Author: Vin

Vin is a Philly boy who shouldn't be invited into your house because he'll judge you on your book and music collection. He owns Dawkins, Utley, Iverson, and Lindros jerseys, which is all you really need to know about him. He can be reached at [email protected].

Categories
Olympics

IOC: by any means necessary



Undercover Doping Tester

Attention Olympic athletes, if some guy next to you in the urinal is checking out your unit, he could just possibly be princessy, or he might be an undercover doping tester trying to figure out how to catch your urine.

The IOC is coming under some fire because Herman Maier was duped into meeting with doping testers when they posed as big fans or his. However, after the test, one of the testers kissed Hermann, because she turned out to be a real fan so I guess it wasn’t a complete lie. The World Anti-Doping Agency however, defends this practice because athletes usually turn around and high tail it out of there as soon as they spot a doping tester.

Somehow, I imagine the Olympic village as one big Benny Hill skit with the athletes as Benny Hill chasing after women and then turning around and running from them once they realize they are underdover doping testers.

[Reuters]: IOC to use any means to test for drugs
[Skiracing.com]: Hermann Maier angered by undercover doping control in Olympic village

Categories
MLB General

Sammy Sosa threatens to retire, no one cares


It seems like Sosa is taking a page out of the Brett Favre retirement book.  It’s like they’re both at the end of the line but want us (or perhaps just sycophant sportswriters) to say “Oh no, please don’t!”  

A source “close to Sammy Sosa” (whatever that means, maybe he was just standing in the same elevator as Sammy) told ESPNdeportes that “Sammy doesn’t think of himself as someone who has to beg for a spot on a big league roster.”  I don’t see a lot of teams a calling, Sammy.  In a league where they’ll pay millions of dollars just to bat five times a game, getting offered a $500,000 non-guaranteed contract is a slap in the face.  

We agree with this guy.  Sosa only is going to hurt his credentials and actually stands to make more money retiring now.

[ESPN]:
Sosa would rather retire than ‘beg for a spot’

Categories
Olympics

So far so bad for US Olympic team

As of this writing, the US Olympic team has gathered 2 Gold and 1 Silver medals, a pretty paltry haul after some of the events which the US was exepected to medal in.

First, the Americans didn’t even register on the board in the women’s freestyle moguls.  Then, Bode Miller and teammate Daron Rahlves finished 5th and 10th respectively.  By the way, Bode, when your name is synonymous with wasted skiing, it’s probably not a good idea to be spotted at a bar downing beers, even you claim to only have had a couple and called it an early night.

Later, speedskater Apolo Ohno fell in the 1500m and didn’t even win Bronze, setting off a barrage of terrible “oh no” puns from major news outlets.    You’d think headline writers could be more clever , like an allusion to “Walking on Thin Ice” or something.   Well, at least more original, if not clever.

Finally, perhaps the biggest star in these Olympic games, Michelle Kwan, had to call it quits and a career because of a groin injury.  Here’s a video of her training session.  It’s amazing to see an end of a career caught on video, much like  Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls.

Thank god for The Flying Tomato and Danny Kass who finished 1-2 in the halfpipe competition. Unfortunately, because this is snowboarding, we’re subjected to wannabe hip AP writers telling us that “Shaun White punked the competition.”  Gnarly dude.
 

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

It’s not my fault I’m mentally deficient



Stop criticizing me!

Michael Vick on the WCO:

I thought the West Coast offense was supposed to be a lot of quick, dink-and-dunk passes and it’s not being run that way. I’m not saying it’s because of coach Knapp, but he’s calling the plays. My perception of the West Coast thing is starting to change too. We’re not doing what I see Seattle doing or San Francisco doing or Green Bay doing. We’re not doing those things. I don’t know if it’s Knapp changing those things around but as far as I know, it’s not the West Coast system as far as the way we run it.

We’re not dinking and dunking the way it’s supposed to be done. It may be hurting me. It may be hurting the offense. I’m a little lost right now.

Hey, uh, Ron Mexico, perhaps the reason that you don’t run a pure West Coast offense is because you’re not smart enough to read defenses and have no idea how to be a good quarterback. Matt Schaub is a better QB than you.

Vick blames most of his problems on the knee injury he suffered in week 4. Perhaps that’s because he’s a running back in a wide receiver’s body. If Vick can’t juke and cut, he’s useless because he is not an NFL quality QB. The biggest joke is that he made the above statement from Honolulu. Vick deserves to be in the Pro Bowl as much as the Lombardi trophy belongs in Pittsburgh.

[Atlanta Journal Constitution]: Falcons QB admits to frustration with West Coast offense

Categories
NHL General

Operation Slap Shot: Gretzky knew about gambling ring



The Gambling One?

When Wayne Gretzky said he didn’t know anything about Rick Tocchet’s gambling operation, we believed him because, well, he’s Wayne Gretzky. Now there’s a report by the Newark Star-Ledger that a couple of weeks ago, Gretzky was on tape discussing the situation with Rich Tocchet and how to protect themselves and Gretzky’s wife, Janet Jones. However, there is no evidence that the Great One bet on any games himself. As we reported yesterday, Janet Jones is believed to have wagered $500,000 on games during a 40 day period. I’m not feeling so bad about the $50 I lost on the Super Bowl now.

Jones denies that Gretzky ever did any gambling except on horse racing. However, Coyote GM Mike Barnett recently made a bet on the Super Bowl with Rick Tocchet. I wonder if he hates the Bill Leavy as much as we do.

Man, Rick Tocchet is ruining a lot of reputations right now.

[Reuters]: Gretzky denies involvement in gambling ring
[USA Today]: Gretzky’s wife: ‘Great One’ didn’t gamble

Categories
NFL General

Al Michaels traded to NBC for Oswald, golf, olympics and a turducken



Traded to ABC

It’s the strangest trade in sports but somehow they pulled it off. NBC gets Al Michaels and expanded highlight rights to events on ABC and ESPN. ESPN/ABC gets the rights to the Oswald the Lucky Rabbit characters, the next four Ryder Cups, and expanded Olympic highlights. I made up the turducken part.

This is a strange trade to deconstruct folks. I think in the end, both networks win, although I’m not sure NBC had to give up that much to get the rights to Al Michaels. After the announcement that the MNF crew would be Tirico, Theisman, and Kornheiser, Al Michaels had as much trade value as Ron Artest. I, for one, am excited. At least Sunday Night Football will be good next year.

[Yahoo]: Michaels traded from ABC to NBC for a cartoon bunny

Categories
Montreal Canadiens

Propecia really works!



I’m worth it!

I think Jose Theodore can sign a very nice endorsement deal with Propecia. I mean, just look at that head of hair. The other explanation of course is that he was only using Propecia to mask steroid use.

The active ingredient in Propecia is not on the NHL list of banned drugs but is on the World Anti-Doping Agency’s so the test came up positive in advance of the Olympics.

Montreal Canadiens team physician Dr. David Mulder came out and defended Theodore.


Dr. David Mulder said Theodore had been taking the medication, a daily one-milligram dose in pill form, for the last eight or nine years on the advice of a dermatologist. Mulder admitted he had renewed the prescription periodically over the last four or five years.

Given the other scandal right now in the NHL, I think this one is going to blow over very quickly. Remember though, if you are pregnant or thinking of becoming pregnant, you may not take, touch or even look at a Propecia tablet.

[Montreal Gazette]: Theodore used banned substance: Canadiens

Categories
College Basketball

J.J. Redick’s poetry sucks


I’m not just saying this because I hate Duke.  It really does in fact suck.

Here are some excerpts:

No bandage can cover my scars
It’s hard living a life behind invisible bars
Searching for the face of God
I’m only inspired by the poems of Nas

I’m impressed that JJ listens to Nas.  We would have pegged him for a Sisqo fan. Although I have to wonder which of Nas’ poems he finds inspiring.  Is it the one where he’s waving automatic guns at nuns?  Is it the where he calls Jay-Z a camel?

My life story is read in poetic stages
I was once weak-minded, now I’m courageous
The cause and effect of a thousand actions
The mathematical breakdown of micro-fractions
It’s difficult to fathom the coming of the rapture
What if I awoke in an empty pasture?

Uh… what?  Maybe he’s going to be the next Kirk Cameron or something.

Here’s my favorite:

The rain pours, my tears fall
The pain subsides, I stand in awe

Don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and lakes that you’re used to.

You ever get the feeling that JJ writes these on the team bus and imagines he’s Eminem from 8 mile? Christian rap yo! represent.  

Sadly, the real poetry from Redick isn’t any better (or worse) than the spoof from Sports Pickle:

My Almost 1.5 Incher

My penis is very small
Yet I stand tall
Knocking down threes
Though I have to use tweezers when I pees
Rising above to hit another jumper
My opponents unaware that I’m hung like Thumper
Starring in the NBA is my next jump
Then I’ll be able to afford a top-of-the-line Swedish penis pump

[SI]: Selections from J.J. Redick

Categories
NHL General

Rick Tocchet gambling ring update



Honey, what’s the line on
the Lakers-Suns tonight?

Things are certainly heating up in the “Operation Slap Shot” scandal. Rick Tocchet was put on an indefinite leave of absence by the NHL and the commissioner reserves the right to change the terms of the leave of absence at any time, i.e. fire his ass whenever the truth comes out. The NHL is in full damage control mode, having hired the Unabomber prosecutor to investigate the matter.

Meanwhile, a couple of other names were added to the list of those involved in the gambling ring in some capacity, Mark Recchi and John LeClair, former Flyers players. Recchi and LeClair have denied the allegations and threatened to sue the TV station in Philly that leaked their names.

The most sensational part of this scandal is the potential involvement with organized crime. In the early 1990s, when Tochett was still with the Flyers, he was linked to a mobster named Joey Merlino who bet heavily on hockey games using information he obtained from Tocchet. Merlino was also linked to Eric Lindros at the time. The feds have not specified Merlino by name but do mention the link to Merlino’s organization.

Lots of rumors abound and one in particular is very damaging. While the Great One claims to have no knowledge of his wife’s gambling habits, rumor has it that she placed as much as $500,000 in bets. I know Gretzky is rich but 500 grand is alot of money to toss around. Gretzky said that he and his wife did not discuss her involvement and only talked about their concern for Tocchet. Yeah, I’m sure in discussing the biggest scandal to rock the NHL, her bets didn’t come up in the conversation.

We’ll keep you updated as we find out more but for now here are two commentaries you should read.

[James Mirtle]: The Rick Tocchet scandal: Day 3
[Tom Benjamin]: Ticky Tacky Tocchet

Categories
NFL General

ESPN – ready to ruin MNF!

The network that ruined Sunday night for you is going to ruin Monday Night Football. On Wednesday, ESPN announced the MNF broadcast team of Mike Tirico, Joe Theisman, and Tony Kornheiser. Now, they could have kept the Sunday Night crew intact, so I guess it’s a slight step up. But now, instead of just annoying reports from Suzy Kolber, we also get annoying reports from Michele Tafoya.

(By the way, someone googled on this site “Michelle+Tafoya+playboy”. Whoever did that is a sick bastard. The only reason why those words appear on this site is because of the story on Lisa Guererro in playboy and how horrendous Michele Tafoya is. Speaking of which, my friend and I have an ongoing discussion about women who you would absolutely never want to see in Playboy but someone would. The top of that list for me is Celine Dion. I’d have to rip my eyes out afterward. Sorry about the tangent.)

Next year will be the first year that fans all over the country pray their team isn’t on Monday Night Football so they don’t have to listen to these clowns. Although the bar is set very low so perhaps we’ll all be pleasantly surprised. Either that or I gotta figure out how to sync up my satellite feed with the local radio announcers.

The silver lining in all of this is Michaels and Madden will be back together on NBC. I know people are sick of Madden but when you look at the alternatives, you realize he isn’t so bad. You know what would be just high comedy? Stephen A. Smith doing football broadcasts. That guy is a football genius.

[Reuters]: Michaels exits ABC in wake of “MNF” announcement