Author: clay

Categories
General Sports

You say couch potayto, we say couch potahto


Apparently ESPN gives out awards to honor people who mimic our weekend routine and nobody bothered to tell us about it. But its okay, we’re not bitter. Nope, we’re going to use the news as motivation so that we might crush the 2008 “Ultimate Couch Potato” Jeff Miller, taking our first steps toward destroying the evil empire known as ESPN. Until then, we’re just going to laugh at the pathetic showing of 40.5 consecutive, sleepless hours, staring at television screens while being confined to a Lazy Boy.

The contest was held in the ESPN Zone in New York where Windy City native Miller sat for almost two full days before being declared this year’s champion at 2:30 Thursday morning.

Although I tried to visualize and imagine the conditions and how this competition would play out, I was still unprepared for how difficult the whole thing was. The first 12 to 15 hours are pretty easy because there’s plenty on TV and all the highlights are new, but at 3 a.m. it’s extremely difficult to not fall asleep,” said the 24-year-old Miller.

We’re not trying to toot our own horn here, but did he seriously have to “visualize and imagine the conditions” beforehand? Hell, we haven’t left our couch since the bowl season began sometime in mid-December and we haven’t even broken a sweat yet. And no sleep is not a problem for us; we just get all jacked up on Mountain Dew. Now, if you’ll excuse us, a World Series of Poker marathon is about to get started on the Deuce and we’ve got some training to do.

Links:

[NBC5.com]: 2008 `Couch Potato’ Named Following Competition

Categories
All Other Sports

"Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…a motorcycle?"

The great Evel Knievel is gone, but the world’s greatest daredevil has to be smiling after Robbie Maddison set the record for jumping a motorcycle on Monday, setting the new mark at an amazing 322 feet, 7 ½ inches. About the only thing more amazing than the jump itself was hearing Mark Schlereth call the action.

And just like the original king of extreme in his heyday, Maddison isn’t about to rest on his laurels.

He was asked how far he thinks he can jump.

“Four hundred feet,” Maddison said. “I know I’m definitely going to do it.

Don’t worry, they’re preparing the body cast in advance.

Links:

[WCBSTV.com]: Australian Motorcyclist Breaks Jump Record

Categories
Toronto Raptors

Give America what it needs, vote for Chris W. Bosh in ’08

You know Chris Bosh as rebound-grabbing, slam dunk-delivering, shot-blocking machine. Needless to say, some of you have already bubbled in his name on the 2008 ballot as an Eastern Conference All-Star. Well, Mr. Bosh appreciates all your recent support. And for all the undecideds, Chris W. is here to assure you that if you vote for Bosh, your vote will not be cast in vain.

Please America, don’t make W. beg. “For the love of god, just let the boy play in the All-Star game!!!”

Links:

[Chris-Bosh.com]: Home

Categories
New York Jets

Jets fans get cut off during the team’s season finale


Normally testosterone filled men are willing to put up with almost anything in exchange for a brief glimpse at a pair of boobs. However, we did say “almost anything” because every man has a line that they just won’t cross; for `J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS!’ fans, that line in the sand has to do with booze.

After Jets fans got busted for having halftime flashing parties in the innards of the stadium, the franchise decided to ban alcohol for the Jets’ final home game this past Sunday. So, not only were the fans boobless, but they were beerless and they had to watch the lame Jets play a meaningless contest against an equally awful Chiefs squad. Needless to say, the natives were a bit restless about the situation, especially since the Jets blindsided fans with the announcement just prior to kickoff.

The beer ban was not announced before the game so that fans would not “overindulge” in the parking lot ahead of kickoff, [James R.] Minish [executive vice president of facilities for the New Jersey Sports & Exposition Authority] said.

Jets spokesman Bruce Speight said the ban was primarily aimed at curbing excess at a game that, with a post-4 p.m. kickoff, allowed for lots of tailgating and took place just before a holiday.

“At times, when we think there is a greater chance of alcohol consumption, we take steps to adjust our policy,” Speight said Monday, adding the team imposed a similar ban in 2005. “This was not specific to Gate D.”

The Jets prevailed 13-10 in overtime of their season finale against the Kansas City Chiefs, but some fans let authorities know they missed their suds.

“We want beer!” some chanted at halftime, The Star-Ledger of Newark reported.

Meanwhile, over at Ralph Wilson Stadium, the puckheads were tailgating in full force. And while we feel sorry for the Jets fans that had to watch their team sober, if they were just a little more prepared, like hockey fans, then this wouldn’t even be a problem. Unlike football fans, hockey fans will do anything to get drunk before a game. No surprise ban is gonna keep them from being sloshed in the stands. Heck, who else does pregame bowling ball shots in the parking lot?

And there’s a bar set up for those interested in having a shot of Polish cherry liqueur poured out of the thumbhole of a bowling ball.

“I call it my 16-pound shot glass,” [Ken] Johnson said. “It actually tastes (awful). I don’t know why people drink it. But I go through 12-14 bottles of this a game.”

Links:

[WCBSTV.com]: Jets Plan To Resume Beer Sales Next Season
[Charlotte.com]: Fans cook up a flurry of fun

Categories
New York Giants

Yet another reason to take the stairs

There were plenty of shrieks of agony coming from New York Giants fans on Saturday as the Patriots made history inside the Meadowlands, beating the G-Men 38-35 and becoming the first team to ever run the table during a 16-game regular season. While there was plenty of pain in the stands, the real suffering and anguish occurred under the bleachers.

The escalator at Gate A apparently failed at the bottom steps, state police Lt. Jim Crann said. The escalator runs from the stadium’s upper tier to the ground level, and Crann said it appeared some bottom steps became bent, causing some fans foot and leg injuries.

James Minish, executive vice president of facilities for the New Jersey Sports & Exposition Authority, which operates the stadium, said one of the injured fans appeared to have a fractured leg, while others had scrapes and bruises.

Two fans apparently suffered more serious leg injuries, Minish said, but he did not have further details.

Of course, escalator accidents aren’t always a result of mechanical failures. In fact, according to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, 75 percent of the 6,000 escalator injuries per year are due to falls. Like this one:

Or this one:

Links:

[WashingtonPost.com]: 7 Injured on Escalator at Meadowlands
[NorthJersey.com]: Stadium escalator had failed before

Categories
LA Lakers

Around the Rim: Just like the good ol’ days


1. Boston beat the pants off L.A.
The Lakers completely humiliated themselves on the court last night. Forget all about the 19-point plunking they received from the Celtics, we’re talking about their numbskull decisions to wear the old school short shorts. Talk about motivation, there was no way in hell that Kevin Garnett and the “Boston Three Party” were going to get beaten by a group of guys wearing purple and gold nut-huggers. The Showtime wannabes came to their sense at halftime, donning the contemporary parachute shorts, but it didn’t make a lick of difference as Boston won easily in L.A. 110-91. Paul Pierce had 33 points, Garnett finished with 22 points and 12 rebounds and Ray Allen added 19 for the Leprechauns. The Lakers four-game winning streak went down the tubes as Kobe Bryant shot six-of-25 for 22 points and Lamar Odom went six-for-17, scoring just 14 points.

2. No Answer

On Friday night, Allen Iverson scored 39 points and Carmelo Anthony chipped in 30 as the Nuggets escaped Oakland with a 124-120 victory, but in the home-and-home rematch it was the Warriors dynamic duo that stole the show. Baron Davis (28 pts) and Stephen Jackson (23 pts) combined for 51 points and Golden State snapped a seven-game losing skid in Denver despite being outrebounded 56-42. Anthony finished with 26 points and 10 rebounds, but Iverson couldn’t find his rhythm, missing 10 of his 12 shots for just 13 points. After starting the season winless through six games, the Warriors are 18-7 and now own the eighth best record in the West.

3. That’s a wrap
The NBA season is only about two months old, but the Spurs and Grizzlies are already done with each other. San Antonio took the season series 3-1 with a 111-87 victory deep in the heart of Texas on Sunday night. Tim Duncan had 17 rebounds to go along with a game-high tying 24 points, matched by teammate Tony Parker who also dished out nine assists. Michael Finley chipped in 22 as he continues to pick up the slack for an injured Manu Ginobili. The Spurs trio of wins were by a combined 40 points while the only loss to their division rival came by way of a Rudy Gay buzzer-beating 3-pointer. Needless to say, Memphis is sick of seeing silver and black.

Sunday’s Player of the Day: Tim Duncan vs. Memphis 33 min, 24 pts (FG: 10-20, FT: 4-7), 17 reb, 7 ast, 1 stl, 3 blk

Monday’s Game to Watch: Portland (18-12) @ Utah (16-16)
The last team Utah wants to bump into right now is the Trail Blazers, so, as fate would have it, the Jazz are scheduled to face the white-hot Blazers twice in the upcoming week. Portland is riding a 13-game winning streak into Salt Lake City with two of the franchise’s second longest string of victories coming against Utah. The Jazz are currently three games behind the Northwest Division leading Blazers and desperately need a quality win to help snap them out of their current 3-11 slide. Knocking off the league’s hottest team would be a perfect cure to what ails them.

Buzzer Beater: Scottie Pippen doesn’t like Scott Skiles, but don’t take our word for it.

I didn’t like him,” Pippen said.

See. Well, now that Skiles got a pink slip from the Bulls, Pippen wants to his shot at dropping the “Baby” from the Bulls. And, according to Pippen, no experience is no problem.

What’s the key to this good ol’ boy system they have?” he asked. “You’ve got to go to Europe and coach two years? Sit next to someone for a year? And then looking at someone like me and trying to figure out how your team did it, how you got there every time? Guys like Skiles have never been there. Can he give a motivation speech like someone who’s been in those games? I’ve played for championships.

“What experience do you need? You have assistants who have been there. If I made a mistake, I wouldn’t be the first coach to make a mistake. I’d love the opportunity to be part of the organization now that Skiles is gone. I’ve won championships with this organization and been in the competition when everything was on the line. I was a coach on the floor. Why isn’t that experience?

Categories
Indianapolis Colts

Boom! Now that’s a tackle!

The Titans won a must-win situation on Sunday night, defeating Indianapolis to secure a playoff spot. But even post season berths took a backseat in this game after Chris Henry was on the wrong end of the collision of the game – nay, the collision of the year.

Sweet mother of pearl! Did anyone get the license plate of that mini van that just ran over Henry?

Categories
College Basketball

Don’t call it a blowout. Actually, go ahead and call it a blowout.


With the college bowl season in full swing, the NFL playoff picture crystallizing and the beginnings of new NCAA, NBA and NHL seasons underway, it’s pretty easy to overlook women’s basketball. But there is no overlooking a 119-point victory! Yup, Wayne State pounded Temple Baptist College 132-13, coming up just three points short of snapping the record set in 2001 when West Texas A&M defeated National Christian 155-33.

How bad were the Rams?

Well, they committed 54 turnovers, which led to 92 Wayne State points. They allowed Wayne to score the game’s first 38 points and gave up 58 field goals, four short of the NCAA record Norfolk State scored in 1990 against Fayetteville State.

Wayne State dressed 10 players for the game. The starters played 19 minutes each, and the subs each played 21.

“We didn’t press, which we usually do, and we didn’t play man-to-man, which we usually do, so we changed some things,” Bradley said. “My starters played the game with a lot of class. They didn’t try showboating and didn’t try to embarrass them.

We’ll admit that when a team commits 54 turnovers, they are pretty much embarrassing themselves, but, c’mon coach, we’re talking a triple-digit victory against a team that dressed just five players. In our book, that’s the definition of embarrassing somebody.

Links:

[Freep.com]: BLOWOUT! How Wayne State basketball won game by 119 points

Categories
All Other Sports

The Chick-fil-A cows aren’t the only ones who want to be left alone

Normally we don’t report on the world of cow acrobatics, but when we see a calf with a better standing dropkick than Randy Orton’s then we just gotta show it off to the masses.

Categories
Dallas Mavericks

Around the Rim: Distraught in Dallas


1. Big D continues shrinking
The last time Cleveland grabbed a victory in Dallas was in 2000 PJ. To those who don’t know, PJ means pre-James; as in LeBron James. On Thursday night, that streak came to an end as James scored 24 points to lift his squad to an 88-81 victory over the sagging Mavericks. Dallas is now 19-11 on the season with no end in sight for their inconsistencies. Dirk Nowitzki scored 19 points to go with his 20 rebounds, but the tailspin continues for Big D who had just 15 losses in the entire 2006-07 campaign. Regardless of their struggles, you can’t count out the Mavs just yet. After all, this is a team that lost eight consecutive games between the Finals of ’06 through the opening of ’07 before winning 67 of their next 78 games.

2. That’s Amare

When Amare Stoudemire gets going, it’s basically impossible to stop him; just ask the Clippers. The man-child went off for 30 points, 15 rebounds and four blocks against the other L.A. team as the Suns built up a 36-point lead at one point, en route to a 108-88 victory in Los Angeles. Heck, the big man had a double-double by the half (20 pts, 11 reb). Making a good thing even better for Phoenix is the fact that they host the same squad tonight in an Arizona arena after spending their last two games in L.A. playing the Lakers and Clippers. Well, playing the Clippers might be an overstatement. The Suns were up by 19 at the half and 30 after three quarters. And that Chris Kaman guy who is deservedly getting serious All-Star consideration was invisible on Thursday, finishing with nine rebounds and nine points on four-of-17 shooting.

3. Boston’s U turn
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, what a difference a year makes. The Celtics managed to win just 24 games all of last season. One year and two superstars later, Boston has 24 wins in only 27 games! Their latest victory was an easy one as the Cs ran over the Sonics in Seattle 104-96. Ray Allen finished with just 10 points in his return to Seattle, but Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce combined for 60 points and 20 rebounds in the victory. The other Kevin in the other shade of green shot 10-of-23 for 25 points as his team fell to 8-21 in his rookie campaign. Boston’s west coast road trip continues on Saturday when they take on the Jazz, followed by a trip to Tinseltown for a contest against Kobe Bryant and the Lakers.

Thursday’s Player of the Day: Amare Stoudemire @ Los Angeles Clippers 27 min, 40 pts (FG: 11-14, FT: 8-10), 15 reb, 1 ast, 4 blk

Friday’s Game to Watch: Denver (17-11) @ Golden State (17-12)
The only teams that score more points per game than the Nuggets are the Warriors and the Suns, so if you like watching teams put the ball in the basket then this is the game for you. Golden State is always worth watching with their small-ball, run-n-fun style. And when you throw in the added benefit of possibly catching a glimpse of a pregnant Jessica Alba sitting courtside then it becomes a `definitely must watch’ contest. Of course, if you prefer the game itself then we guess you could watch Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony do their thing. That might be entertaining as well.

Buzzer Beater: Gilbert Arenas isn’t like most NBAers. He doesn’t need a car or a house or more bling-bling to make him happy at Christmas. Nope, Agent 0 is perfectly satisfied with the lil’ things in life.

Then, I woke up the other day and saw a package at my door. The package was Lil’ Penny in a box, something I’ve wanted since I was little. I was just so happy about it.

It’s Lil’ Penny man!

Whew, for a second there we thought we heard you say it was something else in a box.