$1M Barbaro Bonus at stake in the Preakness

Not to be outdone by those promotional whores from the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness folks have created their own Barbaro tribute. There will be a $1 million bonus at the Preakness on Saturday if a horse breaks his leg within 6 1/2 lengths — the same area where Barbaro broke his leg last year.

The bonus would be divided among the winning trainer, jockey, owner and a charity, with each receiving 25 percent, it was announced on Monday. The designated charity is the Barbaro Memorial Fund.

The so-called Bamfecta will be paid by Purina Brands, the Preakness’ presenting sponsor for the second consecutive year and subsidiary of Nestle. To pay the bonus, the Missouri company took out an insurance policy.

Scott Lunders, VP of Marketing and Promotion said, “There’s no way you don’t see Barbaro coming out of that starting gate, coming down that track. We wanted to make sure the memory of Barbaro was preserved by putting a bonus in place in case it happens again. It would be an ultimate tribute to Barbaro if a horse would collapse out of the starting gate and that horse deserves a bonus.

Barbaro could not be reached for comment.

[Chicago Sun Times]: Visions of Barbaro take center stage


Odds and Ends: The funniest sportscenter spoof ever

We were all set to lead off Odds and Ends with a story about Joe Thomas skipping the NFL Draft to go fishing with his dad but then a reader sent us this video of an ESPN Sportscenter spoof that has us peeing our pants. It is almost perfect. You have to watch it twice to read the ticker at the bottom but it’s totally worth it.

(Hat Tip: The Big Lead)

In other news…

[WBRS Sports]: Hockey + Cheerleaders + Sex + Lawsuit + Threeway + “more fuckable” – Pics = 9.0

[Detroit Free Press]: Look out Flip Murray, they shootin!

[Encarta]: Bill Nye the Science Guy’s fascinating explanation of the Gyroball

[Battle of the Surfaces]: Exactly what nobody was dying to see

[Star-Telegram]: Moose Johnston’s wife is tough as nails

[Big Show Baseball]: A-Rod is off to such a good start that Yankees fans are even including him in their best of all time lists

And finally, our quote of the day comes from Phoenix Coyotes CEO Jeff Shumway:

Players will say they want to be in Phoenix… That means the weather is good, the golf is good … What they mean is they want to retire in Phoenix. What we need are guys who want to play hockey in Phoenix.


The Friday Sports Satire Roundup: Not so much a roundup

From The Sports Pickle, one of our favorite sites, comes this excellent take on Favre’s retirement.

Brett Favre tells waitress he needs another 45 minutes to look over the menu

Brett Favre entered his fourth hour of deciding what he would like to eat for dinner this evening at a Waveland, Mississippi, Olive Garden with no end in sight.

“Brett and his wife got here around 5:15 pm and I was excited to wait on them,” said Mindy Payne, the Favre’s waitress. “But this is getting a little ridiculous now. My shift was over two hours ago and I’m still waiting for the guy to make up his mind. It’s really rude on his part. Not only am I supposed to be home by now, but other people want a table.”

Favre said he is close to making up his mind, but needs a bit more time.

“Supposedly the kitchen closes at 11 pm, and that makes me feel kind of rushed,” said Favre. “I’m close to deciding on an appetizer – the fried calamari – so I’m getting there. As for entrees, though, I don’t have a clue. I’m hoping they’ll come up with some great new menu items by the time I have to decide and it will make my decision a lot easier.”

The Olive Garden’s manager, Mike Redd, said he may have to decide to ask the quarterback to leave.
“It’s tough to ask a local legend like Brett Favre to leave your establishment,” said Redd. “But he’s taking advantage of our goodwill. He’s been here for going on five hours and hasn’t paid a dollar yet while we’re losing business because we can’t get other customers to a table. I’ve really lost a lot of respect for the guy.”

(Republished with permission from

If you were looking for more satire stories this week, we don’t have any for you. It was a pretty weak offering by the usual suspects this week, except for this excellent sportsgraphic NHL Season Highlights from the Onion.


The Best of Sports Satire This Week for April 14 2006

[The Onion]: Packers To Favre: ‘Take Your Time, Asshole’

[The Brushback]: Duke Campus Would Be Racially Divided If There Were Any Black People There

[Sports Pickle]: NASCAR Fans Ashamed They Didn’t Mistreat Those Towelheads for Dateline NBC

[The Log Ride]: Adam Morrison Seeks Royalties for Happy Gilmore Role


The Sports Satire Roundup for Friday Apr 7 2006

The Duke lacrosse rape scandal is no laughing matter… unless of course it is a laughing matter. This is what I love about satire sites, they’ll cross any line.

[The Brushback]: Pro-Rape Activists Stage Counter Demonstration On Duke Campus

[The Onion]: Duke University Equestrian Team Hoping To Avoid Investigation Into Their Sex Scandal. “We’ve done nothing wrong, veterinarians will find no evidence—DNA or otherwise—showing that horses have been assaulted, and of course no charges have been filed.”

[Sports Pickle]: Brett Favre issued an ultimatum to the Green Bay Packers today, saying he won’t return to the team unless they show they are dedicated to making a playoff run by improving the team’s vastly underperforming quarterback position.

[Sportsgoons]: Barry Bonds is annoying management and teammates by reporting daily on every detail of ESPN reporter Pedro Gomez’s life.

[The Log Ride]: Johnny Damon Vows to Grow Uni-brow in Protest of Facial Hair Policy


This week in sports satire for March 31 2006

Here are our favorite stories from the usual suspects.

[Sports Pickle]: Mike Krzyzewski Getting Tired of Watching All the Mike Krzyzewski Commercials

[The Brushback]: Eastern Conference Coaches Still Not Paying For Gilbert Arenas All-Star Omission

[The Log Ride]: AJ Hawk Promised Anal if he Goes in First Round…From Brady Quinn, not Laura

[The Onion]: George Mason Player Upsets Mother With Last-Second Long-Distance Call From Way Downtown

[The Onion]: Scheduling Error Leads To First-Ever NCAA Final Five


Best of Sports Satire this week – Feb 17 2006

Here are the best satire stories for this week.

[The Brushback]: “Sheryl Crow Now Pro-Cancer” (No article but damn that’s a hell of a headline.)

[The Brushback]: Report: Gretzky Not Man Enough To Bet On Football “I’ve been associated with him for many years and there is no bigger pussy on earth than Wayne Gretzky. It takes balls to bet on football, especially the huge amount of money his wife was betting. That lady has the courage of ten men, unlike her husband, who would shrink in fear from a game of bingo.”


[Sports Pickle]: Art Shell the Latest Re-Tread Black Coach to Get a New Job “I don’t like to stick my nose into the hiring practices of our teams,” said NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue, “but this is definitely a matter that needs attention. Art Shell was fired by the Raiders after the 1994 season and in the 12 years since hasn’t had any other jobs. Yet now, after only granting interviews to a few white candidates, the Raiders hire him back. This kind of old boy network cronyism must come to an end in the NFL.”

[The Onion]: Gretzky: ‘I Never Bet On Baseball’ ” can say with great certainty that I never bet on the Cincinnati Reds, and that I never bet on baseball, nor do I intend to, nor would I even know where to begin if I were to do so,” said Gretzky, who will now likely never gain admission to the National Baseball Hall of Fame.”


Best of Sports Satire this week – Feb 9 2006

Not every satire article is a home run. Here are the best ones from the usual suspects this week.

[Sports Pickle]: Officials Blame Seahawks Loss on Seahawks “The NFL officiating crew who called the Super Bowl XL match-up between Pittsburgh and Seattle has sounded off on the outcome of the game, blaming the Seahawks’ 11-point loss on the horrible play of the Seahawks.”

[Sports Pickle]: “Peyton Manning ready to prove all his doubters wrong at the Pro Bowl.”

[The Onion]: African Child Loves His `World Champion Seahawks’ T-Shirt “Semesseke added that if the Seahawks had included 80 cents a day along with the shirt, he could eat.”

[The Brushback]: Celtics-Timberwolves Trade Somehow Makes Both Teams Worse (Hmmm, this is supposed to be satire but isn’t it just true?)


Sports Satire roundup Feb 2 2006

Here are the best sports satire stories for this week.

[Sports Pickle]: Isiah Thomas to Use Mental Retardation Defense in Sexual Harassment Case
“It’s going to be impossible for any jury to look at Isiah’s body of work since his playing career ended and conclude anything other than the obvious: Isiah Thomas suffers from severe mental retardation,” said Philip Walters, Thomas’s lawyer.”

[The Brushback]: Brown Accuses Thomas Of Sexual Harassment In Attempt To Get Fired
“I have never sexually harassed Larry. If I was going to sexually harass a man, it wouldn’t be Larry Brown.”

[Onion Sports]: All-Time Greatest Super Bowl Moments
1994: Bills quarterback Jim Kelly, who two years earlier pumped up his team with a “We’ve Got the Experience We Need to Win” talk and the previous year instilled hope with his “Third Time’s the Charm” speech, gathers his teammates to tell them not to bother trying this year and resign themselves to their horrible fate.