Cleveland Browns

There’s your Karma, Cleveland

Stay Classy, Cleveland

You ever wonder why Cleveland is the most cursed city in sports? And why the Browns seem to be the most cursed franchise? It’s because one of their fans will actually steal a wheelchair from a guy with spina bifoda. The fan leaves his wheelchair at the bottom of the landing before walking up to his seat. At the end of the game, he walked back down and his wheelchair was gone.

Now can you understand why prize free-agent signing LeCharles Bentley blew out his left knee in the first practice of the season and why another free agent Joe Jurevicius suffered a rib injury in the first game. Romeo Crennel should just quit right now and get the hell out of there. It’s not ever going to get any better.

Of course, just last week, Cleveland was named the most loyal fans in the NFL.

All Other Sports

Assistant Coach tackles 13 year old

Father of the Year!

An assistant coach on a Pop Warner team has been charged with child abuse after he tackled a 13 year old. Video shows that at the end of a play, a player from the Stockton Bears made a late hit on a player from the Riverback Redskins. That player’s father (the Redskins assistant coach) didn’t like it so he ran onto the field and hit the Bears player from behind. That triggered a brawl.

The coach, identified as Cory Petero, then tried to hop a fence to escape police. He turned himself in later and was booked on one count of child abuse.

It’s good to know that fathers are still taking an interest in the lives of their kids. In a society where all too often boys are raised by single mothers, it’s heartwarming that there are fathers out there still showing love to their boys the only way they know how — attacking a rival 13 year old.

And they say society is falling apart.

[KCRA3]: Incident Triggers Brawl During Pop Warner Game (with video)

San Francisco 49ers

Kevan Barlow compares Nolan to Hitler

Kevan’s first Photoshop project

In a phone interview with the Contra Costa Times on Tuesday, Kevan Barlow ripped into Niners head coach Mike Nolan.

Nolan just doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s a first-time head coach with too much power. He has too much power as a first-time head coach. He walks around with a chip on his shoulder, like he’s a dictator, like he’s Hitler. People are scared of him. If it ain’t Nolan’s way, it’s the highway.

Barlow accused Nolan of lying to him because a week before he was traded to the Jets, Nolan assured him that he would not be traded.

It was dirty. He had no respect for me or the organization. He doesn’t know about the 49ers way, and that’s too bad because even his dad (Dick) was coach of the 49ers. Bill Walsh set the standard there, and he ain’t living up to it.

Barlow said that about half the team feels the way he does. Ouch. It doesn’t sound like Nolan will be getting a Christmas card from Barlow this year.

[Contra Costa Times]: Barlow lashes out at Nolan
[Sportsline]: Jets’ Barlow apologizes to former coach Nolan for ‘Hitler’ remarks

MLB General

July 25 in Sports History: Roseanne Barr wrecks the National Anthem

In 1990: Before the start of the Reds-Padres game in San Diego, somebody for some reason let Roseanne Barr “sing” the National Anthem. While not quite up to Whitney Houston’s version at the Super Bowl that year, it wasn’t even Carl Lewis-sad-funny or that little-girl-who-forgot-the-words cute. After screeching through an off-key rendition, Roseanne showed her patriotism by grabbing her crotch and spitting. The crowd booed, and many people were upset, including President Bush, who called it “disgusting,” and a “disgrace.” She later apologized.

In 1999: Nearly dead from cancer just three years earlier, cyclist Lance Armstrong comes all the way back to win the Tour de France for the first time. Armstrong was only the second American to win the Tour (Greg Lemond did it three times in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s). Given just a 40 percent chance to live after testicular cancer had spread to his lungs and brain, Armstrong’s feat was considered one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. Although this 1999 victory would’ve have been enough, he went out and won the event seven straight times, including this day in 2004.

Toronto Blue Jays

Congratulations to Shea Hillenbrand on adopting a little girl!

Shea Hillenbrand was designated for assignment (i.e. released) yesterday after he criticized the Blue Jays for not having him in the starting lineup for the second day in a row and for failing to congratulate him on adopting a baby girl. Hillenbrand was particulatly upset with manager John Gibbons for criticizing him in front of the whole team.

According to the Toronto Star, the final straw in a strained relationship between Hillenbrand and Gibbons came when Hillenbrand wrote “This is a sinking ship” on a clubhouse chalkboard. Gibbons confronted Hillenbrand in a team meeting, called him a cancer and a coward and challenged him to a fight.

Gibby called a team meeting and then he stood up and reamed me out in front of my teammates. I’m very disappointed about what he did and I find it very unprofessional.

From the beginning of the season, there were times when I wasn’t playing and there would be no justifiable excuse. He said that if I had a problem with the team or what was going on, I should come into the manager’s office and talk to him.

But then, he would get mad at me when I did that and accuse me of being a selfish player.

The Blue Jays organization has said their version of events differ considerably but won’t elaborate on what happened.

Meanwhile, speaking about the adoption of his baby girl, Hillenbrand somehow managed to insult the reporters out of the blue.

Not one person from the front office has even come up to congratulate me. It’s all the little people like you guys. But nobody from higher up. That’s a disgrace.

Gee, Hillenbrand, I’m sure the beat reporters like to be reminded that they make no money and are just “little people” to you.

[Toronto Star]: Fired Jay blames manager

[ESPN ]: Hillenbrand cut after criticizing Jays front office

Anaheim Angels

Man sues over Mother’s Day tote bag

The $4,000 tote bag

There should be a law that if someone brings about a lawsuit that is deemed ridiculous by 99% of the country, he/she should be forced to watch Cool as Ice nonstop for the next year. Either that or have to bathe Rosie O’Donnell. And that law should be passed in time for Michael Cohn, a fan that is suing the Angels because he did not receive a Mother’s Day nylon tote bag.

Cohn is bringing a class action lawsuit that alleges that any male or fan under the age of 18 that didn’t receive a tote bag last May is entitled to $4,000 each in damages because they were treated unfairly. Cohn wrote a letter to the team last June and they sent him four tote bags but that wasn’t enough for him. We’re not even going to speculate why he needs a womens tote bag. Perhaps he’ll sue over Angels eyeliner day too.

The team even modified the promotion this year and will give the bags to the first 25,000 fans over the age of 18 but his parasite lawyer says that violates the civil rights of those under 18.

You know what? Watching Cool as Ice or bathing Rosie isn’t enough. These people just need to be shot.

[AP]: Man denied bag says Angels discriminated