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The fun never ends when you’re O.J. Simpson’s old lady

Things just keep getting worse and worse for the Juice – actually things just keep getting worse and worse for people around the Juice. Reports surfaced on Thursday that O.J. Simpson’s girlfriend (that’s her first mistake) Christie Prody was hospitalized after supposedly falling and hitting her head. However, according to doctors, the injuries and the story don’t seem to add up, leading to the claim that her “severe head injury” could be a result of typical Simpson rage.

Now, we’re not ones to make jest of other people’s pain; luckily, Best Week Ever is. So, without further ado, we give to you their list of Top 10 Excuses Given to Doctors By O.J.’s Girlfriends.

10. “My boyfriend was just cleaning out his fist collection, and one accidentally went off.”

9. “My boyfriend bought me a rose for Valentine’s Day, only he forgot to take the thorns off. So you can imagine, when he ran the rose across my neck and face and body… things got a little bloody.”

8. “My best friend and I were playing doubles tennis. And she accidentally hit me in the face with the handle of a gun.”

7. “Doctor, it’s the strangest thing. I’m walkin’ down the street, mindin’ my own business, just walkin’ along, feelin’ good. I walk around a corner. A man walk up, hit me in my chest, right? I fall on the ground, right? And I look up, and it’s Dr. Martin Luther King! I said, `Dr. King!’ He said, `Whoops, I thought you was somebody else.'”

6. “I walked into my mom’s fist-shaped doorknob.”

5. “I was shopping at Barney’s, when I slipped and fell in their Medieval Armor department.”

4. “The Jews.”

3. “I accidentally knocked over my boyfriend’s Heismann trophy, and suddenly, out of nowhere, a 4 by 4 fell from the ceiling and hit me on the back of the head.”

2. “I was doing some light gardening when some friends of my boyfriend, including Chris Noth, David Justice, Josh Brolin, Phil Spector and Robert Blake, came by to tell me what a great job I was doing on my rose garden. Then I slipped and fell down a flight of stairs.”

1. “I’m O.J.’s Girlfriend.”


[Best Week Ever]: The Top 10 Excuses Given To Doctors By O.J.’s Girlfriends

Phoenix Suns

Bill Walton and Shaq won’t be sending Valentines to each other this year

For as goofy and outlandish as Bill Walton is, the guy knows his basketball and on Sunday he weighed in on the Shaquille O’Neal trade. Now, normally, people don’t even pay attention to the Big Redhead – heck, we get the feeling his own partners in the studio tune him out for about half the show – but, not the Diesel. Nope, Shaq hears all.

He really can’t win in this situation,” Walton said of O’Neal. “Because what he did in Miami by saying, ‘I can’t play at all,’ and now it’s, ‘I’m going to win the championship (in Phoenix).’ That is just absolutely ludicrous. Shaq’s arrogance is an insult to people who think.

Wait, did somebody say insult?

O’Neal’s response: “Bill Walton has broken the Big Man Pecking Order Code — Ordinance 2257 — which means his resume isn’t quite good enough to speak on what I have done.

“One thing I hate is a hypocrite. So if I’m faking an injury, his whole injury-plagued career is a fake. Here’s a guy who only played one or two seasons injury-free, and now he’s talking about me being injured. So, one thing I really hate is a hypocrite.

In 16 years, Shaq has earned the right to say whatever he wants to whoever he wants, but we gotta side with the Dead Head on this one. Walton can’t even sniff Shaq’s jock when it comes to statistics and career accomplishments, but he’s got every right to say O’Neal was loafing in Miami… because it certainly appears that he WAS!

C’mon Shaq; you missed 17 games for a Miami squad that has a horrible record, but now you’re suddenly healthy enough to run with the Phoenix Suns?!?! And don’t try to give us that B.S. about the amazing attributes of the Suns training staff. Shaq has proven over and over and over again during his career that he hates to lose and he’s proven he’ll turn on anyone once the crap hits the fan. This is just the latest case. To say otherwise is simply an insult to people who think.


[]: Shaq battles back

New England Patriots

After being on the injury report all season long, NOW Tom Brady’s injury is for real?!

We’re not going to call Tom Brady and Randy Moss sore losers, but what a couple of titty babies!! The duo were all laughs and smiles, cracking jokes and taking jabs at the Giants going into Sunday’s super shocking Super Bowl, but after a 17-14 loss and an abrupt detour off the road to perfection, the record-setting scoring threats pulled out of the Pro Bowl.

Brady’s excuse stems from “Boot Gate”, claiming his tender ankle took a pounding from the Giants defense. Apparently Moss is learning more than just routes from his quarterback because he is also citing an injured ankle, not a broken heart, for his inability to attend the Pro Bowl on Feb. 10.

Now, we know other players skipped out on the All-Star tradition – in fact, we’re surprised anyone would go to this stupid thing – but the timing of this whole thing just stinks to us. And, as usual, it’s the fans that get screwed in the end. Now, instead of seeing the greatest offensive `one-two punch’ in NFL history, fans are treated to seeing Chad Johnson and Derek Anderson.

Ocho-Cinco can be entertaining as hell, but it’s going to take a lot of oversized Hall of Fame jackets to make up for the absence of Brady and Moss.


[The Canadian Press]: Brady and Moss pull out of Pro Bowl a day after loss to Giants in Super Bowl

New York Giants

Yet another reason to take the stairs

There were plenty of shrieks of agony coming from New York Giants fans on Saturday as the Patriots made history inside the Meadowlands, beating the G-Men 38-35 and becoming the first team to ever run the table during a 16-game regular season. While there was plenty of pain in the stands, the real suffering and anguish occurred under the bleachers.

The escalator at Gate A apparently failed at the bottom steps, state police Lt. Jim Crann said. The escalator runs from the stadium’s upper tier to the ground level, and Crann said it appeared some bottom steps became bent, causing some fans foot and leg injuries.

James Minish, executive vice president of facilities for the New Jersey Sports & Exposition Authority, which operates the stadium, said one of the injured fans appeared to have a fractured leg, while others had scrapes and bruises.

Two fans apparently suffered more serious leg injuries, Minish said, but he did not have further details.

Of course, escalator accidents aren’t always a result of mechanical failures. In fact, according to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, 75 percent of the 6,000 escalator injuries per year are due to falls. Like this one:

Or this one:


[]: 7 Injured on Escalator at Meadowlands
[]: Stadium escalator had failed before

Toronto Raptors

Around the Rim: Hopefully TJ is built Ford tough

1. Career in question
The Raptors won in Atlanta last night, but nobody really cared. T.J. Ford, in an all too eerily reminiscent manner, was taken off the court on a stretcher after being flagrantly fouled by the Hawks Al Horford with 1:32 left. As Ford drove to the basket for a layup, Horford took a hard swipe for the ball, unintentionally hitting Ford in the face, causing him to fall awkwardly and crack the back of skull on the floor. Ford was in tears as he lay on the court, his career possibly over. It is reported that he has full range of motion, but with his history of spinal cord injuries, his future is defiantly up in the air. You have to feel bad for Horford; after the game, it was obvious he meant no harm. Still, the foul was a big time blow to the Raptors who were finally forming an identity around Ford and superstar Chris Bosh. The duo combined for 46 points, 15 rebounds and 11 assists against Atlanta.

2. Return of the King

LeBron James was back in the starting lineup lineup on Tuesday and, what do you know, the Cavaliers snapped a five game losing streak that started when LBJ was originally injured. James finished with 17 points, three rebounds and five assists off the bench in the 118-105 home win over the Pacers. So, is Mike Brown following in the footsteps of his mentor, Gregg Popovich, and boosting his bench by making LeBron the best sixth man in the league, similar to Popovich’s decision to bring Manu Ginobili off the pine? According to James, no.

That was one and done for me,” James said, smiling. “I will not be coming off the bench anymore.

3. Tim Duncan who?
Tim Duncan missed his third consecutive game on Tuesday after Gregg Popovich considered him to have a “50/50” shot of playing and the Warriors took advantage of the Spurs loss, picking up a 12-point victory in Oakland. Stephen Jackson led Golden State past his former squad, scoring a team-high 20 points while Baron Davis chipped in 18. But the real story of the game, besides SA being outscored 30-12 in the second quarter, came from the Spurs Matt “Red Rocket” Bonner who stepped up in Duncan’s absence. The 6-foot-10 forward/center had the game of his life in the loss, shooting 9-of-16 from the floor, including a trio of treys, for 25 points while grabbing 17 rebounds. Bonner’s career averages are 6.7 points and 3.4 rebounds per game.

Tuesday’s Player of the Day: Chauncey Billups @ Memphis 39 min, 28 pts (FG: 7-15, 3FG: 2-5, FT: 12-12), 5 reb, 14 ast, 3 stl

Wednesday’s Game to Watch: Utah (13-9) @ Phoenix (16-6)
The Jazz and the Suns are two of the favorites to make it out of the West this year and into the Finals, but, amazingly, they are both riding losing streaks into this contest. Phoenix is desperately looking to rebound from a pair of absolutely humiliating defeats at the hands of Minnesota and Miami. On the other side of the court, the Jazz are slipping down a slippery slope, with four consecutive loses, including defeats to conference powerhouses San Antonio and Dallas. Despite the losing skids, there isn’t a bad matchup to be found in this game. Deron Williams vs. Steve Nash, Carlos Boozer vs. Shawn Marion, Mehmet Okur vs. Amare Stoudemire, Andrei Kirilenko vs. Grant Hill. Ding! Ding! Let’s get this heavyweight bout underway already!

Buzzer Beater: Sorry Knicks fans, but you’re going to have to murder Isiah Thomas if you want a new coach in New York. No. Seriously. You must physically kill Zeke to get rid of him.

“I fight till I die,” the embattled Knicks coach said Tuesday after practice. “It’s not about giving up or quitting. To me it’s win or die, and I literally mean death. I don’t mean walk away, I mean death.

College Football

Isn’t throat slashing illegal in college football?

This was a horribly scary and sobering weekend to be an athlete. Not only did Jamaal Tinsley get blasted at by some green-eyed goons out way past their bedtimes, but a South Carolina football player got his throat slashed in a fight near campus.

Senior defensive end Jordin Lindsey, who was ineligible to play this year because of poor grades, got into a fight with two men early Saturday morning when he was cut by something, possibly a broken bottle. And talk about a tough kid, Lindsey needed surgery but was released on Sunday.

The elder Lindsey [father Billy] said Jordin Lindsey and his twin, Dustin, also a Gamecocks player, were walking early Saturday morning in Five Points, a neighborhood known for its college bar scene and restaurants.

Two men yelled at the brothers from across a street, but the twins didn’t think much about it — until they heard footsteps and Jordin Lindsey was stabbed, Billy Lindsey said.

We’re glad to hear that Lindsey is recovering, but we’re somewhat disappointed to hear that being 6-foot-3 and weighing 256 pounds just doesn’t intimidate like it use to. Then again, these punks did have to attack from behind, displaying the yellow streaks running down their backs. But don’t worry, according to Dr. Gordon Nuber, in 50 years or so, athletes might not ever have to worry about someone trying to pick a fight with them.


[]: Attacker slashes Gamecock’s neck

Miami Dolphins

Thanks for the memories Ricky

Ricky Williams’ comeback didn’t last too long. One game, six carries, 15 yards, one fumble and a torn pectoral muscle after he was activated, it was all over. Williams will miss the remainder of the season and spend the next four to six weeks in a sling. Rehab is an additional five months.

The injury occurred in the second quarter of Monday Night Football‘s contest between the Fins and the Steelers when Williams bobbled the ball and in the scramble to recover it, Pittsburgh linebacker Lawrence Timmons stepped on his shoulder. Now, Ricky is a big boy, but Timmons is 234 pounds of beef and when that kinda mass walks on you it’s probably going to do some damage.

Despite the injury, the biggest blow had to be to Williams’ ego. He gave up his comfortable world of marijuana and yoga for this?! The embarrassing retirement, the suspensions, the Argonauts, the random drug tests, the media barrage and all the reticule was just to get put back on the shelf? Oh well, there’s always next year. Wait, it’s Ricky; there’s no telling if he can resist the temptations of life long enough to even be around next year.

Hell, from what we know of Ricky, he probably toked up as soon as he heard the bad news. On the bright side of things, the Dolphins’ date with 0-16 is looking more and more like a reality everyday.


[TSN]: Ricky Williams’ latest comeback lasted one game.
[]: Ricky Williams out for season after just 6 carries

LA Lakers

The rift is growing between the Zen Master and his pupil

The Kobe Bryant saga with the Lakers has been going on for months as the dispute over whether he’s staying or going rages on. Well, after having all off-season to hash this thing out, here we are one day from the start of the regular season and we still don’t know what is going on. What we do know is that Bryant and the Zen Master traded a few shots the other day.

After Kobe Bryant didn’t practice Saturday because of a sprained right wrist, Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson said he expected Bryant to play Tuesday night in the season opener against the Houston Rockets, but he was critical of Bryant, questioning his commitment, the Los Angeles Times reported Sunday.

“Obviously he hasn’t thrown his heart and soul into performing on the floor,” Jackson said, the Times reported. “That hurts me a little bit. . . . He was going to work at this thing and (would) put his full being into this. Right now, he’s having a hard time doing that.”

Bryant shot back with comments of his own.

That (should be) the least of (Jackson’s) concerns or anybody’s concerns,” Bryant told the Times. “You don’t have to worry about that. . . . I’m ready to play. Period. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Bryant didn’t travel to Las Vegas with the team and his status was day-to-day, Lakers spokesman John Black said. Bryant was injured after Utah center Mehmet Okur struck him Tuesday night in an exhibition game in Anaheim.

If Bryant is anything, he’s a baller. We don’t need to go all A.I. on you, but, c’mon, we’re talking about practice. Not a game. Listen, Bryant could be in a coma for 20 years like Rip Van Winkle, wake up and go off for 55 against the Pacers. We gotta agree with Kobe on this one, when you’ve got a roster with Kwame Brown, Maurice Evans, Chris Mihm, Sasha Vujacic and Coby Karl then the last person Jackson needs to be complaining about is No. 24.


[]: Jackson questions Kobe’s commitment

Charlotte Bobcats

Joakim Noah will officially be the ugliest guy in a NBA uniform this year

The NBA suffered a major blow when top overall selection Greg Oden went down for the year. Well, the injury bug struck again, but this time it went straight for one of the most pedestrian No. 3 picks in history. Yup, if you’re a fan goofy hair, bad moustaches and ridiculous Larry Bird comparisons then you might want to sit down for this.

Adam Morrison is probably going to be out for the year after an MRI showed that he has a torn ligament in his left knee suffered during a preseason game against the Lakers on Saturday.

Our medical staff has had a chance to review the MRI, and they’re saying right now they believe there is some sort of tear,” coach Sam Vincent said Sunday, about an hour before the Bobcats took on Phoenix in the second day of the annual Staples Center shootout.

“Until they get in there and do whatever they do, who knows? But they are saying there’s a good chance he will be out for the year. So I’m not counting on him playing,” Vincent added.

“I talked to him before the coaches and players meeting this morning when he had just gotten back from taking the MRI, and he pretty much knew the results,” Vincent said. “He’s obviously down.

And we all know about how emotional Adam gets about things. Don’t you remember his self-deprecating ad that ended with “More people should cry. And when I get to the NBA, more people will cry”?

Sorry to disappoint you big guy, but the only person crying after you hit the pros is Michael Jordan.

AKA: Charlotte’s Manager of Basketball Operations

AKA: The guy who wasted the Wizards first pick on Kwame Brown

AKA: The numbskull that made Morrison his pet project in Charlotte.


[]: Bobcats’ Morrison likely done for season

College Football

Mike Leach break his arm while bicycling…wait, bicycling??

We always took Leach as a scooter
guy for some reason.

Oddly enough our oddball injury of the day goes to one of college football’s biggest oddities, Texas Tech coach Mike Leach. We’d like to say that it involves a pirate ship, a parrot and a plank, but that would just be wishful thinking.

Leach said today (Monday) he broke a bone in his right arm. He hit the pavement after falling from his bicycle Friday.

Leach says he got a flat tire and tried to fill it with enough air to make it to his destination, but “it proceeded to run out of air. I took a routine turn, then went into a slide, so then it broke the arm.

While Leach takes the cake for stupidest boo-boo, Limas Sweed gets the nod for most demoralizing Big 12 injury.

Just days after losing to rival Oklahoma, the Longhorns wide receiver found out that his college career is over. Sweed needs surgery to repair ligament damage in his wrist stemming from a preseason incident.

I knew it was an injury I would be dealing with going into the season and I did everything I could to play through the pain and help the team,” Sweed said.

“I’ve aggravated it a couple of times and again last week and have probably been in more pain than I let anybody know,” he added.

If you thought Mack Brown was throwing a fit after Colt McCoy took a late hit in the game against Oklahoma, you know that the furniture is flying in his office today. After all, considering Texas’ running game is virtually nonexistent, without Sweed in the lineup, Brown chances of Leachin’ it up and getting 500+ yards per game through the air just lost all sorts of steam.


[]: Texas Tech coach Leach breaks arm in bicycle crash
[]: Horns lose Sweed to wrist injury