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Washington Redskins

Ethan Albright will be a household name


Do you know who Ethan Albright is? Neither did we until this hilarious mock letter from the folks at the Phat Phree, mostly known for their take on stripe-shirted douchebags. It’s a must read.


To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden `07

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.

Here’s the best part, because you would actually have to do some research to be able to come up with it:

John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a – 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

Brilliant.

Links:
[The Phat Phree]: Ethan Albright Strikes Back

Categories
Washington Redskins

People really hate Heath Shuler

You know you were a terrible NFL player when someone will go out of their way to keep you out of congress from a state they don’t even live in.


This site is dedicated to keeping Heath Shuler out of Congress, and therefore out of Washington, DC. No, we are not residents of North Carolina’s 11th District, nor could we pick it out on a map (it’s up in the mountains, right?). No, we aren’t working for any of Shuler’s rivals. We simply are Redskins fans and we love the city of Washington. And quite frankly, both are better off since Heath left town, and we don’t want him back.

Stopshuler.com has facts about Heath Shuler — completely irrelevant to his congressional campaign — but they make a very good point in saying that Washington DC is a much better place without Heath Shuler and should stay that way.

And of course, this is politics so why stop at a website when you can create your own television attack ad.

Categories
Washington Redskins

LaVar Arrington pays to get out of Washington



2nd overall pick in 2000

Arrington hated the situation in DC so much that he essentially gave up $4M to get out of his contract so he could be a free agent. Seems there are athletes who are still willing to trade money for a decent job. Most of the folks in Redskins land aren’t happy about this. LaVar Arrington is a crowd favorite in D.C. and the fact that he pays to become a free agent doesn’t say much for the Front Office.

This was all part of a move for the Redskins to get under the cap by the time the CBA extension is done. I would actually like to see what would happen in a capless situation where Daniel Snyder overpays for every single over-the-hill player in the league and the Redskins still can’t get to the Super Bowl.

[Yahoo ]: Arrington buys his freedom from the Redskins

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Washington Redskins

Athletes never get special treatment

I guess the Miami judicial system didn’t expect the Washington Redskins to make the playoffs either. The trial of Sean Taylor for pointing a gun at someone in an altercation was scheduled to begin Tuesday. However, in order to accommodate the Redskins playoff run, Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Daniel Snyder Mary Barzee has postponed the trial until March. Taylor’s attorney actually argued that the trial would “create a hardship for Taylor and the Redskins.” So would getting butt-raped in jail. Well, I guess that’s only a hardship for Taylor.

[Miami.com]: Judge delays trial of Redskins player Sean Taylor

Categories
Washington Redskins

The $17k loogie

Sean Taylor, Washington Redskins safety, was fined $17,000 by the league for spitting in the face of Bucs RB Michael Pittman. This isn’t the first time Taylor has gone Bill Cowher on someone. In 2004, he was accused of spitting at T.J. Houshmandzadeh but the NFL investigated and no video evidence was found. Taylor claims he did not spit on Pittman. Perhaps it was Roger McDowell from behind the bushes?

Categories
Washington Redskins

Don’t mess with Southeast Jerome’s Mom

I was watching the Eagles-Redskins game on Sunday when Fox showed Clinton Portis’ mom being escorted to the sidelines. Joe Buck (or was it Aikman?) informed us that someone had thrown something at her and they moved her for her safety. Turns out that she didn’t really need the protection. After a “lady” threw a beer at her, Rhonnel Hearn punched her in the face. How is this not the top story in the nation? Not only do we have reinforcement that Eagles fans are despicable, we have an athlete’s mom punching a woman in the nose. That’s just faaaaaan-tastic.

[FoxSports.com]: Portis’ mom reportedly punches out fan