Categories
Golf

The only place it’s not good to be The Tiger: the UK



Have you seen my golfball?

Scope, a UK organization for those suffering from cerebal palsy, was offended when Tiger remarked on BBC that he “putted atrociously today. Once I got on the greens I was a spaz.” They issues a statement censuring Woods.


Although in the US the term `spaz’ may not be as offensive as in the UK, many people will have taken exception to linking a poor golf stroke to a spastic.

A spokesman for Tiger declined comment. Can you imagine having to tell Tiger the brits are mad at him for saying spaz. He just had to smile and put the green jacket on Phil Mickelson, the guy who came out a few years ago and criticized him for switching to Nike equipment and blaming that for his slump. Tiger can’t be happy this week. (Although he does own a $38M estate and he’s married to Elin Nordegren so I guess life can’t be that bad.)

I believe this is called making a mountain out of a molehill. Relax, Scope UK! Half the time the rest of us play golf, we play like f’ing retards.

Links:
[The Sun UK]: Fury over Tiger ‘spaz’ jibe

Categories
All Other Sports

Duke lacrosse scandal DA says he’s still investigating

At this point, the tide seems to be turning in public sentiment that the Duke lacrosse team is innocent of rape charges. Not to be deterred, at a community forum at NCCU, Durham County DA Mike Nifong had this to say:

A lot has been said in the press, particularly by some attorneys yesterday, that this case should go away. My presence here means that this case is not going away.

Experts agree that not having DNA evidence does not make prosecuting the case impossible but that because of CSI, it’s going to be hard to get a conviction.

We wonder if this is the DA refusing to bail out of a sinking ship or if the lawyers for the lacrosse players are blowing smoke. Either way, someone’s career is going to be ruined. And since they’re all lawyers, does it really matter?

A doctor and nurse who examined the alleged victim said she had injuries consistent with rape. So, if not the lax boys, then who did it?

By the way, just so you know, one of the fathers of the lacrosse players said the boys are innocent. Gee, thanks, AP, for that stellar piece of investigative journalism … ’cause you know, there’s no bias there.

[Yahoo]: Prosecutor: Investigation of rape allegations at Duke lacrosse party ‘not going away’

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

How much money does T.O. need?

We can understand the books and the rap song. Well, we can’t really understand it… but they both feed T.O.’s massive ego. But how much crap does Owens have to sell to feed his family? We thought that he got his money from Dallas? Does he really need to sell Terrell Owens Custom White Stadium Cup’s [sic]? What crony does he have running his site?



Our homemade TO cup: Free!

Here’s a list of the stuff TO is selling.

  • T.O. rap song download (up to 5!) or CD single for $3.99: Only if we were forced to either listen to this or the Black Eyed Peas. And it’d be damn close. (To clarify, we think the BEP have set hip hop back 40 years.) How many songs do you think the web site has sold? 1? During testing?
  • T.O. vintage 2004 wall calendar for $5.00: You’ve got to be kidding me.

  • Ten (10) blue and white bracelets that either have Destination Miami or Getcha Popcorn Ready #81 for $10.00: We’ll admit that if we were Cowboys fans, this wouldn’t be so bad.

  • Terrell Owens 3″ Eagles figurine for $9.99: There must still be an Eagles fan out there who doesn’t know about the T.O. debacle and is dumb enough to buy this.

  • T.O. 16 oz white stadium cup for $10.00 : Oh but look, you can preorder a 22 oz stadium cup for the same price! Hot damn that’s a bargain. Or if you’re a real T.O. fan, you can order his FAN CLUB PACKAGE for $59. For an additional $49, you get a hat (which you can’t get anywhere else!), a download of his rap song, and ummmmm… a chance to win a trip to meet and greet T.O. in Dallas. Actually, this might not be so bad. Considering no one will buy this, your chances of getting to Dallas and punching T.O. in the head might be pretty good. Then again, there are plenty of morons out there.

We’re dying to know how much of this crap T.O. has sold. And why.

Categories
All Other Sports

No DNA match in Duke lacrosse scandal

A lawyer for one of the team captains said DNA tests show that the players are innocent of the rape charge. We don’t exactly trust lawyers so we’ll note that you should take anything coming out of their mouths with a grain of salt. Just because no DNA evidence was found that matched any of the players doesn’t mean that they are innocent. Although the case is looking more and more like a hoax with every new detail that comes out.

Remember that District Attorney Mike Nifong that he was “absolutely convinced” a rape had occured and that he could still file charges even if no DNA evidence was found. Hmmm… Nifong is someone who tops out list of people we wouldn’t want to be right now. He’s right above of the person who heads Detroit’s 911 service.

Links:
[News&Observer]: Attorney: No DNA found on victim

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All Other Sports

Rock Paper Scissors champion wins $50,000



The ref clearly is excited to be there

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2006 Rock Paper Scissors champion is David McGill from Omaha, Nebraska. In a grueling 5 hour tournament at the House of Blues in the Mandalay Bay hotel in Las Vegas, it all came down to one final throw… and of course, the winner had no idea what it was. When asked about the winning throw, McGill replied, “I’m sorry. I’ve been here since 2 in the afternoon.”

People were dressed in costumes and the final rounds took place in a miniature boxing ring on stage. Talk about making a big spectacle out of nothing. But hey, $50k is a lot of money for a game that requires no training and no talent. The tournament is all dumb luck so we can’t wait to sign up next year.

The RPS championship could be HUGE next year. It’s the perfect combination of booze and easy money. Bud Light might have just stumbled upon something great here for their sponsorship dollars.

Links:
[Las Vegas Review Journal]: ROCK PAPER SCISSORS — BEER

Categories
Green Bay Packers

Favre passes T.O. for biggest ego



Favre loves him some Favre

Brett Favre has quietly passed T.O. for having the biggest ego in sports. On Saturday, after a “family friend” (we’re giving 3-1 odds that it was actually Favre with a Darth Vader voice changer) alerted reporters that Favre would make an announcement about his decision, a whole bunch of reporters showed up at his charity golf tournament just to be chastised by Favre.

What did you guys waste a trip down here for? Y’all brought the cold weather, too.

Perhaps the reason the media wasted a trip down there is that you wanted some pub for your little golf tournament and you wanted to be in the papers again so Packers fans and management can beg you to stay for one more year.

Last week, Favre caught some flak for saying “What are they going to do, cut me?” He defended that statement this weekend with “If you know me, you’re not concerned about that comment.” What? So, if we knew you at all, we’d know you’re a selfish arrogant s-o-b and wouldn’t be concerned about that statement. Gotcha.

Finally, if you want to see some very different reports of the same event, check out the links below for the articles from a Biloxi MS newspaper, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal, and the Associated Press. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel even has an article by Bill Glauber subtitled Favre is just like everyone else: Big decisions take time. The difference is that most people quietly make a decision and go with it. They don’t hog the media spotlight in an effort to gratify their own ego.

Links:
[Sun Herald (Mississippi)]: For Favre, it’s still a no-decision

[Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]: Favre wants a Super Bowl contender

[AP]: Favre’s scoop? He’s still firmly undecided

Categories
General Sports

Odds and Ends for Monday Apr 10 2006: Denver Nugget shot three times

Julius Hodges was shot on the freeway after leaving a nightclub early Saturday morning. According to the police, Hodges and a friend were driving on I-76 when someone just pulled up and started shooting. After being hit, Hodges’ friend flagged down a car and they were taken to the hospital. Both claim that they did not get into an verbal or physical confrontations at the club.

In other news…

[The Sweet Science]: Sugar Ray Robinson gets a stamp

[Max Boxing]: I Went to a Fight and the Source Awards Broke Out

[YAY Sports]: Phil Jackson has a firm grasp on the obvious

[Metroblogging Philadelphia]: Dunphy to Replace Chaney as Temple Coach

[True Hoop]: Ben Wallace refuses to go back into a game

Categories
Golf

Phil Mickelson wins the Masters in a yawner



FIGJAM

Just as we suspected, the Masters couldn’t live up to last year’s drama. Mickelson dominated the field and strolled to the final hole with a choke-proof lead.


The stress-free walk up 18 was incredible. I had actually been wanting like a four- or five-shot lead, but three was OK. It was a great feeling walking up there, knowing that I had the tournament in hand.

Phil wins his second Masters in three years and about the only good thing we can say about him is that his wife is hot. The GQ article on the top 10 most hated athletes in sports left a bad impression of Mickelson in our minds.

Mickelson has earned many nicknames on the Tour, but our favorite is FIGJAM (Fuck, I’m good–just ask me). “There are a bunch of pros who think he and his whole smiley, happy face are a fraud,” another reporter says. “They think he’s preening and insincere.” Mickelson has aggressively pursued a family-man image that is crucial to his success as an endorser. In 1999, when he nearly won the U.S. Open, Mickelson wore a beeper onto the fairway to alert him when his wife went into labor. If the beeper went off during the final round, he announced, he would simply walk off the course. Some of Mickelson’s peers, smelling a PR stunt, badly wanted to call his bluff. “Everybody’s saying, `Oh God, I want that beeper to go off,’ ” recalls one writer. (It didn’t.)

There’s nothing worse than a phony.

Links:
[Yahoo]: Mickelson on a Tiger-like roll in the Masters

Categories
All Other Sports

Duke lacrosse scandal day 15: Prior charges for alleged victim

One of the anonymous comments in a previous blog entry mentioned that the alleged victim had prior charges. Well, we finally found a source. WRAL in Raleigh reported that in 2002, the alleged victim gave a lap dance to a taxi driver, then stole his car and lead the police on a high speed chase. The chase ended when she hit a dead-end road. She had a blood alcohol level of twice the legal limit at the time. She served probation and some jail time for the “joyride”.

Her lawyer points out that what happened in the past should not affect the current investigation. We agree with this, however, not many people pointed this out when the media reporting that 15 of the lacrosse players had prior convictions for public drunkeness.

On the other side, Joseph Cheshire, a laywer for the Duke lacrosse team claims he has time-stamped photographs that prove there was no rape committed at the house. Cheshire claims that there is a photograph of the dancer smiling at the photographer, followed by one six minutes later where she is passed out on the porch. Another photograph, 3 minutes later, shows a team captain helping the woman into her car.

We wonder if this description of the photographs will change the public’s mind on whether a rape took place. Naturally, both sides are standing by their stories.

Links:
[WRAL]: Alleged Rape Victim Had Past Brush With Law
[News&Observer]: Attorney: Party pics help players

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

Rap is officially dead: Urologist "battles" T.O.

You thought the Jay-Z vs Nas battle was classic? You haven’t heard anything yet. A 42-year-old urologist from Moorestown NJ (Eagles territory) has released a rap in response to T.O.’s rap dissing the Eagles. Just when we thought this couldn’t get any worse, we have not one, but two people stepping up to defend the Iggles.

First we had this guy rapping over TO’s rap. And now we have Just a Fool. If it’s one thing we learned from Kevin Federline, it’s people with no flow shouldn’t rap. Although we have to admit that this couplet is pretty good:


But goodness’ sake I doubt I’m mistaken
You’re gonna wind up with more concussions than Aikman

OK, it’s not very good but we’re using a very low bar here.

Links:
[Early Word]: Urologist’s Rap Rips T.O.