Tag: stupid

Categories
Green Bay Packers

Superfan loses control, names twins Brett and Favre


The whole world is trying to come to grips with the life-altering news that Brett Favre has decided to hang up his cleats for good. And if you thought John Madden and Peter King were in a funk, just imagine how Wisconsin natives are holding up. But have no fear Cheeseheads because the legend of Brett Favre lives on in Florida.

The Green Bay Press-Gazette reports that David and Emily Kinsaul of Palatka, Fla., named their newborn twin boys Brett and Favre.

“I was hoping we’d have at least one year of him still playing,” David said. The twins were born Feb. 22.

Brett and Favre?!? We’ll let Brett slide by, but what kid is going to want to grow up with the name Favre? We understand that the culture of football is nuts in Packer-land, but that is really no excuse. After all, basketball is the game of choice in Indiana, but you don’t see any Hoosiers naming their children Bob and Knight or Isiah and Thomas or Larry and Bird. Although, now that we think about it, Knight Isiah Bird has a nice ring to it for an only child.

Links:

[GreenBayPressGazette.com]: No. 4’s legacy just beginning for twin baby boys
[StarTribune.com]: Newborn twins names Brett and Favre

Categories
Colorado Rockies

Stephen Horner is such a cock block


Apparently Stephen Horner isn’t single and on the prowl. How do we know? Well, Horner is single-handedly trying to destroy the very thing that helps unhitched dudes become uncontrollably gitty and simultaneously sucks their wallets completely void of cash. Of course, we’re talking about “Ladies Night.”

Horner went to a Colorado Rockies game last year and came across some people handing out free coupons for “Ladies Night” meaning women could get into Coors Field for free at a future game. As you would expect, Horner wanted one and was denied because, well, he has a penis and is clearly not a woman. And as you would expect, Horner started crying like a two-year-old.

Horner says he was upset and took the issue up the management chain. “I felt like I got a bad deal. My rights were genuinely denied,” he said.

Here’s where things go goofy. Horner filed a gender discrimination claim and the `man’ ruled in his favor!

The director issued a Probable Cause determination and ordered the two sides to go through mediation. v The Rockies claim it was their intent to offer the vouchers to anyone who asked for them.

The Rockies can appeal the decision. Their spokesperson says it is premature to comment on the decision or if the Rockies will discontinue the promotion.

Horner better not be listed in the white pages because if the Rockies or any other establishment does away with “Ladies Night” because of his whining, his crib is defiantly getting T.P.’d. Shhh, you didn’t hear it from us.

Links:

[MyFoxColorado.com]: Man Fights Ladies’ Nights at Coors Fields

Categories
New England Patriots

Tattoos are a great way to show team spirit, but they DO NOT always make you look cool

In this sports-crazed world we live in, there are four kinds of fans. You’ve got your “casual fan” that watches for fun and usually waits until the playoffs or the bowl season before getting into the spirit. The second type is the true “fan of the game”. These are the people who keep up with sports in general, but don’t really have a loyalty to any particular team, choosing instead to love the game as a whole. Then there are the “super fans” – a.k.a. the obnoxious, annoying, in-your-face, one-trick ponies who worship the ground their particular team walks on. The last group is this guy.

After the Pats got shocked in the big game, Victor went back and had a dark-tinted face shield tattooed over his eyes to cover his tears of humiliation.

Categories
All Other Sports

At last, the chess club has someone to pick on

Okay finger jousters of America, you’re off the hook for now because we’ve finally found something that makes your lame little tickle fight look like a bar room brawl. We present to you the World Freehand Circle Drawing Championship.

Circles really aren’t our thing, but if there’s a competitive league for freehand triangle drawing then we’re all in.

Categories
NFL General

What ever happened to just watching the Super Bowl?


Are you addicted to gambling? Does the inability to wager on Super Bowl Sunday have you down? Are you pulling your hair out as you will yourself away from calling your bookie and placing a `sure fire’ bet on New England calling tails and choosing to kick? Well, if so, then we just might have a perfectly bland alternative for you to slightly get your fix. And no, we’re not talking about that stupid squares game.

Three words: Super Bowl Bingo.

We’ve [SunTimes.com] assembled 50 words, phrases, people or terms that probably will be mentioned during the Super Bowl telecast.

We’ve tried to eliminate any term that was too obvious. For example, you won’t find ”Tom Brady” listed on any of the cards. ”High ankle sprain” will be because the controversy surrounding Brady’s injury probably will be discussed. So Eli Manning, no; Archie Manning, yes.

Go to www.suntimes.com/sports and download the PDF of our bingo cards. We’ve shown a couple of card examples, but there are 12 unique cards for your participants.

Ugh. So, please tell me somebody’s bringing the beer pong table, right?

Links:

[SunTimes.com]: Super Bowl bingo

Categories
NFL General

We’re sorry Golic, but losing to a camel is inexcusable. Turn in your Playa Card.


P.T. Barnum famously said “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Case in point, any moron who actually wagers big money on this year’s Super Bowl based on which friggin’ graham cracker Princess the camel decided to snack on first. Sadly though, we know there is some hard-luck loser out there somewhere willing to risk his family’s mortgage on a camel’s intuition. But no matter how stupid it might sound to listen to Princess for your Super Bowl advice, she gives you a helluva better shot than some so-called experts out there.

Her picks are nothing to spit at: Princess, who once belonged to heiress Doris Duke, went 11-6 during the regular season and is 8-out-of-10 in the playoffs this year. Her prowess is equal to that of some of the most famous forecasters.

“I can’t explain it, but her predictions, more often than not, are right on the money,” said John Bergmann, general manager of Popcorn Park Zoo, the southern New Jersey facility for elderly, abused or unwanted animals where Princess has lived since 2004. “I’m hoping she’s right this time because I’m a Giants fan.”

Princess’ prognostication skills flow from her love of graham crackers. Bergmann will choose a game at random during the regular season, place a cracker in each hand, and use a permanent marker to scrawl the name of a competing team on each hand.

Whichever hand Princess nibbles from is her “pick” for that week.

Her regular season mark of 11-6 comes out to a .647 winning percentage. (Since she never quite got the hang of points spreads, Princess picks the games straight-up, just choosing the winner.)

By comparison, Dave Goldberg, the Associated Press football writer who makes NFL picks each weekend, posted a .664 regular season percentage.

ESPN’s Ron Jaworski, the former Philadelphia Eagles quarterback, had a .688 mark, but Princess topped Mike Golic, another former Eagle on ESPN, who came in at .584.

And in case you’re still wondering who Princes picked then you have a serious addiction and should seek professional help immediately. But put $100 on the Giants first. Princess says it’s a lock.

Links:

[KMBC.com]: Camel Picks Giants To Win Super Bowl

Categories
College Football

Mountaineers fans could learn a thing or two about tact from Raiders fans


We understand that football is a game of passion, even for the fans. However, sometimes, that passion can get out of hand. A prime example of this involves the hillbillies in West Virginia who are harassing and threatening family members of former Mountaineers coach turned Michigan man Rich Rodriguez.

His mother, Arleen Rodriguez, told the Charleston Daily Mail her teenage grandson received a death threat and found other harassing notes taped to his locker at East Fairmont High. She said her 12-year-old granddaughter had to be escorted to classes.

Mountaineers fans furious about Rodriguez’s Dec. 16 decision to bolt for Ann Arbor also vandalized his home near Morgantown, hanging signs on a fence and tossing a mailbox in the yard.

Nothing says class like delivering death threats to a kid. While the select mullet-wearing West Virginia `fans’ get the nod for most unappealing display of hostility, the dumbest duo award goes to this pair of pool sharks who apparently need put their fat wrists on a diet.

Two Czech men stuck in a billiard table while searching for a ball had to call the fire department and were freed only when rescuers took the table apart, a newspaper reported yesterday.

At first, the two pool players in the city of Karlovy Vary thought it was funny when both of their hands became trapped inside the table. But panic struck when they could not free themselves, Lidove Noviny reported.

“Their trapped hands hurt them quite a bit,” a fire brigade spokesman said. “We have no clue at all how they could become stuck in there. In the end we had no other option but to dismantle the entire table.

Links:

[SignOnSanDiego.com]: Hey, poor Mountaineers: burn couch, not coach

Categories
All Other Sports

Frat boys rejoice over the creation of a table

Christmas is right around the corner and there are a bunch of entrepreneurial opportunists out there flooding the market with a whole lotta horrible products in hopes of grabbing a fat, green slice of this year’s yuletide pie. One of the absolute worst is Pong-A-Long, a portable table made exclusively for beer pong aficionados across the world.

We’re figuring that they are basically catering to frats and guys like Dirk Nowitzki, Steve Nash, Jeremy Shockey, Greg Olsen and virtually every other goofy white guy in professional or collegiate sports. As we all know, goofy white professional athletes just love to get together for “Beer Pong Tuesdays”. And, of course, as with all officially sanctioned goofy white guy activities, Joakim Noah is invited to participate.

Links:

[Best Week Ever]: Do You Throw Ping-Pong Balls At Cups Whilst Drunk Often Enough To Require A Table Exclusively For That?

Categories
General Sports

ESPN just loves being a wisenheimer


You might think that the NBA has a flawless relationship with “The Worldwide Leader in Sports,” but you’d be wrong. Even though the pair have a strong partnership together pumping hoops, as you’d expect, ESPN is basically the wild, bratty little sibling that the big brother NBA must keep in check from time to time. Especially when ESPN is backhandedly trying to promote a season-ending injury to one of the league’s greatest superstars.

The NBA, late last week, was moved to make a phone call to ESPN, one strongly suggesting that “ESPN Attitude” had again gone too far in the pursuit of the young and desensitized.

On Dec. 7, an ESPN.com poll asked what Boston-specific event one would most like to see happen, over the weekend: 1) “Steelers beat the Patriots.” 2) “Johan Santana traded to any team besides the Red Sox.” 3) “Kevin Garnett blow out his knee.”

Following the NBA’s complaint, ESPN removed the question.

In return the NBA has agreed to remove a poll from NBA.com that asked which SportsCenter anchor would most like to see hung by his toes and beaten like a piñata by a class of fourth-graders: 1) “Stuart Scott.” 2) “Stuart Scott.” 3) “Stuart Scott.”

Links:

[NYPost.com]: NBA raps ESPN.com

Categories
College Football

Seriously ESPN, what is the point?

If you thought that ESPN‘s stupid “Who’s Now” filler segments were a complete and utter waste of your time then hold on tight because the mothership is basically throwing three minutes of every SportsCenter telecast straight down the toilet. Introducing the totally useless ESPNU Championship Series.

Kirk Herbstreit: “We’re going to move USC into the next round to play LSU.”

Lee Corso: “Ohhhh, that’ll be a good one.”

Herbstreit: “That should be a very good game.”

Actually guys, it won’t be a good game because your system isn’t real!!!

Does America want a playoff? Hell yes! Is America going to be satisfied with a hypothetical scenario that could possibly allow for Hawaii to win a national championship as a play-in? Hell no!

People that tune into SportsCenter, those who still do, want analysis, recaps and even an occasional prediction. However, what they don’t want is to be treated like fools who are supposed to actually care if Lee Corso believes Kansas could be the sleeper of a fake playoff series!

Living with the horribly unfair BCS system is way better than trying to breakdown imaginary matchups for some imaginary title. Why don’t you guys make yourself useful and simulate the Orange Bowl on NCAA Football 07 so we know who to put our money on.