Category: Miami Heat

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Miami Heat

Shaq doesn’t pay for sex, he pays them to leave afterward


Remember when Kobe was accused of raping that girl in Colorado? It was a minor case so you might not have heard of it. Anyway, back when that happened, Kobe remarked that he should just pay them hush money to go away like Shaq does and told police that Shaq paid $1M in total for such a situation. Well it turns out that Kobe was partially right.

You see, Shaq probably did some girls hush money, but then he also paid prostitutes straight up for sex according to the NY Post. And the type of prostitutes he used are the discrete type. A Las Vegas police report detailing the operation of a madam named Esperanza Brooks that was made public this week and included the names of Shaquille O’Neal and Bill Clinton.

Oh and to top it off, Esperanza Brooks worked as a cheerleading coach at the Andre Agassi College Prep Academy. Now that’s a hell of a farm system.

Links:
[NY Post]: VEGAS POLICE SLIME BILL, SHAQ
[MSNBC]: Shaq angrily denies paying sex hush money

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Miami Heat

James Posey gets popped for DUI



Now I’ve got a pair of bracelets
to go with my ring.

So, how do you like to spend your Easter? Most people get dressed up and head to church; maybe have the family over for lunch, play some cards and so on. Well, Miami Heat forward James Posey might enjoy those same types of holiday activities, but it looks like he also likes to get plastered and talk to random people in the middle of the road.

Posey was arrested early this morning on charges of drunken driving when a Miami Beach police officer noticed Posey was stopped in the left lane and chatting it up with some passerby’s in another car. As if that wasn’t bad enough, when asked to produce his driver’s license, Posey made the drunken blunder of dropping the license as he handed it to the officer. Anyone who has ever done this knows exactly what comes after that; “Please step out of the car, sir.”

Once out of the car, Posey displayed “bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and an odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath,” the officer wrote in his report. The player also was unsteady on his feet and swayed while standing, the report said.

Turns out that Mr. Butter Finger’s ID wasn’t even valid, so he got charged with driving with a suspended license as well. Posey was booked into the Miami-Dade County clink but we figure that he’ll probably get bailed out pretty soon. After all, the guy is making $6.4 million this season.

Links:

[NBC6.net]: Heat forward James Posey charged with DUI

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Miami Heat

To be fair, Shaq was educated during the Reagan administration


You know what’s a shame? That they don’t release Wonderlic scores for basketball players. Cause Shaq might be challenging Chris Leak and Vince Young for low score.

Shaquille O’Neal says you won’t hear him bashing President Bush in light of an eye-opening visit to the White House with the Miami Heat.

“When it comes to ridiculization, if you can’t walk in a man’s shoes, you shouldn’t ridicule him,” O’Neal says. “When I was sitting in the blue room and seeing all the (stuff) the president has to go through, people bringing him letters and a million people walking around, I couldn’t do that job.

If one of the job requirements for being president of the United States is misusing words (“tacular“), then Shaq should considering running in the next election. We’re sick of people making up words whenever they want. Ridiculization isn’t a word, Shaq. The worst thing about Shaq is that he actually thinks he’s smart. He’s like Mike Tyson without the insanity. Just because you’ve read Aristotle doesn’t mean you’re a smart man, it just means you’ve read Aristotle.

Links:
[USA Today]: Shaq for prez?

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Miami Heat

Coming to a falsely accused child pornographer’s house near you: Deputy Shaq


Shaq has always had an interest in law enforcement and is actually a Miami Beach reserve officer but his latest foray into kicking perp ass went a little sideways.

The Bedford County (VA) Sheriff’s department confirmed today that Shaq was part of a raid last month on a farm house of a man suspected of being a child pornographer. Shaq is the spokeman for The Safe Surfin’ Foundation which protects kids from online predators. The owner of the farm has filed a formal complaint because he was held at gunpoint, taunted, and his house was ransacked as officers seized computers, cameras, dvds and tapes. However, it turns out that the sheriff’s department had the wrong physical address of the suspect because they were given the wrong IP address by the Internet Service Provider. Oops.

Hey look, at least you can say that Shaq has been in your house. That’s gotta be worth 30 minutes of terror and a false accusation right?

Links:
[Miami Herald]: Deputy Shaq was part of a bungled raid
[ars technica]: Faulty IP address data leads to Shaq attack on innocent family

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Miami Heat

Shaq to promote Li-Ning shoes

Sina.com is reporting that Shaq has signed with Chinese shoe company Li-Ning to promote their shoes. Shaq follows in the footsteps of former teammate Damon Jones, the first NBA player to sport Li-Ning. Terms of the deal were not disclosed.

We find this highly ironic since a couple of years ago, Shaq directed a racial taunt at Yao Ming via a reporter:


Tell Yao Ming, `ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh.’

Here’s what we have learned about sports marketers in the past year: 81 points erases a rape charge and infidelity; another championship ring erases racial remarks and being a dumbass. If Fuzzy Zoeler won another PGA event, KFC might come calling with some sponsorship dollars.

Links:
[China Daily]: Shaq to promote LiNing sneakers

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Miami Heat

Dwyane Wade vs Dirk Nowitzki

While everyone is writing volumes about the “Air Apparent”, we thought a simple chart might do the trick. Stepping up when it counted, D-Wade was simply the best player in the playoffs, outlasting LeBron James and putting Carmello (who?) to shame. On the flip side, we also have the Incredible Shrinking Nowitzki!

If you must read people gushing about Wade and the Heat, here are some selections from the blogosphere.

[Complete Sports]: Your 2006 NBA Champion… Dwyane Wade (er, the Miami Heat)

[Straight Bangin]: NBA Finals: Wade 4, Dallas 2

[The Assimilated Negro]: Final Thoughts On The Finals

[Reggie’s Extra Points]: Wade’s class worth emulating

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Miami Heat

Hold the obit on the Miami Heat

After the first two games of the series, we thought the Heat were toast. We figured they’d grab game 3 and then game 5 and lose to Dallas in game 6. But the boys from South Beach showed they weren’t going to roll over and quit just because Mark Cuban was already ordering up a 2006 NBA Champions mural for his mansion. Still, there’s being wrong with your picks and then there’s looking like a complete tool.

There’s nothing we enjoy more than a hometown homer columnist making a fool of himself. Kevin Sherrington of the Dallas Morning News had this to say following game 2 of the series:


he only way the Mavs come back from Miami is on a float. Map the parade route. Schedule the sick day.

Miami’s chances of getting back here? Good as a Shaq free throw.

Think this series is still too early to call? Want to remind of the San Antonio series, when the Mavs went up 3-1 and needed a miracle three-point play from Dirk Nowitzki just to get into overtime in Game 7?

Forget it. San Antonio was a far more worthy opponent. Phoenix, too. Even Memphis wasn’t as grisly as Miami.

Four games, maybe five, and that’s it.

Not suprisingly, Kevin had nothing to say this morning after a thorough dismantling of his Mavericks by the Miami Heat. Miami fans, feel free to email Nostradamus at [email protected]

Links:
[Miami Herald]: Heat gets even, stronger
[Yahoo]: Buy a clue, Cuban

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Miami Heat

Odds and Ends for Tues May 16 2006: Miami Heat Dancers in FHM

It was only a matter of time after winning the dance team tournament that the Miami Heat Dance team would end up in a men’s magazine. FHM has a few members of the team in the obligatory bikini poses. Most interesting is this tidbit:


Karelix on hazing “If you do make the team, the veterans are usually nice. One year, though, we made all the new girls wear Depends during an entire rehearsal.

Too bad we can’t substitute the Miami Dance team for the Northwestern Soccer team. Hey, like we said before, we don’t make up the rules.

In other news…

[Yahoo]: San Jose mayor apologizes for anthem booing

[Fangraphs.com]: More out of the ordinary stats than you can shake a pink bat at

[Golf Blog]: Michelle Wie wins local qualifier to move one step closer to Men’s US Open

[Yahoo]: Judge rules that golfers aren’t eligible for errant golf shots… hoooray!

[120 proof ball]: Majerle told Fox Sports Net’s Best Damn Sports Show Period that Charles Barkley’s estimate of losing 10 million bucks gambling was a tad light. I think that’s being real conservative, because he lost about $5 million to (Danny) Ainge and I in shootarounds….When he left Phoenix, my income took a big hit.

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Miami Heat

Odds and Ends for Mon May 1 2006: "just like Donovan McNabb and TO"



Babysitting headaches

The players on the Heat are busy trying to pass off the Dwayne Wade – Gary Payton incident as just teammates getting into it in the heat of battle, but Gary Payton compared it to the sideline disagreement between McNabb and TO in the Pittsburgh game. And while that incident was the definition of the media trying to make something out of nothing, we need to remind Payton that things didn’t exactly end up well for DMac and TO. And we also should remind GP that despite his hall of fame career, this is Wade’s team . It’s not even Shaq’s team. It’s Wade’s. And unless Payton wants to play Italian league ball next year, it might be smart to let the next bad pass from Wade just go unmentioned.

In other news…

[Cincinnati.com]: The Bengals draft Chad Johnson again… this time to play CB.

[Detroit Free Press]: Matt Millen says the Lions had a good draft. Must be on the George Bush mission accomplished plan.

[Tennessean.com]: So much for McNair mentoring Vince Young. Titans might trade Air to the Ravens.

[UPI]: Polish soccer fans planning a tournament to fight other fans. You can’t make this stuff up, folks.

[AZCentral.com]: Matt Leinart says he’s happy to leave LA. “I’ve dealt with everything you possibly can in that city. I love LA. I was born and raised out there. But I’m definitely ready. It’s time to move on.” By this, he means he’s already slept with all the chicks in LA. But he could’ve nailed all the chicks in NYC as…

[NY Daily News]: The Jets tried to trade up to get Leinart after drafting Ferguson.

Categories
Miami Heat

Shaq gets 2nd career triple double



Lucious Shackleford

See, we knew Shaq was lazy. He only got his second triple double of his career last night (15 points, 11 rebounds, 10 assists).


I’ve been a very unselfish player. I knew they were going to double, so I just wanted to keep my guys involved. I learned a long time ago that if I can keep my other guys involved, it’ll be an easier game for me. I just kept making the good pass and my teammates were making me look good.

His only other one was in 1993, when Whitney Houston had the #1 song and Sam Malone still had hair on Cheers. It’s almost a given that Shaq would have a double double every night but we’d think he’d have more triple doubles with blocked shots.

Meanwhile, Oscar Robertson averaged a triple-double in the first five years of his career.

Links:
[Fox Sports]: Shaq has second career triple-double