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The Great Khali steals Johnny Nitro’s thunder

We know you don’t speak English, but you’re
holding the belt upside down.

We’ve known for a little while now that Johnny Nitro had a supposed mega announcement to make on ECW and we must admit that we were taken back at the show’s opening when some jerk-off in a suit told us that Nitro would never wrestle on ECW again. But after waiting an hour for the champ to have his official press conference, we were more than a little disappointed to find out that the reason Nitro wouldn’t be returning to ECW was because he had changed his name to John Morrison. The new moniker brought with it new entrance music and a new wannabe rock star image, but, unfortunately, Nitro Morrison still had the same crappy mic skills.

While we found the name change to be gripping television (note the sarcasm), Tuesday night gave us some news that was much bigger. No, not the return of Big Daddy V and his gargantuan man boobs; even bigger than that. At a taping of SmackDown, the 7-foot-3, 420-pound monster known as The Great Khali won the World Heavyweight Championship by surviving an unexpected 20-Man Battle Royal for the gold. SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long ordered Edge to relinquish his title after getting injured during last week’s episode and then put the belt up for grabs in the Battle Royal. Needless to say, more will be known on Friday when the show actually airs, but what we do know is that The Great Khali needs an opponent for The Great American Bash. So, Batista (Khali’s original opponent) and Kane (Edge’s original opponent) will compete in a match to determine the number one contender.

Edge had his pectoral muscle torn in a scuffle with Kane last week and will have to undergo surgery which will keep him out of action for at least four months. It’s unfortunate for Edge that his title reign was cut short due to injury, but all this really means is that the Rated R Superstar can add one more championship belt to his already incredible career because there is no doubt that when he returns he will become champion once again. It’s really just a matter of time.

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John Cena holds onto the title at Vengeance; no, you don’t say

Unfortunately, the champ is still

Okay, so we’re going to admit that we didn’t buy the latest PPV from the WWE, but that doesn’t mean we can’t feel screwed by the results. Not only did the rappers delight and WWE king John Cena hold onto his belt, AGAIN, by Mick Foley and getting the one, two, three, but Johnny Nitro became the ECW World Champion. No, folks, that’s no typo; Johnny freaking Nitro is holding significant gold. This loser with a 12-pack wasn’t even scheduled to compete in the match but he grabbed the slot after Chris Benoit had to pull out. Now, we know that Nitro has some seriously talent and potential (he didn’t pull down Melina by being a loser), but we never thought that the WWE would give him this kind of push this early. After all, he’s only been in ECW for a week now. But this will definitely spice things up on ECW where Nitro can build on his rivalry with CM Punk and start new battles with guys like Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von, Benoit and the Boogie Man. Okay, forget the Boogie Man; the WWE would really have to be desperate for spice to give him a title.

In the other big title match of the evening, Edge defeated Batista by count out and, therefore, the Animal will not receive another title shot as long as the World Heavyweight Championship belt is around the Rated R Superstar’s waist. With Batista out of the way, it looks like JBL could be right and Edge just might end up going down as the greatest of all time. We really can’t find anyone on the SmackDown roster who can handle the Ultimate Opportunist right now. Oh, wait, we didn’t realize that King Leonidas was kicking ass in the squared circle.

Here are the rest of the results from Vengeance: Night of Champions:

World Tag Team Champions Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch defeated The Hardys

Cruiserweight Champion Chavo Guerrero defeated Jimmy Wang Yang

Johnny Nitro defeated CM Punk to win the vacant ECW World Title

Intercontinental Champion Santino Marella defeated Umaga (DQ)

United States Champion MVP defeated Ric Flair

WWE Tag Team Champions Deuce & Domino defeated Sgt. Slaughter & “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka

World Heavyweight Champion Edge defeated Batista (Count out; Last Chance Match)

Candice Michelle defeated Women’s Champion Melina

WWE Champion John Cena defeated King Booker, Randy Orton, Bobby Lashley & Mick Foley (Challenge Match)