Categories
NFL General

What no one needs: More Peter King



Peter King joins NBC’s
Football Night in America

The New York Post is reporting that Peter King is going to be NBC’s Football Night in America’s information man. We’re not sure but we think that’s the Chris Mortensen role from Monday Night Countdown. By the way, were the suits at NBC trying to come up with the most awkward name possible for their MNF pregame show? Well, they certainly succeeded.

If you don’t know who Peter King is, consider yourself lucky. He’s the football “expert” who ranks below this pussy on the list of people we’d look to for insight on the NFL. Here are some of King’s greatest hits from last year. (SI is at least smart enough to not post his complete archives, even if they won’t get rid of him.)

  • On the Chargers-Colts matchup in week 15: Chargers hearts got ripped out last week. Indy steams toward history. Yes, Peyton plays 60 minutes. Well, at least he got 1 out of 3 right — Peyton did play 60 minutes.
  • After the Eagles got trounced by Dallas in week 5: Philly will go 4-1 in those games and inch toward home-field advantage through the NFC playoffs. Again. The home-field the Eagles got last year was watching the playoffs from their couches.
  • Favre is 36 now. Twice since 1997 he’s had back-to-back games with seven touchdown passes or more. He’s on one of those streaks right now. Just when you think the guy’s ready to go down the tubes, he’s back, playing like it’s 1997. After that game, Favre threw 8 TDs and 21 INTs.

It’s not just the bad predictions, everyone makes bad predictions; Peter King’s columns can be put together the way the manatees put together the Family Guy episodes on the latest South Park. Except instead of a million idea balls, all you would need to generate Peter King thoughts are: Patriots, Brady, great, Montclair Field Hockey, Belichick, awesome, Legend, starbucks latte, Parcells, my daughter, one in a lifetime, New England, greatest. That’s it. Bridget Moynahan must be the most understanding woman in the world to allow Peter King to fellate Tom Brady throughout the football season.

Now we get to hear more of his bloviating on Monday Night. Wonderful.

Categories
New York Knicks

Knicks sink to new low: put Larry Brown in the hospital


It’s not often that your team is so bad that they send a coach to the hospital twice in a season for things that most people just take over-the-counter medication for but Team Titanic has managed to do it.

During the third quarter last night of the Knicks’ loss to the LBJ-less Cavaliers, Larry Brown removed himself from the bench because he was feeling. He was taken to a hospital on a stretcher and kept overnight for observation and was diagnosed with “stomach acid reflix”.

Now, granted, LB is old … like even older than Sharon Stone, but he checked himself into the hospital for something those people in some purple van keep telling us will go away with one tablet. Earlier this season, Brown was taken to a Memphis hospital after suffering from indigestion. Neither Steve Francis or Stephon Marbury played last night so we’re going to blame Eddy Curry for this.

Needless to say, we hope that LB is ok and back in that rainbow sweater soon.

Links:
[NY Daily News]: Brown hospitalized

Categories
MLB General

‘Trade Barry’? More like ‘Jail Barry’

It turns out the ‘Trade Barry’ billboard near Willie Mays Park (we refuse to keep up with corporate mergers just so we can correctly call the name of a ballpark) was an ad campaign for Topps. The champaign got a lot of buzz but don’t expect a run on Topps baseball cards unless they start listing steroids used on the back.

Barry’s got more pressing problems today. Remember how we thought Jail Isiah was a little overboard? Well, JailBarry.com is still available (just link to us ok?) and it might actually be accurate (though highly unlikely). We’re not sure why it took them this long but a grand jury has come to the conclusion that Barry Bonds might have perjured himself in his testimony in 2003 about the Balco scandal.

Here’s the game summary.

Barry: I didn’t take steroids.
Game of Shadows: Barry took steroids.
Everyone: We believe Game of Shadows.
Feds: Hmmm… that might be perjury. Let’s take a year to sort it out.

Bud Selig may be inept, and sometimes federal investigators are inept, but there’s a difference between Selig and the Feds. The Feds don’t care if Barry goes down. So when they start looking into Bonds’ life, how soon until that tax evasion charge comes up again?

We thought maybe Bonds was over-dramatizing when he said this spring that his life was in shambles and that he might jump off a bridge. But maybe he understood what was coming down the pike. Don’t worry Barry fans, he loves himself too much to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. And even if he does, he’ll make sure he breaks the record of that white guy first, and since he’s hitting .188, that might not be until the end of summer.

Links:
[CBS 5]: ‘Trade Barry!’ Billboard Is Topps Baseball Card Ad
[SFGate.com]: Bonds’ doctor is subpoenaed
Grand jury looking into whether slugger’s steroid denial was perjury

Categories
Satire

The Best of Sports Satire This Week for April 14 2006

[The Onion]: Packers To Favre: ‘Take Your Time, Asshole’

[The Brushback]: Duke Campus Would Be Racially Divided If There Were Any Black People There

[Sports Pickle]: NASCAR Fans Ashamed They Didn’t Mistreat Those Towelheads for Dateline NBC

[The Log Ride]: Adam Morrison Seeks Royalties for Happy Gilmore Role

Categories
All Other Sports

Duke lacrosse loses recruits but at least T-shirt sales are up

Duke University has decided to free next year’s recruits from the letters of intent because of the recent rape scandal. Four incoming players have already decided to go elsewhere, and who could blame them. However the scandal turns out, it’s probably not a good time to be on the Duke lacrosse team even if they are exonerated. They’ll be scrutinized for every little thing next year and life isn’t going to be the party it once was.

On the bright side, (because there is always a bright side… unless you’re a Phillies fan) the Duke lax T-shirts are jumping off the shelves at the university store. Either people are showing support for the lacrosse team or it’s the Ironic T-Shirt du jour.

Links:
[Newsday]: Duke recruits freed from commitments
[Durham Herald Sun]: Duke T-shirts selling like hotcakes.

Categories
Calgary Flames

Darren McCarty is broke


Can you imagine being a professional hockey player for 12 years in the NHL and being over $6M in debt? We feel really bad for Darren McCarty even if he was a Detroit Red Wing.

Among his debts are $185,000 to three casinos. Of course, this is what everyone is focusing on because of the recent Rick Tocchet scandal but McCarty insists that the did not bet on any hockey games. He had previously said that he wanted to compete in the World Series of Poker but considering his gambling losses, that’s probably not going to happen.

Look at his assets: $5,600 in jewelry, two Harley-Davidson motorcycles worth $16,000, $500 in golf clubs and a house where the mortgage exceeds its market value. Think about this for a second. This guy is a professional athlete, a former star in the NHL, and your golf clubs are worth more than his. That’s just sad.

Finally, the Red Wings bought out his contract last year for $539k but most of that went to his ex-wife. No wonder the guy is broke. I guess the sayings’ true. In the poker game of life, women are the rake man. They are the fuckin’ rake.

Links:
[Globe and Mail]: NHL veteran McCarty embarrassed by bankruptcy

Categories
Soccer

Brazilian Soccer players charged with racism



Loser

We honestly had no idea that soccer was such a racist sport until RJ pointed us to this story on HBO Real Sports about fans making monkey noises and throwing bananas when a black player touches the ball. This mainly is because the only soccer we get is on Telemundo and we only watch it for the “goaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal” calls.

It turns out that it’s not just unruly fans. Last year, a player was arrested in Brazil, where racism is a crime, for making racist remarks to an opponent. On Wednesday, prosecutors in Sao Paulo charged Juventure player Antonio Carlos for yelling “monkey” at a black player on the opposing team last month.

Could you imagine if this happened in the United States? You thought John Rocker got a lot of flack; if someone did this in a game at the college or pro level, there’d be a riot.

Carlos has already been suspended for 120 days and could face 1 – 3 years in jail if found guilty. Or he can hand out $10,000 flyers that say “We are all equal” and “Say no to racism.” Hmmmm… 10,000 flyers or a few years in brazilian “pound me in the ass” prison. Do they have Kinkos in Brazil?

Links:
[ESPN Soccernet]: Brazilian soccer player faces criminal racism charge

Categories
Boxing

Ali got sold but he’s not a soldier



Dammit, now we owe
CKX money

(Look, give us a break, it’s a catchy song, OK?)

Your image is worth about $2.99 and a box of ho-hos. Muhammad Ali’s is worth about $63 million. A company called CKX paid $50 million for an 80% stake in all Ali images. CKX is a UK company that owns American Idol, produces television and movies, and owns 85% of Elvis Pressley. The company is worth $1.2 Billion.

In the AP story announcing it, Tim Dahlberg writes about all the possibilities in using the Ali image.


But no family room would be complete without the Ali bobblehead showing the former heavyweight champion climbing the stairs and lighting the Olympic torch in 1996 in Atlanta.

Flip on a switch and Ali even trembles while he does it.

Tiger gets criticized for using the term spaz but this guy can make fun of Ali and his Parkinsons? This is a line even we won’t cross.

Links:
[AP]: What’s in a name? In this case, $50 million for Muhammad Ali

Categories
MLB General

The MLB Cost Index for Apr 13 2006

The MLB Cost Index is a measure of how far the money your GM is spending is taking your team. We’re stats geeks so this makes perfect sense to us. If you’re not, just go to the last column. Lower is better. Right now, the Rockies and Indians are bargains while the Phillies and Yankees are wasting money.

** all $ are in millions.

Team 2006 Payroll GP Wins YTD
Payroll 		Cost/Win
Rockies $41.1 8 5 $2.03 $0.41
Indians $56.8 8 6 $2.80 $0.47
Devil Rays $35.4 9 4 $1.97 $0.49
Brewers $56.8 8 5 $2.80 $0.56
Reds $59.5 8 5 $2.94 $0.59
Marlins $15.0 7 1 $0.65 $0.65
A’s $62.3 9 5 $3.46 $0.69
Mets $100.9 7 6 $4.36 $0.73
D’backs $59.2 8 4 $2.92 $0.73
Astros $92.6 7 5 $4.00 $0.80
Tigers $82.3 8 5 $4.06 $0.81
Cubs $94.8 7 5 $4.10 $0.82
Pirates $40.2 10 3 $2.48 $0.83
Giants $90.9 6 4 $3.37 $0.84
Cardinals $88.4 8 5 $4.37 $0.87
Blue Jays $71.9 8 4 $3.55 $0.89
Red Sox $120.1 8 6 $5.93 $0.99
Padres $69.7 7 3 $3.01 $1.00
Orioles $72.6 9 4 $4.03 $1.01
Royals $47.3 7 2 $2.04 $1.02
Twins $63.8 8 3 $3.15 $1.05
Angels $103.6 9 5 $5.76 $1.15
Mariners $88.3 9 4 $4.91 $1.23
White Sox $102.9 8 4 $5.08 $1.27
Braves $92.5 9 4 $5.14 $1.28
Rangers $65.5 10 3 $4.04 $1.35
Dodgers $99.2 9 4 $5.51 $1.38
Nationals $63.3 9 2 $3.51 $1.76
Phillies $88.3 8 2 $4.36 $2.18
Yankees $198.7 8 4 $9.81 $2.45
Categories
NBA General

NBA Power Rankings Roundup for Apr 12 2006

We’re still scratching our heads over the rankings from Sports Illustrated. They’re the only ones who still have the Clippers ranked higher than 10th, the only one with the Wizards in the top 10 and the Suns not in the top 10. Losing Amare for the season is a big problem but the Suns still belong in the top 10.

Here are the NBA Power Rankings by top sites this week.

Rank NBA.com ESPN FoxSports Sportsline SI TeamRankings
1 Pistons Pistons Pistons Pistons Pistons Pistons
2 Spurs Mavericks Mavericks Spurs Spurs Spurs
3 Mavericks Nets Spurs Mavericks Nets Mavericks
4 Nets Spurs Cavaliers Nets Mavericks Suns
5 Cavaliers Cavaliers Nets Suns Heat Heat
6 Suns Suns Heat Cavaliers Clippers Nets
7 Heat Heat Suns Heat Grizzlies Cavaliers
8 Nuggets Nuggets Kings Nuggets Cavaliers Grizzlies
9 Grizzlies Grizzlies Nuggets Grizzlies Nuggets Clippers
10 Lakers Clippers Grizzlies Kings Wizards Nuggets
11-30 more more more more more more