Chicago Bears

Lance Briggs and Drew Rosenhaus are tools

Lance Briggs and Drew Rosenhaus have a new plan. Instead of sitting out the year as they originally threatened, they are going to exploit the collective bargaining rules and sit out only ten games. By showing up to work for the last six games of the season, Briggs gets credit for the whole year of service.

The Bears can tag him again next season but after two seasons of being tagged, rules say he has to get paid the average of the top 5 salaries in the league regardless of position if the Bears tag him for a third season. Considering the headache that he’s causing them, the chances of that happening are worse than the Lions winning the Super Bowl.

Briggs seems to have the leverage here as he’s willing to give up a chunk of change this year to minimize his injury risk so he can get the big bucks guaranteed next year. The Bears (and you better believe other owners are watching) have to tread carefully or the franchise tag becomes more of a joke than it already is. If they give into Briggs and Rosenhaus, they might be opening up a can of worms. However, if they let him sit out the ten games, they have a distraction for ten games and there is no indication that Briggs will be in game shape for their (expected) playoff run. This of course has the Redskins faithful abuzz with a possible trade for Briggs.

We don’t have anything to say,” team president Ted Phillips said Monday. We franchised him. He’s going to make a lot of money. We think he’s a good player, and we want him on our team. It’s as simple as that from our standpoint.

They knew this was coming months ago. It’s not a big surprise. … It’s part of the system. It’s just a tool we have. Free agency is a tool the players have.

Yep, tools all around.

[Chicago Sun Times]: Briggs plans 10-game holdout to combat franchise ta

Chicago Bears

Tank Johnson gets 4 month prison sentence

Tank Johnson will be spending the next 60-120 days in jail despite Lovie Smith calling him a “good guy” who just made some bad decisions. We’re so sick of this “bad decisions” and “wrong place at the wrong time” stuff.

As a young kid, I grew up hard . . . I have made some mistakes in my life that are well-documented,” Johnson told Moran before being sentenced in a Skokie courtroom. But, he said, “I don’t believe I am a man who belongs in jail. I believe I deserve a chance to get it right.

You did get your second chance you dumbass. It was called probation. At some point, you have to not violate your probation by owning unregistered firearms. And you have to not get your bodyguard killed by going out to a club and getting into a fight.

Lovie also added that jail time would be “devastating” for Johnson’s playing career. Well isn’t that a shame. Because when normal criminals get sentenced to jail, it does wonders for their careers.

Don’t worry Bears fans, Tank’s incarceration won’t ruin the Bears chances next year — having Rex Grossman as your QB has already done that.

[Chicago Sun Times]: Bears’ star Johnson thrown in the tank
[MSNBC]: Bears’ Johnson sentenced to 4 months in jail

Chicago Bears

Rush Limbaugh really is a big fat idiot

Who is the biggest idiot?

From (not worth linking to):

You know, the game was the game, and the game was what it was, but I can’t handle any more press criticism of Rex Grossman. They’re writing his name “W-r-e-c-k-s,” saying he was the worst quarterback ever to play in the Super Bowl, and it’s been like this since the Green Bay game — actually, since the Arizona game. There was a little crescendo of it in the Green Bay game, the last game of the season for the Bears, and it’s just unrelenting. They’re focusing on this guy like they don’t focus on anybody — and I’ll tell you, I know what it is. The media, the sports media, has got social concerns that they are first and foremost interested in, and they’re dumping on this guy, Rex Grossman, for one reason, folks, and that’s because he is a white quarterback.

Wow. Is he really this stupid? Yeah, the reason why everyone dumps on Sexy Rexy isn’t because he stinks and basically cost the Bears the Super Bowl, it’s because the self-loathing white media hates white people. Just like they hate Tom Brady and Peyton Manning… prime examples of great players denigrated by the media for the color of their skin. Whatever hell Rush Limbaugh ends up in will be too good for him.

(via Can’t Stop the Bleeding)

Chicago Bears

Dec 11 in Sports History: The Super Bowl Shuffle

In 1985: On the very same day in the very same city, the awesomeness of “The Super Bowl Shuffle” was unleashed by the Chicago Bears “Shufflin’ Crew” upon an unsuspecting football public. The horrible-but-so-hilariously-uncomfortable video was recorded by the 12-1 Bears the day after they lost their only game of the season, 38-24 in Miami. For those too young to remember, you missed solid gold raps like “My name is Sweetness, and I like to dance, runnin’ the ball is like makin’ romance” by the late/great Walter Payton, hall of famer and classy guy (I swear). Don’t forget William “The Refrigerator” Perry’s “You’re lookin’ at the Fridge (duh, we thought it was Matt Suey), I’m the rookie, I may be large but I’m no dumb cookie.” It went on like this. For almost six “thank God that wasn’t my dad” minutes.

Two questions, though. One, where was Ditka? And two, why didn’t Ditka stop this? Actually, it was made for charity, as they worked in “feed the needy.” Good thing they like, actually won the Super Bowl two months later. They might have looked dumb.

Also in 1985: The “New NHL,” you call it? That faint sound you hear is the 1980s Edmonton Oilers laughing their asses off. They could score more goals in one game than today’s teams can score in a week. They proved it on this day in 1985, when they defeated the Chicago Blackhawks 12-9 at old Chicago Stadium. The game tied a record for goals in a game with 21 and set a record for most points scored in a game with 63. Wayne Gretzky also tied his own record with 7 assists in the game. The Oilers scored double-digit goals six times that season Gretzky had more assists (163) than the next closest player had total points (Mario Lemieux with 141). His 215 points remain an NHL record.

Chicago Bears

Nov 20 in Sports History: Sweetness breaks the killer’s single game rushing record

In 1977: Walter Payton broke O.J. Simpson’s single-game NFL rushing record with 275 yards on 40 carries in a 10-7 win over the Minnesota Vikings at Soldier Field. Simpson had set the record a year earlier with 273. “Sweetness’” performance sparked a run to the playoffs for the struggling Bears, who made the postseason for the first time in 14 years. Payton’s record stood for 23 years, until it was broken by Corey Dillon of the Cincinnati Bengals in 2000 and again by Jamal Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens in 2003. Payton also set a record for most rushing attempts that season with 339 (which he broke a few years later). (The ESPN Pro Football Encyclopedia)

In 1962: Mickey Mantle tied an American League record by winning his third AL MVP award. Mantle shares the record with fellow Yankee greats Joe Dimaggio and Yogi Berra. Mantle won the award despite playing in only 123 games due to nagging injuries, hitting .321 with 30 homers and 89 RBI. Along with the three Yankees, only three other players have won three MVP awards (Roy Campanella, Stan Musial and Mike Schmidt). Barry Bonds (unfortunately) has won the award seven times. (baseball

Chicago Bears

Shutout means free furniture for Bears fans

Sir, that’s not free furniture, that’s Brett
Favre in the pocket

A furniture store owner near Chicago named Randy Gonigam offered customers a refund on their furniture purchase (up to $10,000) if the Bears shut out the Packers last weekend. Well, a score of 26-0 later, 206 customers got their purchases for free. The total given in away in free furniture was around $300,000.

Gonigam didn’t actually expect the Bears to shut out the Packers but he took out an insurance policy on the contest giveaway “with a company that specializes in insuring prize reimbursements.” The degenerate gamblers that we are, we wonder if the insurance was really just a $10,000 bet. The odds of the Packers getting shut out have to have been around 30-1.

This is really a smart marketing ploy. We can see this kind of thing happening at car dealerships. Think of something that is a longshot of happening (like no INTs for Brett Favre or Fred Taylor not getting hurt this year) and then offer a refund on a purchase if it comes to pass. It’s not like anyone can return a car.

[CNN]: Furniture customers score with Bears’ shutout

Chicago Bears

Kyle Orton’s got this all wrong

Look at Kyle Orton’s face in the first photo. He looks absolutely bored. (Yes, that’s if you can focus in on Orton’s face in that photo, we understand that might be hard to do.) Come on dude, check out the ass or something.

Now, check out the second photo below where he mimes giving a blowjob. Look at the absolute ardor with which he’s doing it.

Here’s a note to athletes: whatever you think is funny ends up not being funny when it ends up on someone’s facebook or flickr account. Mere mortals like us can do stuff like that but when you’re the backup QB for the Chicago Bears (well, that is until Grossman’s season ends with the inevitable injury), you should probably want a no cameras policy.

Photos are from “Kissing Suzy Kolber“. This is our first exposure to the site so we’re not sure if the blog name is ironic or not. Frankly, it sounds like a punishment.