Author: Vin

Pregame: Nice of them to bring back all the MVPs. Having everyone on the same stage reinforces that Larry Brown is clearly the worst MVP of all time. And in case you were wondering, Super Bowl XVI MVP was Joe Montana and Super Bowl VII MVP was Miami Dolphin Safety Jake Scott.

The degenerate gamblers get their first fix as the coin toss comes up tails. It’s always tails. This is the easiest bet the whole game.

Michele Tafoya tells us something we didn’t know – Jerome Bettis is originally from Detroit. I’m hoping that if there’s a bet on number of times they go to Tafoya or Kolber, it goes under. God how I pray it’s the under.

12:36 Decent opening drive by the Seahawks stalls when Hasselbeck misses an open receiver and gets sacked on the next play. Steelers get the ball at the 20.

I’m sorry, Burger King actually thinks anyone wants to download this Whopperette commercial onto their cell phones? And why hasn’t the king scored a TD yet? I’ve got big money on this.

9:39 Steelers fans can’t be happy with this drive that got nowhere. So far the Seahawks look like the looser team.

5:44 Tom Rouen stinks. Expect to see Jerome Bettis next series and all the crap that goes along with it.

4:14 Pittsburgh looks absolutely terrible on offense. Seahawks get it back at midfield after a nifty run back by Peter Warrick.

V for Vengeance looks awesome. But it’s kinda ruining the SB party atmosphere. This P Diddy Diet Pepsi commmercial is a complete waste of money.

2:00 DJack is making his bid for MVP. Spoke too soon. He just had PI in the end zone to wipe out his TD. Replay shows that it was a VERY weak call.

0:22 Seattle scores first with a 47 yard FG.

Wow. Aleve allows you to be a complete dork. I didn’t even recognize Leonard Nimoy.

0:00 Another three and out for the Steelers and we’ve reached the end of the first quarter. And man, can Jerry Rice DANCE!

Do it for Jerome!

If you’re not wearing your underoos on your head by the time the corpses hit the stage at halftime, you’re not doing something right. Most of us don’t need an excuse to drink up during the Super Bowl but here are a few rules to make sure everyone is as hammered as you are. You don’t want to be the only one who makes a comment like “you know what, I think Michele Tafoya looks pretty good.” Or at least have anyone remember it. Our favorite is the Jerome Bettis Drinking Game, ’cause, you know, this SB is in his hometown…

[Angry Ken]: The Jerome Bettis Super Bowl Drinking Game. “Everytime Bettis’ parents are shown in the stands, yell out ‘son of a bitch!” and take a sip.”

[Crissmess.com]: Super Bowl Super Drinking Game. Drink after “shot of deliriously happy barroom in winning team’s home city.”

[Esquire]: The Esquire Super Bowl Drinking Game. “Any time during the first five minutes of the game an overly hyped-up player punctuates a routine block or tackle with a self-congratulatory celebration, drink twice.”

Yes, we know we’re being manipulated here. Yes, we know that Go Daddy probably didn’t even want the first 13 ads to be approved. There’s a lot of of free advertising in controversy. But if Go Daddy can pull off as good of an ad as they had in 2005, who cares! And by as good of an ad, we mean having Candice Michelle in another skimpy outfit.

All free publicity aside, this timeline of Go Daddy submissions for Super Bowl XL is a great view into the mind of Network executives and what they consider to be in good taste. You can also check out the videos and storyboards of the commercials that were denied.

We already gave you two reasons the Seattle Seahawks will win the Super Bowl. Here’s the third. There’s a site called What If Sports that lets you simulate games between any two teams in history — very useful for settling debates. Well, we simulated Seahawks vs Steelers at Ford Field and here are the results.

Despite a three fumble effort by Seattle, the Steelers are unable to capitalize and manage only 6 points in the game. Ben Roethlisberg is error free but only 11 for 29 and 109 yards and the Steelers run game cannot do any damage as they can only muster 69 yards in the game.

The Seahawks run game fares only slightly better with 95 yards but MVP Matt Hasselbeck is the difference in the game going 23 for 35, 242 yards and 1 TD. The 1 TD was a 1 yard pass to Shaun Alexander on a play action pass. The top receiver in the game is Jerramy Stevens with 4 recs for 64 yards, his 28 yard catch setting up the lone touchdown in the game. Josh Brown kicks 2 FGs in the second half to provide the final margin of victory.

With 3:18 left in the 4th, Ben Roethlisberger has a chance to pull off the comeback victory but after getting to the Pittsburgh 42, the final drive results in only 1 yard with the last three plays incomplete passes. Seattle gets the ball back and runs out the clock, celebrating their first Super Bowl victory in franchise history!

So there you have it. Take the ‘Hawks and take the under. I don’t even know why they bother playing these games.

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Seahawks will win Super Bowl XL
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