Oakland Raiders

Josh McCown is a clown both on and off the field

You might think of Josh McCown as a crummy quarterback on a crummy team, but you’d be totally wrong. He’s a comedic crummy quarterback on a crummy team. Big difference.

On Sunday, McCown played to a packed audience in the interview room at McAfee Coliseum. As they say in the business, McCown killed.

Here’s a sampling of McCown’s best lines during his postgame news conference:

On if he had ever signaled touchdown from his back, as he did on a third-quarter pass to wide receiver Jerry Porter after being flattened by Broncos linebacker Ian Gold: “You know, I spent my first four years in Arizona,” McCown said, pausing for effect.

When asked what he thought of Kiffin yelling at a Broncos player for the vicious hit on the aforementioned play: “That was sweet, to see Lane yell at somebody besides me,” McCown said.

Finally, he fired off this zinger when asked whether he was aware of how well his brother, Luke, played in a Tampa Bay Buccaneers victory over the New Orleans Saints earlier Sunday.

“This is one of the best days of football for us,” McCown said. “That’s awesome. I’m so excited for him — and glad I threw for more touchdowns than him.”

Last Thursday, McCown chided fellow quarterback Andrew Walter for throwing the pass that led to his dislocating his pinkie finger, saying, it wouldn’t have happened if Walter threw a spiral.

At least McCown is able to laugh at himself and his squad, just like the rest of us.


[]: McCown’s jokes leave `em smiling

Oakland Raiders

Finally the Russell-Raider signing struggle wraps up

You better be worth it kid!

When the Raiders and the Lions played on Sunday, the second overall draft pick was in the lineup and in the endzone before the end of the day. Unfortunately, Oakland couldn’t say the same thing about the No. 1 pick in the draft, JaMarcus Russell. But it appears that the long, painful wait is over for Raider Nation.

Russell could sign a deal as early as today and reports have the deal being worth around $60 million over six years with a pocket stuffing, wallet busting $31 million in guaranteed jack. Seems like JaMarcus knew what he was doing by holding out all this time after all.

It just continues to sound like they are getting closer and closer,” (Lane) Kiffin said at his weekly news conference Monday. “It could be (Monday). You just never know. I know that the sides are as close as they’ve ever been.

Considering that Russell and the Raiders have been battling over money since late April, we’re thrilled that this dollar drama is finally coming to a close. We know that these guys gotta get the most money they can in guarantees and such, but there is absolutely nothing more disgusting than seeing a rookie who has never even taken a snap hold a professional sports franchise hostage over a couple of million bucks.

If it were up to us, we’d be as tough on our players in the real world as we are on our fellow GMs in the fantasy world.

JaMarcus: I really don’t think that’s proper value for a player of my caliber and potential.

SC: You will take what we give you!


[]: Raiders, Russell agree in principle to deal

Oakland Raiders

Daunte Culpepper’s going to keep the seat warm for JaMarcus Russell

After being a complete bust in Miami, Daunte Culpepper has signed a one-year contract with the Raiders and should serve as the team’s starting QB until JaMarcus Russell gets signed and into playing shape. Culpepper has battled injuries over the past couple of years, but he says that he’s fully recovered from the nasty knee injury that limited his maneuverability during his comeback attempt with the Dolphins. In fact, he was sacked 21 times in his first four outings last season.

But even with a pair of functional legs underneath him, there’s no telling if Culpepper can return to the form that damn near won him the MVP award in 2004. After all, this is the same guy that looked completely lost in Minnesota after Randy Moss left the club. Culpepper was 2-4 in the six games before his season ending injury with six touchdowns, 12 interceptions and five fumbles. And things aren’t going to be much different this year considering that Oakland is deprived of any true receiver talent now that his former favorite target Randy Moss has moved on to a contender in the Patriots.

Obviously, Culpepper is simply a fill-in until Russell finally gets his act together, signs the dotted line and starts putting in some serious film work. Daunte is no dummy and he knows no to get too comfortable in the silver and black, so he’ll be treating this season as a platform to display his health and if he can manage to show that he’s capable of playing at an elite level then he’ll be signing a new offer from a different team next off-season. This short term deal certainly works well for the Raiders since they ended up with an experienced play caller, but we feel confident that they would much rather be gambling with a rookie QB than suffer through yet another rebuilding year with a veteran. After all, Oakland’s future isn’t going to arrive until the top pick in the 2007 NFL Draft starts lining up under center.


[]: Raiders sign Culpepper to one-year deal

Oakland Raiders

Guess who won’t be on the Raiders practice squad this year?

Being on the practice squad must suck. You make about $5000 a week (which isn’t bad for normal people but sucks in comparison to the players on the real team), you are largely ignored by everyone, and on top of that, you have a hard time keeping a straight face when trying to pick up chicks with the “I’m a professional football player” line.

On the flip side, you still are playing football for a living. So it always surprises us when a player will throw away his chance at a football career by trying to make some quick cash or doing something stupid. This week’s “winner” is Bryant McNeal of the Oakland Raiders. McNeal was arrested yesterday on an outstanding December 2005 warrant for selling a Land Rover for $15,000. Because he was craaaazy for selling it at such a low low price? No, because the car didn’t actually belong to him.

McNeal is also accused of writing a fraudulent $1,500 check to Berger Dental Group. Well, at least he’ll have a nice smile when he takes your order at the local Burger King.

[Yahoo]:Raiders reserve arrested on 2005 warrant

Oakland Raiders

Jerry Porter might be an idiot but one thing he is not is an idiot

Jerry Porter was ready to make a change in life; a fresh start and a new attitude to complete the new Randy Moss and Art Shell-less Raiders. And Porter was signifying his rebirth with a switch from jersey No. 84 to No. 81. But then he found out that it was going to cost him $210,000 and he threw on that old No. 84 quicker than you can say “I’ll shoot your motherfuckin’ ass with a blowdart, dawg.”

Turns out that there’s a whole business aspect to the NFL that Porter didn’t think about and he would have to fork over the $210,000 for the wardrobe change in order to pay back the team and Reebok for the price of all the unsold jerseys with the old number on them. Guess he figured the league would just send `em to some third world country like they do with all of the Super Bowl loser’s gear. But like any good businessman, Porter knows how far his money will stretch and the close to a quarter-of-a-million dollar penalty just didn’t seem like a fair swap for the three digit reduction.

Man, there’s a couple of nice cars I’d like to get for that money,” Porter said. “I could buy a nice vacation home, or at least go half on one with someone else.

We’re not sure exactly what kind of a vacation pad Porter is looking for but Ahman Green could probably give him the lowdown on some current prices.

But hopefully for the Raiders this doesn’t mean that he’s going to be putting off that whole attitude adjustment thing. Jamarcus Russell would probably really appreciate having a top receiver to throw to who doesn’t get suspended for insubordination. And Lane Kiffin could really do without Porter’s public trade demand stunts as he opens up his career in Oakland. But, hey, anyone who doesn’t get accused of being a kingpin of the dog fighting world gets a free pass this season.


[]: Porter’s number change too expensive

Oakland Raiders

Raiders fans are some douche bags, ya heard?

We all know that Raiders fans are a bunch of whackos that are one chromosome short of becoming full fledged human beings. So, it’s not really fair to put these mutants up against their rivals, 49ers fan, in a fist fight. Everyone knows that the brute physical strength would give those meatheads a decided advantage over the flower smelling hippies in San Francisco. What is fair, however, is to give Raider fan an opponent of equal mental capacity; like a 49er helmet for example.

First off, here’s a little insight from an outsiders perspective: you guys aren’t black! What’s with all the Ebonics? But that’s beside the point. We love how these guys think that a firecracker is just going to blow the helmet to smithereens. You gotta give these douches an “A” for effort though, but eventually even a Raider fan was able to figure out that no firecrackers, samurai sword, scooter, gun or blow darts can compete with a good ol’ fashioned smackin’ from a nine iron. Ya’ know what I mean, kid?

Keep an eye out for our favorite moment of dialogue when one of the dumbasses looks into the camera and says “I’ll shoot your motherfuckin’ ass with a blowdart, dawg.”


[]: Video: Why Raider Fans Shouldn’t Inbreed

Oakland Raiders

Art Shell owes Adam Schefter a fruit basket


Last night on the NFL Network pregame show, Adam Schefter reported that a “high-ranking Raiders official” informed him that Art Shell would be fired after the season. About half an hour later, the Raiders immediately issued a press release that refuted the report.




Shefter at halftime said that he sticks by his story and said that if Al Davis wanted to attack his credibility, all he had to do was say that Art Shell would be the coach of the Raiders next season but failed to do so.

And the press release probably was sent directly from Al Davis’ computer because it was typed in ALL CAPS. We get the feeling that a crotchety old Al Davis will keep Art Shell on next season just to spite Adam Schefter and his “bias”. Nevermind that Shell is absolutely wrong for the job and the Raiders will go 3-13 next year.

[]: Raiders deny report saying Shell’s done

Oakland Raiders

Oh Randy…


Oakland Raiders

Odds and Ends: Jerry Porter is the worst teammate in the world

Class act

On a day when a backup punter stabs a starting punter in the leg, Jerry Porter still manages to get the worst teammate award. The San Francisco Chronicle reported that Porter was pumping his fists and laughing while Aaron Brooks got sacked for the 7th time in the loss to the Chargers.

I haven’t heard anybody in our organization say anything about that, any teammate or anything,” Shell said. “If that did happen that’s a big disappointment from my standpoint. That would be disappointing, and that’s something, if he did that, something he has to deal with, with his teammates as well as other people.

Porter was deactivated for Monday’s game because he’s clashed with Art Shell all preseason. Porter just signed a five year deal last season that gave have $10M in guaranteed money. Nice way to pay the Raiders back, Jerry.

[AP]: Royals pitcher, catcher fight in dugout

[ESPN]: Keep Branch on your fantasy bench folks, he’s not expected to play this weekend

[Fox Sports]: Since the World Cup, US Soccer has dropped from #5 to #29

[TSN]: Bob Clarke doesn’t give a shit if nobody likes him

[Jeff Little]: People stealing paychecks in the NBA

Oakland Raiders

Art Shell living in the past — Raiders sign Jeff George

How Art Shell sees Jeff George

When we first heard that Jeff George got a job in the NFL, we figured it was a Quarterbacks coach somewhere. (Although that doesn’t make much sense either.) But nope, Jeff George has signed on with the Oakland Raiders to be their “veteran backup” in case Aaron Brooks goes down. This is like buying a Yugo to back up your Hyundai. (That joke makes a lot more sense back in Art Shell’s first tour of duty as well.)

The last full season that George had was 1997 when he played for the… yup… Raiders. George had 29 TDs and 9 INTs in 16 games. The last time George threw a pass was in 2001 with the Washington Redskins. He played in two games that year. 5 years later, George still thinks he can compete.

I’ve always said when that call comes, I want to make sure I’m ready. I’ve kept myself in pretty good shape; throw the ball three or four times a week. Obviously it’s different from being out here, but you do what you can. I’ve always thought I should be out there.

I’m just very thankful this organization believed in me and allowed me another opportunity, because I don’t know where I’d be without them.

We cannot wait till Aaron Brooks is benched for being terrible and Andrew Walter is injured and… in steps Jeff George to save the day.

It’s a sad day when Raiders fan forums have to title their posts “We Signed Jeff George NOT A JOKE”.

[Inside Bay Area]: Curious move signing George
[]: Jeff George Stats