Tripp Isenhour gives new meaning to the term "hawkeye"

When it comes to golf, we’ve heard of birdies and eagles, but we never hear about hawks when we’re out on the greens. Apparently there is a good reason for that; Tripp Isenhour kills them when they are too loud.

IIsenhour, who plays on the developmental Nationwide Tour, was charged Wednesday with cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird, misdemeanors that carry a maximum penalty of 14 months in jail and $1,500 in fines.

Isenhour quickly apologized Thursday.

“As soon as this happened, I was mortified and extremely upset and continue to be upset,” Isenhour said in a statement issued through his management company, SFX Golf. “I want to let everyone know there was neither any malice nor deliberate intent whatsoever to hit or harm the hawk. I was trying to simply scare it into flying away.”

The 39-year-old player, whose real name is John Henry Isenhour III, became angry while filming “Shoot Like A Pro” on Dec. 12 at the Grand Cypress Golf Club when a squawking red-shouldered hawk roughly 300 yards away forced another take.

He drove closer to the bird in his golf cart and starting hitting balls at it. The bird didn’t move and Isenhour gave up and drove away.

Isenhour started again when the hawk moved within about 75 yards, Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer Brian Baine indicated in a report.

Isenhour allegedly said, “I’ll get him now,” and aimed for the hawk.

“About the sixth ball came very near the bird’s head, and (Isenhour) was very excited that it was so close,” Baine wrote.

A few shots later, witnesses said he hit the hawk. The bird, protected as a migratory species, fell to the ground bleeding from both nostrils.

And you know what is coming next, right? PETA is gonna want a piece of his ass for lunch. But before everyone gets all worked up, let’s just make it perfectly clear that Isenhour is, in fact, an animal lover and he has three cats at his house that he adopted from a local animal shelter. So, take that PETA.


[]: Golfer apologizes for shot that killed protected hawk

Atlanta Falcons

PETA wishes Michael Vick a rape-filled holiday season and a happy new year

If you thought that Shaquille O’Neal was one to hold a grudge, just get a load of PETA. While these people will walk to the ends of the earth for an abused llama, they got no problem trying to humiliate and disgrace anyone who dares anger them. But at least it is in the name of Christmas spirit.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has created a holiday e-card featuring former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick, who is serving a 23-month federal sentence for a dogfighting conspiracy.

In the card, a cartoon version of Vick paces across a prison yard inside a snow globe as gun-toting guards and their barking dogs keep watch. He’s wearing an orange prison jumpsuit and football helmet and dragging a ball and chain.

When a visitor to PETA’s Web site shakes the snow globe by dragging a mouse, Vick bounces around and crashes against the globe’s dome as a commentator announces, “They got to the quarterback’s blind side there. He never had a chance.”

“We’re having a bit of fun, but prison is no lark and we’re hoping that Michael will use his time behind bars this holiday season to think about goodwill and peace for all,” PETA assistant director Dan Shannon said in a statement Tuesday.

Uh-huh Dan, we’re sure that’s exactly what you’re hoping for Mike.

In addition to Vick, PETA made cards for all the people on their naughty list this year, including “Cold-Blooded Colonel Sanders”, “Hairy-Kate and Trashley: the Olson Twins”, “Pelt Pusher Anna Wintour”, “Fur Hag Kate Moss” and “Hunter Dick Cheney.”

What? No “Why Didn’t You Die Roy Horn” Christmas card?


[MSNBC]: PETA creates holiday e-card featuring Vick

College Football

Dear PETA, leave our sports alone

Nothing sucks harder and more frequently than PETA. It’s fine when they throw red paint on vapid celebrities and going after people who train dogs for fights, but when they start trying to tell sports teams what to do, that’s when they need to be clubbed like a baby seal. (What’d I say?) Their latest foray into being annoying jackasses is to petition LSU to get rid of its live tiger mascot.

Dear Chancellor O’Keefe:

We are writing to express our sympathy over the death of Louisiana State University’s (LSU) mascot, Mike the tiger, and to urge the school not to replace him. Big cats in captivity are denied everything that is natural and important to them, such as the opportunity to run, climb, hunt, establish their territory, and choose their mates.

Costumed human mascots are currently in use at most universities, and no major professional sports team includes live animals in its mascot program. The versatility of human performers allows them to interact directly with fans and entertain them throughout the game by leading cheers, reacting to the crowd, and pumping up the team. A frightened animal can’t do any of these things.

Meanwhile, the tradition at LSU of having a live tiger goes back 71 years and the tiger gets to live in a 15,000 square foot $3M home with a bathing pool and a waterfall. Man, that sounds terrible. LSU officials have told PETA to go pound sand.


[ESPN]: LSU likely to ignore PETA, obtain new tiger mascot