Sportscolumn Blog

If your team wasn’t involved in either of Sunday’s conference championship games, then you don’t know the jubiliation of getting to the Super Bowl.  But at the same time, you don’t have to go through the anguish of coming oh-so-close and falling short.  So I guess there’s the silver lining for you.  Here’s a round up of fan blogs for two reasons: 1) read and be glad you’re not in pain or 2) if you’re a Seattle/Pittsburgh fan, laugh at the trolls who have bothered you all week in message boards, at the office, at school, at church, etc.

Panthers

[Kwon Blog]: Disaster in Seattle
[Exclamatory]: meltdown

Broncos
[6-Iron 180]: Shameful Endings
[claysteiner.com]: Well, THAT certainly sucked…
[Cooker]: AFC Championship

Well, that didn’t take long. 10 minutes after Seattle beats Carolina and the odds are up. Pittsburgh is a 4 point favorite and the over/under is 48. Let the betting begin!

15:00: Ray Rhodes isn’t the smartest man in the world and his talent isn’t better than Lovie Smith’s. So why couldn’t the Bears figure out how to stop Steve Smith? Too arrogant perhaps.

11:22: This game is getting so boring that Trevor, Ryan and I are starting to discuss Lisa Guererro’s pictorial in playboy.

9:57: At what point do you take Hasselbeck and Alexander out of there? There’s still one more game to play for these guys. And now Jerramy Stevens looks a little banged up on the sidelines.

6:00: Alexander takes it in and it’s game over. Pack your bags for lovely Detroit, Seahawks fans. Or better yet, don’t.

Here are the top 5 stories you’ll be sick of hearing by the time Super Bowl XL comes around in two weeks:
5) How Cowher is the longest tenured coach in the league and how 40,000 coaches have come and gone since he was hired by Pittsburgh.
4) How nobody outside of Seattle knows about how good the Seahawks are.
3) Bettis is a Detroit native and he gave a rousing speech about wanting “to go home”.
2) Matt Hasselbeck’s connection to Brett Favre. We can’t let a football broadcast go by without worshipping Favre.
1) How Detroit is really (no, really guys, I mean it) a great city.

5:09: 47 yard strike from Delhomme to Carter doesn’t change anything except perhaps the over/under which was 44. Hope you bet the over.

5:08: Onside kick has a chance but fails. Why is Shaun Alexander still in the game? This is a guy who had a concussion last week. Come on Walrus! Stop yelling at your defensive coaches and take your starters out.

2:00: Well, they’re preparing the gatorade bath and this game is over. We’re looking forward to the Samoan Super Bowl in a couple of weeks. Should be a good one, even if the ratings will be pretty damn low.

Tatupu and Polamalu get ready for battle

15:00: Jake Delhomme:4/15, 58 yards, 0 TD, 2 INT. Quarterback rating = Eli Manning. Hasselbeck: 14/19, 159, 1 TD, 0 INT.

11:09: Hass to D. Jackson and the Seahawks go up 27-7. Quite a drive at the start of the third quarter. The nail isn’t in the coffin yet but the hammer is coming down. Speaking of which, does anyone remember the Amazing Stories episode where the guy pays an old funeral director guy in prison who is in charge of burials to sneak him out in a coffin and then dig him up again. Well, the plan goes well except at the very final scene, where he lights a match and he realizes the dead guy in the coffin is the guy he paid to dig him up. Man, that’s good stuff. Yes, this game is getting boring.

9:46: Carolina is able to do nothing with the ball and punts it back to Seattle. Ho hum. Is Jared from Subway gay? or just completely asexual? Because I’m pretty sure he’s not taking advantange of his fame.

I think we can raise a lot of money for a charity by auctioning off the chance to smack Dave Coulier in the face.

6:48: Sean Locklear just put his hands on the chest of Peppers. Police were called and now Locklear is in custody. Apparently, Locklear was upset that Peppers was rushing against someone else the previous play.

5:55: I’m not sure where Ryan’s head is at but he just said one end of the Seattle stadium looks like a giant vagina. I guess that’s why it’s so loud there – the echo.

I heard while taping this Nike commercial, A-rod missed the medicine ball and blamed his teammates.

3:24: Which is higher – Jake Delhomme’s QB rating or Ashlee Simpson’s blood alcohol level at McDonalds?

1:33: Boulware picks off Delhomme’s 3rd INT of the game. The Panthers were putting together a nice little drive there too. Just a terrible throw by Jake.

0:00: Seahawks fans are starting to feel it. This is their year. (To get to the SB at least.) They can’t possibly choke this game away. Right?

14:53: 17-0 as Alexander runs up in her like Bruce Jenner. I mean, runs into the endzone.

14:45 He Hate Me spotting! I mentioned Chris Weinke watch to Ryan McGowan. Ryan: “Who is older, Weinke or Doug Flutie?”

12:38 Huge throw and catch from Delhomme to Carter that breathes some life into this Carolina offense.

11:35 Carolina is trying too hard to involve Smith in the offense and Seattle’s not having any part of it. Smith is pissed. He looks like he’s about to go to the no respect card again. Carolina has to punt. Not even a FG try. FOX shows Smith melting down on the sidelines.

9:05 Smith takes it to the house on a punt return but there’s a flag on the play and it’s all for naught. Oh my god. They pick up the flag and it’s a TD. The only way Carolina could back into this game. The replay shows that there was indeed a block in the back. Joey Porter says “come on man, everyone wants Jake Delhomme to win this game!” It’s amazing how fast Steve Smith is. He ran through the Seattle punt coverage like he was in the Special Olympics. Meanwhile, Wilford Brimley goes nuts on the call.

6:55: FOX is pimping the Pro Bowl, a game absolutely no one with any life will watch. Don’t worry, I’ll give a full report.

4:12: Crackback block penalty ruins a good drive by Alexander and the Seattle offense. Brown on to kick the FG and…. it’s good! 20-7 Seahawks. Crowd is in full throat. How come when someone uses the phrase “full throat”, I think about my ex-gf?

1:14: Seattle running down the clock in the first half with the possibility of extending their lead. (Note to Mac users, you don’t need heat in your house if you have a Powerbook. The battery is currently killing future generations all over the world.) With 45 secs left and Seattle at the Carolina 30, the Walrus pulls a Marty Schottenheimer and runs the ball.

0:29: Josh Brown misses a FG that looks a lot like my drives off the tee. Except it came reasonably close to where he wanted it. And didn’t involve 3 other people laughing at him.

0:00: Half over. Well, even Rich Kotite could’ve gameplanned for the Panthers. Stop Steve Smith and you stop their entire O. We’ll see if Seattle can hold on in the second half.

Pregame: Somehow, Fox has managed to fit Brett Favre into its telecast even though the Packers were nowhere near the playoffs. Maguire, Patrick and Theisman voted 100,000 times each and Favre is the NFL’s sexiest man.

Pregame: Everytime I see this DirecTV DVR commercial, I think, what would happen if my son came to me and said “oh football…”. Would I whoop his ass or go out and get him some figure skates?

Pregame: Pittsburgh definitely earned this trip to the Super Bowl. Terry Bradshaw already making the homer pick and picking the Steelers to win it all. That surprised nobody.

Pregame: Carrie Underwood sings the national anthem. Very understated save one flourish. Very nice.

Kickoff: Here we go Seahawks, here we go. Yes, I’m unabashedly rooting for Seattle in this one. Since Pittsburgh beat Denver like Sean Locklear, I am rooting my ass off for Seattle just so I don’t have to secretly wish everyone playing in the Superbowl comes down with dysentery, which I think is what caused Troy Aikman to be late to the booth.

11:01: What the hell just happened. Seattle was lined up and all of the sudden, without even hiking it, Hass passes to Jackson for 9 yards. He didn’t even run a route. he just appeared and catch the ball. I probably shouldn’t have done that acid last night.

10:00: Alexander comes up small on 2 shots at 1 yard. MVP my ass (OK, OK, a little premature). Seattle punts.

7:59: Another 3 and out for Carolina. This defensive gameplan for Seattle is pretty simple. Either double or roll coverage to Smith and force Delhomme to find someone else.

5:49: Seneca Wallace just made a great catch. Pass was behind him and he snactched it….. TOUCHDOWN Stevens. Crowd is fired up as Seattle takes a 7-0 lead. Hasselbeck is on fire.

5:07: Fox highlights Smith. Bentley goes out to doubleteam, Delhomme throws it anyway and Lofa Tatupu gets the INT. Mr. Anti-Peyton Manning just threw it into quadruple coverage.

2:23: Refs miss a facemask penalty and Seahawks settle for a field goal. 10-3. Missed in the replay was this exchange between Brentson Boogie Buckner and Matt Hasselbeck:

Buckner: Your mother’s an astronaut.
Hasslebeck: My mother was too drunk to be an astronaut.

1:20: Tatupu and Nick Goings nearly kill each other with a face to face hit. Goings is helped off the field. Thinks he’s at the winter olympics.

0:50: All Seattle so far as the riverboat gambler doubles down on 11 and pulls a 3, well 33 as Manuel gets the INT.

0:00: And that’s the end of the 1st quarter folks as Seattle is poised to score again.