Colorado Rockies

Stephen Horner is such a cock block

Apparently Stephen Horner isn’t single and on the prowl. How do we know? Well, Horner is single-handedly trying to destroy the very thing that helps unhitched dudes become uncontrollably gitty and simultaneously sucks their wallets completely void of cash. Of course, we’re talking about “Ladies Night.”

Horner went to a Colorado Rockies game last year and came across some people handing out free coupons for “Ladies Night” meaning women could get into Coors Field for free at a future game. As you would expect, Horner wanted one and was denied because, well, he has a penis and is clearly not a woman. And as you would expect, Horner started crying like a two-year-old.

Horner says he was upset and took the issue up the management chain. “I felt like I got a bad deal. My rights were genuinely denied,” he said.

Here’s where things go goofy. Horner filed a gender discrimination claim and the `man’ ruled in his favor!

The director issued a Probable Cause determination and ordered the two sides to go through mediation. v The Rockies claim it was their intent to offer the vouchers to anyone who asked for them.

The Rockies can appeal the decision. Their spokesperson says it is premature to comment on the decision or if the Rockies will discontinue the promotion.

Horner better not be listed in the white pages because if the Rockies or any other establishment does away with “Ladies Night” because of his whining, his crib is defiantly getting T.P.’d. Shhh, you didn’t hear it from us.


[]: Man Fights Ladies’ Nights at Coors Fields

Colorado Rockies

Hey, Colorado! You didn’t think ol’ Dave was gonna let you off the hook, did ya?

Hey, the Rockies had a great run. Nobody expected them to make it into the World Series, but they did. And nobody expected them to get swept out after such an incredible run leading up to the big showdown with the Red Sox, but they did. So, for all you Colorado fans out there, here are some suggestions from David Letterman on what to say the next time someone tries to give you grief over getting broomed.

Top 10 Colorado Rockies Excuses

10. “Even we’ve never heard of most of our players.”

9. “Didn’t want Game 5 to preempt `House'”

8. “Relax, there’s still a lot of baseball to be played.”

7. “The Curse of the Bambino.”

6. “At that altitude, the beer really knocks you on your ass.”

5. “No number 5 — writer preparing to go on strike.”

4. “Turns out our `flaxseed oil’ really was flaxseed oil”

3. “O.J. stole the equipment!”

2. “Manager distracted by Joe Torre walking around with his resume.”

1. “Forget us — somebody want to explain the Jets?”


[SOX & Dawgs]: Top 10 Colorado Rockies Excuses

Boston Red Sox

Even Man Ram knows this is a stupid deal

Listen, we understand that there’s nothing better than taking in the World Series atmosphere live and in person, especially when it’s favorite team playing for all the marbles. Likewise, we know that times are tough and money is tight. But get it through you’re head desperate Rockies fans, nobody wants your crap!

We told you about the guy who’s trying to swap a year’s worth of Mexican food (Pepto-Bismol not included) for a couple tickets to the Series. Well, he’s not the only one who’s looking for a flea marketesque bargain on some stubs.

Little league baseball coach Bobby Padilla just wants to take his son to a World Series game, so he’s carted up from his basement boxes full of 25 years worth of Playboy magazines, not a missing month, in mint condition. He bought the magazines nine years ago for $200 as a favor to a friend.

He said it’s because he struck out mixing a lineup of at least 10 computers trying to buy tickets online. He said nobody has inquired about the magazines yet.

Really, wonder why? Could it be because nobody in their right mind would fill their house with boxes and boxes of Playboy bunnies? We’re not saying that people wouldn’t mind having `em; hell, we’d like to relive some of those Bo Derek and Shannon Tweed days ourselves. We’re just saying that nobody is stupid enough to give you World f’n Series tickets for them.

Well, we take that back. There is one man. A shoe man.


[]: Man Will Trade 25 Years Of Playboys For Tickets

Colorado Rockies

Hey, Red Sox fans, how do you feel about your opponents in the Series?

If there’s anything we’ve learned from our years of watching sports, it’s that it doesn’t really matter how hard you root for your team. What’s really important is how hard you root against the other guys.

So, before all you Red Sox fans start loading up on AL Champions t-shirts, you might want to divert some of those funds into your anti-Rockies gear. Jerseys, ringers, tank tops, tees, caps, coffee mugs: if you really want to cheer your boys to a ring then this is what you need. It’s simple, straight to the point and it sums up the feelings of an entire population.

You know, we thought that this was a pretty innovative idea until we started surfing around the site and realized that there’s a friggin’ t-shirt with every slogan imaginable. So, for all you Rockies fans out there, take solace in knowing that are plenty of shirts that bash the Sox in every way imaginable. Some of our favorites:

Buck Foston

Curse? You just sucked for 86 years.


I would rather my sister be a prostitute then for her to be a RED SOX fan


[SawxBlog]: Get Your Rockies Suck T-Shirts Just in Time for the 2007 World Series!

Colorado Rockies

If you like Mexican food and have a World Series ticket then we just might have a deal for you

Now that we know who the participants in the World Series are, the only question left is how the heck are getting into a game? Well, if we were the owner of a hole-in-the-wall Mexican food restaurant in Colorado then we’d offer up all the burritos and tacos we could spare. Kinda like this guy.

Ben Martinez is a huge Rockies fan and the owner of El Jardin Mexican restaurant in Commerce City, but he doesn’t want to pay scalper prices for tickets. So he’s making an offer for two free meals a week for one year at his restaurant for anyone who gives him two tickets to any of the games at Coors Field. Martinez said it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Two meals a week for a year at El Jardin or tickets to the biggest baseball event of the year? Hmmm, tough choice. We guessing that anyone with WS tickets is probably going to choose to spend a whopping $10.47 for a years worth of Taco Bell and keep the stubs instead of forking `em over to you and getting a clockwork case of Montezuma’s revenge for next 48 weeks.

Listen, man; if you want to go to the World Series then you’ve got to show more desire then just unloading a bunch of chips and salsa. That just isn’t going to cut it. Dare we say it; if you want to go see your precious Rockies then you’re going to have to go all out and pay Dr. Steve-O a visit.

Take a sledge hammer to the package or light your head on fire and then we’ll talk.


[]: Restaurant Owner Offers Free Meals For Rox Tix

MLB General

The Full Count: Indians on the doorstep

One Win Away: We are one game away from the network’s worst nightmare-an Indians-Rockies World Series. After getting crushed in Game 1 by the seemingly invincible Red Sox, the Indians gave the series a huge momentum change by scoring 7 runs in the 11th inning of Game 2. Since then, Cleveland has been nearly unstoppable. They won Game 3 to take the series lead, and on Tuesday they beat the Red Sox with ease to extend their lead to a commanding 3-1. They won 7-3 after a great performance from Paul Byrd and a seven-run fifth inning. Tim Wakefield was charged with five runs in the inning after pitching very well at the start of the game. Now the Red Sox need to win another Beckett-Sabathia matchup on Thursday or they’ll be going home.

One of the reasons the Indians have gotten this far is the pitching of Byrd and Jake Westbrook, who have actually performed better than Sabathia and Fausto Carmona this series. But the best pitching by the Indians has come from the bullpen, especially the sensational Rafael Betancourt. Betancourt has shut opponents out in 7 innings of relief this postseason. Every time he has appeared, the Indians have won. On Tuesday Betancourt was perfect through two innings to seal the deal. The Red Sox now find themselves back where they were in 2004–desperately needing a win to stay alive. If they win game 5, the series will go back to Boston–though Cleveland has shown that they can win there as well. According to, in MLB history only 10 teams out of 65 have come back from a 3-1 deficit. 34 of those teams lost in five games, as I predict the Red Sox will do as Sabathia bounces back from a weak earlier performance this series.

MLB General

The Full Count: Could the Rockies be favored in the World Series?

Rocky Top: It doesn’t seem like anything can stop the Rockies, or at least anything the National League has to offer. They completed a sweep of the Diamondbacks to win their seventh straight game of this postseason. They joined the 1976 Reds as the only team to do this at the start of the postseason. Their 6-4 win to cap off the series was fueled by a six-run fourth. Matt Holliday’s three-run homerun, which helped earn him the NLCS MVP award, put a cap on the scoring for the Rockies.

The Rockies’ 21 wins in 22 games is perhaps the most dominant stretch by a team at the end of the season in history. Though nobody thought they would even make the playoffs with two weeks left, they have proved themselves as by far the National League’s best team. Because of their huge streak and extended rest, they should frighten the winner of the Red Sox-Indians series. The Rockies are miles ahead of last year’s World Series champion, the Cardinals, and they are one of the NL’s best World Series representatives in recent years.

It’s not only amazing that the Rockies are winning; it’s how they’re winning. In the NLCS, they won with dominant pitching instead of their trademark slugging. The Diamondbacks only scored 8 runs in the entire series, baffled by the Rockies’ dominant bullpen. Manny Corpas, LaTroy Hawkins, and Matt Hedges among others have proved to be unstoppable in the late innings. The Indians and Red Sox both have great bullpens too, but I would take the Rockies’ relievers over anybody’s with the way they’re playing right now. At this point, it shouldn’t even be a surprise if the Rockies win the World Series.

Here Come the Indians: Prepare yourselves for an Indians-Rockies World Series, because that’s looking likely right now. The Indians, coming off Saturday’s 11-inning win, only needed nine innings to win Game 3. They beat the Red Sox 4-2 because of their superior starting pitching. Jake Westbrook was excellent, while Daisuke Matsuzaka faltered in his second straight postseason start, failing to make it out of the fifth inning again. Both team’s bullpens were near-perfect, giving the Indians the win. Right now a key for the Indians is closer Joe Borowski, who was shaky in the regular season but has a 1.80 ERA in five appearances in the postseason. Their offense is getting a key performance from at least one player each game, this time Kenny Lofton. Lofton, who hit a two-run homer to start the scoring for Cleveland, has been a surprisingly good in the playoffs so far. In what will be a do-or-die game for the Red Sox on Tuesday, Tim Wakefield will take on the Indians’ Paul Byrd.

Colorado Rockies

Denver TV station’s idea of news is painting plaster purple

Finding quality human interest stories can be tough and when you try prefabricating them around a specific subject then it becomes even more difficult. However, this Denver news station obviously scraped the bottom of the barrel clean long ago if this is the best Rockies related tidbit they could come up with.

Breaking your arm is never fun. But for 7-year-old Daniel Brockman, it couldn’t have come at a better time.

Daniel was playing basketball Monday night when he fell and broke his arm in several places. After surgery at Presbyterian/St. Luke’s Medical Center, Dr. Laurel Benson asked him what kind of cast he wanted.

She offered him casts featuring superheroes like Batman and Spiderman, but Daniel didn’t seem interested. Then his dad said she said the magic words. She offered him a Rockies cast.

“His eyes lit up,” dad Mark Brockman told 7NEWS. “He was like ‘Yeah, I want a Rockies cast.'”

Benson hopes the cast gives him something to show his friends.

“He’s going to be in that cast for four weeks,” she said. “So hopefully it makes him feel special and he gets to show off his love for the Rockies.”

The Brockman family doesn’t have tickets to any of the Rockies upcoming playoff games, so they’ll be watching from their home in Castle Rock.

A stupid Rockies cast!! That’s all you got? Seriously, a Rockies cast? What, Denver doesn’t have any fanatical nuns to feature?

Look, we do feel kinda bad for the kid; after all, four weeks to a 7-year-old is basically a life sentence. But we’re not going to go overboard or anything because thanks to the last sentence in that story, we can guarantee the Brockmans are sitting in a luxury box when Colorado brings their series with Arizona to Denver on Sunday. Meanwhile, we’re going to be trying to keep the foil properly positioned on our rabbit ears just to get semi decent reception.

You know, that’s actually not a half bad idea. This kid might be on to something.

We’ll snap our legs right now and get red, white and blue casts if some desperate news outlet gives us a plug that results in Patriots/Cowboys tickets.


[]: Kid `Casts’ His Love Of Rockies

MLB General

The Full Count: Bye Bye Yanks; LCS Picks

1. Another Disappointment: Once again, the New York Yankees had a great regular season that ended in disappointment in the playoffs. For the third straight year, they won at least 94 games but lost in the first round of the playoffs. Their last playoff victory was back in the 2004 division playoffs. As usual, their hitters were great in the regular season but failed in the playoffs. They only hit .228 in their series against the Indians, compared with a .290 mark in the regular season. Their pitching wasn’t much better, as Chien-Ming Wang gave two awful starts that both resulted in losses. In the decisive Game 4, Wang allowed four runs in just one inning before being pulled. Mike Mussina, who was competent in relief of Wang, did not earn a start in the series despite an excellent performance in September. The Indians won Game 4 6-4, getting a lead early and then holding the Yankees off late in the game.

The loss could mark the end of an era for New York, as the entire franchise could be overhauled this offseason. The biggest question is whether Joe Torre will be fired. It is obvious at least to us that he shouldn’t, considering he has given the Yankees their best era of success since Casey Stengel in the 1950’s. Despite the fact that this move is obviously not wanted by the Yankee players, and that this season was perhaps Torre’s best in bringing the team out of a 21-29 hole to the playoffs, it still shouldn’t be surprising to anyone if he is canned. Also, it is likely Alex Rodriguez will leave the team via free agency and Roger Clemens will retire. If those players both don’t return for next season, it will give New York a lot of money they can spend on rebuilding their pitching staff.

2. It’s Showtime: Now is perhaps the best time of the year for baseball, as only the four best teams are left in contention. In the NLCS, the Rockies and Diamondbacks will be the matchup. This surprising meeting of division foes includes two teams fueled by youth. The Rockies have the obviously superior lineup, with breakout stars such as Matt Holliday, Brad Hawpe, and Troy Tulowitzki. The Diamondbacks lineup, which is carried by youth as well, has struggled throughout much of the season. However, they do improve in clutch situations. They rely on Brandon Webb and the bullpen, with the others starters average at best. The Rockies’ pitching staff is nothing to brag about, but if they can at least be effective, the Rockies should win this series. Prediction: Rockies in 6.

The other series matches up the best two teams in baseball during the regular season, the Indians and Red Sox. Both just beat very good teams very easily in the first round. Both are loaded at the top of the rotation, with Carmona and Sabathia for the Indians and Beckett, Schilling, and Matsuzaka for the Red Sox. If the series goes seven games, Boston’s big three will likely have six starts, giving them a reliable pitcher for every game. Both teams also have good bullpens and solid offenses, making this series very hard to predict. In the end, I think the Red Sox’s prior postseason experience will play a major role against the youthful Indians. They should be able to win close games, with experienced, clutch hitters in David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez as well as a superior closer. Prediction: Red Sox in 7.

MLB General

The Full Count: NL West Rules

1. Rocky Road: The Colorado Rockies, with their second straight win in Philadelphia, have virtually locked up a series victory over the Phils. After winning with pitching in Game 1, the offense took over in Game 2. Matt Holliday homered for the second straight game, and Kaz Matsui hit a key grand slam that helped Colorado to a 10-5 victory. The Rockies have been so good the first two games that they have established themselves as the team to beat in the National League. If they close out the series against the Phillies (which they will do as the series goes to Colorado on Saturday), then the Rockies will have by far the best offense left in the NL playoffs. Their pitching staff isn’t bad either, particularly the bullpen. The Rockies’ relievers had six innings pitched in Game 2 and only one earned run. For the Phillies, sluggers Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard each bounced back from an unproductive Game 1 with homeruns. However, their awful pitching sent the Phillies into a hole they won’t be able to overcome.

2. Amazing Arizona: The Rockies-Diamondbacks is now the probable NLCS matchup, as Arizona also gained a 2-0 series advantage with another win over the still-cursed Cubs. Chicago starter Ted Lilly got lit up for six runs, starting with a three-run shot by Chris Young. Arizona’s Doug Davis got his first career playoff win, with four runs allowed but eight strikeouts. The Diamondbacks, though far from a formidable team, have proved that they are the class of the National League this year, with its best regular-season record and the almost-clinched NLCS berth. However, they will have to top the red-hot Rockies, which may be more than anyone can handle right now.

3. Pitching Kills: Of all the teams in the MLB playoffs, it seems the Cleveland Indians went it the quietest. However, with a 12-3 statement win over the Yankees in Game 1, they proved they are a team to be feared. This game came down mainly to pitching. Cleveland starter CC Sabathia, though he walked six, allowed only three runs and was credited with the win. Then the bullpen was near-perfect in his relief. The Yankees’ pitchers looked as bad as they were in April. Chien-Ming Wang allowed eight runs, and the bullpen wasn’t any better as the Indians’ lineup dominated. Kenny Lofton went 3-4 with two RBIs, and Travis Hafner and Victor Martinez both homered for the Tribe. This series is far from over, but the Yankees need a Game 2 victory. That will be hard to get, as they face Fausto Carmona, who was just as good (if not better) than Sabathia this year. With those two at the top of the rotation, the Indians have a weapon not a lot of teams can come close to matching.