concerned about is if the ref in question is of any relation to Tim Donaghy.

Links:

[ABC13.com]: Arkansas St. coach says Big 12 acknowledged bad call in Texas win