Tag: video

Categories
College Football

"Crack open an ice cold Bud Light O’ Emperor of Excuses"

If you know anything about anything then you know all about the Real Men of Genius.  Let’s see, there’s Mr. Driving Range Ball Picker Upper, Mr. Pro Wrestling Wardrobe Designer, Mr. Outside the Stadium Peanut Seller, Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer and Mr. Really, Really Tight Jean Wearer.  Then you’ve got Mr. Bathroom Stall Dirty Joke Writer, Mr. New Shoe Tissue Paper Stuffer, Mr. Basketball Court Sweat Wiper Upper, Mr. Way-Too-Proud-Of-Texas Guy and Mr. Professional Sports Leg Cramp Rubber Outer.

Well, right between Mr. Refuses To Turn On His Air Conditioning Guy and Mr. Rolling Cooler Cooler Roller sits the newest addition to the Real Men of Genius family:  Mr. Delusional, Irrational, Hopelessly Pathetic Notre Dame Football Fan.

Links:

[TrojanWire.com]: Today We Salute You, Mr. Delusional, Irrational, Notre Dame Football Fan

Categories
NFL General

Joey Porter vs. Levi Jones and it doesn’t even cost $49.95!

We heard the other day that a video of the Las Vegas Palms casino brawl between Levi Jones and Joey Porter had surfaced, but we kept thinking that this was just some ruse to get us all excited before an eventual letdown. You know, kinda like when you finally saw Ghost Rider. But we were wrong, the video actually exists and Porter actually is a cheap shot artist.

And you thought that Joey was just faking insanity when he did the “Dean Scream” (or any of the dozen or so other incidents) during the Monday Night Football lineups.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Jay Glazer’s FOX Exclusive Tape of The Joey Porter – Levi Jones Fight

Categories
College Football

Not only can Oklahoma Sooners fans write, but they’re rather witty. Who knew?

The College GameDay crew made their way to Norman on Saturday to take in the Oklahoma/Missouri game first hand. Needless to say, the signs were aplenty and not all of `em were all that nice.

Considering that GameDay comes to our living rooms live every Saturday morning, ESPN has to be careful to monitor the sea of poster board behind the set to make sure that nothing too wild goes beaming out to the throngs. Thanks to Blake Jackson of NewsOK.com, we now have a better idea of exactly what we can and can’t get away with.

Apparently, when you’re in Oklahoma, life-size cutout of Bob Stoops and Sherri Coale are cool. So are the multitudes of “We (heart) Herbie” signs. You know, the only member of ESPN your girlfriend can name besides Jesse Palmer.

But, then you’ve got the stuff that Jackson found behind the stage. These are the types of signs that ESPN hired guns plucked from the crowd, never to be seen on-air.

Chase Daniel eats boogers.”

“Missouri loves company.”

“Chase Daniel. Hungry? Why wait?”

Several signs parodied Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy’s recent tirade toward Oklahoman columnist Jenni Carlson:

One read, “Lee Corso is twice the man Mike Gundy is. He’s 80!” Another, “Curtis Lofton, he’s a man. He’s No. 40.

But our absolute unseen favorite has to be the one that had a giant picture of Lou Holtz with the phrase “Thoonerth” printed over his head. (Think about it for a second.)

Don’t fret though, we learned from Lou himself that even if the GameDay thugs rip that sign into a million little pieces, belief in ourselves can put it back together.

Links:

[NewsOK.com]: Fans unveil a bevy of posters

Categories
MLB General

All we want is a little baseball, but we keep getting Dane Cook

In case the Rockies leading the Diamondbacks 3-0 or the Indians and Red Sox being tied up at one apiece wasn’t enough to remind you what month it is, then maybe this will do the trick.

Hey, this guy might not even know the players’ names, but he’s still more tolerable than the real thing.

Links:

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: File Under “I Don’t Get It”

Categories
New York Yankees

David Letterman gets the scoop on the Yankees off-season

The Yankees were eliminated from the postseason the other day, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still the talk of the town in New York. Joe Torre, Alex Rodriguez, crying journalists; the madness just won’t stop. It even permeated into the grand Ed Sullivan Theater on Broadway.

Wow, who would have thought that the pectoral muscles of A-Rod and Biff would be so identical?

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: David Letterman Is Still Pretty Damn Funny

Categories
General Sports

Can somebody please throw Stu Scott in front of a moving bus?

Trying to explain what a douche Stuart Scott is has become like trying to explain the science behind what happens to a star when it gets sucked into a black hole. Sometimes it’s just easier to observe the subject’s behaviors in order to quantify their complexity or, in Stu’s case, his doucheiness.

This kind of crap has gone on long enough and we here at SportsColumn aren’t going to take it anymore. So, our plan is to assassinate Stuart Scott immediately. However, to do so we will need monetary contributions from Stu Scott despisers like you. So, please partake in our fund raiser. The sooner you do, the sooner this one-eyed nightmare will be over.

Spoken word.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Stu Scott’s Ridiculous Deaf Poetry Slam

Categories
High School Sports

High school girl dunks and dunks and dunks and dunks…

There used to be this crazy myth that “white men can’t jump.” There was a movie about it and everything, maybe you’ve heard of it. Well, it’s pretty evident that claim is completely inaccurate. You did see Brent Barry sky at the 1996 Slam Dunk Contest, right? If that wasn’t aerial poetry in motion then we don’t know what is.

So, now that we’ve established that whites can dunk, let’s turn our attention to the stereotype that women can’t throw down. We know that there have a handful of ladies to dunk in a game, most notable Candace Parker and Michelle Snow, but they were in college. If you really want to see a myth get busted to bits then you’ve gotta check out Houston’s Brittney Griner.

She’s a junior in high school (verbal commitment to Baylor) and she’s 6-foot-7 with a size 17 shoe. Apparently, she’s been described as “a Charles Barkley type in a Plaxico Burress body.” By “Charles Barkley type,” we’re assuming they mean in her tenacity and drive to play bigger than she really is because we’ve seen the video and Sir-Cumference hasn’t displayed hops like hers since he was going coast to coast for the Sixers in those itty-bitty shorts.

Her dunks might not be all that flashy, but she’s got a much higher conversion rate than Nate ‘Do Over’ Robinson. Then again, we seriously doubt she could block Yao Ming.

Links:

[USAToday.com]: Have you seen her?

Categories
General Sports

Mike Gundy strikes again

There have been a lot of Mike Gundy imitation videos popping up on the web since he threw his little temper tantrum on Jenni Carlson a few weeks back. We thought we’d seen all of `em and we had. Well, we’d seen all the copycats on the small screens of YouTube, but we totally forgot to pay attention to the slighter larger screen that’s sitting in our living room.

That has got to be the best impression of Mike Gundy’s tirade since, well, Mike Gundy’s tirade. The only thing that guy forgot to say was “Hello! You play to win the game!” Oh, wait, we’re getting our diatribes confused. What he forgot to say was “Playoffs? Playoffs?”

And while we’re still semi on the subject of commercials, have you seen the new SportsCenter ad? Grab the tissues, it’s a real tearjerker.

Oh, Scott Van Pelt; will you ever find true love?

Links:

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Where’s Mike Gundy Now? Pt. 2

Categories
General Sports

You ready to get rainforest sweaty? Swamp sweaty?

Will Ferrell convinced us long ago that he was the best thing to ever happen to sport spoof movies. First he gave us Talladega Nights, then there was Blades of Glory and now we’re finally getting a glimpse at his latest production: Semi-Pro.

Needless to say, we’ve already canceled all our February appointments in anticipation.

Links:

[TrojanWire]: Will Ferrell’s `Semi-Pro’ Trailer

Categories
General Sports

ESPN finally makes up for the whole `Who’s Now’ debacle

We make fun ESPN quite a bit around here. After all, we play this episode of SportsCenter virtually nonstop on our DVR. But, we gotta give credit where credit is due. This piece about the son and grandson of cult leader Jim Jones is some pretty amazing stuff.

So, hats off to Jon Fish and Chris Connelly. Keep up the good work, fellas. We are so relieved to see there’s more to ESPN than Stump the Schwab and the Budweiser Hot Seat.

Links:

[ESPN.com]: Grandson of Jonestown founder is making a name for himself