NFL General

Michael Vick brings The Longest Yard to life

Michael Vick has been in prison for a while now and although most people figure No. 7’s professional football career is as dead as a doornail, some team’s who are desperate for a quarterback are praying that Vick will still be serviceable when he gets out of the penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas. And for those people, Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank has got some good news.

He is staying in shape,” Blank told The News. “Apparently, there was a prison football team and he played quarterback for both sides.”

“He’s written me a couple of times,” Blank said. “I’ve written him back, he’s stayed in touch.”

“I just try to be supportive and as understanding as I can be,” Blank said. “He talks about the process he is going through and what he has learned, the lessons of life, how he’s going to come out a different person. He’s sorry he has affected so many people in a negative way — the league, our club, our fans. He feels awful about that. The letters sound quite sincere to me. From a mental standpoint, he sounds good.

From a mental standpoint, anytime you’re not personally electrocuting dogs, you’re probably going to sound a little better. But that’s just our hunch. It is a good idea to keep that arm loose though because we all know the Bears will still be struggling at QB when Vick is finally reinstated.


[]: Michael Vick playing prison football


Iron Mike wants to hang with Vick and the Juice in the big house

Mike Tyson is facing a maximum of four years and three months in prison after pleading guilty to drug possession and driving under the influence following being stopped outside a nightclub last year. His sentencing is scheduled for November 19. Maybe he can save a seat in the yard for Michael Vick’s December arrival.

I had possession of cocaine, and I drove under the influence,” he told the judge, his voice barely audible.

Tyson pleaded guilty to a single felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor DUI count. A felony charge of possession of drug paraphernalia and a second misdemeanor DUI charge were dropped, according to the terms of a plea agreement.

In case you’ve forgotten, Iron Mike got busted with bags of cocaine inside his car and pockets after spending an evening with the ladies of Scottsdale’s Pussycat Lounge. The cop said he saw Tyson wiping a white substance off his dash and that his lispy speech was slurred.

We still can’t get over the fact of how far and how fast this guy fell from grace. Tyson used to embody what being a bad ass is all about, unfortunately for every devastating knock out he delivered, we got twice as much imbecilic and criminal behavior in return. We can’t wait until we have to explain this nut to our kids one day.


[USA Today]: Mike Tyson pleads guilty to drug, DUI charges

All Other Sports

O.J. Simpson does not like people who aren’t "straight shooters"

The Juice was at it again as he got arrested on Sunday on chargers of robbing sports memorabilia from an auction house that was setting up shop inside of a Las Vegas hotel. Apparently, OJ showed up to the room with some thugs under the guise that they were customers, but according to Bruce Fromong, another collector inside the room, those were not Simpson’s intentions.

The door burst open and they came in almost commando style, O.J. Simpson and some of his people, I guess you would call it, with guns drawn,” Fromong told ABC’s “Good Morning America” Monday. “O.J. at that time was saying, ‘I want my stuff. I want my stuff.’

“The thing in my mind as soon as I saw him, I’m thinking, ‘O.J., how can you be this dumb? You’re in enough trouble.”’

Fromong said Simpson later left him a voice mail message telling him some of Fromong’s things were “mixed up” with his and asking how he could give them back.

OJ claims that he was simply trying to get back items that were stolen from him. Things are still being sorted out, but Simpson was charged with two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon, two counts of assault with a deadly weapon and conspiracy to commit a burglary with a firearm on Sunday night. He could be facing up to 30 years on each robbery count if he’s found guilty.

Oh, but it gets better. Leave it to to unearth the audio of the Juice’s holdup in which a voice believed to be Simpson is heard shouting “Don’t let nobody out of this room,” and “Motherf***ers! Think you can steal my s*** and sell it?”

To be fair though, Fromong said that he never saw a weapon or felt threatened by OJ at any time, but two guns were seized by police during their investigation. We don’t know what the heck Simpson was thinking with this stunt, but we’re thrilled that everyone walked out of the hotel with their heads still attached.


[]: Audiotape released of sports memorabilia dispute involving O.J. Simpson in Las Vegas
[]: O.J.’s Alleged Robbery – Caught on Tape!

General Sports

Stuck in Prison? Why not get ESPN?

Because of overcrowding in California prisons, the Department of Creatiosn created a video that is strangely like a timeshare recruiting video trying to convince convicts to move to a prison in Tennessee. Apparently the video gets played daily in California prisons like some weird 1984 propaganda film.

In true sales video style, it also has testimonials from earlier transferees:

You get 79 cable channels here. ESPN. You can’t beat that. We watch sports all day. That’s what we’ve been doing since we’ve been here: watching sports,” said one inmate.
Another inmate said that everyone got along at his prison and called fellow inmates “buddies.”
“Your cells are open all day long except for a few counts, from 6:15, 6:30 in the morning to 10:30 at night, and 12:30 on weekends,” said one inmate.

Hey, and ass rapings only occur on alternate Tuesdays! Can you imagine if you got there and prison officials edited ESPN so all you ever got was reruns of Quite Frankly with Stephen A Smith, Stu Scott and Skip Bayless? That would be cruel and unusual punishment.

[NBC11]: Calif. Inmates Tempted By Cheeseburgers, ESPN In Tennessee