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Dallas Cowboys

TO says good riddance to Parcells



See ya, Bill!

You know how Bill Parcells went out with class, issuing a statement that he was tired and physically he was tired and thanking all the players and coaches that supported him? Did you really expect the same from TO? Didn’t think so. The ever quotable TO had this to say about the Tuna’s retirement:


I am just hoping his retirement brings promise to what the team has to offer. This past year was a big letdown. On paper we were as good as anybody we played against every week. The end result didn’t show that. Our play was not indicative of what we could have done. What we should have done. Hopefully, the owner will hire a coach to take the team to the next level.

Parcell’s biggest sin?

I was underutilized in the offense. A new coach can be good for the Cowboys. It’s not just me. But my teammates know I could have done more. I wasn’t used as a No. 1 receiver. If you don’t involve a guy, that person is not going to be as productive as he can be. That’s how I felt.

What (good) coach in his right mind is going to take the Cowboys job? Can an incoming coach stipulate that his hiring is contingent on the cutting of Terrell Owens? (By the way folks, that’s our last TO/Parcells story for a while… we promise.)

Links:
[Star-Telegram]: Owens: Parcells’ retirement for the best

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Dallas Cowboys

Bill Parcells has had enough


Well folks, everyone knew it was coming. Would the Big Tuna honor the final year of his contract with the Cowboys or had he had enough of coaching an underachieving team and dealing with TO the Media Whore? After only a week, the decision seemed fairly simple. Bill Parcells didn’t need more money, he didn’t need another year of padding his hall of fame resume and he certainly didn’t need any more headaches.

In a statement, Parcells said:

I am retiring from coaching football. I want to thank Jerry Jones and Stephen Jones for their tremendous support over the last four years. Also, the players, my coaching staff and others in the support group who have done so much to help. Dallas is a great city and the Cowboys are an integral part of it. I am hopeful that they are able to go forward from here.

I am in good health and feel lucky to have been able to coach in the NFL for an extended period of time. I leave the game and the NFL with nothing but good feelings and gratitude to all the players, coaches and other people that have assisted me in that regard.

The look on Parcells’ face during the entire season (even sometimes during the Cowboys winning streak) seemed to indicate that he had had enough of this coaching business. Parcells has always ripped into players and let them know if they did something wrong on the field. This year, he seemed to just give it a half-hearted effort and went back to looking frustrated and annoyed rather than fired up and angry.

Perhaps Adam Schefter would like to change his story published two days ago about Parcells staying put?

Links:
[Dallas Morning News]: Parcells walks away from coaching

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Dallas Cowboys

The Tony Romo Action Figure


Sometimes ebay is full of crap like an uneaten hotdog from the Seahawks NFCCG that fetches a bunch of money for no reason. But once in a while, you get a really clever auction item. Here is the Tony Romo Wildcard Playoff Edition action figure, custom made to look like Romo tackled at the 1 1/2 yard line after botching the snap.

Now, while the action figure botching a snap would have been better, you have to work with what is available.
The current bid is over $200 and for something this clever, it’s not worth it to us but the creator deserves a couple hundred for his efforts.

We’re eagerly awaiting the Koy Detmer FG holder action figure. After Romo’s gaffe, the placekick holder is getting way too much attention.

Links:
[eBay]: DALLAS TONY ROMO CUSTOM MCFARLANE NFL PLAYOFFS JERSEY

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Dallas Cowboys

Kim Etheredge has less reasons to be alive


The publicist who said “Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive” has been fired by Owens. Not only did she insult the Dallas police department, she also provided one of the unintentionally funniest soundbites of 2006.

Now granted, she looked like a crack addict that day but we assume that if she weren’t up for 24 hours and dealing with TO, that she might look halfway decent when she cleans up. So there lies the moral of the story. Never hire someone just cause she’s good looking. Etheredge is/was probably the most incompetent publicist an athlete has ever had. She did more harm to TO’s image than any other publicist in the history of sports. Considering how low TO’s image was to begin with, that’s quite a feat. Maybe Nick Saban can hire her to make him look more like a money grabbing double talking weasel.

Links:
[Star Telegram]: Owens fires publicist

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Dallas Cowboys

Matt Leinart needs to save us


Where are you Matt? You become a father and all of the sudden you’re too good to make headlines banging a starlet or two? (And in the Paris Hilton case, starlet is a real stretch.) We’ve been reduced to rumors about Tony Romo going on a date with Jessica Simpson — which is based solely on his MNF getting to know Tony Romo segment where he lists Jessica Simpson as his celebrity crush.

It’s pretty interesting how these rumors get started. Bob Sturm from Dallas’ The Ticket 1310AM republishes an email from a reader and all of the sudden, he is linked to a “source” that says Romo and Simpson went on a date. Kind of like how the rumor got started that Chris Pronger got a television reporter pregant and had to move out of Edmonton. Is that how easy it is to start a rumor? He’s a rumor for you: Jessica Simpson looks like a man. Or is that kind of just an opinion? We never understood the fascination with JS. Yeah, she’s got huge cans but if you wanted to look at a man face with huge cans, there’s always Bill Parcells, who’d be a lot more fun to talk to. Here’s a pic of Simpson with her new colagen lips.

Speaking of Matt Leinart, ever since his breakout game vs the Bears on MNF, he’s thrown 5 INTs and only 1 TD.

Links:
[The Big Lead]: Checking in on Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson

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Dallas Cowboys

Drew Bledsoe is really bitter


We actually thought the first clever(?) “Tony Homo” reference would be at a game at the Meadownlands or FedEx Field but it’s hit the internet first. Welcome to TonyHomo.com!


Sam Madison picks off my, otherwise flawless, pass, tip toes his way outta bounds. One foot in. Two feet in. Shit. Three feet in. Four. Okay stop showing off, dickface, I get it. Five Feet in. I wanna puke.

…So this is it. My first of many blog entries. I think it’ll keep me entertained and alive… I know I’ve got pretty much nothing else to live for. I hope you stick around.

Oh, and as for the name, TonyRomo.com was taken, so I just chose this one. Also, that faggot stole my starting job.

(Thanks to FlashWarner.com for the link.)

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Dallas Cowboys

Cowboys WR coach is suing McDonald’s



Now with more rat!

Todd Haley, who is known mostly for disrespecting and being disrespected by Terrell Owens, is suing McDonald’s for $1.7M because his wife and nanny found a six inch dead rat in their McSalad.

According to the lawsuit, Christine Haley had eaten part of the salad when she found a juvenile roof rat in it with its paws up and mouth open. Both women because violently ill and “endured long-lasting physical injuries”. The suit was filed because the McDonald’s didn’t follow through on their promise “to make things right”. Ummm… how do you make finding a dead rat in your salad right? Free nuggets for your lifetime? Advance notice of when those yummy Shamrock Shakes are coming? Basically, the only thing to “make it right” is money. And well, we guess $1,700,000 is the “right” amount.

Links:
[SI]: Cowboys assistant suing McDonald’s

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Dallas Cowboys

Odds and Ends: TO powderkeg temporarily defused



Dude, I had the curry!

Like they say, winning is the best defuser. (Or was that deodorant?) In any case, a weekend that had the potential for being the one in which Owens blew up quickly turned into a lovefest as the Cowboys got to take on the Texans at home. It was coming folks. After a report that TO got into a verbal altercation with his wide receivers coach Todd Haley because he was late to practice with stomach problems, an upset by the Texans would have sent everyone over the edge. Jerry Jones was quoted as saying that Haley would be disciplined for his part in the argument. TO said the relationship was ruined. Drew Bledsoe stinks on ice. Three ingredients for a meltdown. Instead, a 3 TD performance by the player resulted in hugs for the wide receiver coach, TO being a good teammate and now the Cowboys are denying any discipline for Haley. So for those of you in the Terrell Owens Meltdown Pool, week 6 wasn’t it. It’s coming though. It’s coming.

In other news…

[TwinCities.com]: Stephen Jackson says he was only defending teammates

[BBC Sport]: Baseball’s steroids problem so rampant, it’s now affecting cricket

[STLToday]: Hell, even chess players are cheating now

[People]: Thank goodness, what would we do without more shots of Eva Longoria in the stands

[The Hater Nation]: Ed Hocholi makes Scott Linehan look foolish

[Phillies Nation]: A-Rod to the Phillies is a recipe for suicide watch

[The Pink Seats]: Bet the over on # of athletes bagged by Paris Hilton

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Dallas Cowboys

T.O.’s new childrens book


Terrell Owens is going to release a children’s book called “Little T Learns to Share” in November. This is perfect as who would understand kids better than someone with the emotional maturity of a 6 year old.

Sometimes real newspaper reports end up sounding like an Onion article and this is no different.


It’s about a a young boy learning the value of sharing.
Little T, the title character, refuses to share his football at first but later realizes he can’t enjoy his new ball without friends.

It’s the first book of T.O.’s Timeout Series. The second book, Little T Learns What Not to Say is due in spring 2007, and the third one, Little T Learns To Say I’m Sorry comes out fall 2007. The other topics haven’t been determined.

Here are some of our suggestions:

  • Little T Learns How to Spot a Rat
  • Every team starts with Little T
  • Little T has 25 million reasons to live
  • Little T isn’t pointing fingers but it’s the quarterback’s fault

Links:
[Dallas Morning News]: T.O. and kids? Book it

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Dallas Cowboys

Transcript of TO publicist 911 call

Here’s the transcript of the 911 call from Kim Etheredge.  Notice of mention of “depressed” in the call itself.

Kim Etheredge: “Hi, I have an emergency please.”

911 operator: “You need the police out there?”

Etheredge: “I need an ambulance please.”

911 operator: “Let me give you the paramedics.”

Etheredge: “Thank you.”

911 operator: “Stay on the line.”

—

Paramedic: (Garbled) “Dallas Fire.”

Etheredge: “Hi. Hi I need an ambulance please, immediately.”

Paramedic: “OK. What’s your address?”

Etheredge: (gives address, crying)

Paramedic: “What’s wrong?”

Etheredge: “I think he took too many pills. Please. Now. (Garbled) What do I do if the pills are down the throat?”

Paramedic: “OK. What’s your phone number? We are already on the way now, ma’m. What’s your phone number?”

Etheredge: “Oh God!”

Paramedic: “What’s your phone number?”

Etheredge: (Deleted)

Paramedic: “Is that 214?”

Etheredge: “Yes.”

Paramedic: “OK. Is he still breathing?”

Etheredge: “Yes.”

Paramedic: “OK, we’re on the way there, ma’am.”

Etheredge: “Thank you. Thank you.”

Links:

[MSNBC]: Cops want T.O., publicist to apologize
[SFGate]: You can’t beat bad publicists