General Sports

The top 50 sports jerks

There’s a lot of jerks in this world and it just so happens that many of them are professional athletes. Say what you will, but sports would be a much different place without them. They certainly keep things spicy and we love/loathe them for it. So, without further ado, here’s list of the Top 50 Sports Jerks.

50. Albert Belle
49. Art Modell
48. Isiah Thomas
47. Bill Parcells
46. John McEnroe
45. Ray Lewis
44. The federal government.
43. Diego Maradona
42. Bill Romanowski
41. Jeremy Foley
40. Lawrence Taylor
39. Bobby Fischer
38. Scott Boras
37. Randall Simon
36. Don King
35. Wilt Chamberlain
34. Dale Earnhardt Sr.
33. Totally, completely, psychotically overboard fans of Barbaro
32. Claude Lemieux
31. (tie) Tony Stewart and Danica Patrick
29. Rasheed Wallace
28. Terrell Owens
27. Stephon Marbury
26. Kennesaw Mountain Landis
25. Tommy Lasorda
24. Mike Tyson
23. Ron Artest
22. Tonya Harding
21. Ben Johnson
20. Pacman Jones
19. Latrell Sprewell
18. John Rocker
17. Ko-Me Bryant
16. Barry Bonds
15. Reggie Jackson
14. Marion Jones
13. Mark McGwire
12. Manny Ramirez
11. Reggie Bush
10. Todd Bertuzzi
9. Robert Irsay
8. Bob Knight
7. Brett Favre
6. Pete Rose
5. John Daly
4. Ty Cobb
3. Tim Donaghy

2. Mike Vick
1. Roger Clemens

Yep, you can look it over one more time, but you’re eyes are not deceiving you. OJ Simpson and Rae Carruth did not, we repeat, did not make the cut! Apparently, “If you’re a murderer, well, you’re probably a jerk. Duh.” Talk about ridiculous reasoning! Don’t raping women and eating ears (Mike Tyson), corrupting the NBA (Tim Donaghy) and electrocuting pitbulls (Mike Vick) constitute as no brainers for jerkiness anymore?


[]: Top 50 Sports Jerks, the Sequel: Pity these fools

MLB General

Street Fighter lives on within your favorite MLB pitchers

You remember Street Fighter, right? No, not the horrible, horrible movie with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Kylie Minogue (yes, that Kylie Minogue). We’re talking about the video game sensation that swept the nation. As kids, we would literally walk for miles with a pocket full of quarters to the nearest gas station just to play. We always got beaten up and had our change taken once we got there, but at least we got to watch the high school kids play. Turns out, Uncoached had a similar love for the game and now, all these years later, they found a connection between the MLB and Street Fighter: Pitchers. See what you think about these comparisons.

CC Sabathia = E Honda

Josh Beckett = Ryu

Curt Schilling = Ken

Ben Sheets = Guile

Rich Harden = Chun Li

Randy Johnson = Dhalsim

Carlos Zambrano = Blanka

Joba Chamberlain = Zangief

Roy Halladay = Sagat

Johan Santana = Vega

Shawn Chacon = Barlog

Roger Clemens = M. Bison

Sorry, Curt, we know this is about pitchers and all, but Owen Wilson will always be our Ken.


[]: These MLB Pitchers Remind me of Streetfighter II Characters

MLB General

If only Roger Clemens’ face could speak

Everybody is curious to find out the truth behind if the Rocket took roids, but, c’mon people, can’t we just wait for the wheels of justice to do their thing?

A facial expressions expert says Roger Clemens seemed more nervous and afraid than his former trainer, Brian McNamee, during their Congressional testimony.

Dan Hill, an expert in analyzing facial expressions, says “fear” was clearly etched in the 7-time Cy Young Award winner’s face.

Hill doesn’t profess to be able to declare which person was lying. But after viewing video clips of portions of the hearings, Hill concluded Clemens seemed more nervous than McNamee.

Hill says Clemens’ facial expression could mean being afraid of not getting into the Hall of Fame. Or it could mean something else.

“He also could be lying,” Hill says.

He also could have eaten chili for lunch and had a serious case of bubble-guts. Why don’t we just bring in a fortune teller or, better yet, a palm reader to solve this mystery once and for all? Heck, maybe a mood ring could shed some light on things.


[]: Facial expressions expert says Clemens seemed more nervous

MLB General

The Full Count: Pedro drives Mets to 5 game lead

1. Pedro Returns: The Mets’ Pedro Martinez made his first start since last September, picking up a personal milestone and giving the Mets another win in the process. Working with a 75-pitch limit, Pedro threw five innings, striking out four to give him 3,000 K’s in his career. He became the 15th member of the 3,000 strikeout club, as well as about the twentieth player to reach a major milestone this year. Martinez received plenty of support from the Mets’ offense in their 10-4 victory. Moises Alou went 3-3 with a homer, and David Wright and Carlos Delgado also went deep. With their fourth win in a row and 77th on the year, New York has the best record in the National League and the fourth-best mark in the majors. They now hold a comfortable 5-game lead on the Phillies, who were within two games of New York last week but have lost three in a row. If Pedro can stay healthy for the postseason (which he failed to do last year), the Mets have all the tools they need to win the NL pennant.

2. Santana’s Achilles Heel: Johan Santana would be having a great season if he didn’t have to face the Indians so many times. The two-time Cy Young winner is 14-11, with an 0-5 mark against Cleveland. According to ESPN, this marks the first time a reigning Cy Young winner put up an 0-5 mark against one team. Santana allowed four runs in six innings on Monday as he was greatly outdeuled by CC Sabathia. Sabathia had eight scoreless innings in the Indians’ 5-0 win as he improved to 16-7. Meanwhile, Santana gave up four runs for the third straight start as he continues to uncharacteristically struggle since the All Star break. He is 3-5 with a 4.22 ERA since the break, compared with a 32-3 record and 1.78 ERA after the break the previous three seasons. Santana is still having a great season, as he is second in the league in strikeouts, first in WHIP, and third in ERA. He is just being let down by his offense, which has put up an average of 2 runs a game in his losses. All things considered, however, the Cy Young will probably be headed elsewhere this season.

3. The Struggles of the Rocket: Though the expectations of him were far too high, Roger Clemens has still been a disappointment for the New York Yankees. The $28 million man has been merely average, with a 6-6 record and 4.45 ERA. His problem has been consistency; while he looks excellent in some starts, he seems pedestrian in others. On Monday, Clemens gave up five runs in four innings in a 7-1 loss to Seattle. Ichiro homered off Roger and Felix Hernandez outpitched him as the Yankees lost game one of an important series. The Mariners pulled within one game of New York for the wild card lead, finally snapping a nine-game losing streak. Clemens will undergo an MRI exam on his elbow after feeling some pain in it during the game. The Yankees need Mike Mussina to be back in the rotation and pitching well; otherwise they might not even reach October.

Player of the Day: Mike Lowell, Red Sox: 3-4, HR (18), 4 RBIs in a 13-10 win over the Blue Jays. Lowell became the seventh player this season to reach 100 RBIs. He is also among the league leaders with a .333 average.

MLB General

The Full Count: Clemens notches win #350

It’s still not as awesome as the Mile High Club, but Roger Clemens joined some exclusive company Monday night by notching career victory no. 350 as the Yankees beat the Twins 5-1. Clemens was his old dominant self, going eight innings, giving up two hits while walking none. He joined Warren Spahn as the only pitcher in the live ball era to win at least 350 games. Clemens now stands at eighth all-time in victories. If he can get 14 more, he can pass Spahn’s for fifth place. Perhaps unrealistiically, he can try to catch Grover Cleveland Alexander and Christy Mathewson for third place at 373 wins. Or, he can finally admit what we’ve been suspecting for years…that he’s replaced all of his muscles with cyborg parts and he plans on winning 512 games to surpass Cy Young as the all-time leader.

Let’s register right now, because he now has a winning percentage of .000. John McClaren made his surprise managerial debut for the Seattle Mariners last night in Kansas City, as their eight-game winning streak came to an end against the Royals. McClaren, who was the bench coach as of Sunday, replaced possible AL manager of the year candidate Mike Hargrove, who suddenly resigned, citing a lost passion for the game. Despite a great outing from Felix Hernandez, the Mariners were only able to scratch out two runs and lost the game in the 11th on an anti-climatic sacrifice fly.

HEY! In case you haven’t noticed, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are now threatening to lap the Detroit Tigers for first place in the AL Central. The Indians completed a four-game sweep of the perpetually lowly Devil Rays at Jacobs Field over the weekend and are playing great baseball just in time for a pre All Star Break Showdown in Mowtown (has anyone used that slogan before? If not, we call dibs). Surprising youngster Fausto Carmona had a great outing, striking out eight in six innings to pick up his ninth win of the season. Grady Sizemore hit his second career grand slam in the laugher. The Tribe currently leads the Tigers by two games.

Player of the day: Damian Miller, Brewers. Having not played since hitting a walk-off homer last Wednesday, Miller picked up where he left off by going 4-5 with two HR (including a grand slam) and 7 RBI’s against the Pirates. Hey (manager) Ned Yost, you might not want to start this guy just once every five days.

Kansas City Royals

The Full Count: Bring out the brooms

1. Surprising Sweeps: Multiple teams completed unexpected sweeps on Wednesday. The most shocking was the Royals’ sweep over the Angels, who have the most wins in the majors. KC beat them with pitching, allowing just 7 runs the entire series and none yesterday. Jorge De La Rosa, who came into the game with six straight losses, outdeuled the Angels’ Jered Weaver for a 1-0 win. The majors’ second-best team was swept too as the Mariners dominated the Red Sox. Their 2-1, 11-inning win yesterday was capped off by Jose Lopez’s game-winning RBI double. One of Dice-K’s best starts of the year, an eight-inning, three-hit gem, was blown by the bullpen. The Braves busted out of a slump to crush the awful Nationals for three much-needed victories. They annihilated them on Wednesday 13-0, bringing them to a tie with the Phillies in the process.

2. No Support for the Rocket: Roger Clemens isn’t pitching very well, with a 5.32 ERA through four starts. However, the Yankees’ offense isn’t helping him out much. In his last three starts, all losses, Clemens has received three runs of support from the offense. On Wednesday, Clemens allowed 4 runs in 6 innings, but the Yankees were shut out by the Orioles. Erik Bedard was fantastic, with 7 innings, 2 hits, and 8 strikeouts in the win. With another loss, Clemens was denied his 350th win yet again. The Yanks have now dropped four games in a row.

3. Older is Better: A record-tying six 40-year-old pitchers took the mound on Wednesday. Clemens, Smoltz, Glavine, Maddux, Woody Williams, and Jamie Moyer all took the mound. They went a combined 3-1, with Smoltz, Maddux, and Glavine picking up the victories. For Glavine it was his 297th career win. Maddux pitched seven strong innings to gain career win number 340. Most of these pitchers are having excellent seasons, and perhaps there have never been as many excellent 40-year-old pitchers as there are this year. Kenny Rogers was scheduled to start as well, but the Tigers game was rained out.

Player of the Day: Jack Cust: 2-5, HR (13), 5 RBIs as the A’s beat the Indians 13-7.

MLB General

Rickey Henderson getting senile in his old age

What’s the first thing you thought when you heard that Roger Clemens signed with the Yankees? If your answer was “Man, that just means Rickey Henderson is due for a comeback!”, then your name must be Rickey Henderson. Rickey Henderson thinks that Rickey is ready to kick some ass on the field again.

Seeing Roger come back, all the seed that it plants is ask me to come back one time. I’m going to look at it at the end of the year. I might come out with some crazy stuff, a press conference telling every club, ‘Put me on the field with your best player and see if I come out of it.’ If I can’t do it, I’ll call it quits at the end,

Is Rickey talking about a steel cage match? A dance off with the mascot from Tampa Bay? That would be something worth watching. Rickey is the best base stealer ever but there’s a reason he’s been out of the majors since 2003.

[NY Daily News]: Rickey: Clemens? Sign me!

MLB General

The Full Count: Roger Clemens makes up his mind

1. He’s coming back: After denying contacting the Astros on Tuesday, Roger Clemens signed a huge contract with the team yesterday. The deal would be worth an outrageous $22,000,022 over the whole season, but because Clemens won’t be coming back until June 22 at best, he’ll get a prorated portion that comes out to over $12 million. Not bad for a 43-year-old entering his 23rd major league season. But before Clemens can join the major league roster, he’ll have to make at least 3 minor league starts. The first will be with single-A Lexington, where his son Koby plays. Then he’ll start with the Double and Triple-A Astros teams, and then make his return as early as June 22.

2. Happy to be a Royal: Not many people in the world of baseball want to be a Kansas City Royal, as the team has absolutely no hope for about the next decade or so. But former Atlanta assistant Dayton Moore is, as he will be replacing fired Allard Baird as Royals GM. Moore said he is “looking forward to joining the team and becoming part of the Kansas City community.” Whatever. He has a lot of work to do, as the Royals have been the worst team in the majors for two years running now. Through their first 50 games they are 13-37.

3. Duel of the Year: Anybody who didn’t think that the Pedro Martinez-Brandon Webb matchup wouldn’t live up to the hype was proved wrong on Wednesday night. Neither pitcher allowed a run in a game that didn’t see a score until the 13th inning. Webb pitched seven innings and allowed just four hits and one walk. His scoreless inning streak is now at 25 after two complete-game shutouts last week. But Pedro was even better, going eight innings, striking out eight, and allowing five hits. No runs were put on the board in regulation, but in extras the Mets’ Endy Chavez won the game on a bloop single. The Diamondbacks took the hard loss and are virtually tied with the Dodgers for their division lead. The Mets lead the NL East by 4.5 over the Braves.

4. Carrying his team: Jason Bay, playing in Pittsburgh where he never gets any media attention, is having a flat-out spectacular season. Last night he hit another homerun in the Pirates’ 6-1 win over the Brewers. He finished May with 12 homers and 35 RBIs on the month, which makes up most of his 17 and 46 on the year. Bay has also hit .302 and has been one of the only positives on a 19-34 team that altogether lacks pitching. If Bay ever gets traded to a contender, he will become an absolute superstar.

5. Are they really the best?: The Tigers have played some bad competition for the majority of this season, which diminishes their 35-18 record. But now that they will begin to face some playoff-caliber teams, we’ll see if they’re for real. Well, so far in their murderous upcoming stretch they’ve proved the doubters right, as they are down 3-0 in their series against the Yankees. Last night they lost 6-1 to New York, who featured a complete-game shutout from Mike Mussina. Alex Rodriguez got three hits and drove in two for the Yankees, who are still tied with the Red Sox for the division lead. Meanwhile, the Tigers are still leading the White Sox in their division, though they probably won’t be after facing Boston, Toronto, and new rival Chicago in their next three series.

MLB General

The Full Count: Waiting on the Rocket

1. Still waiting: After reports that Roger Clemens was once again going to become an Astro, the deal is not officially done yet. Clemens’ agent, Randy Hendricks, denied even speaking with the Astros but said Clemens is “very close with a final decision.” Of course, this means that he probably has spoken with them and they’re likely very close to a deal. But nothing is official yet. The Astros do need the powerhouse pitcher as soon as they can get him–they’re 27-26. St. Louis, who they beat last year in the NLCS, leads the NL Central by 6.5 over them. Clemens won the Cy Young in 2004 and came very close in 2005.

2. Power surge: The Red Sox’s Josh Beckett had been excellent so far this season, but he was no match for the Blue Jays offense on Tuesday. Both of Toronto’s big power hitters, Troy Glaus and Vernon Wells, had huge games. Wells highlighted the effort with 3 homeruns, two of them coming off Beckett. Glaus added two of his own, increasing his total to a team-high 17. Wells (15) became the third player this year to have a three-homer game, joining Albert Pujols and Alfonso Soriano. Beckett gave his worst effort of the year, allowing 7 runs and 4 homers in less than five innings. Toronto starter Gustavo Chacin allowed no runs in five innings, upping his record to 6-1. Closer BJ Ryan picked up his 12th save, and his ERA stands at an incredible .69.

3. An 11-inning blowout: It’s not often a game goes into extras and still results in a one-sided victory. But that happened in the Yankees-Tigers game yesterday, with the game tied at 6 going into extras but the Yankees emerging 11-6 victors. New York scored five runs in the 11th, including Jason Giambi’s first homer since May 10. Giambi started the scoring with a solo shot, his 13th of the year, and three singles scored the other runs. Mariano Rivera pitched a season-high three innings, allowing no runs in the process. For the Tigers, Ivan Rodriguez drove in three runs and fell a homer short of the cycle. The Yankees win combined with the Red Sox loss results in a tie for the AL East lead.

4. Reversal of fortune: The Rockies shut out the Padres 5-0 on Monday, but on Tuesday it went the other way. Padres starter Chris Young, in his best effort of the season, allowed no runs in 8 innings and took a no-hitter into the eighth. Young’s effort for the first no-no in Padres history was ended when Brad Hawpe hit a leadoff double, but the Padres still won 2-0. Trevor Hoffman came on for the save, his 10th in 10 tries. Both teams now have identical 27-25 records.

5. At last: After a 5-0 April, Greg Maddux had been waiting all of May for another win. Though he wasn’t perfect last night, allowing three runs in 5.1, he was able to get the W as the Cubs topped the Reds 8-3. Jacque Jones hit his eighth homerun of the year and drove in 4 Cubs runners. Maddux (6-4, 1-4 in May) is now tied with Nolan Ryan and Don Sutton on the career wins list with 324. Cincinnati is still in second in the NL Central division.