Author: clay

Categories
Detroit Lions

The pizza man is still delivering


Roy Williams is a heck of a wide receiver, but no matter how many yards he accumulates or touchdowns he celebrates, his ball-snagging abilities are nothing compared to his knack for spittin’ sweet quotes. And this guy makes some insane catches. While this year wasn’t his finest campaign on the field, his appearances on the local sports talk radio shows were par none. So, here’s a nice sampling of Williams’ Orch Dork’s best work in 2007.

On why Jeff Garcia stunk in Detroit:

Cause he blamed everybody else. He blamed everybody else but himself. Like it’s (the receivers’) fault. In the West Coast system, my son can run the West Coast system and he’s only two.

Since you grew up in Texas, you’ve never had to shovel anything have you?

Maybe some cow manure or something.

What do you think he (Shaun Rogers) likes more playing football or eating?

I’d have to say football. You know they say the football is pigskin. He may eat the football.

So are you the skittish type? Like afraid of thunderstorms?

What? No. Not me. … I’m scared of people; some people can look scary. We had a wideout dinner Friday night at the MGM, which is pretty good at Bourbon Steak … and there’s a guy who walked in, had on all black. He had stringy hair that he parted from the middle … and I kept my eye on him the whole time.

On Joey Harrington:

I’ve always been a Joey fan — still am a Joey fan. I don’t think it was just Joey. I think it was guys in the locker room (who were) a little soft. Seeing what I see now, I don’t think guys really cared about winning. All they really cared about was (a Lions assistant) dropping their checks off Monday morning. That’s just the way I felt my first two years here. I think that was just the main problem.

What was that dance you did? You did like a shimmy, and your stomach was showing.

Yeah little shimmy little shake. Just a fat wide receiver in the NFL trying to make a play for his team.

Did you just call yourself a fat wide receiver?

Oh no question. I used to have a six-pack you know. I don’t know where that thing went.

It’s all that Pizza Hut bro.

(Laughs) No question, no question.

Links:

[Freep.com]: Best of Roy Williams Part One
[Freep.com]: Best of Roy Williams Part Two
[Freep.com]: Best of Roy Williams Part Three

Categories
NFL General

When did "Michael Row the Boat Ashore" become a stadium anthem?

If you thought that Janet Jackson’s nip slip was the most offensive moment the Super Bowl ever produced then you ain’t seen nothing yet. Obviously, you don’t remember the “Up With People” fiasco during SB XVI. Like with Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction a few years back, if there are small children in the room, cover their eyes and ears immediately.

Links:

[The Big Lead]: Worst. Super Bowl. Halftime. Ever.

Categories
College Football

Nothing tops a sports-loving granny

We don’t know about you guys, but we had a Grandma who became addicted to NBA basketball late in life and we gotta admit, she kept us in stitches with her over enthusiasm and lack of knowledge. She’d scream things at the television like “Don’t let `em score” when the game was about 20 seconds in or “Run, run, run!” every time her team touched the ball. And if her squad didn’t come up on the winning side of things then it was obviously because “Those other fellars cheated.” Aww, we miss Maw-Maw. Luckily, we’ve got this old lady to remind us of the good ol’ days.

Thanks lady, you have no idea how much your comments like “C’mon defense. Do you know what defense is?,” and “If you blow a 31-14 lead at the half then you are not doing your job. No way,” mean to us.

Categories
Houston Rockets

Around the Rim: Eyeing a comeback


1. Rockets taking off without McGrady
The Rockets are finally getting used to playing without Tracy McGrady. In fact, Houston won their third consecutive game by beating Washing 92-84 on Tuesday night. Unfortunately, T-Mac might be back in uniform for Friday’s game at home against the Timberwolves after being sidelined since Dec. 23. Hopefully for Houstonians, McGrady adds to the team’s current success instead of devolving the chemistry. Led by Luther Head’s 24 points, three Rockets reached double-figures against the Wiz, including Yao Ming who finished with 21 points, nine rebounds and four blocked shots. With the win, Houston (18-17) jumped above .500 for the first time since being 12-11 almost a month ago.

2. Are you Kidding?

Jason Kidd racking up a triple-double is nothing new, but do it three games in a row and, now, we’ve got something to talk about. On Tuesday, Kidd became the first player since Grant Hill to record a triple-dip in a trio of consecutive games by scoring 13 points, grabbing 11 boards and passing out 12 assists against the Bobcats. And if Kidd hadn’t come up two assists shy in a game against Orlando, he would be looking at four straight triple-doubles. The last person to do that was, you guessed it, Michael Jordan who had seven consecutive way, way back in 1989. Oh, and if you care about things like team play and scores then you might be interested to know that Charlotte defeated the Nets quite easily, 115-99.

3. Fancy meeting you here
LeBron James didn’t have to go pro. Kevin Durant didn’t need to go to college. But regardless of their individual paths, the two superstars (one established and one in the making) met on the hardwood for the first time Tuesday night. Durant played one of the best contests of his rookie campaign, scoring a game-high 24 points on 10-of-20 shooting and grabbed six rebounds before spraining his ankle late in the game. Despite the early exit, Durant won the one-on-one offensive battle against LBJ, but his team lost the war with the Cavs. James finished with 22 points and Cleveland cruised to a 95-79 home victory.

Tuesday’s Player of the Day: Dwight Howard @ Sacramento 38 min, 29 pts (FG: 11-13, FT: 7-8), 15 reb, 1 ast, 2 stl, 1 blk

Wednesday’s Game to Watch: Detroit (26-8) @ Dallas (23-11)
The Pistons have been off since Saturday and in that time, you know the Bad Boys have been stewing over their loss to East’s glitzy favorites, the Beantown Celtics. Unfortunately for the Mavericks, they’re next in line and the Pistons are dying to get back to their winning ways. Before the loss to Boston, Detroit won 11 consecutive games and 18 out of 20, but Dallas is finally catching fire as well. After bouncing back and forth between wins and losses, Dirk Nowitzki and the Mavs seem to have found some consistency, winning four straight and nine of their previous 11 contests. Since scoring a season-low seven points against New Orleans on Dec. 14, Nowitzki has topped 19 points in the last ten games, scoring 30 or more four times.

Buzzer Beater: Losing to the Minnesota Timberwolves is pretty much the lowest of low, even for the lowly Miami Heat. But that is exactly what happened on Tuesday when the T-Wolves picked up their fifth win of the season by spanking the Shaqless Heat 101-91. After the game, Dwyane Wade made the understatement of the year.

We’re not exactly 28-5 this year,” Wade said of his 8-27 Heat, who have the worst record in the Eastern Conference. “We’re one of the worst teams in the league as well.

Categories
College Football

Mountaineers fans could learn a thing or two about tact from Raiders fans


We understand that football is a game of passion, even for the fans. However, sometimes, that passion can get out of hand. A prime example of this involves the hillbillies in West Virginia who are harassing and threatening family members of former Mountaineers coach turned Michigan man Rich Rodriguez.

His mother, Arleen Rodriguez, told the Charleston Daily Mail her teenage grandson received a death threat and found other harassing notes taped to his locker at East Fairmont High. She said her 12-year-old granddaughter had to be escorted to classes.

Mountaineers fans furious about Rodriguez’s Dec. 16 decision to bolt for Ann Arbor also vandalized his home near Morgantown, hanging signs on a fence and tossing a mailbox in the yard.

Nothing says class like delivering death threats to a kid. While the select mullet-wearing West Virginia `fans’ get the nod for most unappealing display of hostility, the dumbest duo award goes to this pair of pool sharks who apparently need put their fat wrists on a diet.

Two Czech men stuck in a billiard table while searching for a ball had to call the fire department and were freed only when rescuers took the table apart, a newspaper reported yesterday.

At first, the two pool players in the city of Karlovy Vary thought it was funny when both of their hands became trapped inside the table. But panic struck when they could not free themselves, Lidove Noviny reported.

“Their trapped hands hurt them quite a bit,” a fire brigade spokesman said. “We have no clue at all how they could become stuck in there. In the end we had no other option but to dismantle the entire table.

Links:

[SignOnSanDiego.com]: Hey, poor Mountaineers: burn couch, not coach

Categories
NBA General

No. 23’s shoes turn 23!


Has it really been 23 years since the first edition of Air Jordan shoes hit the shelves? It seems just like yesterday we were raking leaves, mowing laws, washing cars and even selling off our prized Garbage Pail Kids collection just to get a piece of the action. Well, some things never change because later this month Nike is releasing the 23rd edition of the kicks and, yes, they still cost a small fortune.

The Air Jordan XX3 will be released in three hyped-up rounds from January to February, starting with a limited edition to be sent to only 23 retailers to be sold for $230 and concluding with the national launch at $185.

There had been talk at Nike about retiring the shoe at No. 23, because of his iconic jersey number. But company officials won’t say whether this will be the last of the line. Neither will Jordan.

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Jordan said in an e-mail to The Associated Press.

We probably shouldn’t do this, but we’re going to let you in on a little secret. There is no way that Jordan lets this cash cow be led into pasture. His Airness didn’t become a one-man walking bank by quitting while he was ahead.

And while we’re sure the Air Jordan XX3 will be some sweet kicks, you won’t be catching us pawning our prized possessions again just to get a pair. It took us years to come across another mint condition “Adam Bomb.” That’s why we’ve been selling our blood and plasma for extra cash. While the latest model is always packed with all the bells and whistles, for us, nothing can top the classics.

The Air Jordan remains the pinnacle piece for shoe collectors. The original Air Jordan 1 can sell for thousands of dollars, depending on various factors.

So, does anybody need a fresh pint of Type A+?

Links:

[DeseretNews.com]: Nike releases 23rd edition of the Air Jordan

Categories
Philadelphia Phillies

Being a big time baller ain’t all fun and games


Being a rookie sucks. You gotta bring in the doughnuts and coffee every morning, do the veterans bidding and, of course, humiliate yourself for the enjoyment of the team. Yup, being a rookie sucks. Luckily or unluckily, depending on how you view it, we, the fans, only see about one percent of the good stuff. If you think that getting taped to the goalpost is all that’s going on then you’re crazy. And thanks to Bugs and Cranks, we get to see the 2007 Phillies crop of rooks take their hazing in character. Enjoy.

Obviously, there’s no way around it, hazing totally sucks, but at least they weren’t on the East High School football team.

One of three East High School football players charged in 3rd District juvenile court in hazing episodes is now facing five additional felony charges involving sexual misconduct with two children, ages 8 and 11.

…

Court documents filed Thursday state that the 16-year-old held a gun to an 11-year-old boy’s head and to the head of another child and told them to clean a house. The teen also demanded that the 11-year-old perform a sexual act with him, according to court documents.

Prosecutors also state that the 16-year-old, on another occasion, held a gun to an 8-year-old boy’s head and told him to clean a room, then insisted the child perform a sexual act with him, which the younger boy refused to do. The 16-year-old then committed a sex act in front of the child, court documents state.

Links:

[Bugs and Cranks]: In 2007, Phillies rookies got hazed
[DesertNews.com]: Teen charged in East High hazing faces more charges involving kids

Categories
College Basketball

You wanna get Jay Bilas fired up? Just mention Michigan


Jay Bilas is usually a fairly reserved guy from what we can tell. Sure, he can be annoying at times because he’ll talk Xs and Os until you’re blue in the face, but he still seems like a pretty nice fellow. But it seems that Bilas has a sore spot when it comes to Michigan coach John Beilein. How sore? Let’s just say that these two probably didn’t spend the holidays together.

Beilein makes his players sound so stupid and clueless that it is insulting. First, and I say this as a guy who thinks that basketball is far more complicated than most seem to understand, to refer to your own basketball understanding as ‘wisdom’ seems a bit much. Knowledge, yes. Wisdom, take a pill. Even John Wooden wouldn’t refer to his own knowledge as ‘wisdom.’ Second, if your system is so complicated that you need to refer to recruited athletes and students admitted to the University of Michigan as the basketball equivalent of toddlers, maybe you should simplify things so you can compete favorably with Harvard, Central Michigan or Western Kentucky.

Bilas’ hate isn’t exclusively reserved for Beilein; turns out that he has a problem with the entire Wolverines program, starting with their AD, Bill Martin. Here’s his take on the team from mid-December.

Asked in a college basketball chat of which program was in bigger trouble — Michigan or Kentucky, Bilas said, “Michigan. They just don’t get it. I think that John Beilein will do a great job, with time. But, it will take time. Michigan had a dirty program, brought in Amaker to clean it up, and he did that. Along the way, he won. He just didn’t crack the NCAA Tournament barrier. Now, with good talent, they are getting their heads bashed in because they are starting over. How do you think those kids feel? Their heads are spinning. It is clear to me that one person needs to go…and that is Bill Martin. He has presided over this, and if the prior coach needed to go, then Martin should go too. If an AD’s job is to put the pieces in place to have a winning program, then Martin is not living up to that end. Sorry, but that is how I see it.

Links:

[Freep.com]: ESPN’s Bilas: `Beilein makes his players sound so stupid and clueless that it is insulting.’
[Freep.com]: ESPN’s Jay Bilas believes U-M AD Bill Martin needs to go

Categories
College Football

Call us crazy, but we’re guessing the people in purple and yellow are picking LSU

In case you didn’t know, the BCS National Championship game between LSU and THE Ohio State University goes down tonight and with the biggest prize in college football on the line, there should be a whole lot of head banging going in Louisiana. So, who’s going to win the big game? If you really want to know the answer to that question, don’t listen to the knuckleheads on TV or the monkeys pounding away at their keyboards. You gotta turn to the passionate rabble patiently waiting in the streets for kickoff to come around. Just don’t expect any hard-hitting analysis from people wearing tiger-striped purple pimp suits.

Categories
Cleveland Cavaliers

Around the Rim: Flying high in the fourth


1. “It’s your fault.”
Scoring 39 points for LeBron James isn’t really that big of a deal. Nowadays, we pretty much expect the King to get at least 30 on a nightly basis. But 39 points takes on a whole new meaning when LBJ scores 24 of `em in the fourth quarter. James scored two-thirds of the Cavs points in the final period, helping Cleveland break even on the season (17-17) with a 93-90 win in Toronto. James also finished with 11 rebounds and eight assists, citing some front-row hecklers for his late outburst. The Raptors got 23 points out of Chris Bosh and 16 points and 11 assists out of Jose Calderon, but it wasn’t enough to overcome the opposition’s one-man heroics as Toronto lost their second consecutive game, falling to third in the Atlantic Division.

2. San Antonio’s revolving door

The Spurs rollercoaster ride of a season went for another `up and down’ on Sunday when Manu Ginobili returned to the defending champs’ lineup following a five-game absence, putting in 23 points in 29 minutes off the bench. But in the final minutes of the Spurs 88-82 road victory, the stomachs of San Antonio fans quickly relocated to their throats as Tim Duncan and Corey Maggette banged knees, sending Duncan to floor where he clutched his leg. Luckily for Gregg Popovich’s crew, Duncan seems to have escaped without a major or even minor injury and isn’t expected to miss any time after finishing with 17 points and 17 rebounds against the Clippers. Then again, Pop is known to be conservative in these types of situations, so it wouldn’t be surprising to see Tim sit a game or two.

3. Remember me?
The 76ers took a cross country trip to see their old running mate, but Allen Iverson didn’t exactly play the role of gracious host. A.I. lit up his former squad for 38 points and eight assists, giving Denver its third consecutive win and control of the Northwest Division. This was just Iverson’s second game against the Sixers since being traded in 2006 with both contests being played in Denver. On March 19, the Answer will make his first trip back to Philly and even Iverson doesn’t know what to expect.

You don’t know what the environment’s going to be like,” Iverson said. “I know it’s going to be strange because I played there so many years and I fell in love with the fans there. I was a part of them, they were a part of me. It’s obviously going to be different.

Sunday’s Player of the Day: LeBron James @ Toronto 46 min, 39 pts (FG: 14-29, 3FG: 4-8, FT: 7-12), 11 reb, 8 ast

Monday’s Game to Watch: Denver (21-12) @ Phoenix (23-10)
It’s not too often that one can say the second best team in the Western Conference is in desperate need of a win, but the Suns are in desperate need of a win. Phoenix is just 6-4 in their previous 10 games with the loses coming to quality teams and the wins coming against a bunch of scrubs, minus a win in San Antonio and one against the Raptors. The result is that the Lakers are now knocking on the division door [1 ½ games separate the two], ready to cross the threshold into first place. Winning a home shootout against the Nuggets would be a big confidence booster for the Suns, but the highest-scoring duo in the league will have something to say about that. Allen Iverson (26.9 ppg) and Carmelo Anthony (25.3 ppg) look to take Denver to their fourth consecutive win, but yet another injury to Kenyon Martin could prove costly on defense as Amare Stoudemire is torching opponents with regularity this season.

Buzzer Beater: Don’t pencil in Stoudemire’s 22 points and nine rebounds per game just yet because there is a small chance the All-Star center/forward could miss tonight’s game against the Nuggets. Turns out Stoudemire missed the Suns’ Sunday practice for “personal reasons.” General manager Steve Kerr will discuss the issue with Stoudemire sometime today and depending on the outcome of the meeting, there could be possible disciplinary actions handed out in the form of a fine or suspension.