Chicago Bears

Tank Johnson isn’t a fruit and vegetables kind of guy

If you didn’t know, football players are some big freakin’ guys! And the linemen are even bigger! So, you can imagine how difficult it must be to keep a 6-foot-3, 300 pound monster of a man satisfied in the kitchen. Now just try to keep that same big boy from getting hungry while he’s locked up in jail and receiving slop and bologna sandwiches a couple times a day. We would guess that it’s damn near impossible but we don’t have to guess because Tank Johnson’s 60 day stint in the pokey has produced a calorie by calorie break down of exactly what kind of junk food it takes to satisfy a hungry giant.

While in jail, Johnson received three meals a day but also spent $665 on other goodies to get him through his cravings. Here are some of the highlights:

162 Beef Sticks

40 Honey Buns

35 Summer Sausage Blocks

35 Bags of Chips

9 Jalapeno Cheese Spreads

6 Cans of Refried Beans

Now if that’s not the diet of a pro athlete then nothing is! But, we were kind of shocked to hear all of this considering that our diets consist primarily of beef sticks and sausage. Wait, that came out all wrong. Anyways, after reading this we’re guessing that Johnson headed straight for the right field seats at Dodger Stadium as soon as he was released.


[]: Stay in jail not healthy for Tank

Los Angeles Dodgers

The Dodgers have a unique way of building a large fan base

Hey, fat boy! Yeah, you; the one stuffing your face with pork rinds, sitting on your couch in a pair of stained tighty whities with America’s pastime playing out on the tube. We think we might have found a way to coax you out of your mamma’s basement.

Dodger Stadium now has an all-you-can-eat section of seats out in right field where the Dodger Dogs, peanuts, popcorn, nachos and sodas flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. OK, so we made up that last part about the babes but you really can stuff your face for one low price and people have been taking advantage of the free dogs ($4.75 throughout the stadium) by downing `em in bulk. The only thing slowing down these ballpark Kobayashis is the limit of four items per trip to the vendor.

But don’t think you’re going be getting on your knees, fumbling through your keys drunk by paying $40 for you ticket o’ gluttony. No, you’re gonna have to get wasted like the rest of the stadium; by forking over either $8 or $10 a brew!

Of course, if you can afford those kinds of prices then you might want to consider upgrading your Dodger dining experience to the Dugout Club behind home plate. Not only do you get a better view of the game (that is what you’re paying for, right?) but you’ll get your food delivered to your seats by the section’s staff. And it’ll only cost you $400 a ticket.

Now, we don’t know if he sat in the Dugout Club or with the right field fatties, but we’re guessing that this sports anchor had one too many of those mystery meat Dodger Dogs before making it into the studio.


[International Business Times]: All You Can Eat at Dodger Stadium