Author: clay

Categories
NBA General

Around the Rim: Portland gets a breath of fresh air



The next Jail Trail Blazer?

1. The West just got even better
It was one of the more shocking lotteries in recent history, as neither Memphis nor Boston grabbed either of the top two picks, a.k.a. Greg Oden or Kevin Durant, despite being the worst teams in the league, but instead it was a pair of Northwest Division clubs who changed their fortunes. With just a 5.3 percent chance of winning the whole shebang, the Portland Trail Blazers grabbed the top pick while Seattle ended up with a heck of a consolation prize. The beauty of this is that these two kids will grow as rivals for at least the beginning of their careers as they compete for the same division title every year. Unfortunately they will have some stiff competition for the crown as Utah, Denver and Minnesota all reside in the Northwest. But the real losers in this year’s lottery are those pathetic Grizzlies, Celtics and Bucks who put up some horrid regular season records but still had the statistical advantage slip through their fingers, giving their fans no reason to attend any home games in the next few years. That really sucks for those guys but our “kick to the crotch award” goes to Atlanta who came so freakin’ close to grabbing a franchise cornerstone but instead is going to have to settle for the La Toya Jackson of the draft. (Full lottery results)

2. Spurs dominate again

Like in Game 1, the Jazz put together a late run but they couldn’t escape from San Antonio with a victory as the Spurs grabbed a 2-0 lead in the West finals behind a 105-96 Game 2 win. Tim Duncan continued his run of playoff domination as he finished with 26 points and 14 rebounds while Tony Parker dished out a career playoff-high 14 assists to go with his 17 points. Utah had better hope that their home crowd gives them some added umph because the Spurs are starting to make this look way too easy. Sure, Carlos Boozer (33 pts, 15 reb) and Deron Williams (26 pts, 10 ast) are getting it done on the blue team but at this point it is a two man show against a cohesive unit. Sorry, but without some help from the role players, this is going to be a quick and easy series for the West crown.

3. Another Denver delinquent
Ron Artest might have found a new home after pretty much wearing out his welcome in Sacramento by being involved in several incidents with the law since arriving. So, what whacked out coach would possibly be willing to take a ride in the Artest demolition derby? Why, George Karl of course. Yup, the Denver Nuggets are looking to add rapper extraordinaire “Tru Warier” Artest to their bad boy lineup of Kenyon “Microfracture” Martin, Allen “Practice” Iverson and Carmelo “Sucker Punch” Anthony. We’re guessing that Artest would fit right in with this crew and we’re also guessing that in typical Karl fashion he wouldn’t be able to handle his malcontent cast and end up blaming the Nuggets management for his poor compilation.

Tuesday’s Player of the Day: Tim Duncan vs. Utah 38 min, 26 pts (FG: 10-15, FT: 6-8), 14 reb, 4 ast, 2 stl, 5 blk

Buzzer Beater: Well it sure didn’t take the Rockets very long to find a replacement for Jeff Van Gundy after the front office decided to give him the boot on Friday, because Rick Adelman is expected to be introduced as the new coach on Wednesday. It should be a good fit; Houston definitely needs a veteran coach who can properly utilize his tools and Adelman has proven that he can win. Hey, this guy got some great mileage out of Vlade Divac for cryin’ out loud; surely he can turn Yao Ming into a beast. And if you don’t think Adelman desperately wants to win a ring then just remember that he has the highest winning percentage (.610) of any coach who doesn’t have a championship.

Categories
All Other Sports

Countdown to UFC 71: Kalib Starnes vs. Chris Leben & Houston Alexander vs. Keith Jardine



Are we the only ones who are sick
of this guy?

If you are like us then you can’t wait until Saturday night when Chuck Liddell takes on Quinton Jackson for the world light heavyweight championship belt. So, in preparation for the big fight, we are going to be conducting a bout by bout rundown of the card for UFC 71: Liddell vs. Jackson.

Kalib Starnes vs. Chris Leben

In the battle of the reality TV stars, former participants in The Ultimate Fighter, Kalib Starnes (9-2-1) and Chris Leben (16-3-0) will hook it up to see which loser can beat the other loser. Both of these guys annoyed the hell out of us during their tapings of the show but we have to admit that Leben’s red hair and crybaby attitude had us a little more riled up. As in we were wanting to hop in the octagon with the guy. Still, he’s a tough kid who can throw a hell of a punch and he’s had nearly five full months to recover mentally from a pair of beatings that he received in ’06 that included a 49 second KO from the current milddleweight champ Anderson Silva.

Starnes is a well rounded fighter who can box, wrestle and go jiu-jitsu on your ass. He might be able to stand up with Leben for a while but he’ll have a much better chance of trying to get past “The Crippler’s” sprawl and taking the fight to the mat.

Prediction: Starnes wins by submission

Houston Alexander vs. Keith Jardine

We gotta admit that we know basically nothing about Houston Alexander other than he appears to be a brawler who goes 6’0″ tall and is 35 years old with a record of 6-1. But we do know about his opponent, and he has been on an absolute tear in the UFC of late. Keith “The Dean of Mean” Jardine has a 12-3-1 record in the world of MMA and has gone an impressive 4-1 in his UFC bouts. His most recent fight was against the UFC’s favorite up-n-comer Forrest Griffin who he TKO’d in the first round of UFC 66. Jardine can brawl with the best of `em but, in addition, he has some excellent kickboxing skills to go along with it. Throw in the fact that he’s accustomed to being in the UFC spotlight while it will be his opponent’s first time in the big league and it all adds up to a decided Jardine advantage.

Prediction: Jardine wins by decision

Links:

[UFC.com]: UFC 71: Liddell vs. Jackson

Categories
Boxing

Helmets + boxing = safe; right?

Kids (boys) love to fight; simple as that. And they are going to do anything to get their fix of physicality. So, now there is a new sensation sweeping the youth of the nation and it is called helmet boxing. Basically, it’s boxing while wearing helmets and gloves and it occurs anywhere and everywhere you can find kids who are willing to beat the crap out of each other. It could be in the front yard, the back yard, the neighbor’s yard, the living room, the locker room, the bath room…we think you get the idea.

Apparently these kids think that adding helmets and a ref to the street fights make them safe, but a lot of times these brawls go until someone gets knocked the F out and business is picking up in emergency rooms because of it.

Now, we’re not saying that this doesn’t look like fun; in fact, we’re off to grab our old lacrosse gear out of the closet as we speak, but we can understand why parents would be pissed off about this. But hey, it’s beats the hell out of letting your kids handle their problems with each other like this:

Links:

[MySA.com]: Dangerous helmet boxing growing in popularity

Categories
Boxing

Foreman claims someone spiked his water before "Rumble in the Jungle"


Well, George Foreman has a new book out, so that can only mean one thing…outrageous, untimely accusations in hopes of whipping up a media buzz that will push his memoir up the bestseller charts. So what is the controversy Foreman speaks of in his book “God in My Corner,” you ask? No, it’s not that the idea for the Foreman Grill wasn’t his. And shame on you for even thinking such a thing. Actually, Foreman is claiming that he was drugged before his “Rumble in the Jungle” with Muhammad Ali.

Yes, that’s right; almost 33 years after the fact, Foreman is attempting to regain some respect after Ali worked him over for eight rounds before knocking Foreman out in the eighth. But according to Foreman, his trainer gave him some nasty tasting water that he believes was spiked.

I almost spit it out … [I told my trainer] ‘Man, I know this water has medicine in it,'” Foreman wrote. “I climbed into the ring with that medicinal taste still lingering in my mouth.”

“After the third round, I was as tired as if I had fought 15 rounds. What’s going on here? Did someone slip a drug in my water?

You know, George, this information would have been a lot more useful, say, back in 1974! C’mon, don’t try to blame losing your world heavyweight championship on getting drugged. And we seriously doubt that Zaire was the first time you had been under the influence of an illegal, mind altering substance. After all, you do have seven kids named George! And two of them are girls!

Just shut up and get ready for your upcoming moment in the spotlight as you pretend to be Paula Abdul on American Inventor. And if you don’t want to shell out the money for Foreman’s book then you can skip the trip to Barnes & Nobel and just read this interesting interview with Foreman at EastSideBoxing.com.

Links:

[MSNBC]: Foreman says he was drugged before Ali KO

Categories
NBA General

Around the Rim: King James just got crowned by the Bad Boys



It’s even annoying when unspoken.

1. Detroit rocks Cleveland
Everyone knew that the Pistons were going to be focused on LeBron James every time that he had the ball in his hands. Everyone just didn’t know that they would be so successful doing it. King James finished the game with a career playoff-low 10 points after going stone cold from the field (5-15 FGs), but that didn’t keep him from putting his fingerprints all over the game with nine assists and 10 rebounds. The Cavs were a 3-pointer away from possibly winning the game as time was running out but Donyell Marshall choked on an open shot from behind the arc and Chauncey Billups sealed up the 79-76 Game 1 victory for the Pistons with a rebound off the miss. Rasheed Wallace was huge in the win as Tayshaun Prince finally decided to take a night off and finished with less than 10 points (8 points on 1-of-11 shooting) for the first time this post season. Game 2 rolls around on Thursday and you can expect that the Prince and the King will both avoid repeats of their poor performances

2. Forrest Gump’s favorite time of year
So, tonight is the big night; it’s the night that will change the future of two very lucky franchises forever. Hopes and dreams have run wild for months and months about just who would end up with the pair of freshmen phenoms Greg Oden and Kevin Durant. Barring any major league wheeling and dealing, tonight we will at least find out the two future homes of these kids, even if we don’t know who’s gonna go where. Here’s a look at all the teams participating in the lottery and their odds of getting the first or second pick:

Team 1st Pick 2nd Pick
Memphis 25.0% 21.5%
Boston 19.9% 18.8%
Milwaukee 15.6% 15.7%
Phoenix (from ATL) 11.9% 12.6%
Seattle 8.8% 9.7%
Portland 5.3% 6.0%
Minnesota 5.3% 6.0%
Charlotte 1.9% 2.2%
Chicago (from NY) 1.9% 2.2%
Sacramento 1.8% 2.1%
Atlanta (from IND) 0.8% 0.9%
Philadelphia 0.7% 0.8%
New Orleans 0.6% 0.7%
LA Clippers 0.5% 0.6%

And just too clarify; no, Phoenix doesn’t get to keep either of the top picks should they end up with them. Instead, they will have to return the pick to Atlanta if they land one of the top three picks. The Pacers will get the Hawks pick if Atlanta ends up with one of the top 10 picks.

And to further clarity; only the top three picks will be determined via the ping-pong ball bouncing lottery, while the fourth through fourteenth selections will be arranged according to the inverse order of their regular season record.

Monday’s Player of the Day: Rasheed Wallace @ Detroit 40 min, 15 pts (FG: 7-13, 3FG: 1-2), 12 reb, 2 ast, 7 blk

Buzzer Beater: The Jazz might have looked outclassed at times during Game 1 of the West finals on Sunday but nobody can point fingers toward the second year point guard who racked up 18 points in the fourth. Deron Williams carried Utah to a near comeback as he finished with game-highs in field goals and attempts (13-23), assists (9) and points (34); about all he didn’t do was hand out Gatorade to his teammates during timeouts. But the playoffs are all about adjustments and we guarantee you that both of these veteran coaches have been working the X’s and O’s with their teams since the final buzzer buzzed Sunday afternoon. Utah really needs to escape Texas with a split in the series but they definitely won’t have history on their side, 0-17 in their last 17 trips to San Antonio, as they head into the game. Then again, the Spurs have never beaten the Jazz in the postseason so, either way you cut it, somebody is going to make history by the end of this series.

Categories
General Sports

Hey, sports dude! You might wanna check your shorts

This clip of Bob Kaser and Larry Figurski talking randomly without knowing they were on the air has been getting some love today in the blogosphere. When we first saw it, all we could think was “how embarrassing!” Those guys spent a good 30 seconds yapping away along with periods of staring blanking into the camera before they realized what idiots they had been. But then we got turned on to this clip of some sports anchor that got the giggles after ripping a huge fart on air! That’s when we realized that 30 seconds of nothing isn’t nearly as embarrassing as a two second stinker before the Seminoles’ package.

The actual toot steals the segment but we love the way the news anchor responds when the gassy sports guy throws it back over:

Put on your dancin’ shoes! We still have a lot more to go. The delight of it all.

Links:

[Deadspin.com]: Flatulence: In The Face Of Breaking Wind, You’ve Just Got To Soldier On

Categories
All Other Sports

Another fat guy thinks he’s a pro wrestler

We don’t usually bring you news from the world of pro wrestling; especially those crappy fringe promotions that are diluted with dreams of becoming the next WWE or TNA, but it’s hard to ignore a wrestler who is six feet tall and weight in at 600+ pounds. That’s right, we said over 600 pounds! That should make Rosie O’Donnell feel a little bit better about her girth.

Mike Stanco, oops, we mean Maximum Capacity has big dreams (could they be of any other variety?) of making it to the elite level in sports entertainment and he seems to think that his fat gut and saggy titties are just the gimmick to get his foot in the door. But if you’re one of those people who think that Jeff Gordon or Phil Helmuth are closer to being true “athletes” than greased up pro wrestlers, then this guy probably isn’t going to be the one to change you mind. Just listen to fat boy’s diet:

In one day, I know I’ve eaten more than 20,000 calories easy. I may have a McDonald’s meal where I’ll have four double cheeseburgers, two large fries and a 20-piece [McNuggets]. That’s about 4,000 calories. Then if you get a bag of chips and a thing of juice, that’s another 2,000.

Hey, at least he threw some juice in there. But regardless of his poor diet or lack of experience or lack of athletic ability or menial talent or…(should we go on?), Maximum Capacity seems to think that he’s the best big man to ever step through the ropes.

I’m not trying to be conceited, but I believe I’m the best big man this business has ever seen. Better than Yokozuna, Andre [the Giant], Big Show and all those guys. None of those guys are able to move the way I do inside the ring.

Here, you be the judge:

Personally, we think that those guys’ legacies are all pretty safe. But if Maximum Capacity keeps up his McDonald’s diet then he could challenge this tub of lard for the most disturbing story of poor health in the history of civilization.

Links:

[Sun-Sentinel.com]: His 600 pounds are weighing heavily on wrestler `Maximum Capacity’ Stanco
[MaxCapacity.com]: Maximum Capacity Home Page

Categories
Houston Texans

Ahman Green trades a house for a jersey



SUCKER!

NFL players are some pretty superstitious guys; especially when it comes to the number on their jersey. There is always some desperate newcomer on a team who is willing to do anything to get his favorite number across his chest and “anything” usually involves a dollar sign and lots of zeros. Just ask the Houston Texans latest acquisition Ahman Green how expensive these kinds of transactions can be.

When Green ended up in Houston, he knew that if he wanted his #30 jersey he would have to ask Jason Simmons to give it up. And he also knew that there would be a price to pay, but he never thought that he would have to write a check for the down payment of a house in order to get it. We’ve heard of forking over cash, watches, cars, trips and tons of humiliation for a jersey but this is the first “house for jersey” swap we can remember. But Green didn’t hesitate for a second, especially after hearing that the house wasn’t for Simmons but was instead for a single parent.

He said what he wanted to do and I said: ‘Yeah I’m all on board. That’s easy,”‘ Green said. “Tell me where to write the check to. So instead of putting the money into his pocket, he’s going to put in into somebody else’s home, house and help them get their life started.

Guess it’s pretty easy to put up a down payment for a house when you’ve just signed a deal worth $23 million at the age of 30. But having cash in your pocket doesn’t make it any easier to nut up and go begging for some digits.

I did hear that in his tone,” Simmons said. “He was like: ‘Uh just wondering if’ and kind of stuttering a little bit. It was kind of different to hear. I didn’t recognize his voice just because it seemed like there was that apprehension.

Hey Jason, if you think you hear apprehension in his voice now, just wait until Green is repeatedly getting clobbered in the backfield behind that weak offensive line in Houston for a few weeks. Now, that’s when you’ll really start hearing the trepidation in his voice.

Links:

[TodaysTMJ4.com]: Green Makes Unusual Deal for #30 in Houston

Categories
NBA General

Around the Rim: Quick turnaround doesn’t hurt the Spurs in Game 1



The Spurs were slam Duncan the Jazz
in Game 1.

1. Spurs continue to dominate Jazz in SA
The Utah Jazz took a beating in the second quarter of Game 1 against the Spurs in the Western Conference finals on Sunday and Jerry Sloan’s boys were never able to recover as San Antonio went on to take the opening game 108-100. Game 1 marked the first time that Utah had made it to the conference finals since 1998, and it showed as the club had the bewildered look of a team in unfamiliar surroundings (all except Derek Fisher, of course). San Antonio, on the other hand, appeared to have the routine down as they calmly executed their offense through Tim Duncan who finished with at least 20 points and 10 rebounds (27 pts, 10reb) for the tenth straight playoff game; that’s just two shy of Shaq’s all-time record. This is the fifth time in nine seasons that the Spurs have made it to the finals out west (1999, 2001, 2003, 2005 and 2007) and they are hoping that their fifth appearance will help to eventually yield their fourth ring. The Jazz have now lost 17 straight games in San Antonio in a streak of futility that lasts back to 1999.

2. T-Mac needs a new coach to hold him down

We all basically knew that the droopy-eyed Jeff Van Gundy had probably coached his final game on the Houston Rockets bench and on Friday the club fired him. Now, with four seasons under his belt, Eddie Jordan from the Washington Wizards is the longest tenured coach in the NBA except for the two guys in suits on the sidelines of the West finals. It’s funny that Van Gundy would get fired considering that Tracy McGrady said that if the Rockets lost their first round series to the Jazz it would all be on him. Guess the fellas in the front office weren’t quite ready to fire T-Mac. Wonder why? Anyways, don’t feel bad for JVG; like a cat, he landed on his feet after the Rockets tossed him out. In fact, Van Gundy spent his first day off from coaching by calling the Spurs/Jazz Game 1 on Saturday for ABC.

3. Brotherly love
The NBA is all about symmetry. So, if one Van Gundy brother gets fired then the other one is probably about to get hired. It’s like cowbell; the NBA needs more Van Gundy. Stan Van Gundy appears to be the leading contender for the head coaching vacancy in Indiana where Rick Carlisle was given the boot after the Pacers failed to reach the playoffs. But Stan has options; after spending Friday in Indy with the Pacers, he will be out in Sacramento today for an interview with the Kings. Looks like Ron Jeremy Stan Van Gundy will be back on the sidelines by next season, and he should be after the job he did in Miami. Hell, if it wasn’t for Pat Riley’s enormous ego, SVG just might have been the first Van Gundy brother to grab a ring.

Sunday’s Player of the Day: Deron Williams @ San Antonio 42 min, 34 pts (FG: 13-23, 3FG: 2-5, FT: 6-7), 7 reb, 9 ast, 1 stl

Buzzer Beater: Tonight starts the fifth straight conference finals for the Detroit Pistons as they graciously welcome LeBron James and his Cleveland Cavalier companions over to the Palace for Game 1. And don’t think for a second that either of these teams has forgotten exactly what happened during their series in last year’s playoffs. The Cavs had Detroit on the brink of elimination after winning three straight games to go up 3-2 but, unfortunately for Cleveland they were playing an experienced, veteran club who wasn’t willing to just go away. The Pistons would go on to win the final two games and shockingly eliminate LeBron from the postseason. Both teams have improved significantly last year, so while the series might be tweaked from a year ago, you can still expect to see a pair of clubs not giving an inch in this conference championship. Don’t sleep on the East; this should be another down to the wire series with these two growing rivals.

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

A Cowboy rescues a horse. Go figure.


Big Leonard Davis left the Cardinals for the Cowboys during the off-season but the offensive lineman still owns a home out in Arizona which is where he was on Wednesday. And there is one particular horse, yes horse, named Ranger who is very happy that Davis was in town.

See, the former Longhorn was heading to his home in Chandler, Ariz. after playing in a golf tournament for the Boys when he noticed a horse stuck in a mudhole down the street from his ranch. Being a good ol’ boy at heart, Davis jumped in his John Deere tractor and sprung into action by strapping up the horse and hoisting it to safety.

I was just doing what anybody else would have done,” Davis said. “I wasn’t scared at all. I grew up on a farm pulling cows and horses out of the mud. No big deal.

It might not be that big of a deal for you Leonard, but we think it’s pretty admirable. We’re proud of you, man! At least somebody in the world of sports cares about animals.

Oh, and for all you future reporters out there, here’s an example of how not to write this story.

Links:

[KVUE.com]: No horsing around: Davis comes to the rescue