The Olympics are right around the corner, Friday to be exact, and we can’t wait to see the red, white and blue go berserk on some foreigner asses. And while we’re confident in Team USA, regardless of sport, we know America would have a definite edge over the competition in the individual sports if we used our biggest, strongest and fastest athletes available. In other words, we need to totally revamp the Olympic roster and use nothing but NFLers. Here’s how things would look, according to NE Patriots Draft.
Fencing – Travis Henry
He’s pretty good with his sword, if you know what I mean.
Sailing – Matt Birk
He’s a Viking, so boats are right up his alley, plus he went to Harvard.
Sprint Events – Devin Hester
No pads, no defenders, give him the gold.
Long Distance Events – Kenyatta Walker
He’s got Kenya in his name right?
Shotput/Discus – Vince Wilfork
Holds the state record in Florida for the Shot, throwing it 68 feet.
Wrestling – Stephen Neal
Two-time NCAA champ, beating Brock Lesnar his senior season.
Diving – Reggie Bush
Nobody flips like this guy, gotta work on the landing though.
Swimming – Mario Williams
Best Swim move in the league.
Synchronized Swimming – Peyton and Eli Manning
Just a fun mental image for you and the whole family.
Boxing – Tom Zbikowski
Kayaking – Chris Cooley
No reason, just thought he was the only NFL’er that could make me watch Kayaking.
Weightlifting – Larry Allen
Holy Mother of God.
Equestrian – Chris Williams
He’s got the family ties.
Gymnastics – Martin and Bill Gramatica
Hamm’s? Martin and Bill can jump! And Prance! About the right size too…
Cycling – Shawne Merriman
Lots of dopers to pick on, I’ll chose Mr. Lights out today.
Archery – Tom Brady
Accuracy is his middle name.
Judo – Scott Peters
Badminton – Hines Ward
Koreans love Badminton.
Shooting – Marvin Harrison
Still too afraid to say anything.
Table-Tennis – Jacob Hester
White Running Backs can really play pong.
[NE Patriots Draft]: All-NFL Olympic Team