Categories
NBA General

NBA All Star Weekend Highlights



Grand theft

If you decided not to watch the fluffing going on in Houston this weekend, you actually missed some good stuff. But you also didn’t miss a lot of good stuff either so whatever you were doing was probably better than the time I wasted watching TNT.

Here are the highlights:

  • Sophs win the Rookie Challenge. Andre Igoudala is the MVP.
  • Dwayne Wade wins the skills challenge.
  • Dirk Nowitzki wins the three point shootout.
  • Nobody wins when we have to watch the Shooting Stars. Negative Branding for Radio Shack.
  • Celebrities can’t play ball but Becky Hammon might be the cutest WNBA player.
  • Igoudala wuz robbed in the dunk contest. Nate Robinson wins because he’s 5’9″.
  • LeBron James brings East back from big deficit and wins All Star Game MVP.
Categories
Miami Dolphins

Ricky Williams smokes pot



Well…that was quick.

I know, it’s as shocking to you as it is to me, but reports are that Ricky Williams has violated the league policy for the fourth time and will be suspended for one year. Note that the last time Ricky retired from football, it was because he had violated the substance abuse policy and was going to be suspended for a year.

His mother says that Ricky is in India smoking some good shit on vacation and did not know about his failing a drug test.

[USA Today]: Williams faces possible suspension

Categories
San Francisco Giants

Bonds stealing retirement spotlight from Sosa

[As soon as I finished posting this entry, I see a report that Bonds has backed off the retirement talk. Will everyone please stop playing the Favre card!]

I guess Bonds wants his farewell tour in 2006. In an interview with USA Today, Bonds cemented his place as the whiniest baseball player of our generation.

I’m not playing baseball anymore after this. The game (isn’t) fun anymore. I’m tired of all of the crap going on. I want to play this year out, hopefully win, and once the season is over go home and be with my family. Maybe then everybody can just forget about me.

If Bonds wasn’t such a dick to everyone until it served his needs, then maybe fans is stadiums around the country would show up to wish him well. But I have a hard time believing that many fans will show up to honor Barry Bonds. I’m not even talking about the steroid allegations. Let’s assume that doesn’t even exist. Why would fans show up to honor him when he’s given so little back to the game? Barry is a selfish, arrogant, me-first athlete and he wants us to adore him? Please.

A quick check of Giants blogs shows that even Giants fans don’t really care.

[USA Today]: Bonds: ‘I’m not playing baseball anymore after this’
[SFGate]: Bonds goes back, forth. Stories differ about retiring

Categories
General Sports

Odds and Ends for Monday Feb 20 2006: Metaphysics

[Philly.com]: Darren Daulton is going insane

[AP]: Hall of Fame names 16 finalists including Barkley, Wilkins

[Philly.com]: German bobsledders cheating?

[Canucks OpEd]: Are the Japanese censoring hockey?

[On the DL]: It’s good to be an athlete

Categories
Satire

Best of Sports Satire this week – Feb 17 2006

Here are the best satire stories for this week.

[The Brushback]: “Sheryl Crow Now Pro-Cancer” (No article but damn that’s a hell of a headline.)

[The Brushback]: Report: Gretzky Not Man Enough To Bet On Football “I’ve been associated with him for many years and there is no bigger pussy on earth than Wayne Gretzky. It takes balls to bet on football, especially the huge amount of money his wife was betting. That lady has the courage of ten men, unlike her husband, who would shrink in fear from a game of bingo.”

[Sportalicious]: CHENEY FAILS TO QUALIFY FOR OUTDOORS GAMES

[Sports Pickle]: Art Shell the Latest Re-Tread Black Coach to Get a New Job “I don’t like to stick my nose into the hiring practices of our teams,” said NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue, “but this is definitely a matter that needs attention. Art Shell was fired by the Raiders after the 1994 season and in the 12 years since hasn’t had any other jobs. Yet now, after only granting interviews to a few white candidates, the Raiders hire him back. This kind of old boy network cronyism must come to an end in the NFL.”

[The Onion]: Gretzky: ‘I Never Bet On Baseball’ ” can say with great certainty that I never bet on the Cincinnati Reds, and that I never bet on baseball, nor do I intend to, nor would I even know where to begin if I were to do so,” said Gretzky, who will now likely never gain admission to the National Baseball Hall of Fame.”

Categories
General Sports

Odds and Ends for Friday Feb 17 2006: Nasty!

[Wimp.com]: Top 10 Dunks of all time (via SportsBlah)

[Sportsline]: Albert Belle arrested for stalking ex-girlfriend

[Can’t Stop the Bleeding]: Steinbrenner can’t drive

[Toronto Sun]: Air Canada Center won’t let a 9 year old enter with a sign because it’s a potential weapon.

[UK Sun]: Ouch

Categories
Chicago White Sox

Ozzie Guillen rips A-Rod and Nomar



I’m just keeping it real

Last year, Ozzie called a reporter a homosexual and a child molester. This year, he’s toned it down.

Alex was kissing Latino people’s asses. He knew he wasn’t going to play for the Dominicans; he’s not a Dominican! I hate hypocrites: He’s full of shit. The Dominican team doesn’t need his ass. It’s the same with Garciaparra playing for Mexico. Garciaparra only knows Cancun because he went to visit.

Ouch. Would McNabb call this brown on brown crime?

[NY Daily News]: Ozzie: A-Rod a phony

Categories
College Basketball

The NIT will now take just about anyone



We’re #65!

The NIT anounced criteria changes for its tournament today and now all regular-season conference champs not in the NCAA tourney will get a spot in the NIT. Also, a team no longer needs a .500 record to get into the tournament.

Just think, the NIT used to be the postseason tournament in the U.S. I have watched a lot of NIT games (this is what happens when your team stinks) and it’s so depressing. The schools put up a “hey, we’re here to win it” facade but you know most of the players from big time programs are not happy to be there. The worst part about winning the NIT is that… you won the NIT.

[Sportsline]: NIT makes significant criteria changes for 40-team field

Categories
College Basketball

Stanford Tree drunk off her ass: conspiracy?



Fired!

Erin Lashnits, who is the girl inside the Stanford tree was suspended after she was observed drinking inside the tree and had a breathalyzer score of 0.15. She said she was drunk but denies drinking during the game or having a flask.


The incident began as a misunderstanding when Lashnits began prancing in the middle of the court, as she is allowed to do at Stanford, instead of confining her routines to under the basket, as Cal requires. That’s when officers began observing her more closely.

Hmmmm, I don’t know. The UC Berkeley police? In a game between rivals Stanford and Cal? A blood alcohol level that wouldn’t even make it into the Top 15 BACs list? This sounds highly suspicious. Like the time they framed OJ. I hope they find the real tree with the flask who is still out there.

[SFGate]: Stanford tree mascot fired for drinking at basketball game
[eHow]: How to Become the Tree

Categories
Olympics

The Gayest Sport in America

No, this isn’t another post on hazing. We’re talking figure skating folks. An openly gay skating judge called it the “gayest sport in America”, yet the sport discriminates against gays.


Officials, judges, and skating federations, especially in the U.S., make it clear that they prefer male skaters to look “masculine” and will be harsher on effeminate-looking skaters when it comes to giving marks or desirable competitive assignments.

So because of fear of lower scores, male figure skaters won’t come out of the closet. This is insane to me. This is figure skating folks, the sport that’s almost synonymous with gay, yet the governing body is afraid of their image if skaters admitted to being gay? That’s like NASCAR afraid that one of their drivers will be too white trash.

[Outsports]: ‘Gayest Sport in America’