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EliteXC delivered the pain on Saturday Night Fights

Sure, Kimbo Slice delivered a punch that popped James Thompson’s ear like a zit and Robbie Lawler massaged Scott Smith’s brain through his eye socket, but the chicks defiantly stole the show during EliteXC’s groundbreaking broadcast on Saturday night. Not only were Gina Carano and Kaitlin Young swinging for the fences until the final bell, but somewhere out there, Evander Holyfield was grinning from ear to ear (no offense, Thompson) at the eye-swelling beatdown from Crush Conviction. Of course, Hasim Rahman was simultaneously rubbing his forehead.

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Another year, another cheese-rolling catastrophe

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, nothing tops the Annual Gloucestershire Cheese-Rolling extravaganza held across the pond. After all, does anything sound like more fun than people falling head over heels while chasing a wheel of cheese? The answer is an astounding “no.”

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MMA puts new twist on SNL classic "Oops I Crapped My Pants"


If you’ve never been to a mixed martial arts fight in person then you’re missing out. Sure, watching it at home is great, but it’s nothing like being there live. The hoopla is half the fun. When you’re sitting at home on your couch then you’re not experiencing all the sights, sounds and smells of combat. Actually, disregard that part about the smells.

In Saturday’s match against Corey Wethey, [Fred] Mitchell struck his opponent so hard that Wethey lost control of his bowels. The incident required a 10-minute intermission while officials scrubbed down the ring. Mitchell went on to win the fight by Wethey’s disqualification.

The fight — the seventh of the night – began like any other. Mitchell and Wethey left their corners, tapped gloves and traded punches. After landing a knee to Wethey’s body, Mitchell said he began to smell something foul.

As the fight prolonged, Mitchell said the smell continued to worsen. Eventually, he removed his mouth piece and expressed his concerns to the ring official.

“He s— himself,” Mitchell said repeatedly.

It was at that point Wethey gained the advantage and locked Mitchell’s head between his thighs.

As the round progressed, news about Wethey’s intestinal difficulties slowly made its way to the ring officials, who were at a loss of what to do.

Once the round ended, Wethey told his corner what happened and quickly was evacuated from the ring.

After Mitchell’s win was announced, he took the microphone and proclaimed to the crowd, “You can say I beat the crap out of him.”

Everyone tried to warn Wethey that he should have cut the extra weight a lot earlier, but he’s such a procrastinator.

Links:

[Deuce of Davenport]: MMA Fighter Found Himself In A Sh*tty Situation
[TheTownTalk.com]: Unusual incident causes disqualification at MMA event

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The secret to getting mad handles is guttural grunting

What happens when you cross a wannabe baller and about two pots of coffee? Basically, you get this:

So, that’s what Dan Cortese was up to between MTV Sports and My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad.

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Kimbo Slice shouldn’t give up his day job

If you thought CSI: Miami was corny before, just wait until you see the new episodes starring Kimbo Slice.

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Skateboarding isn’t sexist; everyone has equal chance to smash their face

We’re not going to say that girls flat out can’t skateboard, but we are going to say this particular girl won’t be winning any X-Games gold medals anytime soon. After all, flipflops and booty shorts aren’t exactly the gear of champions. But we will admit the chick has a lot of ambition and guts to tackle a hill like this.

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Two MMA knockouts for the price of one

We’ve seen this happen in the WWE on a weekly basis since the mid-80s, but this a first for us in the world of mixed martial arts. It’s a K.O.K.O. and we’re not talking about Koko B. Ware.

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Lance Armstrong has great taste in women, but horrible taste in music


Lance Armstrong will always be in the news. Apparently, overcoming cancer, winning the Tour de France seven times and constantly being accused of cheating will do that to a guy. Of course, nowadays his publicity revolves around his social life and not his ability to pedal straight up the side of a mountain at breakneck speed, which means the stories are always about who he’s dating now. For a while there, we were starting to worry about Lance, seeing how he courted old lady Sheryl Crow and one of the Olsen twins after his divorce, but it seems like he finally got it right.

Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson are certainly spending some quality time together.

The seven-time Tour de France winner and the actress were spotted in Austin on both Friday and Saturday nights. First, the pair dined at Eddie V’s, a high-end restaurant frequented by Armstrong, according to a restaurant insider.

“They came in [Friday] and had dinner together, it’s true,” the insider tells PEOPLE.

The next night, Hudson, 29, and Armstrong, 36, ate at the casual Hula Hut with the athlete’s three children and a group of friends. “They came in with the kids and a large group of people,” says another restaurant source. “They ordered dinner – tacos, burgers and fries and that sort of stuff.”

Asked if the pair looked romantic, the source merely said, “They looked like they were having fun.”

Hudson and Armstrong were also in the same place on Thursday: Both were spotted in New York at the Wildwood Barbeque restaurant at the afterparty following Kid Rock’s Madison Square Garden concert.

Step aside Tony Parker and Eva Longoria, we might have our next hot Hollywood meets sports love connection right here.

Links:

[People.com]: Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong’s Weekend in Austin

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Dana White still despises Tito Ortiz


If you know anything about the UFC then you know owner Dana White and fighter Tito Ortiz absolutely hate each other. Oh, you’re new to the sport? Well, here, let us give you a quick synopsis of White’s current feelings for the former UFC champ turned Donald Trump wannabe crony.

“Tito is a f�”ing idiot,” White said. “He’s one of the dumbest human beings I’ve ever met. Everything that comes out of his mouth makes no sense.”

White added that he doesn’t think UFC needs Ortiz because he doesn’t think Ortiz can beat any of UFC’s top fighters.

“I put up with his s�” when he was a good fighter,” White said. “He’s not anymore.”

“He’s not in anybody’s Top 10,” White said. “I have no interest whatsoever in being in the Tito Ortiz business. … I’ve never wanted to see anyone get their ass kicked worse than I want to see Tito get his kicked next Saturday night.”

Ortiz getting his ass handed to him by Lyoto Machida this weekend might be pretty embarrassing for the Huntington Beach Bad Boy, but can anything really be more humiliating for Ortiz than his relationship with this?!

Links:

[MMANews.com]: Dana White Wants To See Tito Ortiz Get Beatdown Next Week

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Rampage Jackson ain’t got nothing on these guys

Mixed martial arts is one of the fastest growing sports in America right now. Promotions like the UFC, WEC and EliteXC are growing by leaps and bounds thanks to the influx of raw talent with dreams of being cage fighters. However, these companies are also spreading lies around the world as well. Thanks to them, people think the martial arts are about combat, toughness and competitiveness when, in fact, the martial arts are defined by groups of dudes doing choreographed movements while repeatedly snapping wooden boards with their heads, legs and hands.