If you think that all the action at a football game is going down solely on the field then you’re nuts; the stands are where all the good stuff happens. And if you think that dudes are the only ones who take team pride seriously then, again, you’re nuts. Chicks have just as much school spirit as any campus meathead; especially when you’re talking about camera time.
Jets fans must be loving this!
Links:
[Awful Announcing]: Oregon And Arizona Do Not Like Each Other At All
1. Dirk shows why he’s an MVP
The Mavericks looked dead in the water when they fell down by 24 points to the Raptors last night, but Dirk Nowitzki led a furious comeback that ended with Dallas on top by six, 105-99. This was the second time the Mavericks erased a 24-point Raptor advantage and it was the biggest comeback in franchise history that ended in regulation. The last time Dallas came back big on Toronto, they needed overtime to seal the deal. Nowitzki nailed four consecutive 3-pointers during the last 1:41 of the third en route to 18 points for the quarter. He finished the game with a season-high 32 points to go with seven rebounds. The Mavs turn right around for another tough test, traveling to Houston for a game tonight in which Tracy McGrady might be reinserted into the starting five after missing a week with an elbow injury.
2. Devolution
The Baby Bulls are back and it’s not pretty for Chicago fans. The once proud franchise is now sitting in a 2-8 hole to start the season, their worst beginning since going 0-9 in 2004-05. The Nuggets rolled over them in the Mile High City last night 112-91. The Bulls played a pretty solid game statistically, but their 40 percent shooting (38-95) killed them, along with their 24 fouls which translated into 28 points for Denver from the charity stripe. Perhaps most disturbing was the fact that goof-ball Joakim Noah led the way offensively with 16 points off the bench. Ben Gordon was a pitiful 2-of-14 from the floor for six points and the rest of starting crew brought a whopping 32 points to the table. If Chicago can’t turn this around over the next four games then they’ll never turn it around. Coming up are back-to-back road games with the Knicks and Raptors before a home stand against Atlanta and Charlotte.
3. Who he play for?
We didn’t know who Andray Blatche was before last night, but now we sure do. The 6-foot-11-inch, 248-pound forward from South Kent Prep in Connecticut came off the bench for game-high/career-high 26 points on 12-of-14 shooting while grabbing eight rebounds and dishing out four assists. Of course, Gilbert Arenas was out of the lineup with a knee injury and remains a gametime decision for the near future. But, don’t worry; Blatche is doing an excellent job of filling in for the big-mouthed Arenas, both on and off the court.
I’m getting me a blog,” said Blatche, referencing Arenas’ popular offbeat Internet journal. “Y’all stay tuned. Coming to a town near y’all, I’m getting my blog. It’s going to be: ‘When keeping it real goes wrong.’
Tuesday’s Player of the Day: Michael Redd @ Cleveland 39 min, 34 pts (FG: 8-15, 3FG: 3-5, FT: 15-20), 7 reb, 6 ast, 3 stl, 2 blk
Wednesday’s Game to Watch: Orlando (10-2) @ San Antonio (9-2)
Orlando’s play has been incredible to say the least. The Magic are off to one of the greatest starts in club history and with just 12 games under their belts, they have already amassed a three game advantage over their closest division rival. And even though all the praise in the East is going to the Celtics, the Magic actually hold a ½ game lead in the standings and they are the only team in the league with a victory over Boston. San Antonio is on a two-game win streak after falling to the Mavs last week. Something has to give tonight as the Spurs are a perfect 6-0 at home while Orlando is undefeated through seven contests on the road.
Buzzer Beater: We knew the Wizards were a so-so organization on the court, but we never knew they were complete imbeciles in the front office (other than the Kwame Brown fiasco, of course). The Wiz finally decided to honor the greatest player in team history (MJ doesn’t count) and it only took them 36 years! Earl “The Pearl” Monroe’s jersey will be hoisted into the rafters on Dec. 1, and it’s just 27 years after his retirement. The Pearl spent nine years in New York after the Wizards Bullets traded him in 1971, where he remained until calling it quits, but once Monroe said he wanted to go into the Hall of Fame wearing a Bullets jersey, the organization should have sprung into action. Unfortunately, that was in 1990. You hearin’ this Agent 0?
We know that “sideline reporter” sounds like an awesome gig, but attending all the big games and interviewing coaches is only half the job description. The other half includes dumpster diving, eating atomic chili peppers and getting dropped on your skull.
“Wildcat fans are going wild…as they take on Missouri on FS-AAAAAHHHHHH!!!”
Links:
[JoeSportsFan.com]: Finding World Peace Through Injured Sideline Reporters…
When rivalry time comes rolling around for most schools, it means no holds barred. Oregon and Oregon State are no different. So, when some loyal Beavers fans get together to tailgate for the big game on Dec. 1, they won’t be taking leaks behind some guy’s Chevy Tahoe or squatting behind a leafless bush. Nope, after an afternoon of boozing and binging, these lucky fans will be relieving themselves in style. These Beavers fanatics mean business and when it comes time to do their business it all goes down in the…wait for it…wait for it…wait for it…the Bellotti Potty!!
Classic.
Guess this means that the potty’s patrons are dropping ‘Beaver Steamers.’
Links:
[The Wizard of Odds]: Introducing the Bellotti Potty
[Beavers Blog]: The Monday Morning Bellotti Potty
There is an entire contingency of Jets fans that don’t give a crap who takes the field as halftime entertainment. Unless Janet Jackson is going to experience another `wardrobe malfunction,’ then these fellas aren’t sticking around to see it. Even then, they’ll probably still head over to the innards of the stadium, the pedestrian ramp at Gate D to be exact, where apparently a makeshift Scores is erected (among other things).
When one woman appeared to be on the verge of obliging, the hooting and hollering intensified. But then she walked away, and plastic beer bottles and spit went flying. Boos swept through the crowd of unsatisfied men.
Not only does this go down at every Jets game, but it appears to be almost a sacred tradition that staff and security turns their backs to. Of course, not literally; we’re talking boobs here.
But what happens when no chicks feel like publicly degrading themselves and the J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS! chants just aren’t doing it for these dudes? Well, that’s why you always bring a roll of nickels to the games.
You stay classy, Jets fans.
Links:
[IHT.com]: Some Jets fans enjoy their ritual of sexual harassment
1. Orlando really is “The Most Magical Place On Earth”
It must be an early Christmas miracle because we were certain the Celtics had 82-0 all wrapped up. Guess they’re looking at 81-1 now because the Magic just ripped the bow off that idea. Sorry ESPN.
Boston made a valiant effort to keep their pursuit of perfection intact but Paul Pierce’s miss at the end of regulation left the Cs two points short of forcing overtime. Pierce had 28 in the game, Ray Allen put up 19 and KG went for 14 and nine rebounds. The Magic were anemic in the fourth, going four minutes without a basket as the Celtics made their run to come back from 20 down. Still, all five Orlando starters finished with double-digit points, led by Dwight Howard’s 24 and Rashard Lewis’ 22. But the Magic failed to crash the boards in this game, getting outrebounded by 13, 41-28. Howard inexplicably finished with six despite ranking second in the league with 14.2 per game.
2. S-Jack is back
Golden State finally got off the schneid on Friday when they picked up their first win of the season by thumping the Clippers 122-105. On Sunday, Stephen Jackson returned to the floor after serving a seven-game suspension and helped his boyz grab their second consecutive victory. Jackson led the team in scoring with 17 points and collected a couple of blocks in the 106-100 win over the Raptors. The return of the team’s bad boy couldn’t have come at a better time. The Warriors start an east coast road trip on Tuesday, playing games at New York, Boston, Washington and Philadelphia before hosting Phoenix next Monday.
3. Stars struck
The All-Star 2008 ballots are out and thanks to some realignment of positions, Tim Duncan and Amare Stoudemire are getting screwed. Arguably the West’s two most dominant power forwards got plopped into the “Centers” classification on the ballot. So, obviously we can remove their names from the West’s starting five for the February 17 superstar showdown because the Chinese population will ensure Yao Ming gets the nod. We know that they will both find their way onto the team barring any major injuries, but it is a shame that they won’t get the honor of being voted in because the league is unfairly categorizing them. Sure, both play some center, but we all know they are 4s at heart. And the league listed them as such in years past. This is like throwing Kevin Garnett into the “Guards” because he brings the ball up the court a handful of times each game.
Sunday’s Player of the Day: TJ Ford vs. Golden State 33 min, 29 pts (FG: 12-22, 3FG: 0-1, FT: 5-5), 6 reb, 9 ast, 2 stl
Monday’s Game to Watch: Orlando (9-2) @ New Orleans (9-2)
The Magic are coming off the biggest win of their young season after taking out the Celtics in Orlando. Now the Magic must take their unblemished road record (6-0) into N’awlins against the cream of the Southwest Division. Chris Paul leads the Hornets’ attack, averaging 19.5 points, 4.4 rebounds and 10.8 assists per game while Tyson Chandler is pulling down a double-double of his own every night with 11.4 points and 11.5 boards. But you can’t mention the phrase “double-double” without bringing up Orlando’s Dwight Howard. The 21-year-old accomplished the feat in nine of 11 games this year. Howard is really starting to develop some chemistry with point guard Jameer Nelson and the off-season addition of Rashard Lewis has paid dividends immediately.
Buzzer Beater: The NBA is truly losing one its legends with the imminent retirement of Gary Payton. The Glove had a great career and even though Michael Jordan kept him from putting on an ornate, diamond-clad band in the 90s, D-Wade gave him the title of champion that he earned over his 17 years in the Association. Payton’s all-time rankings are as follows: 21st in points, 8th in game played, 6th in assists and 3rd in steals. Needless to say, we all have our favorite memories of the guy. Unfortunately, as much as it pains us to admit this, ours is the same as J.A. Adande’s. Lord help us.
On Sunday, Jimmie Johnson became the first driver to win consecutive Nextel Cup championships since Jeff Gordon did it in 1997 and again in 1998. It was a thrilling day at the race track as Johnson came into Homestead-Miami Speedway needing an 18th place finish or better in order to become the champ. He came in seventh and we’ve got all the exciting action to prove it.
Okay, so Jeff Gordon won the race and it was at Talladega, but other than that, the snail video was just as enthralling as the real thing.
Links:
[WNBC.com]: Johnson Wins Back-To-Back Nextel Cup Crowns
If you told someone that Kansas would be sitting in the No. 2 spot of the BCS standings in the wanning weeks of the season prior to the initial kickoff, then you’d probably be locked inside Shady Acres right now. Well, it’s a fact, Jack, and with Missouri sitting just behind them at numero cuatro, that makes their contest at Arrowhead Stadium this weekend one of the biggest games in an insane college football season.
We know, we know. It’s hard to come to grips with, but considering that two of the Big 12’s most notorious doormats are atop the North Division’s standings, the winner of this game secures a place in the conference championship game. The Sooners or possibly the Longhorns will emerge from the South as their opponent.
While it will be a tough challenge, if the Jayhawks win the Big 12 crown, they’ll advance to play in the BCS Championship game against LSU, should the Tigers win out. And just imagine, if they can do the impossible on the big stage then we’ll be talking about this season for generations to come. It’s easy to say it could never happen, but, c’mon, who thought they could make it this far. We’re not even sure if Mark Mangino believed his squad could pull this off. You gotta admit, it would be a befitting end to this wacky year of collegiate pigskin.
And even if “Rock Chalk, Jayhawk” goes down this Saturday, the improbable is still probable because Missouri would then advance to Big 12 title game where they could win and possibly jump West Virginia into the Crystal Football Bowl.
There’s still a heckuva lotta football to be played before we get this whole mess sorted out, but it is certain that the BCS future rests in Kansas’ hands this weekend. We don’t know about you, but we’re pulling for incredibly unnatural BCS babies in this situation.
Links:
[Fox Sports]: Kansas moves up to No. 2 in standings
We thought ESPN had totally lost its marbles when they started trying to compare the current Celtics with the 72-win, Michael Jordan led Bulls of 1995-96. Well, Shady Acres is prepared to admit the entire Bristol bunch after Countdown aired a piece on how Tony Romo and Snoop Dogg are cut from the same cloth. We’d like to think this was a joke, but the evaluation is earnest (for the most part). No Kenny Mayne in sight.
Tune in next week to see the crew’s piece on the unbelievable parallels between the lives of Ray Lewis and Weird Al Yankovic.
And since we brought up “weird” and “Ray Lewis”, here’s video of Phil Dawson’s 51-yard field goal attempt giving the Baltimore uprights a pole dance.
That ending was almost as confusing as Emmitt Smith’s player analysis.
Links:
[Awful Announcing]: Ask Him, Ask Them, They All Know About Silky Slim
[Awful Announcing]: Cleveland’s Kicker Phil Dawson Is A Magician
1. 4-1 in their last five against SA; too bad it’s not a playoff series
The Spurs came into Dallas as a sizzling hot team, but it didn’t take long for the Mavericks to toss a bucket of ice water all over San Antonio’s flames. Behind runs of 17-1 and 11-0, the Mavs hit the court running and never bothered to check their rearview mirrors, toasting the Spurs, 105-92. Tim Duncan (24 pts) and Manu Ginobili (25 pts, 9 reb, 7 ast, 3 stl) showed up to play for SA, but they were about the only ones. Mr. Longoria was 1-of-11 for seven points and Michael Finely went 0-of-6. Outside of four rebounds, Finely put up zeros across the stat sheet in 25 minutes against his former club. Meanwhile, Dallas was scoring at will with four players finishing the game with at least 17 points. Josh Howard had a team-high 23 and Dirk Nowitzki was solid with 17 points, eight rebounds and five assists.
2. Bulls get bullied, again
Chicago did what they could, but that wasn’t good enough to knock off the Suns. Grant Hill had a game-high tying 24 points to pace Phoenix as six of the eight Suns to record minutes finished with double-digits in the 112-102 win. What’s amazing about this team is that they continue to roll with just a seven man rotation. The only question surrounding Phoenix at the moment is if they have enough depth for when the playoffs roll around. But there’s plenty of time for that to develop, it’s Chicago that is running out of time. The Bulls are 1-6 now after having four full days to prepare for this game. They’ve got the Clippers, Lakers and Nuggets coming up on the schedule, so, like the old Flintstones Vitamins commercials, the Pistons division lead is at 4 ½ games…and growing.
3. Houston can exhale now
Good news for Rockets fans. After taking a shot to the right elbow, Tracy McGrady couldn’t even shoot a pair of free throws with the arm during Houston’s loss to the Lakers. Turns out that that there’s no damage to the elbow and it’s just a sprain. He’ll probably miss a week or so and then he’ll be putting up 40 on fools like nothing ever happened. Bad news for Rockets fans. Houston heads to San Antonio tonight for their second contest of the season against the Spurs. But it is not the end of the world. Back on the 6th, the Rockets survived a 4-for-14 shooting performance by T-Mac to beat their instate rivals 89-81. In fact, the Rockets might get through this without too much damage. Considering the Spurs got roughed up by Dirk & Co. last night, with a big effort, they might steal one on the road. They have to turn right around and host the Suns on Saturday, but after that they’re off until next Wednesday. Meaning McGrady could be ready to go just in time for a huge game against the Mavs.
Thursday’s Player of the Day: Manu Ginobili @ Dallas 31 min, 25 pts (FG: 7-15, 3FG: 1-4, FT: 10-13), 9 reb, 7 ast, 3 stl
Friday’s Game to Watch: Miami (1-7) @ Boston (7-0)
It’s not too often that you’ll see a team as bad as the Heat make our Game to Watch, but today’s a little different. Pat Riley is on the edge of insanity after enduring the most embarrassing start of his career. Following getting drummed by the Sonics, he threatened to make “a massive shakeup” in his lineup. Well, “massive” really only describes one man on the Heat. So, don’t be surprised when Shaquille O’Neal isn’t jumping for the opening tip against the Celtics. And if Riley follows through, don’t expect Shaq’s absence to be the only new wrinkle in the starting five. So, will his tinkering pay off? Eh, probably not. We all know that Boston is on top of their game and the NBA at the moment. Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce are about as nasty a trio as the league has ever seen. All we know is that if this trick doesn’t smack some life into the Heat then Riley is probably going to be curled up in the corner of the visitors’ showers, mumbling and sucking his thumb after the game.
Buzzer Beater: Leave it to ESP-freakin’-N to go totally overboard with the Celtics quick start out of the gate. Now, we know that Boston has looked pretty darn good over their first seven games, but are we really doing this already?
2007-08 Celtics vs. 1995-96 BullsTwelve years ago, the Chicago Bulls set a standard of success that many think will never be matched: 72-10 in the regular season. Almost a perfect season.
Well, now we have another fast-starting team, and so far they are running with the Bulls. The Boston Celtics are on pace to surpass the Bulls’ 72 wins and become the second team to win 70 in a season.
Imagine that, they’re on pace to “become the second team to win 70 in a season.” Actually, right now, they’re on pace to win 82 games this season. This is so stupid; can’t we at least wait 10, 20, 30, dare we say, 40 games before we start clearing the pedestal for the new greatest team ever. These guys aren’t even the best Celtic team ever!
