Categories
NHL General

Operation Slap Shot: Gretzky knew about gambling ring



The Gambling One?

When Wayne Gretzky said he didn’t know anything about Rick Tocchet’s gambling operation, we believed him because, well, he’s Wayne Gretzky. Now there’s a report by the Newark Star-Ledger that a couple of weeks ago, Gretzky was on tape discussing the situation with Rich Tocchet and how to protect themselves and Gretzky’s wife, Janet Jones. However, there is no evidence that the Great One bet on any games himself. As we reported yesterday, Janet Jones is believed to have wagered $500,000 on games during a 40 day period. I’m not feeling so bad about the $50 I lost on the Super Bowl now.

Jones denies that Gretzky ever did any gambling except on horse racing. However, Coyote GM Mike Barnett recently made a bet on the Super Bowl with Rick Tocchet. I wonder if he hates the Bill Leavy as much as we do.

Man, Rick Tocchet is ruining a lot of reputations right now.

[Reuters]: Gretzky denies involvement in gambling ring
[USA Today]: Gretzky’s wife: ‘Great One’ didn’t gamble

Categories
NFL General

Al Michaels traded to NBC for Oswald, golf, olympics and a turducken



Traded to ABC

It’s the strangest trade in sports but somehow they pulled it off. NBC gets Al Michaels and expanded highlight rights to events on ABC and ESPN. ESPN/ABC gets the rights to the Oswald the Lucky Rabbit characters, the next four Ryder Cups, and expanded Olympic highlights. I made up the turducken part.

This is a strange trade to deconstruct folks. I think in the end, both networks win, although I’m not sure NBC had to give up that much to get the rights to Al Michaels. After the announcement that the MNF crew would be Tirico, Theisman, and Kornheiser, Al Michaels had as much trade value as Ron Artest. I, for one, am excited. At least Sunday Night Football will be good next year.

[Yahoo]: Michaels traded from ABC to NBC for a cartoon bunny

Categories
Montreal Canadiens

Propecia really works!



I’m worth it!

I think Jose Theodore can sign a very nice endorsement deal with Propecia. I mean, just look at that head of hair. The other explanation of course is that he was only using Propecia to mask steroid use.

The active ingredient in Propecia is not on the NHL list of banned drugs but is on the World Anti-Doping Agency’s so the test came up positive in advance of the Olympics.

Montreal Canadiens team physician Dr. David Mulder came out and defended Theodore.


Dr. David Mulder said Theodore had been taking the medication, a daily one-milligram dose in pill form, for the last eight or nine years on the advice of a dermatologist. Mulder admitted he had renewed the prescription periodically over the last four or five years.

Given the other scandal right now in the NHL, I think this one is going to blow over very quickly. Remember though, if you are pregnant or thinking of becoming pregnant, you may not take, touch or even look at a Propecia tablet.

[Montreal Gazette]: Theodore used banned substance: Canadiens

Categories
College Basketball

J.J. Redick’s poetry sucks


I’m not just saying this because I hate Duke.  It really does in fact suck.

Here are some excerpts:

No bandage can cover my scars
It’s hard living a life behind invisible bars
Searching for the face of God
I’m only inspired by the poems of Nas

I’m impressed that JJ listens to Nas.  We would have pegged him for a Sisqo fan. Although I have to wonder which of Nas’ poems he finds inspiring.  Is it the one where he’s waving automatic guns at nuns?  Is it the where he calls Jay-Z a camel?

My life story is read in poetic stages
I was once weak-minded, now I’m courageous
The cause and effect of a thousand actions
The mathematical breakdown of micro-fractions
It’s difficult to fathom the coming of the rapture
What if I awoke in an empty pasture?

Uh… what?  Maybe he’s going to be the next Kirk Cameron or something.

Here’s my favorite:

The rain pours, my tears fall
The pain subsides, I stand in awe

Don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and lakes that you’re used to.

You ever get the feeling that JJ writes these on the team bus and imagines he’s Eminem from 8 mile? Christian rap yo! represent.  

Sadly, the real poetry from Redick isn’t any better (or worse) than the spoof from Sports Pickle:

My Almost 1.5 Incher

My penis is very small
Yet I stand tall
Knocking down threes
Though I have to use tweezers when I pees
Rising above to hit another jumper
My opponents unaware that I’m hung like Thumper
Starring in the NBA is my next jump
Then I’ll be able to afford a top-of-the-line Swedish penis pump

[SI]: Selections from J.J. Redick

Categories
NHL General

Rick Tocchet gambling ring update



Honey, what’s the line on
the Lakers-Suns tonight?

Things are certainly heating up in the “Operation Slap Shot” scandal. Rick Tocchet was put on an indefinite leave of absence by the NHL and the commissioner reserves the right to change the terms of the leave of absence at any time, i.e. fire his ass whenever the truth comes out. The NHL is in full damage control mode, having hired the Unabomber prosecutor to investigate the matter.

Meanwhile, a couple of other names were added to the list of those involved in the gambling ring in some capacity, Mark Recchi and John LeClair, former Flyers players. Recchi and LeClair have denied the allegations and threatened to sue the TV station in Philly that leaked their names.

The most sensational part of this scandal is the potential involvement with organized crime. In the early 1990s, when Tochett was still with the Flyers, he was linked to a mobster named Joey Merlino who bet heavily on hockey games using information he obtained from Tocchet. Merlino was also linked to Eric Lindros at the time. The feds have not specified Merlino by name but do mention the link to Merlino’s organization.

Lots of rumors abound and one in particular is very damaging. While the Great One claims to have no knowledge of his wife’s gambling habits, rumor has it that she placed as much as $500,000 in bets. I know Gretzky is rich but 500 grand is alot of money to toss around. Gretzky said that he and his wife did not discuss her involvement and only talked about their concern for Tocchet. Yeah, I’m sure in discussing the biggest scandal to rock the NHL, her bets didn’t come up in the conversation.

We’ll keep you updated as we find out more but for now here are two commentaries you should read.

[James Mirtle]: The Rick Tocchet scandal: Day 3
[Tom Benjamin]: Ticky Tacky Tocchet

Categories
NFL General

ESPN – ready to ruin MNF!

The network that ruined Sunday night for you is going to ruin Monday Night Football. On Wednesday, ESPN announced the MNF broadcast team of Mike Tirico, Joe Theisman, and Tony Kornheiser. Now, they could have kept the Sunday Night crew intact, so I guess it’s a slight step up. But now, instead of just annoying reports from Suzy Kolber, we also get annoying reports from Michele Tafoya.

(By the way, someone googled on this site “Michelle+Tafoya+playboy”. Whoever did that is a sick bastard. The only reason why those words appear on this site is because of the story on Lisa Guererro in playboy and how horrendous Michele Tafoya is. Speaking of which, my friend and I have an ongoing discussion about women who you would absolutely never want to see in Playboy but someone would. The top of that list for me is Celine Dion. I’d have to rip my eyes out afterward. Sorry about the tangent.)

Next year will be the first year that fans all over the country pray their team isn’t on Monday Night Football so they don’t have to listen to these clowns. Although the bar is set very low so perhaps we’ll all be pleasantly surprised. Either that or I gotta figure out how to sync up my satellite feed with the local radio announcers.

The silver lining in all of this is Michaels and Madden will be back together on NBC. I know people are sick of Madden but when you look at the alternatives, you realize he isn’t so bad. You know what would be just high comedy? Stephen A. Smith doing football broadcasts. That guy is a football genius.

[Reuters]: Michaels exits ABC in wake of “MNF” announcement

Categories
All Other Sports

No women in Sumo is a ban we support


Look, I’m all for equal rights. I really am. I hate the WNBA not because of the women athletes, I hate it because David Stern keeps trying to force it down our throats. But when it comes to women in Sumo wrestling, we really have to draw the line. You know that old joke about there are ten things men shouldn’t do and cheerleadling in 9 of them? Well, the same holds for women and Sumo wrestling. I don’t want to think about 300 pound women in little outfits shoving each other around.

However, not even allowing the female governor of Osaka to step on the mound to present the prize is a bit much. This is a sport where the athletes can’t even wipe their own ass, I’m not sure how “impure” a woman can be in the ring. Well, aside from the WWE that is.

[Slam! Sports]: Poll: Majority of sumo fans support ban on women in ring

Categories
Boston Red Sox

This Red Sox-Yankees rivalry is out of control

I guess they’re a little ticked off about Johnny Damon going to the evil empire in Lowell Massachusetts because they’re trying to remove the Yankees from their little league.

When you are a kid playing baseball it is pure fun and worrying about what team you are on should be the least of your concerns,” said Tim Bawmann, General Manager of the Spinners. “It becomes an issue where kids are devastated when they find out they are on the Yankees. Many kids actually pray they will not be on the Yankees when the rosters and teams are announced.

We figured the easiest and best solution was replace those Yankee teams with the Spinners, who are part of the Boston Red Sox system.

Seems awfully silly to me. Most kids playing little league are just happy they don’t have to play soccer. When you spend most of your time in right field picking your nose, you don’t really worry about what name is on your uniform. We can’t nearly muster up as much anger for this story as this guy though. His reaction is better than the story itself.

Categories
Satire

Best of Sports Satire this week – Feb 9 2006

Not every satire article is a home run. Here are the best ones from the usual suspects this week.

[Sports Pickle]: Officials Blame Seahawks Loss on Seahawks “The NFL officiating crew who called the Super Bowl XL match-up between Pittsburgh and Seattle has sounded off on the outcome of the game, blaming the Seahawks’ 11-point loss on the horrible play of the Seahawks.”

[Sports Pickle]: “Peyton Manning ready to prove all his doubters wrong at the Pro Bowl.”

[The Onion]: African Child Loves His `World Champion Seahawks’ T-Shirt “Semesseke added that if the Seahawks had included 80 cents a day along with the shirt, he could eat.”

[The Brushback]: Celtics-Timberwolves Trade Somehow Makes Both Teams Worse (Hmmm, this is supposed to be satire but isn’t it just true?)

Categories
Dallas Mavericks

Mark Cuban owns old white guy



Property of Mark Cuban

You gotta give it to Mark Cuban. First he insinuates that Phil Jackson is pussywhipped, then he says he owns him.


Phil has initiated an ongoing commentary about me that started in his previous stint with the Lakers and was reinstated this year with his return, that proves that I own the guy.

For whatever reason, I have gotten to Phil so completely and thoroughly that every time he comes to Dallas he has to offer unsolicited comments about me to the media. I wonder if he dreams about me the nights he spends here in Dallas. Ok, I dont wonder. Im curious about it.

I used to think Mark Cuban was a big dork but you gotta give it to a guy who will call out other high profile people. First it was calling Donald Trump…well, basically a prick. Now, he’s talking trash to the Zen Master, calling him his “bucket boy”. Someone needs to draw a cartoon with Cuban in the Mel Brooks role and Phil Jackson as the piss boy.

[Blog Maverick]: I Own Phil Jackson