Categories
General Sports

Kobe says: Where was the Pre-Coital Contract when I needed it?

Remember when they ruined college by saying that you needed to request permission for trying to scam on a girl? (“May I touch you here?”, “I will kiss you now.”, “Yes, that’s all there is.”) Hell, scamming on a girl in college is part of life.  That’s why they call it ‘the old college try’ (I think).

Well, they are ruining sex again by having a pre-coital contract so that athletes such as Michael Irvin and Erik Williams, and Kobe don’t get in any more trouble.  The contract basically states that both parties agree to consensual sex, that no one is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and that there will be no change of heart once festivities commence.  It would also state what sexual acts each partner is willing to perform.  It is unclear whether there is an R. Kelly clause.

[Uptowngirl]: Pre-Coital Contracts?

Categories
NHL General

NHL Power Rankings Roundup Jan 17 2006

Here are the NHL Power Rankings by top sites this week except for ESPN. Apparently, ESPN doesn’t feel the need to update their NHL Power Rankings anymore. Maybe they had to fire the guy so they could give Stephen Asshat Smith more air time.

Rank TSN.ca ESPN FoxSports Sportsline SI Yahoo
1 Senators – Senators Senators Senators Red Wings
2 Red Wings – Hurricanes Hurricanes Hurricanes Flyers
3 Rangers – Red Wings Flyers Flyers Senators
4 Flyers – Flyers Red Wings Red Wings Hurricanes
5 Stars – Stars Sabres Stars Stars
6 Hurricanes – Sabres Stars Predators Sabres
7 Sabres – Predators Flames Sabres Canucks
8 Flames – Flames Predators Flames Kings
9 Predators – Canucks Rangers Rangers Rangers
10 Kings – Rangers Avalanche Canucks Flames
11-30 more more more more more more

Categories
San Antonio Spurs

How does Tony Parker even make it to the game?


Sign this contract, Tony

Tony Parker is averaging 35 minutes, 19 points, and 6 assists per game. He leads the league in exactly 0 of these categories. Yet, he might very well be the most underrated player in the game.  Why? Because he has to fight through this:

Eva Longoria couldn’t climax until she had a Brazilian wax. The ‘Desperate Housewives’ beauty admits she had a lacklustre sex life and struggled to reach orgasm until four years ago – when she had her first Brazilian.

The 30-year-old added: “The first time I did it after the wax I was like, ‘What’s going on with my body? Oh, my God!’ Now I’m becoming more orgasmic with age, which is awesome. I can’t wait until I’m 40. If it keeps increasing this way, watch out world!

At first, I was thinking that perhaps Tony Parker doesn’t want such details about his woman to be publicly known.  Then I realized, what the hell does he care?  This is why he’s smiling all the goddamn time.  It was nothing to do with the Spurs being the best team in the West.

[Idontlikeyouinthatway]: Eva Longoria is Waxed and Horny

[femalefirst.cok.uk]: Eva Longoria’s great Brazilian sex

Categories
MLB General

US announces World Baseball Classic roster. No one cares.


Flax seed oil works!

I’m not sure if it’s because we’re in the middle of the NFL playoffs but there is absolutely no buzz around the World Baseball Classic.  Today, the United States unveiled a lineup that included Bonds, Damon, Jeter, Clemens, blah blah blah, and it registered exactly 0 on my things I’ll have to remember to watch meter.  It’s not just me.  A check of Technorati search shows that “World Baseball Classic” registered about 50 mentions yesterday, whereas “steroids” got about 200.  And no, I’m not just using steroids as an example because Barry Bonds is on the team.

[Reuters]: US unveils all-star roster for World Classic
[Hippopotamus]: Wow, someone is actually interested in the WBC

Categories
NFL General

NFL Network to show games next year

I’ve never heard of Ben Maller before but the folks at Deadspin sniffed out this story about the NFL network showing 8 games next year.  I’ve always liked the NFL Network, they are a great alternative to ESPN.  Sure, it’s like watching state run television but at least they’ve never been called the “Al-Jazeera for spoiled athletes”. Plus, they actually released a commercial that made fun of Drew Rosenhaus.

Too bad they couldn’t have accomplished this earlier so we didn’t have to sit through another year of the worst sports announcers in the history of mankind.  I believe it was Jean-Paul Satre who wrote “Hell is listening to Theisman, McGuire, and Patrick announce an NFL game.”  

[BenMaller.com]: Source: NFL Network gets new P-B-P deal

Categories
Pittsburgh Steelers

Jerome Bettis almost kills Steelers fan

Remember the shot of Bettis on the sideline after Vanderjacked missed it wide right? He wiped his forehead and mouthed “whew!”. Not only did Jerome almost blow the game for his team, he almost killed a guy in a bar at the same time. 50 year-old Terry O’Neill had a heart attack seconds after Bettis fumbled on the 2 yard line. O’Neill survived and probably shouldn’t watch the game against Denver.

The Steelers won the game and I’m still alive, so I guess I’m doing pretty good.

Nice prioritization there, Terry.

[SI]: Man suffered attack when Steelers’ Bettis fumbled

Categories
General Sports

We Love Eva Mendes

It’s been a while since we added any Women We Love.  I know you guys are sick of seeing the same women over and over so expect some fresh faces.  First to be added this year is Eva Mendes.  I’m not exactly sure why we love her, she hasn’t been in any decent movies, yet, she’s the only decent part of her movies.  I even watched Hitch with the very unfunny Kevin James because she’s in it.  I’ll shut up now as you’re undoubtedly just staring at the picture.

Please, if you can do a better job of describing why we love Eva, post a comment because I’m sure I’m not doing her justice.



Categories
Seattle Seahawks

Seahawks RT Locklear arrested


Sean Locklear

Just hours after beating the Redskins on Saturday, Sean Locklear was arrested for domestic abuse after allegedly grabbing his girlfriend around the neck outside Belltown Billiards.  Apparently, he was upset because she was dancing with another man and confronted her.  Locklear is being held without bail until his hearing on Tuesday.

Why hasn’t Mike Holmgren instituted a ‘no going out after games’ policy? Earlier in the year, Ken Hamlin was seriously injured in a bar brawl in October after Seattle beat the Texans.

You know how hockey players grow beards during the playoffs? Perhaps football players should stop hanging around their girlfriends/wives.

[SeattlePI]: Seahawks’ Locklear arrested for domestic violence

Categories
NFL General

Coaching Carousel and Rumor Mill for Jan 16th

Categories
Pittsburgh Steelers

When did NBA refs take over the NFL?

Everyone who saw the interception by Troy Polamalu knew the game was over and that Indy was toast. Well, everyone but Referee Pete Morelli, who stood under the replay hood and somehow declared that it wasn’t an interception. There hasn’t been such a blatant attempt at swinging a game to one team’s favor since Game 6 of the Western Finals between the Lakers and T’Wolves. The bias was so bad that a player from the winning team came out and blasted the officials.


I felt they were cheating us. When the interception happened, everybody in the world knew that was an interception. Don’t cheat us that bad. When they did that, they really want Peyton Manning and these guys to win the Super Bowl. They are just going to straight take it for them. I felt that they were like ‘We don’t even care if you know we’re cheating. We’re cheating for them.’

The way the refs were going, I wouldn’t have trusted them in overtime,” Porter told the Pittsburgh Post Gazette. “If we hadn’t won, they would have cheated us in overtime.

[ESPN]: Porter on refs: ‘I felt they were cheating us’
[Sports Matters]: A Reading From The Book Of Crazy
[SI]: NFL: Official made judgment call
[Yahoo/AP]: NFL says ref got Polamalu call wrong; no comment on Porter remark