Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Even more reason to hate Michael Vick: he’s a member of Al Qaeda!!


Okay, the lawsuits in this country have gotten completely out of control! If you’ve got a dollar to your name nowadays it’s certain that some penniless, pathetic bastard is going to find a douche bag lawyer and slap you with some frivolous charges. Maybe you’ll get accused of spitting on someone or maybe you’ll get accused of ruining someone’s life. Or if you’re a dog murdering NFL quarterback then you’ll get accused of stealing pit bulls and selling them on eBay in order to purchase missiles from the Iran government!

Sure, it sounds farfetched but it’s true. But the grounds for the lawsuit aren’t even the best part; the man filing the suit, Jonathan Lee Riches, is an inmate at the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina and he’s asking for $63,000,000,000 in damages!!!!!! Nope, that’s not a misprint, that’s $63 billion with a capital “B”.

According to the suit, Vick allegedly stole a pair of pit bulls from Riches’ Holiday, Fla., home and then used the dogs to fight at his notorious house in Virginia. Vick supposedly then took the pooches and instead of electrocuting or putting a bullet through their heads, like he normally does, decided to sell them on eBay for missile money. It might sound strange at first, but it all makes sense once Riches explains that Vick needs the missiles because he became a member of Al Qaeda this past February.

We agree that Vick is a sicko, but a member of Al Qaeda might be pushing it a bit. It sounds to us like someone hasn’t been taking their medications.

Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Further claims against Vick include stealing Riches’ identity to open credit card accounts at Pets Mart and Doggie Warehouse in order to buy dog food, and violating copyright laws by using Riches’ “copyright name on his personal football outfit and casual clothing” without paying for the use. Oh, and Riches accuses Vick of subjecting him to “microwave testing.”

We didn’t think it was possible, but this makes Vick’s whole story about the water bottle/jewelry box seem a lot less far fetched.

Links:

[FoxNews.com]: South Carolina Inmate Hits Michael Vick With `$63,000,000,000 Billion Dollar’ Lawsuit Alleging Al Qaeda Ties
[Sports Law Blog]: Iran-Vick Affair? Michael Vick Sued for $63 Billion

Categories
Olympics

The Chinese go hi-tech to keep it from raining on the Olympics’ parade


There’s nothing worse than having a major sporting event canceled or postponed because of the stupid weather. And with the 2008 Olympics quickly approaching, nobody wants to see Beijing become a wet mess when the world is watching. So, Chinese weathermen are planning to shoot rockets into the sky in hopes of blowing up rain clouds. No, seriously.

Zheng Guoguang is Mr. Meteorology when it comes to China and he said that tests are ready to get underway for the weather altering experiments. It seems that, there’s some data showing that there is a 50/50 chance for rain during the opening and closing ceremonies and this summer marks the final chance to test the theory under conditions similar to those expected when the games kick off. And you thought that rockets were just used to bring about destruction. Nope, sounds like they can be used to bring sunshine to the world as well.

Now, we don’t know about you, but this is all a bit farfetched for us to wrap our heads around. Honestly, it sounds like a great idea, but, then again, it also seems like some crazy scheme concocted by Dr. Evil or Mr. Burns. But if this technology can someday keep us from having to waste five days on a single tennis match, like we did with Rafael Nadal and Robin Soderling at Wimbledon a few weeks back, then we’re all for it.

Links:

[ABC12.com]: China hopes to use rockets to keep Olympics dry

Categories
College Football

Hey bro, I just said it’d be nice if you could come to the game



We talkin bout practice!

It’s nice when a man cares so much about his brother that he will go out of his way to attend a spring scrimmage for the Carolina Gamecocks. Not only did Demetrius Pepper shoot a coworker at his grocery store in the face and steal her car to get to the game, when that car broke down, he shot and killed a retired schoolteacher and stole her car. That’s perseverance folks. He didn’t just give up because the first car broke down. Nope, he had a meaningless scrimmage game to go to.

Demetrius was arrested just 15 minutes after the game started when someone noticed a suspicious car outside the stadium and police found him at the vehicle that belonged to the slain schoolteacher. He is being held without bail.

Nathan Pepper, who is a sophomore defensive tackle at USC, had no comment. You have to feel sorry for the two shooting victims who were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time when Demetrius went batshit crazy and decided it was perfectly ok to shoot people and steal cars because he needed to get somewhere. Guess what Demetrius, it’s gonna be even harder to see the games from prison.

Links:
[The State]: Man charged with murder