Categories
Boston Red Sox

Theo Epstein back from chasing stray tail

Look, Theo, if all you wanted was a 10 week vacation, why didn’t you just say so? You brought the Red Sox their first championship in a hundred years. You’re 32 and rich. If you wanted some time to bang some Fenway Groupies, we understand. What was all that heart and soul bull you fed us?

So now you’re back. In some nebulous role that we’ll find out more about next week. Great. This doesn’t help all the heartbroken girls and guys about Johnny Damon’s departure for the evil empire. Here’s hoping you don’t pull a Dan Marino and leave in a few weeks when it’s golfing weather again.

[Boston.com]: Epstein to rejoin Red Sox

Categories
New York Knicks

This week’s Litigious Jackass Award: Michael Axelrod

I don’t think being confronted is worth $1M but apparently Michael Axelrod does. In last night’s game in Chicago, Antonio Davis jumped into the stands because he thought his wife was being threatened. “I witnessed my wife being threatened by a man that I learned later to be intoxicated. I saw him touch her, and I know I should not have acted the way I did, but I would have felt terrible if I didn’t react. There was no time to call security. It happened too quickly.” After Davis went into the stands, security intervened and Davis calmly returned to the bench.

No harm no foul. But I guess when you want to sue for $1M for battery (by a woman) and slander, you have to say things like this:


I don’t feel comfortable if players are allowed to easily jump into the crowd whenever they feel like it’s necessary.

You know, one time, Gary Payton sneered at me. I want half.

[MSNBC]: Fan suing Knicks’ Davis, wife for $1 million

Categories
New England Patriots

Also available, 2006 Bruins Champions edition Big Wheel


2006 F150 Roush Champions Edition Includes 20″ Roush Cast aluminum chrome wheels and P275/55R/R20 Goodyear Eagle LS2 Tires, a chrome over plastic billett grille, 10″ stainless steele exhaust tip, chrome lug nuts with wheel locks and Patriots Champions badging on the front fender and rear tailgate.

So, for a few grand extra, I can get a 2006 Champions edition from the team that got knocked out last week? I imagine this sells about as well as the Kellen Winslow Special Edition Suzuki GSX. Can I also get a sweet discount on the Colts 2006 Champions Edition Ford Focus?

[Onion]: Patriots’ 2006 Victory Parade Awkward, Sparsely Attended

Categories
Philadelphia Eagles

Wherefore art thou, TO?

Don’t worry folks, Terrel Owens has been found. He wants you to know that he’s been running routes, catching passes, and scoring… all in his head. Much like his persecution complex. In the longest 3 months in the history of TO, he’s matured. What a wonderful marriage of Boost Mobile commercial and personal PR.

The best part of the site is the “blog” which allows people to tell Boost ‘where they at’. Who says there’s dumbing down of America?

Categories
All Other Sports

Jelena Dokic’s dad wins father of the year


Daddy’s girl

No wonder why she lost her first round match, it’s hard to concentrate on tennis when your dad is completely insane. Damir Dokic threatened to drop a nuclear bomb on Sydney and ranted about how Australia is a spoiled nation that cost his daughter her match. Jelena, wisely, is estranged from this nut job.


“They can expect my revenge. I’m not crazy when I say this. They are the crazy ones who give you hot sausages before the match when it’s 40 degrees Celsius outside.”

Those Aussie bastards! I’m not sure but I think 40 Celsius is about 150 degrees F. The nerve to serve hot sausages! They certainly deserve to be nuked.

[Sydney Morning Herald]: Damir retracts rant on radio
[Sydney Morning Herald]: Settle down Damir, we have a spare Scud in our arsenal

Categories
Carolina Panthers

One Lesbian Panther Cheerleader Down…


Role models

One part of our favorite story of 2005, Angela Keathly, has pleased guilty to disorderly conduct and obstructing a police officer. She will receive six months probation. Renee Thomas is still pleading not guilty, by order of being so drunk she would have sex with Angela Keathly. (I mean, look at that schnoz!)

In an alternate universe, both cheerleaders are extremely hot, both get sent to jail, share a cell, and have the whole 6 months on pay per view.

[SI.com]: Ex-Carolina cheerleader pleads guilty

Categories
Philadelphia 76ers

Kyle Korver bobblehead made by Buffalo Bill


Have you seen my basketball?

“It Has Hair!” Creepy. Can you imagine some fat chick at the bottom of a well gluing hair onto thousands of Kyle Korver bobbleheads? It will put the hair on the doll or else it gets the hose again! Although looking at the picture, perhaps Something About Mary is the more appropriate movie to reference. Whoever designed the bobblehead clearly views Korver as retarded.

Well, at least it was for a good cause. Kyle’s Coat Drive collected 841 coats for kids. But check out the photo. Someone donated a Phillies jacket. They said coats, not garbage.


[Sixers.com]: It Has Hair!
[YAYSports]: Kyle Korver Hates His Bobblehead
[Random]: Kyle Korver Fans

Categories
NBA General

NBA Power Rankings Roundup Jan 18 2006

Here are the NBA Power Rankings by top sites this week. Not much change in the top slots as the Pistons and Spurs are still the class of the league. Everyone mostly agrees on the top 10, except for Foxsports which is the only site to list the Denver Nuggets in the top 10.

Rank NBA.com ESPN FoxSports Sportsline SI Yahoo
1 Pistons Pistons Pistons Pistons Pistons Pistons
2 Spurs Spurs Spurs Spurs Spurs Spurs
3 Mavericks Mavericks Mavericks Mavericks Suns Mavericks
4 Suns Suns Heat Suns Mavericks Suns
5 Grizzlies Grizzlies Suns Nets Heat Heat
6 Heat Heat Grizzlies Heat Grizzlies Grizzlies
7 Jazz Pacers Nets Grizzlies Nets Pacers
8 Nets Jazz Jazz Cavaliers Pacers Clippers
9 Pacers Nets Lakers Lakers Jazz Nets
10 Lakers Lakers Nuggets Clippers Lakers Cavaliers
11-30 more more more more more more

Categories
MLB General

NOBODY CALLS US CHICKEN, CASTRO, NOBODY!

Yeah, that’s a Back to the Future quote that you wouldn’t get cause you don’t get shit in Cuba, you bitch! (America FUCK YEAH!)

OK…calm now.

The U.S. Treasury department keeps denying MLB’s application for Cuba to play on U.S. soil because of politics. Well, Castro came out and accused us of being scared: “Not even in baseball do they want to compete with Cuba.” If I wasn’t so busy enjoying my freedom, I’d petition the Treasury to let Cuba play so we can prove we’re the best. Actually, this might just be a big scam by the US to get anyone to care about the World Baseball Classic. This, and A-Rod being bi. Country eligibility that is.

[Sportsfilter MSN]: US = Scaredy Pants?
[FoxSports]: Castro hints U.S. doesn’t want to play Cuba

Categories
All Other Sports

Roddick and Sharapova together?

We love Maria Sharapova and now apparently, so does Andy Roddick. First Mandy Moore, then Paris Hilton, now Maria. Roddick is like the Fez of the tennis world. Can you imagine the superhuman tennis offspring that these two would create? It’d be unfair to everyone. It’s like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt creating a superhuman movie star. (Although it could go the other way and both kids be uncoordinated and ugly.)

The Melbourne Herald-Sun is reporting that Sharapova has spent a couple evenings watching Roddick playing poker and has speculated they are more than friends. As boring as poker is to watch, it must be love. Have you ever watched someone else play poker? It’s about as entertaining as, well, a tennis match.

[FoxSports]: Roddick-Sharapova rumors swirl Down Under